Conversion - Mother is very "anti"

[fenwench]

Hi there, I’m not sure if this is the right place to go or not but here goes anyway.

I’m 18 and living in the UK (it is the age of majority) but currently Anglican. I’ve felt drawn to the Catholic Church over a period of years, with a lot of my school work directing me into investigating it’s History, which I find fascinating. I plan to study more about the English Reformation on my History degree course with time. I’m also involved in some missionary work in my home town with some Catholic friends, and feel better connected with them than I ever was with Anglicanism. I still sing as a chorister in the Anglican church, and this is my only reason for staying. I leave for University in September, and I know the Holy Spirit is telling me I will leave the Church then as well.

My parents don’t attend any church, I came to Jesus by myself, with the aid of a friend, but they very much profess to be Anglican also. I disagree strongly. Over the last two months, they’ve noticed my increasing interest in Catholicism and started preaching against it, with what, I believe is the subsequent result of 500 years of the English catholic witch-hunt following the Reformation. I’m now feeling more and more uncomfortable, largely due to my mothers hostility and thinking I will soon need to start hiding the books while I live at home. This includes my Missal, Catholicism for Dummies, two Bibles and a book on the Saints. Also a pile of library books and notes from my RCIA classes. I have spoken with my parish Priest about this, and he agrees that keeping this away from their faces is the best way to combat the problem. He’s well aware, I am not lying to them and I still attend Anglican services as well (in case they check up, which I’m sure they will do at some stage).

I think my Mother sees it as a deliberate attack upon her. My grandfather was formerly married to a Catholic lady and in my mothers words “Bloody hated Catholics”. He was an utter atheist, yet I heard her say over the phone to my Grandma (about my interest in the RC church) that he would be “Rolling in his grave if he thought she was a Catholic” and said to my face “Your grandfather would be absolutely disgusted”. This hurt me quite a lot, as I was very close to him and one of my reasons for finding Christ was seeing him slowly ebb away without any hope or faith for the best part of a year. I’ve tried to keep my head down since then, but she’s still trying to manipulate me into hating Catholicism, using arguments such as the following.

• “They’re too powerful and there’s no democracy. They’re committing evil deeds as no one can control the power of the Church”
• “They’ve got too much power over peoples lives. It’s not right they send women to hell for having babies or using birth control or procuring abortions”
• “Those evil irish nuns and priests abusing those innocent children - how is that right?”
• “They’re a cult”
• “The priests are paedophiles and it’s a massive cover up”
• “They’ve ruined the african states, made AIDS spread even further and missionaries are making peoples lives even more miserable”
• “They only like you if you’re not gay - they’re homophobic and send you to hell for being gay”

It’s distressing me quite a lot, and I know I’ll have to tell the Father about this before my next RCIA class. The African question is very sensitive, as our parish priest was a Comboni Missionary, and is by blood, Kenyan.

I know, in my heart, continuing RCIA is what I need to do. But my mother in particular is causing me to feel guilty and bad about it. I’m trying so hard not to deceive her - I know if I said outright “I’m converting” I could be disowned or shouted at for something that is my decision and my choice. By time I will be received (Easter 2010), I shall have moved out to Uni.

I just really don’t know how to solve this unnecessary conflict with a half hearted Agnostic!

God Bless and thanks for reading

 

[1ke]

Your mother is running on pure emotion and bigotry. You know, of course, none of this is based in fact at all. I don’t know that you need to discuss her particular comments against the Church with the priest-- I don’t know what purpose that serves.

I don’t believe reasoning with her is possible. I think your priest is right that you just need to keep from putting it out in front of her to keep peace in the household. Just smile and walk away.

You are 18 and you can make decisions for yourself. Your mother is unlikely to like all of them-- and quite possibly will like very few of them. She may dislike your choice of job, religion, spouse, residence, etc. So, as an adult you will have to start making decisions for yourself despite your mother’s disapproval.

There is nothing to feel guilty about. Your mother is the one that should feel guilty, depsite accusing the Church of being powerful and coercive, it is she who is right now. So, just keep going about your business. She seems to be operating from a cultural standpoint-- prejudice against Catholics is ingrained in England and has been for hundreds of years. You are “Anglican” because that is synonymous with “British” and to be “other” is a turning of your back on your heritage. Obviously she doens’t even really believe in the Anglican religion or practice it but it is so important that you NOT be Catholic that she’s putting up a fuss. This is quite sad, and there’s really no solution. It’s bigotry, hatred, and it’s motivated by blind hatred of the Faith.

Regarding the long term consequences, you may very well have to choose between your family and your faith. Or at least be prepared for a long period of malcontent. I hope you will choose Christ in all things.

