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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Well, you know what I mean, it’s not a wedding wedding, as in, the first time, get everyone from both families, wedding party, music, crying moms sort of wedding.
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Phemie
Guest
Believe me, if my kids decided to convalidate their marriages I would consider that their wedding wedding and I would celebrate without the feeling of sadness that I had at their original ceremony. I would want the wedding party, music and all and I WOULD be the crying mom.Well, you know what I mean, it’s not a wedding wedding, as in, the first time, get everyone from both families, wedding party, music, crying moms sort of wedding.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
:thumbsup:
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Annabelle_Marie
Guest
But there are those of us that don’t need to treat it like a big wedding. When my husband and I got married 22 years ago in a Protestant church…I had no idea that we were supposed to be married in the Catholic Church…and seeing as I came from an abusive family…no one really took the time to enlighten us. I still consider our wedding —just that…our wedding. Now our convalidation was special too…but it didn’t need to be some big blown out affair…and there is no need to pay $1,200 to make it such if that is not what you want.
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Phemie
Guest
Oh, I agree that what the priest wants in the OP’s case is totally unnecessary, as I indicated with the story of my friends’ convalidation 2 weeks ago.
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poche
Guest
Why not talk to the priest and explain to him that you would like to have a low key ceremony without a lot of fancy expensive trappings. If he is reasonable he will understand.
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PaulfromIowa
Guest
If you are feeling pressured, this is out of line. I can understand that your parish might be fundraising for a new building, but money should be given freely, not raised by charging for sacraments.
Talk to your pastor and explain that you cannot afford this. Many convalidations happen after a regularly scheduled Saturday evening or Sunday Mass.
I would always suggest a small donation to the priest for a wedding ceremony unless you are truly destitute.
Talk to your pastor and explain that you cannot afford this. Many convalidations happen after a regularly scheduled Saturday evening or Sunday Mass.
I would always suggest a small donation to the priest for a wedding ceremony unless you are truly destitute.
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Phemie
Guest
It appears that they already told him that twice but he doesn’t agree with what they want. He appears to be imposing his own ideas on them when he should be happy that they are convalidating and willing to hear their exchange of consent in his office if that’s what they want.
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ValPal
Guest
Seriously, if the priest doesn’t want to budge on the issue, simply call the bishop’s office. Tell them you don’t have any money and ask where you can get a simple convalidation for under $1,200. That should get the ball rolling. Either that or insist on a radical sanation, because you believe that it is inherently immoral to pay $1,200 to receive a sacrament.
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MissRose73
Guest
One of my friends had a convalidation recently. It was simply done as she and her husband married civilly a year before due to some circumstances outside of their control that they had to marry sooner than they wanted to do so. They had 2 witnesses. Music and readings were simple yet to the point, and done by close friends of theirs. They did not appear to spend much on the ceremony portion which was by choice, and chose to spend more on the reception.
Looking back, my cousin may have had one also. She and her then husband (now an ex husband) were in the military before she left it then he left it a few years later when his time was up. They married civilly in Las Vegas a few months before they were married in a Catholic ceremony. They had some issues from what I heard later getting a priest to marry them religiously as she knew her parents would not approve of the civil only ceremony as they are strict Catholics. She eventually had her religious ceremony in her home town parish.
No reason for the priest to charge for things for something that can be very simple from other posters mentioning here. No need to have music and stuff if you don’t wish to have them.
Looking back, my cousin may have had one also. She and her then husband (now an ex husband) were in the military before she left it then he left it a few years later when his time was up. They married civilly in Las Vegas a few months before they were married in a Catholic ceremony. They had some issues from what I heard later getting a priest to marry them religiously as she knew her parents would not approve of the civil only ceremony as they are strict Catholics. She eventually had her religious ceremony in her home town parish.
No reason for the priest to charge for things for something that can be very simple from other posters mentioning here. No need to have music and stuff if you don’t wish to have them.
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AnastasiaRomano
Guest
One of the most beautiful convalidations I’ve ever seen was during the Easter Vigil Mass (one spouse was baptized later in the same Mass, and the Catholic spouse was confirmed). I’ve also seen one convalidation at or after an early morning Sunday Mass… A separate big ceremony is not necessary.
I’m confused why it would be $1200? If this priest is not budging on that, it might be time to call around to other parishes…
I’m confused why it would be $1200? If this priest is not budging on that, it might be time to call around to other parishes…
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mdo804
Guest
We have been feeling this same way that all of you have explaining on here for the past few weeks. Before we even started this process I did research and everything sounded fairly simple… like most of you are explaining.
When ever we are at the meetings and I say something about it not really being a “wedding wedding” or us being “married” already he always will say God does not recognize our marriage yet…etc. and of coarse we feel bad and yet understand what he is saying. So we usually just leave it at that. Or I just say yea but we dont want anything really big!
In any case I think we are just going to have to negotiate about what is really NEEDED for this to be done, and not be intimidated or bullied into something that we dont really want.
I dont want to change parishes, I have always been raised at one parish, and while this isnt the parish I grew up in (due to location), I would like my children to have the same experience. My husband already and has been like lets go to another church. I cant see us really changing parishes but I will not be coerced into something either. Im glad at least I know its not just me thinking what is going on is Crazy! Not going to lie, thought it was just me for a second.
I will keep you all posted and hope to find a simple solution.
When ever we are at the meetings and I say something about it not really being a “wedding wedding” or us being “married” already he always will say God does not recognize our marriage yet…etc. and of coarse we feel bad and yet understand what he is saying. So we usually just leave it at that. Or I just say yea but we dont want anything really big!
In any case I think we are just going to have to negotiate about what is really NEEDED for this to be done, and not be intimidated or bullied into something that we dont really want.
