Convalidation Help?

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We are wanting to get our marriage convalidated within our parish. We have already finished our marriage prep and are suppose to do it Feb. 2013.
However I dont want to spend alot of money on it and already with just the church its about 1200. We really dont want to go into any kind of debt for this event. However our priest keeps saying its a sacarment and we should celebrate it, which I get. But I would really like to just keep it low key us, witness & him and God! Is this taking away or frowned upon with in the church?
Should I ask to just have it done at a mass? Is that possible?
We are in the middle getting a “new church” built so the pricing is more which I expected but I didnt expect on having to pay a wedding corrdinator, vocalist, pianist, alter servers, I just didnt know that we had to, while I understand the importance of those things in the church, I just didnt plan on spending that much. Please help I am really worried about asking the church or telling what I want.

Any help is much appreciated.
 
Friend,

God bless you both.

My wife, the church secretary of 21 years says you can certainly opt for a low-key ceremony; you’re not obligated to have a bells-and-whistles event. I can understand Father wanting an all-out celebration but he must have foremost in mind your desires to have a convalidation within a simple Mass.

The convalidation is what counts, not a pianist or coordinated bouquets. The musical harmony will come from two hearts united as one. The fragrance that surrounds your Christian home will outlast any flowers decorating the church.

Peace,

Joe
 
mdo804 said:
We ar

However our priest keeps saying its a sacarment and we should celebrate it, which I get. plan on spending that much.

Please help I am really worried about asking the church or telling what I want.

Any help is much appreciated.
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Hi, there…maybe you misunderstood what your parish priest is saying…he said a celebration…but it could be a low celebration…not a grand wedding as like what you presumed it.

You certainly can have a mass with a few friends and family to celebrate with. I think it best to talk to your parish priest and express your desires to him.
 
Wow, what is the cost for? We are having a marriage convalidation on November 3rd and the cost is $0 for us.
 
I don’t understand what you are being charged $1200 for. We got married after 10 years of being civilly married and all we did was give the priest maybe $100 at the time. We had my husband’s father as witness and our 2 sons there. We married in the chapel. No muss, no fuss and ZERO expense. There is NO requirement to have any expense for a convalidation. Probably even less than for a marriage.

Wait, are you presuming that the charge for a regular wedding is what you need to pay?? The $1200 is for all of the stuff that comes along with a full wedding ceremony, is it? Doesn’t apply to you. Just ask the priest for a date when you can get it done either in the chapel, or during a regular Mass. Of course it’s a good day to celebrate but you can have a reception at home or go out to a nice dinner.
 
mdo804 said:
We are wanting to get our marriage convalidated within our parish. We have already finished our marriage prep and are suppose to do it Feb. 2013.
However I dont want to spend alot of money on it and already with just the church its about 1200. We really dont want to go into any kind of debt for this event. However our priest keeps saying its a sacarment and we should celebrate it, which I get. But I would really like to just keep it low key us, witness & him and God! Is this taking away or frowned upon with in the church?
Should I ask to just have it done at a mass? Is that possible?
We are in the middle getting a “new church” built so the pricing is more which I expected but I didnt expect on having to pay a wedding corrdinator, vocalist, pianist, alter servers, I just didnt know that we had to, while I understand the importance of those things in the church, I just didnt plan on spending that much. Please help I am really worried about asking the church or telling what I want.

Any help is much appreciated.
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I infer that you have explained your financial situation to the priest. He is being unreasonable in telling you that you have to make it in to a big ceremony. Perhaps he would like to make a financial contribution towards it.

It certainly is not a requirement of the Church that you make a big fuss out of it. In fact I think the Church is often all too concerned with getting people to focus on the true meaning of marriage rather than all the unnecessary externalities that many insist on.

All that is required is that you both dress modestly as is always required in Church. You do not need to go to the expense of purchasing or hiring expensive outfits.

The convalidation ceremony itself is all that is required. Consequently, you would not have to follow it with a meal or any other function.

You don’t even have to have any guests.

If you want to have musicians then you should expect to pay for their services. However, you do not have to have them. Is having them your choice, or are they being forced on you? If they are being forced I would stand firm and say no.

The wedding coordinator sounds dubious to me. I cannot see how that role is necessary.

Based on the information you provide, it appears that certain prices are being inflated to help fund the building project. I have no issue with being asked to help build a new church. But, those who cannot afford to do so should not be forced to so especially by some backdoor method.
 
