convalidation questions

[MrsDDD]

Hi Everyone

I have a few questions about the covalidation ceremony.

My husband and I got married in JOP ceremony, just over two years ago. We didn’t have any witnesses besides the judge and court reporter. We were engaged and had planned to marry in the Church but I suddenly lost my job in a non-profit and I had a serious illness so health insurance was very much needed. I love my husband and I truly consider us married. However, we have both felt the need to get married in the Church. So a few months ago we contacted our parish Priest and are having our marriage validated on the Feast of the Assumption.

Our family will not be attending for various reasons but mostly because they live on the other side of the country. I have a good friend from college coming and a local friend. The Deacon in the parish is going to be my husbands witness. The ceremony will be held in the side chapel. We will be having a simple dinner at our home and invited the Priest/Deacon. We would have loved to invite a few more people but chose not to because we couldn’t afford host a bigger meal. I’m making everything for the meal.

Before we scheduled the ceremony, I asked the Priest what the required donation was, he said not to worry about it. But I would still like to give him something because he took the time to meet with us and prepare us. We were thinking a prayer enrollment card with about $50 in it? That’s a lot of money for us but I know it’s not as much as he would normally get. Do you think our small donation will offend him?

We can’t afford to give the Deacon much but we really want to let him know that we appreciate his willingness to be a witness at our ceremony. So I thought maybe a prayer enrollment card and a homemade coffeecake?

Lastly, it was more important to us to spend our budget on the church related stuff then on a dress/make up/ etc. So I only have two options for what to wear to the ceremony. I have a nice fabric black dress or a turquoise sun dress. Either dress I will wear a sweater with and I am leaning towards the sun dress because it’s a good color on me and has good coverage (just past my knees, no deep V) but it’s not an expensive fabric. I didn’t ask specifically about my dress but the priest said it could be anything Church appropriate, fancy was not required by the Church. Do you think a cotton dress is too casual?

Thanks so much for your help!

 

[dskysmine]

Hi Everyone

I have a few questions about the covalidation ceremony.

My husband and I got married in JOP ceremony, just over two years ago. We didn’t have any witnesses besides the judge and court reporter. We were engaged and had planned to marry in the Church but I suddenly lost my job in a non-profit and I had a serious illness so health insurance was very much needed. I love my husband and I truly consider us married. However, we have both felt the need to get married in the Church. So a few months ago we contacted our parish Priest and are having our marriage validated on the Feast of the Assumption.

Our family will not be attending for various reasons but mostly because they live on the other side of the country. I have a good friend from college coming and a local friend. The Deacon in the parish is going to be my husbands witness. The ceremony will be held in the side chapel. We will be having a simple dinner at our home and invited the Priest/Deacon. We would have loved to invite a few more people but chose not to because we couldn’t afford host a bigger meal. I’m making everything for the meal.

Before we scheduled the ceremony, I asked the Priest what the required donation was, he said not to worry about it. But I would still like to give him something because he took the time to meet with us and prepare us. We were thinking a prayer enrollment card with about $50 in it? That’s a lot of money for us but I know it’s not as much as he would normally get. Do you think our small donation will offend him?

We can’t afford to give the Deacon much but we really want to let him know that we appreciate his willingness to be a witness at our ceremony. So I thought maybe a prayer enrollment card and a homemade coffeecake?

Lastly, it was more important to us to spend our budget on the church related stuff then on a dress/make up/ etc. So I only have two options for what to wear to the ceremony. I have a nice fabric black dress or a turquoise sun dress. Either dress I will wear a sweater with and I am leaning towards the sun dress because it’s a good color on me and has good coverage (just past my knees, no deep V) but it’s not an expensive fabric. I didn’t ask specifically about my dress but the priest said it could be anything Church appropriate, fancy was not required by the Church. Do you think a cotton dress is too casual?

Thanks so much for your help!

Hey MrsDDD, can’t you borrow a dress from someone? My sister borrowed her Confirmation dress to a friend that was short on money as a wedding dress (it was white). The wedding was really simple but she was beautiful in that white dress. =)
I’m just saying this because I know that for a lot of women the wedding day is usually the one they remember the most and it would be nice to remember you using a wonderful dress.

Congratulations on the marriage by the way.

 

[FAB]

Hi Everyone

I have a few questions about the covalidation ceremony.

