Conversion and loneliness

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jpjd said:
The loneliness isn’t unique to converts or single people. I am married with two kids and I sometimes feel what I call “spiritual loneliness”. My husband is not Catholic although he does support me and our kids in our faith. But I feel lonely in that I don’t have him to share my faith with. I would love to have conversations about faith experiences, or discussions on the meaning of a certain passage in the Bible, or shared prayer.

!
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Im in the same boat 🙂 And as my girls get older I keep thinking about when they are gone and I have to go to Mass alone:(. I guess its just one of the many crosses I have to carry:) I’ll deal…as long as Im getting to go to Mass:thumbsup:
 
“The community of believers was of one heart and mind, and no one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they had everything in common.” (Acts 4:32)

How far we have strayed from the original believer’s community values. I guess the closest thing today would be to become part of a priest order, monk order, or sister order.

I really think that it is not enough to just go to Mass once a week. We need to get involved in our community. Christ calls us to evangelize and bring people into his flock. Bible studies and prayer meetings are necessary for the building up of faith and community. And, we also need to evangelize those around us and bring them into the church.

If we are single Christ calls us to die to ourselves, forsaking our own needs, for the sake of his gospel, in order to help someone else. In helping others Christ will meet our own needs.
 
cat3gs said:
Im in the same boat 🙂 And as my girls get older I keep thinking about when they are gone and I have to go to Mass alone:(. I guess its just one of the many crosses I have to carry:) I’ll deal…as long as Im getting to go to Mass:thumbsup:
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When your children are grown you may want to look into some groups in your parish for women, or even in a neighboring parish. There are various activities available such as Ladies Society, Rosary Groups, Bible studies, etc. When you find community in your Church, then going to Mass alone does not make you feel lonely.
 
4EverHis said:
Hi, I wasn’t sure which forum to put this…

I converted to Catholicism last Easter and am VERY glad I did. I’ve been attending the same parish for a while… this Sunday, I visited another parish in my area just to see what it’s like. I really liked the Mass, the priest, the homily, etc… but there is one thing that was brought to my attention that sort of bothers me now. I’m not sure how to describe it… ever since I started attending a Catholic church, I’ve been going there for God…just to spend time with Him, to pray, the receive the Sacraments… I don’t go there to socialize although I have some friends at my parish. And I never felt lonely. But this Sunday, I realized that everyone else is either with family, or has a family or their own (spouse, kids). I’m single, but I’m a student and live with my parents still. They aren’t Catholic so I go to church alone. For some reason, I just felt so lonely all of a sudden - not while I was at the Mass, but afterwards, thinking about it. It seemed like for everyone else, it was a celebration to be there, and for me, I had no one to share it with… however I have to say that when I’m just focusing on God, I never feel this way, - I don’t think it’s possible to feel lonely when you’ve just received Jesus in the Eucharist 😉

but have any of you who are converts ever experienced something like this? how do you deal with your family not being Catholic?
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Trust me - you are not alone. I am the only one in my entire family and the only one among my friends who goes to church - period. It takes a while, but you begin to fit in over time. Ask God to take away the lonliness you are experiencing and then get ready to be busy. I ended up with the most precious goddaughter you could ever imagine. Her parents do not attend mass, but allow me to take my responsibilty to raise her in the church very seriously. Her baptism and first communion were days so full of joy and blessings they cannot be described. Until He answers your prayers, it wouldn’t hurt to bake some cookies and sit near the family with the most kids. May God bless you and may He continue to make you a blessing in the lives of others.
 
I’m also a convert, although I’m still in the process, and I sometimes feel the same things you do. My family’s situation is complicated…I didn’t lose any religious fellowship with my parents. They’re Christian but do not attend a church often. I went to an evangelical church with my older sister occasionally, but she lived in her own house with her own family so I never really “celebrated” there afterwards with her. But now I’m converting, and my friend from school is also converting, we celebrate during and afterwards together.

I reccomend talking to people in your parish, and getting to know them. You may even find a new seat and start “celebrating” with them before you know it. 😃
 
DustinS said:
I’m also a convert, although I’m still in the process, and I sometimes feel the same things you do. My family’s situation is complicated…I didn’t lose any religious fellowship with my parents. They’re Christian but do not attend a church often. I went to an evangelical church with my older sister occasionally, but she lived in her own house with her own family so I never really “celebrated” there afterwards with her. But now I’m converting, and my friend from school is also converting, we celebrate during and afterwards together.

I reccomend talking to people in your parish, and getting to know them. You may even find a new seat and start “celebrating” with them before you know it. 😃
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Good advice DustinS ! The Lord never makes it impossible for us to find new community in Christ when we convert. And, at the same time you learn to love and appreciate other Christians who are not of the mind to convert. The love of Christ that shines through you will tell them something.

Advent blessings to you!
 
