Convalidation of a Civil Union

[km112482]

Hi, My husband and I have been married for nine months. We had a civil union. We are both Catholics. We have nothing stopping us from validating our marriage in the church. We got married civill because I was five months pregnant. I was stubborn and did not want to wait this six months. I have come to study my faith by watching ewtn and reading the teachings of the catholic church. I have been growing spiritually in my faith and am learning something new everyday. My husband and I are meeting with the priest on Thursday to discuss us convalidating our marriage. I was wondering if anyone can tell me if there is a waiting period for this? I really want to recieve the sacraments again. Everytime I go to mass now it hurts me deeply that I can not recieve the sacraments. I hope the the priest will let us convalidate our marriage as soon as possible. Anyone who can explain the process to me?
Thanks and God Bless,
Kerri

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

km112482:

Hi, My husband and I have been married for nine months. We had a civil union. We are both Catholics. We have nothing stopping us from validating our marriage in the church. We got married civill because I was five months pregnant. I was stubborn and did not want to wait this six months. I have come to study my faith by watching ewtn and reading the teachings of the catholic church. I have been growing spiritually in my faith and am learning something new everyday. My husband and I are meeting with the priest on Thursday to discuss us convalidating our marriage. I was wondering if anyone can tell me if there is a waiting period for this? I really want to recieve the sacraments again. Everytime I go to mass now it hurts me deeply that I can not recieve the sacraments. I hope the the priest will let us convalidate our marriage as soon as possible. Anyone who can explain the process to me?
Thanks and God Bless,
Kerri

Usually this will vary betwen diocese. So in general before the Convalidation the usual Marriage preparation is required to take place( six months to a year in some diocese). Because of the specific circumstances of your “need” to be married in a civil ceremony. The Church will take extra precautions to insure that you are entering the Marriage for the right reasons and not because of the child.

 

[stbruno]

here are two great websites to answer questions relating to marriage.
But begin first and foremost by visiting your parish and asking to have your marriage convalidated. Bring your marriage certificate with you. If you can, also bring with a baptismal certificate for your spouse and you that was issued within the last six months prior to your hopeful intended wedding date.

www.inthespiritofcana.org

and also www.familyministries.org

Both websites will help you get information. Each diocese will vary a bit in its requirements but this will get you a jump start. Congratulations on your desire to return to the sacraments. Keep going to mass and frequent confession. God bless all three of you!

 

[Timidity]

km112482:

I really want to recieve the sacraments again. Everytime I go to mass now it hurts me deeply that I can not recieve the sacraments.

In the meanwhile you can, I believe, start receiving the sacraments again if your spouse and you agree to live “as brother and sister” and then go to confession.

 

[km112482]

Br. Rich SFO:

Usually this will vary betwen diocese. So in general before the Convalidation the usual Marriage preparation is required to take place( six months to a year in some diocese). Because of the specific circumstances of your “need” to be married in a civil ceremony. The Church will take extra precautions to insure that you are entering the Marriage for the right reasons and not because of the child.

Ok, so lets say that we have to go through the six month preparation. Me and my husband have been married civally for nine months and have a four month old daughter. If we live as brother and sister for these six months can we recieve the sacraments?

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

km112482:

Ok, so lets say that we have to go through the six month preparation. Me and my husband have been married civally for nine months and have a four month old daughter. If we live as brother and sister for these six months can we recieve the sacraments?

Yes, after Reconciliation if you live as “brother and” you could return to the Sacraments, (your pastor has to agree). What is important is not acting like your married in public. The difficulty is making sure that your situation does not cause scandal in the other members of the church.

 

[km112482]

Br. Rich SFO:

Yes, after Reconciliation if you live as “brother and” you could return to the Sacraments, (your pastor has to agree). What is important is not acting like your married in public. The difficulty is making sure that your situation does not cause scandal in the other members of the church.

I have no problem with this, I am just wondering why we have to go about the preparation an engaged couple goes through. I am not saying that it is wrong, I am just asking you to explain it to me. I have no problem living as brother and sister, but if the preparation is to make sure we want to be married well i have no doubt in my mind that we do want to be married. Not to mention that legally we have been for 9 months. I know that the church does not recognize this as valid, but I just want someone to just explain it all to me so i can understand it better because everything I look up just talks about engaged couples or couples who have mixed marriages and things of that sort. There is nothing that I have come across about a man an a woman with a civil union who want to convalidate their marriage.
As for causing scandal, I am from a small town so everyone knows me and my husband and that we are not married in the church so does this mean that I am sinning cause that causes scandal for the church. I mean as long as I know I have gone to confession and am living with my husband as if we are brother and sister it really isnt the people in my parishes business. Of course they will say oh she should not be going to communion, but none of us have that right to judge people they do not know the life I really am leading and what is in my heart.
Thanks so much I appreciate all your help!
God Bless, Kerri

 

[Luke-Jr]

km112482:

Hi, My husband and I have been married for nine months. We had a civil union.