I dont want to change parishes, I have always been raised at one parish, and while this isnt the parish I grew up in (due to location), I would like my children to have the same experience. My husband already and has been like lets go to another church. I cant see us really changing parishes but I will not be coerced into something either. Im glad at least I know its not just me thinking what is going on is Crazy! Not going to lie, thought it was just me for a second.
I will keep you all posted and hope to find a simple solution.
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Matthew_Holford
Guest
This might sound harsh, but it isn’t intended to be harsh, it’s a little bit of advice. Don’t raise a point with the priest where he can demonstrate you are wrong. If you need a convalidation you are not validly married. So the priest is correct when he says this is your wedding.We have been feeling this same way that all of you have explaining on here for the past few weeks. Before we even started this process I did research and everything sounded fairly simple… like most of you are explaining.
When ever we are at the meetings and I say something about it not really being a “wedding wedding” or us being “married” already he always will say God does not recognize our marriage yet…etc. and of coarse we feel bad and yet understand what he is saying. So we usually just leave it at that. Or I just say yea but we dont want anything really big!
In any case I think we are just going to have to negotiate about what is really NEEDED for this to be done, and not be intimidated or bullied into something that we dont really want.
I dont want to change parishes, I have always been raised at one parish, and while this isnt the parish I grew up in (due to location), I would like my children to have the same experience. My husband already and has been like lets go to another church. I cant see us really changing parishes but I will not be coerced into something either. Im glad at least I know its not just me thinking what is going on is Crazy! Not going to lie, thought it was just me for a second.
I will keep you all posted and hope to find a simple solution.
Whilst you do not need to change your parish if I was in your situation I’d be very tempted to go somewhere else for the convalidation.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
I didn’t mean for you to change parishes, just find another church to do the convalidation, one that won’t charge you $1200. I believe that is totally OK to do, the pastor of that church might have to call yours, not sure. But he can’t stop you from approaching another church. If all you get is a broken record, and you would have to go through a ceremony that YOU DO NOT WANT, what memories are you going to have of the day? Sour ones! I’m sure that’s not what you want to keep as a memento of the day!We have been feeling this same way that all of you have explaining on here for the past few weeks. Before we even started this process I did research and everything sounded fairly simple… like most of you are explaining.
When ever we are at the meetings and I say something about it not really being a “wedding wedding” or us being “married” already he always will say God does not recognize our marriage yet…etc. and of coarse we feel bad and yet understand what he is saying. So we usually just leave it at that. Or I just say yea but we dont want anything really big!
In any case I think we are just going to have to negotiate about what is really NEEDED for this to be done, and not be intimidated or bullied into something that we dont really want.
I dont want to change parishes, I have always been raised at one parish, and while this isnt the parish I grew up in (due to location), I would like my children to have the same experience. My husband already and has been like lets go to another church. I cant see us really changing parishes but I will not be coerced into something either. Im glad at least I know its not just me thinking what is going on is Crazy! Not going to lie, thought it was just me for a second.
I will keep you all posted and hope to find a simple solution.
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novusCatholic
Guest
This is crazy. Pressuring you to pay for a sacrament?! Sure, if you were wanting all of the bells and whistles, then yeah. But you don’t want the show, you want the sacrament!
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jwinch2
Guest
Our Convalidation cost us only the amount to take a few friends out afterwards to get dinner and a couple of drinks along with the two priests in our parish. Other than that, it was a very small ceremony with only a few friends in attendance.
I see no reason why you cannot do the same, if that is what you prefer.
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alaska
Guest
Hello,
Our marriage was convalidated in 2009. There was no charge or fee. We recited the vows in the sanctuary with the Deacon right after 10 am Sunday Mass with two family members as witnesses. We didn’t have any music, reception, etc. Our mission was to make our marriage valid in the eyes of the Church and obtain all the grace that a sacremental marriage gives. It was perfect!
Blessings
Our marriage was convalidated in 2009. There was no charge or fee. We recited the vows in the sanctuary with the Deacon right after 10 am Sunday Mass with two family members as witnesses. We didn’t have any music, reception, etc. Our mission was to make our marriage valid in the eyes of the Church and obtain all the grace that a sacremental marriage gives. It was perfect!
Blessings
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Vico
Guest
When I read “valid in the eyes of the Church”, which is often used phrase, it is like a red flag, because a couple cannot be validly married through simple convalidation if it “is valid in their eyes”, because it requires a new act of consent.
I inspected a convalidation application before and the applicant initials this:
“I understand that this is not merely a blessing, but is actually a new marriage in the Catholic Church.”
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alaska
Guest
Hello Vico,
You are correct.
I did not realize that this phrase would be a “red flag”, as all the parties involved would be counselled so that they understand exactly what convalidation is and is not. I am not an expert in the more legal aspects of this process. The only experience I have is my own.
I was being supportive of OP’s desire to have a simple ceremony.
Sorry if I stepped on any toes or led anyone astray.
Blessings,
Alaska
You are correct.
I did not realize that this phrase would be a “red flag”, as all the parties involved would be counselled so that they understand exactly what convalidation is and is not. I am not an expert in the more legal aspects of this process. The only experience I have is my own.
I was being supportive of OP’s desire to have a simple ceremony.
Sorry if I stepped on any toes or led anyone astray.
Blessings,
Alaska
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Annabelle_Marie
Guest
hmmm…we never had to sign or initial any such thing.
Really? I was married for 22 years when we had ours convalidated…and being as the only reason we didn’t get married in the Catholic Church is that I was 8 or so when my parents left…and no one ever explained to us that we had to get married in the Church. So ya…to me…it’s the same marriage…made into a sacrament.
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