Try to get involved. I attended a renewal weekend at my parish, and before you know it I had 10 brothers I never had before, and it kept growing from there. Now I feel like I know half of my parish.
 
These posts break my heart that we still do not know how to welcome the stranger. Perhaps I can add something to the pot. I was there, and in many ways still am after 28 years in the Church, I have even written a book on my experience which, I believe, I am not allowed to share here but I mention it to demonstrate how badly I felt at being so alone amongst so many. It’s a yearning from within that helpful activities and devotions cannot fill.

I believe the hunger is a call from Jesus to be join to him through his members, not only to be joined to the Church, or directly to Jesus himself through Mass and the inner journey, but through others. We need him in his humanity as well as his Divinity. That’s where he most needs us, too. We Catholics are family oriented and believe we serve by taking care of our families. We have not understood that our family has to be part of the greater good, the family of God, and by serving there all are served.

I believe it is time we tried again to form small communities, as suggested by Vatican II, within the Church structure, There is a terrible lonliness in the world, and in the Church, and we are going to need each other in very deep, practical and spiritual ways as time goes by. We know the darkness forces alienation and division, and will do so more and more, as we prepare our hearts to meet the Lord. Coming together for fellowship in our homes, to talk, to learn to open up to others, to allow the healing grace of Jesus in relationships and to share the authentic truth of our lives that will bring the peace, love and joy of the Holy Spirit that accompanies us all our days.

I have eight people lined up to join with me in such an endeavor, Catholics all, beginning this December. May our little community grow and expand so no one is left out ever again and be a blessing to the community at large. A brand new Catholic can just as easily speak of the pain and joys of her life in Christ as can a cradle Catholic. We just need a place to do it and some mature leaders to initiate it, or a pastor to suggest it. Mary, Mother of God, gather your children together!
Allelujiah, the best is yet to come!
 
If your parish is doing Why Catholic?, that might be a good place to find a small group, even if, as a convert, you already know quite well why you are Catholic.

I am also a big fan of daily Mass. You will slowly become one of the group even if you never say a word, and if it’s in the early morning, there is likely a group that goes out to breakfast and you could join them. If you’re shy, just eat and listen 😉
 
I can understand what you are going through.

I always attend Mass alone (wih some special exceptions). I’m a much older single and male and there’s really not too many people in my category in my entire parish. I’ve been going long enough to feel at home but it’s not easy to get to know people. I even heard two ladies talking as they walked out after Mass to say that they didn’t know who anyone was. A lot of the family groups I’ve noticed don’t know other family groups… so I dont feel that I am missing out terribly. It was much the same when I was a kid, most family groups didn’t know the others. We go to Mass because we love God, so until you gradually get to know others, don’t let ‘being alone’ get you down.

I wanted to become a Secular Third Order Franciscan, so joined the local fraternity in a neighbouring parish. That turned out to be ‘instant family’. I’m in the process of volunteering for duties within my parish - there are lots of things they want you for: preparing the church for mass, cleaning, reading the scriptures, altar server, ministry for the sick and elderly, being parts of groups - lectio divina, rosary, teaching scripture to school children and so on.

But, you know what? I found that it’s actually a distraction to attend Mass with a friend. It takes away from the closeness you can develop with Christ and concentration on the processes of the Mass.
 
I’m the last of my relatives that goes to mass, or any church for that matter, so know what you mean there. I’ve also experienced a lot of it when I attended protestant services, yet the latter, received a warmer welcome and was remembered, yet it all remained during the time I’m physically at the building, the same with the people I meet at Mass.

I plan upon getting more involved with this new parish, so far the people at this particular one seems to be friendlier then the ones at the old, and many other things it has over the old, I have found my home. I still find myself praying there during the weekdays often, alone, and praying after Mass, alone, and these times are just between God and myself, yet still, would be nice to see others sticking around and showing their dedication in that manner. You all here that feel the same way on the lonelyness, understand that you are very much getting the point along keeping your focus on our Lord while you are there, there are too many times where the whole family is there in being and not in spirit, who is the one that is alone at mass indeed…
 
I’m single, a recent convert and quite shy and so settling in to a parish and making myself known to others was a difficult prospect for me. I’d never been part of a church community before this year and I was at first rather apprehensive - I imagined all sorts of unwritten points of etiquette I might contravene!

However, I think it’s hard to be a Christian on one’s own - we are a community religion, a Church. When I made the decision to become a Christian, I knew I had to attend church and, not just that I had to get to know people. I made myself go to the tea and coffee session in the church hall after Mass each Sunday - I felt terribly awkward standing there, clutching my cup and saucer defensively the first couple of times, but someone always came to my rescue when I looked a bit lost and lonely, and talked to me. I’ve also joined a couple of the parish groups - a Bible Study group and a theology group.