Which means absolutely nothing… Below, where you say you wish to “convalidate” your marriage, what you mean is that you wish to marry.

km112482:

We are both Catholics. We have nothing stopping us from validating our marriage in the church. We got married civill because I was five months pregnant. I was stubborn and did not want to wait this six months.

Jesus never said anything about requiring a six month wait for people to marry.

km112482:

I have come to study my faith by watching ewtn and reading the teachings of the catholic church. I have been growing spiritually in my faith and am learning something new everyday. My husband and I are meeting with the priest on Thursday to discuss us convalidating our marriage. I was wondering if anyone can tell me if there is a waiting period for this?

You can validate your marriage by yourselves. Make vows before God that you take each other as husband and wife freely, faithfully, forever, and fruitfully.

km112482:

I really want to recieve the sacraments again. Everytime I go to mass now it hurts me deeply that I can not recieve the sacraments. I hope the the priest will let us convalidate our marriage as soon as possible.

It is not a priest’s place to prevent you from marrying. Marriage is between two people who are able to make the marital vows and God. In a “traditional”/production wedding, the priest is just another witness, though he will usually assist you with making the proper vows.

km112482:

Thanks and God Bless,
Kerri

Luke-Jr

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

km112482:

I have no problem with this, I am just wondering why we have to go about the preparation an engaged couple goes through. I am not saying that it is wrong, I am just asking you to explain it to me. I have no problem living as brother and sister, but if the preparation is to make sure we want to be married well i have no doubt in my mind that we do want to be married. Not to mention that legally we have been for 9 months. I know that the church does not recognize this as valid, but I just want someone to just explain it all to me so i can understand it better because everything I look up just talks about engaged couples or couples who have mixed marriages and things of that sort. There is nothing that I have come across about a man an a woman with a civil union who want to convalidate their marriage.
As for causing scandal, I am from a small town so everyone knows me and my husband and that we are not married in the church so does this mean that I am sinning cause that causes scandal for the church. I mean as long as I know I have gone to confession and am living with my husband as if we are brother and sister it really isnt the people in my parishes business. Of course they will say oh she should not be going to communion, but none of us have that right to judge people they do not know the life I really am leading and what is in my heart.
Thanks so much I appreciate all your help!
God Bless, Kerri

Kerri,

Lets see if I can clear up some of this.

The preparation is to help you and your husband understand what the Church teaches about Marriage. To see if there is anything that would be an impediment to a valid Marriage in the Church. I know you feel that you will be married forever. However 10 out of 10 people who apply for divorce and Annulment thought the same at the time of their Marriage. Technically you are in the eyes of the Church engaged at this time. As for causing scandal, the problem arises when someone sees you approaching the Sacraments in public and knows that you are not Married but are living together as husband and wife. See they don’t know that you went to Reconciliation and have decided to abstain from sexual relations until the convalidation. Your right that it is not their business. However it is only your outward actions they see. They don’t know your interior dispositions. We cannot judge a persons interior soul but we do judge their exterior actions.

You know what you need to do to correct the situation. You know that you can make a positive impact on others in the same situation. By your actions and attitude you can encourage others to Reconcile with God and the Church. Remember that in the Prodigal Son the other brother is impacted by the actions of the returning brother as well as by what the father has done to welcome him home. You are the returning brother and the other people of the parish the other brother, they see the Church welcoming you back and sometimes react as the brother did.

 

[Catholic2003]

Luke-Jr:

You can validate your marriage by yourselves. Make vows before God that you take each other as husband and wife freely, faithfully, forever, and fruitfully.

This is utter nonsense. It is completely contrary to Catholic teaching on the sacrament of matrimony. I don’t even know of any Protestants who believe this.

 

[km112482]

Thanks, My husband and I will be meeting with our priest on Thursday, so I am sure he will tell us what our diocese requires us to do. I do not mind living as brother and sister for six months or however long this wait may be, as long as I know that I am on the path to make myself right with the Lord.

