Convalidation question

[China123]

Found out today that my brother-in-law is coming back to the faith. We have been praying for him to do this and he called my husband today and told him he was going to confession this Saturday because he wants to start going to church again.

Here is is situation…he is married to a non-Catholic and has 2 boys. They didn’t marry in the CC but had a backyard wedding. He has had all the sacraments (except marriage) in the CC. She is a non-denom. Their boys were not baptised and they had been going to a community church on and off. He wasn’t even thinking of coming back to the Church because he had a bad experience many years ago and no one would answer his questions. Mostly though, he wasn’t coming back because his wife would NEVER become Catholic and he didn’t want to go against her. She is now softening to the Church due to her mother being in RCIA and so he just decided to come back and take his boys to Mass. They are going as a family so she is open to this now.

What does he need to do? He is going to confession and would like to receive communion. He is not married in the CC but he is married and this is his one and only marriage. Does he need to have his marriage convalidated before he can receive or is he good to go after confession? I wasn’t exactly sure so I thought I would ask. I did tell him to talk to the priest when he goes as that would be the best thing to do.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[1ke]

As a Catholic, yes he was obligated to follow the Catholic form of marriage or receive a dispensation from it. So, he is not currently in a valid marriage.

Therefore, yes, generally speaking he would need to refrain from communion until his marriage situation is rectified. His pastor will guide him, and there are some options such as if his spouse would be open to being continent until his marriage is convalidated. But this is for the priest to tell him, not you or me.

The best thing for him to do is talk to the pastor what he needs to do and take it one step at a time.

 

[phil19034]

I was in a similar situation to you brother, except my wife is Jewish.

First step is going to Confession. He needs to include the fact that he married outside the Church in his confession.

He will not be able to receive Communion until his marriage is recognized in the Church.

The priest will go over the options with him. But it really comes down to two:

1. Con-validation: basically getting married in the Church. All he will need his his wife, two witnesses, and a Priest or Deacon. This is the preferred and easiest method. As far as the Church is concerned, that’s the day you got married. Can even be in the rectory or parish Chapel. The priest may or may not require a modified pre-Cana session to make sure they understand the Catholic understanding of Matrimony. (Remember the Church catechizes before all sacraments except for Anointment of the Sick)
2. Radical Sanation: If his wife is unwilling to go through with the con-validation, a Radical Sanation may be possible (this is what I did). Before the Radical Sanation, the priest had to feel comfortable that I was truly sincere about returning to the Faith and that I tried my best (without hurting my marriage) to do the con-validation. Once he felt good that my Faith was back and that I gave the effort to attempt to convince my wife of con-validation, then I was able to apply. Basically, a Radical Sanation is getting dispensation from the Bishop for getting married outside the Church retroactively. Each diocese will have a different process for requesting the Radical Sanation (some write letters to the Bishop, or meeting with then bishop, mine was via a Q&A form). If your brother gets to know the priest before hand, the priest will be able to help him with answers (help him use Church words and proper theological words to make sure the Bishop understands the answers). If approved, the wedding is retroactively recognized and both the date of the original wedding and the Radical Sanation will be recorded on the Baptismal Certificate. The Radical Sanation can be done with or without the consent of the wife.

Note: have him focus on the con-validation. The Radical Sanation should really be done in rare instances, where the spouse refuses to receive a con-validation for some reason.

Tell your to schedule a meeting with a priest. If he lies the one he confesses to, schedule the meeting with that priest. That’s what I did, and it was very helpful and comforting.

Finally, I will pass on some words my priest told me when I was starting this process. “Cannon law and Church discipline almost always has exceptions for people who are who are repentant and in specific situations, as long as the exception doesn’t cause their soul further harm by commuting sacrilege.” Abstaining from Communion isn’t a punishment, it’s a safety net to prevent us from potentially committing the mortal sin of sacrilege.

If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.

God bless

 

[China123]

Thank you both for your replies

Talking to his priest is the way to go and I and my husband told him that. But I always like to increase my knowledge of the way things work.

His wife is thinking on going to RCIA with her mother which is a miracle in itself. She was so dead set against the CC but her mother is entering so she has softened and is actually asking questions. It is interesting to think about back on how they came to this point. Prayer is amazing…I am a big advocate for prayer…lol.

Convalidation seems like the most likely option and it is a process. My husband and I had our own process and we couldn’t be happier. God knows what He is doing