Convert kids and Sacrament questions

[graceandglory]

My teenagers are Catholic converts from evangelicalism. They know their Catholic faith pretty well for their young age, they were just baptized 2 years ago.

Their questions relate to attending Mass, and especially attending the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

First question:
Mom and Dad are divorced and they spend 3 weekends per month with their dad who is decidedly NOT Catholic. At the age of 14, are they required to attend Mass on Sundays? They really want to, but short of going to Court, that isn’t going to be possible.

Next question:
If Catholic mom can only take the kids to Mass once a month, what happens when the kids want to go to Confession, and they can’t go at the scheduled Confession times?

 

[Phemie]

If they CAN’T get to Mass there is no obligation for them to do so. We see the same thing often with some of our kids who are preparing for the sacraments, they often miss the preparation on the week that they are with the non-believing parent. You can’t hold that against the child and you work around it.

As for reconciliation, speak to your priest and see if you can arrange a time. Usually confession can be by appointment and it’s not rare for me to get a phone call from a parishioner wanting to schedule one.

All I usually ask of someone who wants to see Fr. is “May I know what it’s about?” to help me decide if it MUST be scheduled ‘tonight’ or can wait until next week but sometimes I get the call “I’d like to make sure Fr. is available for confession tonight?”
Then I call him and say "Could you make sure you come to church early?

 

[1ke]

The first thing to do is to inform your pastor of the situation and make arrangements for confession time for your kids if they need it.

Regarding Mass, if they cannot go then there is no obligation-- a 14 year old cannot get themselves to Mass as they cannot drive.

However, they can ask their dad to take them and drop them off/pick them up-- that’s what I used to do when I was a kid (my dad was non-religious and I wanted to go to church, I was Episcopalian).

They should at least ask and if he says “no” then they tried.

Also, do they live close enough to where you could pick them up for Mass and drop them back off?

As for court, usually the courts will listen to those 14 and up-- and if they will insist on being taken to the Catholic Church for Mass, then perhaps that is worth going back to court for.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

My teenagers are Catholic converts from evangelicalism. They know their Catholic faith pretty well for their young age, they were just baptized 2 years ago.

Their questions relate to attending Mass, and especially attending the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

First question:
Mom and Dad are divorced and they spend 3 weekends per month with their dad who is decidedly NOT Catholic. At the age of 14, are they required to attend Mass on Sundays? They really want to, but short of going to Court, that isn’t going to be possible. Not if they can’t get there, as others told you. If Dad is prohibiting them from practicing their chosen faith all together in his presence- and as teens they had to choose to be Catholic- 1ke is right that it might be worth going to court. Perhaps Dad could be given a week night for visitation as an incentive.

They can at least ask their dad every Saturday evening or Sunday morning they are there, to be dropped off and picked up. If they can walk or bike to Mass on a Sunday morning while Dad is at the evangelical church, that’s another idea. Shoot, used bikes to keep at Dad’s are not a bad idea, either! I got my bike at Goodwill for $19.99. They could also be used to run errands, take rides with Dad, etc. If he insists on their attendance at the evangelical church on Sunday morning, perhaps they could go to Mass on Saturday evening or Sunday evening.

Next question:
If Catholic mom can only take the kids to Mass once a month, what happens when the kids want to go to Confession, and they can’t go at the scheduled Confession times? An appointment is made with the priest. And this is just a suggestion: If your ex insists that the kids can’t go to Mass his weekends, even though they are not obligated, it might be nice to wake up early one weekday morning and attend Mass as a family, if available. The weekday Masses are much shorter than weekend, and they bring home the Real Presence in a very basic way. Young people need the grace that Mass gives, and with a dad who is definitely not Catholic, it might help strengthen their resolve to remain Catholic. If you don’t have daily Mass at your home parish, look at other parishes in the area. We have them here in other parishes as early as 6 AM.

 

[graceandglory]

However, they can ask their dad to take them and drop them off/pick them up…
.

They should at least ask and if he says “no” then they tried.
.
.

Also, do they live close enough to where you could pick them up for Mass and drop them back off?.

Thank you 1ke,
these are all really great ideas. I will have them read this thread, and see the responses. These answers make it seem not so impossible.

It’s not a convenient “on the way” place where he lives, but I would go out of my way to take them to a Catholic Church local to him, if it were permitted.

We can always ask…which is what we haven’t tried …yet.
Thanks!

 

[graceandglory]

As for reconciliation, speak to your priest and see if you can arrange a time. Usually confession can be by appointment and it’s not rare for me to get a phone call from a parishioner wanting to schedule one.

All I usually ask of someone who wants to see Fr. is “May I know what it’s about?” to help me decide if it MUST be scheduled ‘tonight’ or can wait until next week

I guess that’s the problem with a scheduled confession, there is no anonymity. But I will call around and see if that can be done.
Thanks!

 

[graceandglory]

I really appreciate my boys’ honesty last night, when one of them said, “I just haven’t really been thinking about my sins lately.”
And his brother felt the same way.

St. Monica, pray for us.

 

[Phemie]

I guess that’s the problem with a scheduled confession, there is no anonymity. But I will call around and see if that can be done.
Thanks!

It’s funny, I brought up anonymity at the conference I was attending on Friday and every priest there seemed surprised that anyone would want that – one even argued that a priest couldn’t properly counsel you in confession if he didn’t know you. I pointed out that Canon Law guarantees me anonymity.

BTW, if the person tells me they’d rather not tell me why they want to see Fr. I’ll schedule them in the first available slot – I have no idea what it’s about. Usually someone who wants to get married will tell me that and then I can tell them how soon they need to see him and what he needs from them when they do. Anything else is really NOMB.

OTOH, sometimes they want to see Fr or speak to Fr for something that is mine to do (i.e. certificates, Mass requests, baptism scheduling,etc.) which is why I ask.

 

[graceandglory]

1ke is right that it might be worth going to court. Perhaps Dad could be given a week night for visitation as an incentive.

That’s what we are thinking. I have recently learned that my state has the most liberal “parenting plans” in the state. Short of attempted rape or murder, all divorces end in “joint custody.”

As I was so concerned about holding onto custody of my kids back then, I didn’t pay attention to the seemingly small details like religious decisions. Parental responsibility for religious decisions CAN BE stipulated in the courts, but I didn’t make it happen.

A reasonable trade would be a Sunday for weeknight.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[graceandglory]

It’s funny, I brought up anonymity at the conference I was attending on Friday and every priest there seemed surprised that anyone would want that – one even argued that a priest couldn’t properly counsel you in confession if he didn’t know you. ** I pointed out that Canon Law guarantees me anonymity**…

Phew! I could just about see us all lined up ready to talk… during the homily… Yikes!