Converting and family issues - really need some input!

[ianjmatt]

OK - complex issue here that I would appreciate some guidance on, so forgive the extended explanation! For background - I am from the UK and my wife is South African - we live in the UK.

I was converted at an independent Charismatic church, and met my future wife (and her family) who came from the Open Brethren. We married 17 years ago and we have been on something of a journey, ending up in the Church of England and embracing a more sacramental and apostolic understanding. I have been drawn to Catholicism for many years (especially after I was befriended by a wonderful Capuchin Friar when in my early 20’s), but never quite made that jump.

I am somewhat ahead of my wife in the journey towards Rome (forgive the shorthand!), and with her blessing I will probably start the RCIA next month at a nearby Parish. However, my wife isn’t ready to do this yet, and our kids are very resistant. Our eldest - 14 year old daughter - is really only just hanging on to faith and we want to support her just to keep her somewhat connected for now. Also, our youngest two - boys aged 11 and 6 - want to stay at our current church where all their friends are.

My wife’s expectation is that I can convert, attend a weekly mass but still lead the spiritual direction in our home by attending church with them - it would be catastrophic to the kids continued involvement with Church if I was to abandon them.

I would appreciate your thoughts on how I navigate this.

 

[snarflemike]

Especially given that your wife is not resisting your conversion, I’d say you should definitely enter the Catholic Church and live your life as a good and practicing Catholic. At the same time you should attend the worship of your wife and children, and look for opportunities (without being preachy - not easy) to explain Catholic teaching and, especially, authority, in relation to what they are living now.

 

[dchezik]

I find it interesting that you seem to be making a decision based on the feelings of your family, rather than what is true. If it was important to your family that you believe the earth is flat, would you “convert” just because of what they want? Could you say the world is flat just to not offend them? Is your religion just a matter what it is most convenient for you? I don’t understand how people can just switch beliefs just based on what important people in their lives believe.

I became an atheist because I no longer found my religion plausible. My family and my friends tried to convert me back but I just couldn’t believe that stuff any more. I’m sure my sainted mother would roll over in her grave if she knew what I believed now – but I can’t believe in something that I don’t think is true!

Can you just sit down and say, “Ok, from now on, I’m going to believe this?” I sure can’t!

 

[snarflemike]

BTW, you could give your kids a good Catholic bible (RSV Catholic Edition is IMO the best) and let them see that Catholics revere and believe in the bible too. They might even notice those “extra” books at some point, and ask you about them.

 

[oldschoolguy]

I find it interesting that you seem to be making a decision based on the feelings of your family, rather than what is true. If it was important to your family that you believe the earth is flat, would you “convert” just because of what they want? Could you say the world is flat just to not offend them? Is your religion just a matter what it is most convenient for you? I don’t understand how people can just switch beliefs just based on what important people in their lives believe.

I became an atheist because I no longer found my religion plausible. My family and my friends tried to convert me back but I just couldn’t believe that stuff any more. I’m sure my sainted mother would roll over in her grave if she knew what I believed now – but I can’t believe in something that I don’t think is true!

Can you just sit down and say, “Ok, from now on, I’m going to believe this?” I sure can’t!

I completely agree with your first paragraph…As for the second one, just the sun coming up every morning is your answer to what the truth is…

 

[ianjmatt]

I find it interesting that you seem to be making a decision based on the feelings of your family, rather than what is true. If it was important to your family that you believe the earth is flat, would you “convert” just because of what they want? Could you say the world is flat just to not offend them? Is your religion just a matter what it is most convenient for you? I don’t understand how people can just switch beliefs just based on what important people in their lives believe.

I became an atheist because I no longer found my religion plausible. My family and my friends tried to convert me back but I just couldn’t believe that stuff any more. I’m sure my sainted mother would roll over in her grave if she knew what I believed now – but I can’t believe in something that I don’t think is true!

Can you just sit down and say, “Ok, from now on, I’m going to believe this?” I sure can’t!

You miss my point - I am converting to Catholicism out of conviction, but need to be mindful of my family’s needs.

 

[Semper_Zelare]

RCIA as a rule has no strings attached. Just because you go to RCIA, there is absolutely no pressure to convert (because people are spiritually in different places). Keeping this in mind, why don’t you tell this to your family and see if they would go to RCIA with you?

At the very least they’ll at least understand a lot more about the Catholic faith, and the things which are drawing you to it. Plus, it would shift the burden off of you for having to explain everything about this decision in your life… and onto people that are trained and very well versed in teaching the Catholic faith.

In my RCIA classes we had atheists come, non-Christians, Protestants, all sorts of people; and most of them just came a few times to learn. Only 16 people of about 100 people total actually converted/ got confirmed.

 

[Catholic1954]

OK - complex issue here that I would appreciate some guidance on, so forgive the extended explanation! For background - I am from the UK and my wife is South African - we live in the UK.

I was converted at an independent Charismatic church, and met my future wife (and her family) who came from the Open Brethren. We married 17 years ago and we have been on something of a journey, ending up in the Church of England and embracing a more sacramental and apostolic understanding. I have been drawn to Catholicism for many years (especially after I was befriended by a wonderful Capuchin Friar when in my early 20’s), but never quite made that jump.

I am somewhat ahead of my wife in the journey towards Rome (forgive the shorthand!), and with her blessing I will probably start the RCIA next month at a nearby Parish. However, my wife isn’t ready to do this yet, and our kids are very resistant. Our eldest - 14 year old daughter - is really only just hanging on to faith and we want to support her just to keep her somewhat connected for now. Also, our youngest two - boys aged 11 and 6 - want to stay at our current church where all their friends are.

My wife’s expectation is that I can convert, attend a weekly mass but still lead the spiritual direction in our home by attending church with them - it would be catastrophic to the kids continued involvement with Church if I was to abandon them.