My husband and I got married in JOP ceremony, just over two years ago. We didn’t have any witnesses besides the judge and court reporter. We were engaged and had planned to marry in the Church but I suddenly lost my job in a non-profit and I had a serious illness so health insurance was very much needed. I love my husband and I truly consider us married. However, we have both felt the need to get married in the Church. So a few months ago we contacted our parish Priest and are having our marriage validated on the Feast of the Assumption.

Our family will not be attending for various reasons but mostly because they live on the other side of the country. I have a good friend from college coming and a local friend. The Deacon in the parish is going to be my husbands witness. The ceremony will be held in the side chapel. We will be having a simple dinner at our home and invited the Priest/Deacon. We would have loved to invite a few more people but chose not to because we couldn’t afford host a bigger meal. I’m making everything for the meal.

Before we scheduled the ceremony, I asked the Priest what the required donation was, he said not to worry about it. But I would still like to give him something because he took the time to meet with us and prepare us. We were thinking a prayer enrollment card with about $50 in it? That’s a lot of money for us but I know it’s not as much as he would normally get. Do you think our small donation will offend him?

We can’t afford to give the Deacon much but we really want to let him know that we appreciate his willingness to be a witness at our ceremony. So I thought maybe a prayer enrollment card and a homemade coffeecake?

Lastly, it was more important to us to spend our budget on the church related stuff then on a dress/make up/ etc. So I only have two options for what to wear to the ceremony. I have a nice fabric black dress or a turquoise sun dress. Either dress I will wear a sweater with and I am leaning towards the sun dress because it’s a good color on me and has good coverage (just past my knees, no deep V) but it’s not an expensive fabric. I didn’t ask specifically about my dress but the priest said it could be anything Church appropriate, fancy was not required by the Church. Do you think a cotton dress is too casual?

Thanks so much for your help!

Congratulations on your convalidation. As for as the stipend, give what you can, or give more over a period of time. A convalidation is can be very simple, the min. number attending is 5, the bride and groom, maid of honor, best man and the presisder priest of deacon. What you were should just be appropriate for the ceremony. White is used because it is a sign of our baptism and it can be casual.

 

[MrsDDD]

Hey MrsDDD, can’t you borrow a dress from someone? My sister borrowed her Confirmation dress to a friend that was short on money as a wedding dress (it was white). The wedding was really simple but she was beautiful in that white dress. =)
I’m just saying this because I know that for a lot of women the wedding day is usually the one they remember the most and it would be nice to remember you using a wonderful dress.

Congratulations on the marriage by the way.

Thanks so much for the comment! I can’t borrow a dress as my friends and I are not the same size and I dress much more conservatively… Would it be lovely to wear a simple white dress? Sure. But we can’t afford it. So my only options are the dresses I listed.

 

[MrsDDD]

Congratulations on your convalidation. As for as the stipend, give what you can, or give more over a period of time. A convalidation is can be very simple, the min. number attending is 5, the bride and groom, maid of honor, best man and the presisder priest of deacon. What you were should just be appropriate for the ceremony. White is used because it is a sign of our baptism and it can be casual.

**Thanks for the comment/ well wishes! White isn’t a requirement, right? **

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

**Thanks for the comment/ well wishes! White isn’t a requirement, right? **

NO it is not, and was not even traditional till the last 200 years. I would avoid Red but other that that as long as it is appropriate for Church then it will be fine. Congratulations on Gods bless be upon you.

As to what to give the Priest What you can afford will be great the amount you mentioned is quite good. And the gift for the deacon that is standing up with your Husband is also veru much sufficient.

 

[corsair]

No, white is not a requirement ( its more traditional), however, in your case perhaps a light blue or most any pastel works fine. Friends of ours did the same thing a few years ago for just about the same reasons. The bride wore a peach colored knee-length dress.

Oh, Congratulations!

 

[Joe_5859]

Congrats!

Of course, the most important thing is that you are getting your marriage convalidated in the Church. The rest are just details.

Yes, white is the tradition nowadays, but it’s not a requirement. So don’t feel the least bit bad about not going that route.

What is appropriate for the stipend can vary greatly from place to place (depending upon the economic situation and demographic of the surrounding area). Personally, if the priest told me not to worry about it, I wouldn’t worry about it. But I think $50 is plenty if you want to go that route. Perhaps he would appreciate a homemade coffee cake instead. I know I would!

God bless!

 

[Leticia]

just an fyi

2007 Clarification of Apostolic Signatura:
if a marriage of Catholic(s) is not valid, is it invalid? Or: is it non-existent?
Signatura (and recent Rotal jurisprudence): Non-Existent.

