If you are a cradle Catholic then the chances you wouldn’t have an adiquate knowlege base to not be personally fully liable are deminished. I do recongnize there are house holds out there (I wouldn’t be supprised at any number of them) where they are technically Catholic but the formation of the childeren was so dreadful that they couldn’t be held liable for not knowing. So there maybe you have some debate, if you grew up in a house hold where you never even went to Church.
In my youth conversion it wasn’t that I didn’t seek truth, it was that the so called truth was not consistent and seeing and experiencing some of the harsh responses without true Church teaching to back it up really through me into a whorl wind. Though I was a seminarian, I experienced all kinds of heresies and the fact that some seminarians and some priests stepped over the line in ways of abusive behavior broke my faith in the validity of the Church being the Church. The ecclesial community I broke off to was guilty of proselytizing me in my youth. They planted their seed of truth that they were the church and so the Catholic Church’s teaching had a very difficult time competing with what I had assumed to be true already.
My first communion was only when I was 14. My confirmation preparation was so pathetic that I only had maybe 2 classes. I was very embarrassed because of my age, 17 compared to most of the other kids being much younger in my mind. The seminary assumed I knew certain things and why not? No one can blame the seminary for what I didn’t know. My formation was extremely poor. My Catholic father was never around and what he taught me was also not consistent with Catholic teaching, not to mention he didn’t seem to follow moral teaching. All I saw was hypocrisy and a system that really didn’t work.
All of this lack of being brought up in a practicing Christian home, much less Catholic, really hurt my faith. I begged God to help me find the truth. Up until I met my wife’s family I had to inclination to jump ship. But her church claimed to be the real church and that the Catholic Church hijacked the one true church, which is what many Protestant faiths perpetuate. Though I believed this to be true I held onto certain beliefs I knew to be true.
Some of these things I thought were true, however, were really misguided. For one I believed that if a Church was real it had to be fruitful and that the leadership must truly be holy. In my thinking, because of my experiences, how could a leadership be holy if it swept cases of abuse under the carpet. Further, accepting that they have to be pastoral not only to the abused but also the abuser, how could they be holy if then they did not offer pastoral help to the abused, but rather seemed to be trying to simply cover it up.
It took 9 years from the time I was abused to the time my faith in the Catholic Church broke. At that point I begged God to help me find the real Church if any really existed. It was not mere pride, though it did have something to do with it, but rather my brothers, by sisters, my fathers, my family all caused me to stumble. Growing up in a predominantly anti-Catholic home along with dissenting Catholics did not help my case.
I was the only practicing faithful Catholic in the family other than my grandparents, who did not express much in helping me. I believe they lived holy lives. Except I know my grandpa was abusive when he was younger and my grandmother held a grudge against her father for abandoning her mom and them. I later discovered more about her situation that I sort of understood why the man left her mom. No one wants to live with a bitter woman that slams you all the time.
Anyway, Being the only practicing Catholic struggling to avoid what my heart told me was right and wrong because no one seemed to want to help me at that time I made decisions that ultimately led to misunderstandings. People were lying about the Church changing its position on various issues. My thoughts were who gives any man the right to change what Christ had given us. Thought Peter may have been the first among equals [note: the emphasis on equals here] then no one, including the man called the pope has the authority to change it.
Since this thinking I’ve learned much and now understand which part of this is true and which isn’t. So to continue, most of my life was spent in the midst, living with, anti-Catholic teaching, some was even on the Catholics. Thus maybe invincible ignorance was in my favor.
THANK GOD!!! I kept seeking truth in spite the fact I defected to the churches of Christ, who proselytized me in my youth. They have very similar beliefs as Catholics on several important points. Weekly communion, works, baptism, divorce, claim to be the one true church founded by Christ, etc. Their slant on historical facts seemed to jibe with what they claimed. However, it took me years of bible study that kept producing deeper and deeper questions that finally made evident that their claim was no more or less than the Catholic Church and that they also had example issue problems, leaders failing to be holy.
So then where do I go from here. At this time my wife, convalidated later, was very anti-Catholic and I thought that maybe the Orthodox Church might be the true Church.