Two good books for you to read are by Hilaire Belloc-- Characters of the Reformation and How The Reformation Happened.

 

[fenwench]

There is nothing to feel guilty about. Your mother is the one that should feel guilty, depsite accusing the Church of being powerful and coercive, it is she who is right now. So, just keep going about your business. She seems to be operating from a cultural standpoint-- prejudice against Catholics is ingrained in England and has been for hundreds of years. You are “Anglican” because that is synonymous with “British” and to be “other” is a turning of your back on your heritage. Obviously she doens’t even really believe in the Anglican religion or practice it but it is so important that you NOT be Catholic that she’s putting up a fuss. This is quite sad, and there’s really no solution. It’s bigotry, hatred, and it’s motivated by blind hatred of the Faith.

Regarding the long term consequences, you may very well have to choose between your family and your faith. Or at least be prepared for a long period of malcontent. I hope you will choose Christ in all things.

Two good books for you to read are by Hilaire Belloc-- Characters of the Reformation and How The Reformation Happened.

Yes, I agree. I’ve studied the Reformation in quite some depth, out of self interest and as school work. As I’ve learned, the hatred came largely from the rise of Puritanism, the Dissolution of the Monasteries, the Marian Persecutions and the Popish Plot. Catholics were victimised then and it seems they still are today.

I really don’t want to totally break with my family, but we’re estranged in religion already anyway. In hindsight, there’s not much division left to do. It’s the emotional blackmail and bigotry that I really could do without: not a pleasant atmosphere to be in.

The way I may also see it, is my Mother could see the Church as pushing me into the faith . And accuse my Priest of coercing me into “evil” if she learnt of my conversion. Which is why, I feel I may need to keep it hidden and still attend her annual once-a-year church visit which is an Anglican Midnight Mass as well as Weddings etc.

I’m headed to Walsingham with my Priest and two members of the Parish he wishes me to meet, so hopefully Our Lady can promulgate some divine guidance.

 

[Kay_Cee]

Fenwench:

First of all, welcome!!!

My grandfather was formerly married to a Catholic lady and in my mothers words “Bloody hated Catholics”. He was an utter atheist, yet I heard her say over the phone to my Grandma (about my interest in the RC church) that he would be “Rolling in his grave if he thought she was a Catholic” and said to my face “Your grandfather would be absolutely disgusted”. This hurt me quite a lot, as I was very close to him and one of my reasons for finding Christ was seeing him slowly ebb away without any hope or faith for the best part of a year.

Perhaps it would help to look at it this way: your grandfather can now see the truth of the matter. If he’s in heaven (and we certainly hope he is!) he is cheering on your decision to draw closer to God through the Catholic Church.

My suggestion is that you do not argue with your mother. As the Commandment says, you are to honor her. Instead of arguing, allow her to see the fruits of your decision. Become more prayerful and more saintly in your daily life. Be joyful! Perhaps your mother will then re-evaluate her prejudices against Catholicism.

Please also remember there are many here at the forum to provide help should you need any.

God bless you in your journey!

 

[fenwench]

Fenwench:

First of all, welcome!!!

Perhaps it would help to look at it this way: your grandfather can now see the truth of the matter. If he’s in heaven (and we certainly hope he is!) he is cheering on your decision to draw closer to God through the Catholic Church.

My suggestion is that you do not argue with your mother.** As the Commandment says, you are to honor her. Instead of arguing, allow her to see the fruits of your decision. **Become more prayerful and more saintly in your daily life. Be joyful! Perhaps your mother will then re-evaluate her prejudices against Catholicism.

Please also remember there are many here at the forum to provide help should you need any.

God bless you in your journey!

I’m trying very hard not to. the situation has improved slightly. Earlier when I asked “why can’t I convert?” she said “Because you’re part of this family and Baptised and Confirmed C of E”. I pointed out my conversion would have little effect, as we don’t collectively worship anyway. She then conceded that she “Didn’t want me to do something I’d regret my whole life, and become miserable from the restrictions”. This then led to me saying I’m reading a lot into it, and my research is thorough. I have no pressure from a priest or others - so there’s nothing to worry about. She left me with little fuss after this. I think she is beginning to see I can make good decisions myself, at last!

Thanks for the offers of support on here. I’m very luck, I’m sure to have it from you readers and the members of the Catholic Parish who are helping me.