What to do now?

Catholics married outside canonical form (civil or non-Catholic rite) who approach the Church to regularize their union do not convalidate their marriage (in the sense of canon 1160) but contract marriage.

Do not call it a “blessing” of their marriage in the Church. Stop calling it a “convalidation”. :bigyikes: Do tell couples it is a celebration of marriage in the Church. :thumbsup:When both parties are baptized, it is a celebration of the sacrament of marriage.

Radical Sanation continues to be an option.

 

[FAB]

just an fyi

2007 Clarification of Apostolic Signatura:
if a marriage of Catholic(s) is not valid, is it invalid? Or: is it non-existent?
Signatura (and recent Rotal jurisprudence): Non-Existent.

What to do now?

Catholics married outside canonical form (civil or non-Catholic rite) who approach the Church to regularize their union do not convalidate their marriage (in the sense of canon 1160) but contract marriage.

Do not call it a “blessing” of their marriage in the Church. Stop calling it a “convalidation”. :bigyikes: Do tell couples it is a celebration of marriage in the Church. :thumbsup:When both parties are baptized, it is a celebration of the sacrament of marriage.

Radical Sanation continues to be an option.

Just FYI, even a non sacramental marriage, i.e. civil union, it is still refered to as a convalidation. The reason is that they do have a valid union based on civil law, but it true, the Church does not see them as being married until through the sacrament of marraige is making it permenant union in the eyes of the Church. We don’t ingnor the civil union since the church requires a copy of the civil marraige license before the ceremony can be performed.
We run into this with folks from Mexico were the state does not recognize a church wedding as being valid and couples must first be married by the state. Often they do not go the second step by having the marraige convalidated by the Church. We do many of these years later.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

Do not call it a “blessing” of their marriage in the Church. Stop calling it a “convalidation”. :bigyikes:
:

I will gladly stop calling a convalidation, when the Church stops calling it that. However per the Vatican website in the Code of cannon Law, It is called canovalidation.
vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P46.HTM

CHAPTER X.

THE CONVALIDATION OF MARRIAGE

Art. 1.

SIMPLE CONVALIDATION

Can. 1156 §1. To convalidate a marriage which is invalid because of a diriment impediment, it is required that the impediment ceases or is dispensed and that at least the party conscious of the impediment renews consent.

you can go to the above link to read all of it.

 

[puzzleannie]

congratulations
there are no rules on what to wear, how formal this has to be, or how you celebrate after the ceremony
anything appropriate to wear to church is fine so there is no need for extra expense unless you want to buy a new dress
you only need the standard two witnesses, but anyone is welcome to attend

you can everything from 2 witness on up to 12 bridesmaids or anything in between.

the donation is what you can afford, unless the parish has its own rules
the homemade coffee cake is a very sweet idea, too

a white wedding dress is only a fairly recent cultural custom, and there is not and nevr has been any Church rule about it

it will be over 100 degrees here on the Feast of the Assumption (lovely day for a wedding) so a cotton dress would be very appropriate. if you think it too strappy for church you can always were a shrug or shawl while in the church.

 

[puzzleannie]

just an fyi

2007 Clarification of Apostolic Signatura:
if a marriage of Catholic(s) is not valid, is it invalid? Or: is it non-existent?
Signatura (and recent Rotal jurisprudence): Non-Existent.

What to do now?

Catholics married outside canonical form (civil or non-Catholic rite) who approach the Church to regularize their union do not convalidate their marriage (in the sense of canon 1160) but contract marriage.

Do not call it a “blessing” of their marriage in the Church. Stop calling it a “convalidation”. Do tell couples it is a celebration of marriage in the Church. When both parties are baptized, it is a celebration of the sacrament of marriage.

Radical Sanation continues to be an option.

why do people keep bringing up sanation in convalidation threads? not the topic

yes OP is right to use the word her priest does, convalidation.

why do you insist on throwing in irrelevant information to her question which can only add to stress?

 

[Spirithound]

We were thinking a prayer enrollment card with about $50 in it? That’s a lot of money for us but I know it’s not as much as he would normally get. Do you think our small donation will offend him?

We can’t afford to give the Deacon much but we really want to let him know that we appreciate his willingness to be a witness at our ceremony. So I thought maybe a prayer enrollment card and a homemade coffeecake?

