Controlling thoughts

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I am looking for advice on a way to control my thoughts.

Specifically, I am referring to the thoughts / desires that lead me to seek out pornographic materials. I find that as soon as a thought to do so enters into my mind, regardless of how it gets there, it becomes something of an obsession that pervades every other thought until I give into it.

Sadly, praying does not seem to stem the tide. It helps for a little but before long the thought is back and stronger than ever. (For the record, I’m using the prayer that alcoholics anonymous uses… or, I think its the one they use: The Serenity Prayer

I know that I am not the only person who struggles with this, and I am looking for methods that other people use to, well, basically to fight their own brain.

Thank you in advance.
 
I am looking for advice on a way to control my thoughts.

Specifically, I am referring to the thoughts / desires that lead me to seek out pornographic materials. I find that as soon as a thought to do so enters into my mind, regardless of how it gets there, it becomes something of an obsession that pervades every other thought until I give into it.

Sadly, praying does not seem to stem the tide. It helps for a little but before long the thought is back and stronger than ever. (For the record, I’m using the prayer that alcoholics anonymous uses… or, I think its the one they use: The Serenity Prayer

I know that I am not the only person who struggles with this, and I am looking for methods that other people use to, well, basically to fight their own brain.

Thank you in advance.
I used to struggle with thoughts of my husband’s past, and they would trouble me. I would not try to, but I would randomly picture him with another person and feel incredible jealousy in my heart. I know that is a different situation from what you speak of, but it is similar in so much as they were unwelcome thoughts that lead to sin. In my case, they led me to the sin of jealousy. In your case, your thoughts lead you to the sin of lust and so forth.

What helped me was when the thought came into my head, I would force myself to picture the image of Divine Mercy. It is Christ, with one hand out in peace, and the blood and water flowing from his side. So rather than simply saying a prayer, I would make myself see Jesus in my head. 9/10 times it helped me to curb the thoughts away. And over time, with much prayer, I have overcome these thoughts entirely.

I hope this helps. If nothing else, maybe it will help give you an idea of another approach to your problem. My prayers are with you.
 
The biggest problem is that you get pleasure of some sort by viewing this material. Like other addictions, every time you give in and obtain your “fix,” it creates a deeper obstacle to master future temptations. This topic was discussed on Crossing the Goal recently, so maybe there is something in the archives. It truly is an addiction.

I struggled with another spiritual problem and found that most of my confessions repeated themselves to the point that I thoiught I’d never master this. Finally, I found a scripture that helped me. I asked Our Lord — BY HIS GRACE — to guard me, and no longer depend on my own efforts and self-willingness to overcome. God changed my desires in this regard, and I found that the temptations subsided greatly.

Ask His help in finding just the right verse to keep you strong whenever you are bombarded. The name of Jesus is also very powerful, or some other ejaculation. Keep busy so idle fingers will not turn to the materials that give you a fix. Make regular visits to the confessional for the grace to do better. You may also need to take control and rebuke satan instantly with a strong command in Jesus’ holy name until control is achieved.

Not having that particular problem, I can’t identify or help you much, except that you need to “avoid the near occasions” of sin, big time. Hopefully others will enter this discussion.
 
Do your best to distract your mind with something more powerful, God. Read your bible. Instead of just praying once and expecting it to go away, I’d suggest reading your bible. While reading, you are immersing yourself in His written word, so you would feel really guilty if you just got up and did it anyway (which might also help in keeping you from doing it again), and if you keep reading, you’ll distract yourself enough to where those thoughts will go away.

Aside from that, spending time reading the bible is a good way to work on your faith building.

Good luck, and God bless
 
(from previous posts of mine)

Regarding unwanted thoughts

While Jesus makes it clear that one can sin in ones thoughts…just cause some lustful thought or other like thought happens does not mean that one has sinned…

What should we do with* unwanted* sexual thoughts or other “bad thoughts”…thoughts against God etc? Those pesky temptations that can come …even though we are not seeking them or doing anything to bring them etc…

Are they mortal sins?

For a mortal sin one needs a grave matter …full knowledge AND deliberate consent!!!

A. If you do not want the thought…it the thought displeases you: it can be a sign actually that you did not give any consent or do not give full consent.

B. Even if you felt a temptation for the thought – and were drawn to it involuntarily —but rejected it and maybe even turned right to God : again a sign not full consent (if there was any).