 

[VociMike]

Perhaps reading what fellow Englishman, and former Anglican turned Catholic, John Henry Newman wrote about the condition of Catholics in England will help you understand the situation you are in:

newmanreader.org/works/england/index.html

Here is a telling passage from that article:

If you would have some direct downright proof that Catholicism is what Protestants make it to be, something which will come up to the mark, you must lie; else you will not get beyond feeble suspicions, which may be right, but may be wrong. Hence Protestants are obliged to cut their ninth commandment out of their Decalogue. “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour” must go, must disappear; their position requires the sacrifice. The substance, the force, the edge of their Tradition is slander…To Protestantism False Witness is the principle of propagation. There are indeed able men who can make a striking case out of anything or nothing, as great painters give a meaning and a unity to the commonest bush, and pond, and paling and stile: genius can do without facts, as well as create them; but few possess the gift. Taking things as they are, and judging of them by the long run, one may securely say, that the anti-Catholic Tradition could not be kept alive, would die of exhaustion, without a continual supply of fable.

 

[Zamudio]

Hi there, I’m not sure if this is the right place to go or not but here goes anyway.

I’m 18 and living in the UK (it is the age of majority) but currently Anglican. I’ve felt drawn to the Catholic Church over a period of years, with a lot of my school work directing me into investigating it’s History, which I find fascinating. I plan to study more about the English Reformation on my History degree course with time. I’m also involved in some missionary work in my home town with some Catholic friends, and feel better connected with them than I ever was with Anglicanism. I still sing as a chorister in the Anglican church, and this is my only reason for staying. I leave for University in September, and I know the Holy Spirit is telling me I will leave the Church then as well.

My parents don’t attend any church, I came to Jesus by myself, with the aid of a friend, but they very much profess to be Anglican also. I disagree strongly. Over the last two months, they’ve noticed my increasing interest in Catholicism and started preaching against it, with what, I believe is the subsequent result of 500 years of the English catholic witch-hunt following the Reformation. I’m now feeling more and more uncomfortable, largely due to my mothers hostility and thinking I will soon need to start hiding the books while I live at home. This includes my Missal, Catholicism for Dummies, two Bibles and a book on the Saints. Also a pile of library books and notes from my RCIA classes. I have spoken with my parish Priest about this, and he agrees that keeping this away from their faces is the best way to combat the problem. He’s well aware, I am not lying to them and I still attend Anglican services as well (in case they check up, which I’m sure they will do at some stage).

I think my Mother sees it as a deliberate attack upon her. My grandfather was formerly married to a Catholic lady and in my mothers words “Bloody hated Catholics”. He was an utter atheist, yet I heard her say over the phone to my Grandma (about my interest in the RC church) that he would be “Rolling in his grave if he thought she was a Catholic” and said to my face “Your grandfather would be absolutely disgusted”. This hurt me quite a lot, as I was very close to him and one of my reasons for finding Christ was seeing him slowly ebb away without any hope or faith for the best part of a year. I’ve tried to keep my head down since then, but she’s still trying to manipulate me into hating Catholicism, using arguments such as the following.

• “They’re too powerful and there’s no democracy. They’re committing evil deeds as no one can control the power of the Church”
• “They’ve got too much power over peoples lives. It’s not right they send women to hell for having babies or using birth control or procuring abortions”
• “Those evil irish nuns and priests abusing those innocent children - how is that right?”
• “They’re a cult”
• “The priests are paedophiles and it’s a massive cover up”
• “They’ve ruined the african states, made AIDS spread even further and missionaries are making peoples lives even more miserable”
• “They only like you if you’re not gay - they’re homophobic and send you to hell for being gay”

It’s distressing me quite a lot, and I know I’ll have to tell the Father about this before my next RCIA class. The African question is very sensitive, as our parish priest was a Comboni Missionary, and is by blood, Kenyan.

I know, in my heart, continuing RCIA is what I need to do. But my mother in particular is causing me to feel guilty and bad about it. I’m trying so hard not to deceive her - I know if I said outright “I’m converting” I could be disowned or shouted at for something that is my decision and my choice. By time I will be received (Easter 2010), I shall have moved out to Uni.

I just really don’t know how to solve this unnecessary conflict with a half hearted Agnostic!

God Bless and thanks for reading

Take strength from the knowledge that I have faced almost exactly the same situation successfully. It sounded like a case of identity theft when I read your post because it is almost exactly the same as my own story about a year ago to the last detail.

If you need help then PM me, I would be happy to share my thoughts and feelings with you.

God bless
Zamudio

 

[fenwench]

Take strength from the knowledge that I have faced almost exactly the same situation successfully. It sounded like a case of identity theft when I read your post because it is almost exactly the same as my own story about a year ago to the last detail.

If you need help then PM me, I would be happy to share my thoughts and feelings with you.

God bless
Zamudio

That is very reassuring, thank you. I do hope she will come to terms with it and realise it’s not a half hearted decision.