I would appreciate your thoughts on how I navigate this.

This plan sounds like a good start. As the head of your household you lead by example; learn all you can about the faith and be ready to give an explanation whenever you are asked. Forcing your kids out of their church at their ages would be a mistake, it would confuse them and it might just turn them off to religion for years to come. Include your wife as much as possible, and as much as she is willing, in your parish activities and RCIA process; hopefully, she will soon come around, and having her on board will go a long way to bringing in your children. If you can get a copy, you might want to read, “Rome Sweet Home” by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. Scott converted long before his wife, Kimberly (who was openly hostile to the Catholic Church), but with patience, respect and a little help from the Holy Spirit and Our Lady, they were able to work it out and now they have one, happy, Catholic family! Welcome Home!

 

[ianjmatt]

Thanks for all your help - I appreciate it. Your prayers over the coming months would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Contarini]

Thanks for all your help - I appreciate it. Your prayers over the coming months would be greatly appreciated.

I’m in a very similar situation. I’ve put off becoming Catholic for years in part because of my family circumstances. Like you, I worry not only about dividing myself from my spouse but also about the possible effect of this disunion on my children’s faith.

 

[yukonbrad]

OK - complex issue here that I would appreciate some guidance on, so forgive the extended explanation! For background - I am from the UK and my wife is South African - we live in the UK.

I was converted at an independent Charismatic church, and met my future wife (and her family) who came from the Open Brethren. We married 17 years ago and we have been on something of a journey, ending up in the Church of England and embracing a more sacramental and apostolic understanding. I have been drawn to Catholicism for many years (especially after I was befriended by a wonderful Capuchin Friar when in my early 20’s), but never quite made that jump.

I am somewhat ahead of my wife in the journey towards Rome (forgive the shorthand!), and with her blessing I will probably start the RCIA next month at a nearby Parish. However, my wife isn’t ready to do this yet, and our kids are very resistant. Our eldest - 14 year old daughter - is really only just hanging on to faith and we want to support her just to keep her somewhat connected for now. Also, our youngest two - boys aged 11 and 6 - want to stay at our current church where all their friends are.

My wife’s expectation is that I can convert, attend a weekly mass but still lead the spiritual direction in our home by attending church with them - it would be catastrophic to the kids continued involvement with Church if I was to abandon them.

I would appreciate your thoughts on how I navigate this.

Don’t put off your own conversion if this is truly the path you wish to take. Certianly you may attend services with your family but perhaps suggest they also attend with you if only to understand what you believe (alternate Sundays may be an option as well). It may be a busy Sunday but I know a couple up here, she is Catholic and he is Anglican and they attend each others services and it has helped them grow together as a couple.

 

[steve_b]

OK - complex issue here that I would appreciate some guidance on, so forgive the extended explanation! For background - I am from the UK and my wife is South African - we live in the UK.

I was converted at an independent Charismatic church, and met my future wife (and her family) who came from the Open Brethren. We married 17 years ago and we have been on something of a journey, ending up in the Church of England and embracing a more sacramental and apostolic understanding. I have been drawn to Catholicism for many years (especially after I was befriended by a wonderful Capuchin Friar when in my early 20’s), but never quite made that jump.

I am somewhat ahead of my wife in the journey towards Rome (forgive the shorthand!), and with her blessing I will probably start the RCIA next month at a nearby Parish. However, my wife isn’t ready to do this yet, and our kids are very resistant. Our eldest - 14 year old daughter - is really only just hanging on to faith and we want to support her just to keep her somewhat connected for now. Also, our youngest two - boys aged 11 and 6 - want to stay at our current church where all their friends are.

My wife’s expectation is that I can convert, attend a weekly mass but still lead the spiritual direction in our home by attending church with them - it would be catastrophic to the kids continued involvement with Church if I was to abandon them.

I would appreciate your thoughts on how I navigate this.

Be patient with your family. Being an example, and living out your faith in love, is a far better evangelizing agent than words. Persue RCIA and put your family in the arms of the Blessed Mother. Let her do her work in them. She will bring them to her son’s Church too. Be patient

 

[pablope]

This plan sounds like a good start. As the head of your household you lead by example; learn all you can about the faith and be ready to give an explanation whenever you are asked. Forcing your kids out of their church at their ages would be a mistake, it would confuse them and it might just turn them off to religion for years to come. Include your wife as much as possible, and as much as she is willing, in your parish activities and RCIA process; hopefully, she will soon come around, and having her on board will go a long way to bringing in your children. If you can get a copy, you might want to read, “Rome Sweet Home” by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. Scott converted long before his wife, Kimberly (who was openly hostile to the Catholic Church), but with patience, respect and a little help from the Holy Spirit and Our Lady, they were able to work it out and now they have one, happy, Catholic family! Welcome Home!

And this…RCIA as a rule has no strings attached. Just because you go to RCIA, there is absolutely no pressure to convert (because people are spiritually in different places). Keeping this in mind, why don’t you tell this to your family and see if they would go to RCIA with you?

At the very least they’ll at least understand a lot more about the Catholic faith, and the things which are drawing you to it. Plus, it would shift the burden off of you for having to explain everything about this decision in your life… and onto people that are trained and very well versed in teaching the Catholic faith

Invite your wife to RCIA…that way she learns as you learn. Your wife does not have to commit, RCIA is a learning process.

Also, as you go with RCIA, and just a suggestion, see if your kids are willing to join classes for kids in your parish, I think it is called CCD…or something similar…where they can also learn the Catholic Faith, with others their age.

And one more thing, you will be the best example to your wife and kids in how it is to be a catholic…they will look after you.

Another suggestion…is you may look into attending the Saturday vigil mass…with your wife and family or by yourself.

God bless on your journey.