We orginally told him before we even started the prep that we wanted something very small us, him & witnesses (if needed)! otherwise we’d prefer just us. Anyway he told us that is fine and seemed more than willing. With that being said the only reason I am nervous about asking him again about what we orginally talked about is because he kind of gets funny when it comes to money and the church, he says keeping it clean and the lights on…etc which I understand! but when we tell him that we cant afford it (we are small business owners) its seems like he doesnt believe us, he doesnt say that but his tone seems like well “everyone wants to enjoy the new church, but doesnt want to help” anyway… Im nervous and called his secretary today and she said to call him and talk to him. Im really nervous idk why, just want people to accept what I am asking without explaining why…etc.
I asked her if I had to have the music and stuff and she said if he does a mass that she would think so, and she said he is keen to doing masses, and after talking with him see what he says and she will see if she can do anything about the prices…

breakdown is as follows:
pianist $150
vocalist $100
Coordinator: $150 (if in church) $75.00 (if in chapel)
Clergy: $300
Alterserver: $20.00 ea (min 2)
Church : $500

I mean 1200 is not super expensive, but still its 1200 dollars… and when you own your own business its not as easy as you think you pay sales tax, property tax home & shop…etc. and plus we 3 children. While it would not be to much debt I’m over here trying to pay our house off so we are completely debt free. idk, maybe Im thinking to much?

Should I just tell him, for some reason I feel really bad telling him, I feel like he thinks we are taking this “lightly” or like a “quicky marriage” which we are NOT we understand and want nothing more than to have GOD within our marriage. Again any advice is helpful.
 
$1200 is very expensive IMO. Even my original wedding was free (married in a chapel by a Protestant minister). The only cost was the reception afterwards. For our convalidation we are having a Mass in the daily Mass chapel, free of charge. I asked the Pastoral Associate if we should offer a gift donation to the Priest and she said no. I had remembered doing so for our son’s baptism. She said the cost for a regular wedding is $120 to cover the coordinator and the music.
 
mdo804 said:
We orginally told him before we even started the prep that we wanted something very small us, him & witnesses (if needed)! otherwise we’d prefer just us. Anyway he told us that is fine and seemed more than willing. With that being said the only reason I am nervous about asking him again about what we orginally talked about is because he kind of gets funny when it comes to money and the church, he says keeping it clean and the lights on…etc which I understand! but when we tell him that we cant afford it (we are small business owners) its seems like he doesnt believe us, he doesnt say that but his tone seems like well “everyone wants to enjoy the new church, but doesnt want to help” anyway… Im nervous and called his secretary today and she said to call him and talk to him. Im really nervous idk why, just want people to accept what I am asking without explaining why…etc.
I asked her if I had to have the music and stuff and she said if he does a mass that she would think so, and she said he is keen to doing masses, and after talking with him see what he says and she will see if she can do anything about the prices…

breakdown is as follows:
pianist $150 NOT REQUIRED
vocalist $100 NOT REQUIRED
Coordinator: $150 (if in church) $75.00 (if in chapel) NOT REQUIRED
Clergy: $300 **CAN HE JUSTIFY THIS AMOUNT?
**Alterserver: $20.00 ea (min 2) NOT REQUIRED
Church : $500 **CAN HE JSTIFY THE AMOUNT?
**
I mean 1200 is not super expensive, but still its 1200 dollars… and when you own your own business its not as easy as you think you pay sales tax, property tax home & shop…etc. and plus we 3 children. While it would not be to much debt I’m over here trying to pay our house off so we are completely debt free. idk, maybe Im thinking to much?

Should I just tell him, for some reason I feel really bad telling him, I feel like he thinks we are taking this “lightly” or like a “quicky marriage” which we are NOT we understand and want nothing more than to have GOD within our marriage. Again any advice is helpful.
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Can you fford the US$1200? Do you want to pay for things that you do not want? I would go back to the priest and make it clear what you want. He should not be bullying you.
 
I’m in Canada but ours was free (well other than a small donation that we chose to give – not required). It took place after mass just my husband and I, our 2 witnesses and the priest. (Exactly how we wanted it). We did not need or want another big fancy wedding.
 
razmataz said:
I’m in Canada but ours was free (well other than a small donation that we chose to give – not required). It took place after mass just my husband and I, our 2 witnesses and the priest. (Exactly how we wanted it). We did not need or want another big fancy wedding.
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I’m in the US and that’s what was for us…the only thing it cost was some money I put in the card I got for the priest to say thank you…

I don’t get the $1,200 thing…🤷
 
Annabelle_Marie said:
I’m in the US and that’s what was for us…the only thing it cost was some money I put in the card I got for the priest to say thank you…

I don’t get the $1,200 thing…🤷
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Same with us…No fee at all, except what we wanted to give the priest. The convalidation was over in about 10 minutes.

As far as OP and those fees go, are you sure there wasn’t a communication problem? I seriously doubt that the priest can require what is effectively $1,200 for someone to receive a sacrament.
 