Thanks again,
Kerri
Br. Rich SFO:

Kerri,

Lets see if I can clear up some of this.

The preparation is to help you and your husband understand what the Church teaches about Marriage. To see if there is anything that would be an impediment to a valid Marriage in the Church. I know you feel that you will be married forever. However 10 out of 10 people who apply for divorce and Annulment thought the same at the time of their Marriage. Technically you are in the eyes of the Church engaged at this time. As for causing scandal, the problem arises when someone sees you approaching the Sacraments in public and knows that you are not Married but are living together as husband and wife. See they don’t know that you went to Reconciliation and have decided to abstain from sexual relations until the convalidation. Your right that it is not their business. However it is only your outward actions they see. They don’t know your interior dispositions. We cannot judge a persons interior soul but we do judge their exterior actions.

You know what you need to do to correct the situation. You know that you can make a positive impact on others in the same situation. By your actions and attitude you can encourage others to Reconcile with God and the Church. Remember that in the Prodigal Son the other brother is impacted by the actions of the returning brother as well as by what the father has done to welcome him home. You are the returning brother and the other people of the parish the other brother, they see the Church welcoming you back and sometimes react as the brother did.

 

[Luke-Jr]

Catholic2003:

This is utter nonsense. It is completely contrary to Catholic teaching on the sacrament of matrimony. I don’t even know of any Protestants who believe this.

I find it quite amazing how many people (wrongly) believe that the priest confers the sacrament. It is the spouses that do so.

 

[Timidity]

Luke-Jr:

I find it quite amazing how many people (wrongly) believe that the priest confers the sacrament. It is the spouses that do so.

Only In the Western Church. And even then, Canon Law is quite specific that the act must be in the presence of an ordained man and two witnesses. This is called proper form.

 

[Timidity]

Luke-Jr:

Jesus never said anything about requiring a six month wait for people to marry.

But He gave power to his Apostles to bind and loose. And the Successors of the Apostles have stated that pastors are obligated to assist their flock by giving them personal preparation for entering marriage.

The OP was looking for the Catholic solution to her situation. Jesus established a hierarchical Church; one where the faithful don’t do whatever they think is right, but rather follow the laws and teachings of His Church.

 

[km112482]

This is something that I never understood about the church. I always wondered how they were able to change the “rules”. I actually was never someone who really read the bible until recently. That is something new that I learned today about when he tells Peter to bind and loose it is in Matthew 16:19. I agree that the church should set a time of preparation. I know alot of marriages end up in divorce these days. If me and my husband must live as brother and sister for six months I am willing to do that. It will be a cross that I am sure my husband will have to bear, but in the end it is all worth it if we are right with God and in the state of grace to recieve the Eucharist and be able to participate in all the sacraments.

Timidity:

But He gave power to his Apostles to bind and loose. And the Successors of the Apostles have stated that pastors are obligated to assist their flock by giving them personal preparation for entering marriage.

The OP was looking for the Catholic solution to her situation. Jesus established a hierarchical Church; one where the faithful don’t do whatever they think is right, but rather follow the laws and teachings of His Church.

 

[Luke-Jr]

Timidity:

Luke-Jr:

I find it quite amazing how many people (wrongly) believe that the priest confers the sacrament. It is the spouses that do so.

Only In the Western Church. And even then, Canon Law is quite specific that the act must be in the presence of an ordained man and two witnesses. This is called proper form.

Sacraments are, at the core, the same no matter what rite. The only case in which a priest confers the sacrament of matrimony is when he is the one marrying (which is, IIRC, allowed in non-western rites).

Timidity:

But He gave power to his Apostles to bind and loose.

Are you quoting out of context? The only instance of this terminology I can recall is that in which He established the sacrament of penance.

Timidity:

And the Successors of the Apostles have stated that pastors are obligated to assist their flock by giving them personal preparation for entering marriage.

And parents are obligated to ensure that their children can attend Mass on Sundays. Such an obligation, however, does not obligate the children/flock to comply/accept the help from their parents/pastors.

Timidity:

The OP was looking for the Catholic solution to her situation. Jesus established a hierarchical Church; one where the faithful don’t do whatever they think is right, but rather follow the laws and teachings of His Church.

And the teachings of His Church do not require such things, merely suggest it. I’m not saying that I would recommend marrying without the presense of an ordained person, but it certainly isn’t prohibited.

km112482:

I agree that the church should set a time of preparation.