C. But what if one has a tempting thought --say of a sexual nature and even hesitated for a moment…but then rejected it for one did not want to sin?: it can be partial consent perhaps (and thus a venial sin)-- or it may be no sin at all but rather a strong temptation that drew you but then you saw what was happening and turned away.

D. A temptation can even be very strong or the thoughts very often – but this does NOT mean one has consented!

Remember --for it to be mortal there must be that deliberate consent!

What to do? on the spiritual side–relax first of all and remember the above.

Next – know that the more one fears the thoughts the more likely they are to come… or said another way --the more a person stress about seeking to avoid the thoughts the more likely he will have a problem with them.

for example: for the next 10 seconds try NOT to think of an apple.

tick tock …

tick tock…

Ok what did you think of?

Most likely an apple.

So it is best to ignore them and just not consent and then turn your attention to some other good thing…for instance whatever you are doing.
Simply do not consent and move on…

Another point – thoughts can just happen --they are the stuff with which we think…it is up to us to consent and take them further or not. And just because they are REAL VIVID and almost “think themselves” does not mean per se that one has given ANY consent.

They can be annoying…but need cause no actual harm …

(Now difficulties with thoughts can happen to anyone…and has for centuries…nothing new!..but I will note too that “some” have a condition known as OCD (I knew someone with this once…it was a painful experience)…and thus should seek further professional help to work at overcoming it and to live a more peaceful life…)

(also some suffer from scrupulosity and ought to have a* regular confessor*)

Another help…is the distinction of “first thoughts and emotions” (as Baur calls em) what they call the prima of the prima…“the first of the first” (as one of my Professors called em…he was a Dominican)…these are the first involuntary things that just come up…such are not sins. They can tempt one of course to sin…or one can then proceed to some sin…but they are the stuff of the mind and emotions which “happen to one” …and really the are opportunities for growing in virtue etc as well…

How to deal with these? First of relax…don’t scruple…don’t fear them…to try to swat them all as the come…just simply turn to other things…or the thing you are doing…or to God…(of course do not consent)…but if you are too defensive against them…they may get worse actually…and confuse you more…instead turn to God or again other good things…accept that hey…somethings wild thoughts will come to you…

(and these can happen to all of us by the way…)

There is a story from the desert of the early Centuries of the Church where a younger hermit when to an older one with the problems of thoughts happening to him all the time…the older hermit told him to go outside open his cloak and catch the wind.

The younger hermit said such is not possible…

the older hermit replied --neither is it possible to stop all the thoughts that can come to you…your choice… is to consent or not…
 
What helped me was when the thought came into my head, I would force myself to picture the image of Divine Mercy. It is Christ, with one hand out in peace, and the blood and water flowing from his side. So rather than simply saying a prayer, I would make myself see Jesus in my head. 9/10 times it helped me to curb the thoughts away. And over time, with much prayer, I have overcome these thoughts entirely.
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I love this suggestion! I am going to use it for various negative thoughts.
 
Thank you for the posts everyone, you’ve given me a number of good ideas. Hopefully, with time, I’ll be able to overcome all this. I especially need to talk to my wife about it and ask for her help. I haven’t yet because, well, it’s embarrassing and I’m worried about upsetting her or making her feel unloved; but also because she just started her first job out of college, she’s a teacher, and she is stressing a lot, so I don’t want to add any more pressure to her.

Again, thank you for the advice.

I did have a further question, it’s something I’ve been wondering recently.

What constitutes deliberate consent? Given that this is a compulsion, I often find myself engaging in it without really having made a decision to do so, and just doing it because, at this point, it comes as habit. What defines “deliberate consent” ? Does it require a conscious decision?
 
Not sure about discussing this with your wife.

Rather discuss with your confessor.

He can assist with the other question too.
 
Not sure about discussing this with your wife.

Rather discuss with your confessor.

He can assist with the other question too.
I think I may have misspoke. I don’t mean discussing it with my wife to seek guidance about what to do, but rather that I need to seek her help in abstaining. Sort of asking her to keep an eye on me.

And I do intend to discuss it with my confessor, though I do not yet have a regular confessor (I just moved recently).
 
I would also reccommend talking to your priest next time you are there to get some clear guidance on it. I suffer from OCD-scrupulosity and I can tell you I think things I would NEVER do or consent to. It really is torment, but the more you fight them the more they come. Its a downward spiral. Either way just relax, the mind is full of things we dont want.
 
CHAPTER 13 – On Resisting Temptations [The Imitation of Christ]

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured manly trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.
 
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