I have a nice fabric black dress or a turquoise sun dress.

All of these things are fine. Congratulations and God bless you.

 

[quiet52]

I’ve attended Convalidations where the bride just wears a simple dress she might wear during Sunday Mass.
The most important thing to wear is the joy of our Lord.
Congratulations!

 

[Jesus_123]

+Congratulations on the upcoming convalidation of your marriage! Your cool cotton dress sounds perfect for a warm summer day’s celebration . . . and the coffee cake gift for the Deacon is a . . . delightfully . . . thoughtful idea . . .

*May God’s gracious blessings of joy and peace be with you all on this special day . . . *

. . . all for Jesus+
. . . thank you Holy Mother Church+​

 

[MrsDDD]

Thank you so much for the (mostly) positive replies and well wishes I very much appreciate most of the advice given and I feel more at ease.

 

[Cider]

If you are unsure what is customary at your parish regarding a gift for the priest I would suggest asking the parish secretary, they know that stuff.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

just an fyi

2007 Clarification of Apostolic Signatura:
if a marriage of Catholic(s) is not valid, is it invalid? Or: is it non-existent?
Signatura (and recent Rotal jurisprudence): Non-Existent.

What to do now?

Catholics married outside canonical form (civil or non-Catholic rite) who approach the Church to regularize their union do not convalidate their marriage (in the sense of canon 1160) but contract marriage.

Do not call it a “blessing” of their marriage in the Church. Stop calling it a “convalidation”. :bigyikes: Do tell couples it is a celebration of marriage in the Church. :thumbsup:When both parties are baptized, it is a celebration of the sacrament of marriage.

Radical Sanation continues to be an option.

What a silly point to raise. Talk about splitting hairs

When the Church grants a decree of nullity then it is saying that what the community witnessed as as a wedding took place but no marriage happened. So how do you differentiate between invalid and non-existent in this context?

The Church provides for convalidation.

It should also be remembered that decisions of Catholic Church tribunals do not set judicial precedent that most common law jurisdictions have.

 

[Faith1960]

Hi Everyone

I have a few questions about the covalidation ceremony.

My husband and I got married in JOP ceremony, just over two years ago. We didn’t have any witnesses besides the judge and court reporter. We were engaged and had planned to marry in the Church but I suddenly lost my job in a non-profit and I had a serious illness so health insurance was very much needed. I love my husband and I truly consider us married. However, we have both felt the need to get married in the Church. So a few months ago we contacted our parish Priest and are having our marriage validated on the Feast of the Assumption.

Our family will not be attending for various reasons but mostly because they live on the other side of the country. I have a good friend from college coming and a local friend. The Deacon in the parish is going to be my husbands witness. The ceremony will be held in the side chapel. We will be having a simple dinner at our home and invited the Priest/Deacon. We would have loved to invite a few more people but chose not to because we couldn’t afford host a bigger meal. I’m making everything for the meal.

Before we scheduled the ceremony, I asked the Priest what the required donation was, he said not to worry about it. But I would still like to give him something because he took the time to meet with us and prepare us. We were thinking a prayer enrollment card with about $50 in it? That’s a lot of money for us but I know it’s not as much as he would normally get. Do you think our small donation will offend him?

We can’t afford to give the Deacon much but we really want to let him know that we appreciate his willingness to be a witness at our ceremony. So I thought maybe a prayer enrollment card and a homemade coffeecake?

Lastly, it was more important to us to spend our budget on the church related stuff then on a dress/make up/ etc. So I only have two options for what to wear to the ceremony. I have a nice fabric black dress or a turquoise sun dress. Either dress I will wear a sweater with and I am leaning towards the sun dress because it’s a good color on me and has good coverage (just past my knees, no deep V) but it’s not an expensive fabric. I didn’t ask specifically about my dress but the priest said it could be anything Church appropriate, fancy was not required by the Church. Do you think a cotton dress is too casual?

Thanks so much for your help!

I just wanted to congratulate you and your husband! My husband and I were married in our county courthouse in 1985, then had our marriage validated/convalidated/blessed/or whatever one wants to call it, five years ago.

Fifty dollars and a prayer enrollment card is perfectly fine, your Priest won’t be offended in the least. Ditto for a prayer enrollment card and coffee cake for your Deacon.

As for the dress, just wear whichever dress you prefer. I wore an olive green tank top covered with an ivory colored crochet sweater and a long (just below my knees) green skirt. I also carried flowers.