Everyone has been so very friendly to me, once I gave them a chance, but I had to bite the bullet and make myself known first!
 
crenfro said:
I’ve experienced a lot of rejection in my life and have felt utterly desolate at Mass. Once a woman pulled her kid away from me (I’m a woman, by the way) during the handshake of peace, I didn’t know what I did for her to do that, but I went home in tears, feeling very lonely. Seen and experienced other similar things to this during Mass too.
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Reading this almost had me in tears, too. How sad. I’m sorry. Not being Catholic (YET!), I can tell you that things like this also happen in other churches. To you and the OP, I would say to stay focused on why you go to church, and to not pay any heed to what others do (as hard as it may be at times). As long as WE go to church for the right reasons, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter so much why other people go to church. We will just continue to let our lights shine…

Hang in there!

Joe
 
Dorothy said:
When your children are grown you may want to look into some groups in your parish for women, or even in a neighboring parish. There are various activities available such as Ladies Society, Rosary Groups, Bible studies, etc. When you find community in your Church, then going to Mass alone does not make you feel lonely.
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Thank you. I am involved with the school and know MANY people at the church. Its just the idea of sitting alone in a pew with no family to share Mass with. I know Mass isnt about who you are sitting with, and Im fine being alone…got no problem there…I LIKE to be alone. Sometimes I even prefer to be alone at Mass. I would just like to be able to share Mass with my husband.
 
cat3gs said:
Thank you. I am involved with the school and know MANY people at the church. Its just the idea of sitting alone in a pew with no family to share Mass with. I know Mass isnt about who you are sitting with, and Im fine being alone…got no problem there…I LIKE to be alone. Sometimes I even prefer to be alone at Mass. I would just like to be able to share Mass with my husband.
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My wife felt the same way about me. Keep praying that Christ will stir his heart. Keep being a good witness, telling him how peaceful you feel, etc., because you go to Mass and experience Jesus. It may take years.

Regards

Fdesales
 
I’m a convert and I’m a single male in my 30’s. People look at me funny when they see me sitting by myself. Apparently, when you’re a single male in your 30’s, the first thing people assume about you is that you’re homosexual. I’ve actually had people come up to me, after realizing that I’m a new member of the parish, and pop questions trying to determine if I’m gay. I’m not exaggerating either; these conversations have really happened!

So, I know what it’s like to be lonely at Mass! I just concentrate on why I’m there and offer up any insecurities.
 
damooster said:
I’m a convert and I’m a single male in my 30’s. People look at me funny when they see me sitting by myself. Apparently, when you’re a single male in your 30’s, the first thing people assume about you is that you’re homosexual. I’ve actually had people come up to me, after realizing that I’m a new member of the parish, and pop questions trying to determine if I’m gay. I’m not exaggerating either; these conversations have really happened!

So, I know what it’s like to be lonely at Mass! I just concentrate on why I’m there and offer up any insecurities.
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Haha, I have to chuckle about this. People do make assumptions about others. I’m a single male in my late 20’s and I do have same sex attraction (though hoping that God wills marriage for me at some point), so I apologize for contributing to this problem 🙂

Loneliness at Mass can be very common, but I try to remember the words of Fr. Benedict Groeschel, who would ask us to use our loneliness as an occasion to rely solely on God. It can actually be a blessing in some ways to have only God to turn to.
 
You have touched on an important issue for me.

I’m a recent convert adult, my wife and children, while supportive, have not joined me in crossing the Tiber, and I don’t know if they ever will.

I longed for, and continue to long for, the sacraments and enjoy Mass and adoration immensely. But often, when “alone” at Mass (my family only joins me rarely), I do cry - there is a sense of lonliness and I admire the families that worship together (and have joy for them), but it makes me pine for the day when/if my family will join me.

The feeling of lonliness is exacerbated by the foil between the typical Catholic parish/Mass experience (where we all come to Mass and quickly depart) and the pentacostal/evangelical experience I came from where most parishners arrive early and stay late and socialize creating support for those who might be worshipping without family.

I pray about it and realize it may be my cross to bare.

Blessings

Brian
 
I’m the first Catholic in my family for 4 generations, so I’m alone among my family in my faith. Initially they were very skeptical and quite shocked, understandably; many Protestants are ignorant of what us Catholics truly believe. Now they’re mostly indifferent, but they accept that I am Catholic.

But, that’s beside the point of this topic, I suppose. I never feel quite lonely at Mass, partially because I’m either sitting with friends and their families (I knew MANY people at my parish before I converted), or I’m alone and just used to being the “lone wolf,” so to speak. But, being only 16, us teenage guys around here tend to be more used to going it alone. However, I am among friends that I see walking in or out of the parish, and I am always greeted warmly.

Just get to know a person or two, and soon a or 2 becomes 5, 5 becomes 10, and things keep growing… We grow in faith together, not just alone. 🙂
 
Shiranui117, I commend your position, especially at such a young age. Mar our Lord always guide you and our blessed Mother lead you closer to his Sacred Heart.
 
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