I can’t recall where in the Bible it was, exactly, but St. Peter (or Paul? I forget who too ) at one point either implied or said that people who wish to marry shouldn’t be required to wait once they are sure that is their intention.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Luke-Jr:

Are you quoting out of context? The only instance of this terminology I can recall is that in which He established the sacrament of penance.

And parents are obligated to ensure that their children can attend Mass on Sundays. Such an obligation, however, does not obligate the children/flock to comply/accept the help from their parents/pastors.

And the teachings of His Church do not require such things, merely suggest it. I’m not saying that I would recommend marrying without the presense of an ordained person, but it certainly isn’t prohibited.

I can’t recall where in the Bible it was, exactly, but St. Peter (or Paul? I forget who too ) at one point either implied or said that people who wish to marry shouldn’t be required to wait once they are sure that is their intention.

Many people make the mistake of applying Matthew 16:19 and Matthew 18:18 only to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The Scriptures are clear on the obligation of following the spiritual leaders. Christ Himself tells His followerd that they are obligated to listen and do as the Jewish leaders tell them. Not to do as they do but to do as they say, because they sit on the seat of Moses. They have been given authority in certain matters, just as the Church today has been. Why would you try and lead two Catholics who are trying to follow the Church teaching and discipline on Marriage astray? Both Peter and Paul who wrote much about Marriage in his letters were aware of the Jewish Marriage requirements which has a long waiting period. We see this appied to The Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph in Luke.

 

[Catholic2003]

Luke-Jr:

I find it quite amazing how many people (wrongly) believe that the priest confers the sacrament. It is the spouses that do so.

But for Catholics in the absence of a priest, no sacrament is conferred at all.

 

[km112482]

Br. Rich SFO:

Many people make the mistake of applying Matthew 16:19 and Matthew 18:18 only to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The Scriptures are clear on the obligation of following the spiritual leaders. Christ Himself tells His followerd that they are obligated to listen and do as the Jewish leaders tell them. Not to do as they do but to do as they say, because they sit on the seat of Moses. They have been given authority in certain matters, just as the Church today has been. Why would you try and lead two Catholics who are trying to follow the Church teaching and discipline on Marriage astray? Both Peter and Paul who wrote much about Marriage in his letters were aware of the Jewish Marriage requirements which has a long waiting period. We see this appied to The Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph in Luke.

If he were to read the side note in the New American Bible he would see that this isnt just refering to reconciliation. Jesus was giving Peter the gift of authoritative teaching.

 

[Luke-Jr]

Br. Rich SFO:

Many people make the mistake of applying Matthew 16:19 and Matthew 18:18 only to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The Scriptures are clear on the obligation of following the spiritual leaders. Christ Himself tells His followed that they are obligated to listen and do as the Jewish leaders tell them. Not to do as they do but to do as they say, because they sit on the seat of Moses. They have been given authority in certain matters, just as the Church today has been.

No matter how true this is, nobody can go against the laws of logic that God created. It’s not that it would or wouldn’t be wrong to do so, but that it is impossible to do so.
Br. Rich SFO:

Why would you try and lead two Catholics who are trying to follow the Church teaching and discipline on Marriage astray?

I’m not. I’m just pointing out that many traditional things associated with marriage are not requirements. Sure, in the average marriage, it is best to keep with traditions for a wedding and such, but their situation hardly sounds like it is the normal marriage.
Br. Rich SFO:

Both Peter and Paul who wrote much about Marriage in his letters were aware of the Jewish Marriage requirements which has a long waiting period. We see this appied to The Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph in Luke.

Jewish requirements also included many things that no Christian today believe to be necessary (for example, eating pork was forbidden). If Christians “inherited” all the laws that the Jews were held to, I don’t think Christian civilisations would be anything like how they are today.

Catholic2003:

Luke-Jr:

I find it quite amazing how many people (wrongly) believe that the priest confers the sacrament. It is the spouses that do so.

But for Catholics in the absence of a priest, no sacrament is conferred at all.

The sacrament can be conferred by any two people capable of doing so (freely, faithfully, forever, and fruitfully). The presense or non-presense of any particular witness does not change that.

km112482:

If he were to read the side note in the New American Bible he would see that this isn’t just referring to reconciliation. Jesus was giving Peter the gift of authoritative teaching.

I don’t doubt papal authority. However, the universal Church does not teach that a priest confers or is required to confer the sacrament of matrimony.