I’m sure of the fee amounts because it was given to use in a booklet last week stating the “guide” of marriage prep…etc. The church was actually 800 but the parish administrator said since it was only a convalidation that it was 500 for the church.
And I asked about the coordinator and she said that is a requirement because it helps to make things run smoother when someone who “knows the church” is there to guide through the mass. She told me that I really need to talk to the priest. I guess that is what I am going to have to do again. Before I asked him so there is only a “donation” of flowers to the church, and to you at the end correct. This is information I gathered researching online…
That is when he said he was going to get with the other lady to give me the fees and schedule. and here I am. Like I said whenever money was brought up to the discussion while we were at the meetings he would say things like. “it costs to have the church clean, lights on, decorated nice, a/c & heating…etc.”
I didn’t think I would have to pay that much either but I thought I would check on here because Obviously I have never been married in a church and wanted to see what other experience.
All the responses have been more than helpful, I think I may have to just build the confidence to stand firm when it comes to confronting the issues with the priest, I guess we kind of get intimidated when we talk to him. How would you all approach this in a way that doesn’t seem rude or like we are making light of our sacrament? or him thinking we are just too cheap. I kinda think that is what he will think, I don’t think its being cheap if you really cant afford it? Or have other priorities that may need it more… ie. our children? Again please any feed back helps.
 
mdo804 said:
I’m sure of the fee amounts because it was given to use in a booklet last week stating the “guide” of marriage prep…etc. The church was actually 800 but the parish administrator said since it was only a convalidation that it was 500 for the church.
And I asked about the coordinator and she said that is a requirement because it helps to make things run smoother when someone who “knows the church” is there to guide through the mass. She told me that I really need to talk to the priest. I guess that is what I am going to have to do again. Before I asked him so there is only a “donation” of flowers to the church, and to you at the end correct. This is information I gathered researching online…
That is when he said he was going to get with the other lady to give me the fees and schedule. and here I am. Like I said whenever money was brought up to the discussion while we were at the meetings he would say things like. “it costs to have the church clean, lights on, decorated nice, a/c & heating…etc.”
I didn’t think I would have to pay that much either but I thought I would check on here because Obviously I have never been married in a church and wanted to see what other experience.
All the responses have been more than helpful, I think I may have to just build the confidence to stand firm when it comes to confronting the issues with the priest, I guess we kind of get intimidated when we talk to him. How would you all approach this in a way that doesn’t seem rude or like we are making light of our sacrament? or him thinking we are just too cheap. I kinda think that is what he will think, I don’t think its being cheap if you really cant afford it? Or have other priorities that may need it more… ie. our children? Again please any feed back helps.
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Not sure it needs to be on its own…,I fail to see how it is making light of the sacrament by having it after a normally scheduled Mass:shrug: in that case there would not need to be any of those fees. Seriously I think they are wrong here…you don’t need to have a big party and another “wedding”. Like I said…ours was right after the normal Sat night Mass…and we had 6 other people there.
 
mdo804 said:
I guess we kind of get intimidated when we talk to him.
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Obviously, I do not know for sure but I would suspect the priest realises this and … well it’s relatively apparent what is going on here. You are being forced into something that you do not want. The marriage coordinator seems totally unnecessary. I do not believe you can be forced into having that person involved. If you do not make it clear what you want then you are going end up with something you do not want.
 
Sorry but at this point I’d probably go find another church. There should be NO charge for this, you can get it done in the chapel and if you don’t have a chapel, it’s not fair to make you pay as if you are having a first-time, all-gigged-up wedding. For Pete’s sake. This is just not right! It’s one thing if YOU wanted to do it that way but he’s spending YOUR money…Not OK!
 
Two weeks ago my friends approached Fr. after Mass and said “We need to get our marriage convalidated.” He said “When would you like to do that?” They said “Now?” and, although surprised, he said “OK, let’s do that.” No muss, no fuss, they got married with her dad and her sister as witnesses.

There are a multitude of reasons why he was willing to do it immediately but my point is that there was no reason for music, a Mass, a coordinator, etc., etc… They exchanged consent then and there and they are now validly married.
 
Phemie said:
Two weeks ago my friends approached Fr. after Mass and said “We need to get our marriage convalidated.” He said “When would you like to do that?” They said “Now?” and, although surprised, he said “OK, let’s do that.” No muss, no fuss, they got married with her dad and her sister as witnesses.

There are a multitude of reasons why he was willing to do it immediately but my point is that there was no reason for music, a Mass, a coordinator, etc., etc… They exchanged consent then and there and they are now validly married.
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Exactly right. This is how it should be. It’s NOT a wedding!!!

Even my genuine wedding was just a small thing, not a whole ceremony.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Exactly right. This is how it should be. It’s NOT a wedding!!!

Even my genuine wedding was just a small thing, not a whole ceremony.
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Oh, but it IS a wedding, which is why some want to do it in a big way. But for those who want to keep it small and simple, it’s perfectly OK to do so.

If the OP is reporting things accurately, I have a feeling I’d like to see the financial records for that parish.
 
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