Converting for boyfriend or self

[bvkling]

Hello! I have been dating a cradle Catholic (how he terms himself, I’m sorry if that is at all offensive) for a while now and we are fairly sure we are on the road to engagement. It is still quite early, but the discussions about the future have been going on for some time now. He is incredibly sweet and has not once brought up the idea of me converting to Catholicism (I am nondenominational Christian), but has invited me to mass on many occasions (now a weekly tradition).

Once I started to go to mass, I was intrigued and started looking into the Catholic faith and the conversion process. Only after that - without me telling him - did my boyfriend have a serious discussion with me about how he wanted to marry a Catholic woman and raise his children Catholic.

I started RCIA of my own accord simply to learn more about the traditions and theology of the Catholic Church. Given that, though, I do have the option of converting this Easter, or any Easter after that.

One of my largest qualms about converting is whether I am doing it for me or for my boyfriend. I have an innate interest in the faith itself and am having a wonderful time in my RCIA class. I do not feel pressured whatsoever by my boyfriend to convert. But I want this to be for me and not for him or his family.

My question is, was anyone else in this boat? What did you do to decide to convert or not? How do I finally come to the conclusion whether the conversion is for me? Thank you!

 

[Odilon]

When my wife and I met she was a Lutheran and I a Catholic. Sometimes we would go to her church and sometimes to mine. We married civilly and a few years later completely out of the blue she said she wanted to come into the Catholic Church. She said she was drawn to the church because of the liturgy and Mother Mary (she was a mother herself and felt a kinship with her). Needless to say I was very happy, we remarried in the church and for the last 22 years we have placed God first and then ourselves to each other.

My advice is don’t rush into the Catholic Church because of your boyfriend - you must have a sincere conversion beforehand.

 

[St.Bede]

Once I started to go to mass, I was intrigued and started looking into the Catholic faith and the conversion process.

There you go. What you’ve stated above is a strong sign that the Holy Spirit is calling you into the Catholic faith.

Rest assured, I’ll be praying for your smooth conversion. GOD bless!

 

[Beryllos]

Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums!

I am not in the same boat, so I can’t answer your question directly, but I wanted to suggest adding another choice: Converting for boyfriend, self, or God. (Or maybe all three.) It is important to include God in your decision-making process, and there are a few ways to look at this:

First, faith is a gift from God. Your faith began as a little seed, created and planted by God (Matthew 13). You can respond to it, cultivate it, embrace it, but don’t worry that you have to do it all by your own power. God’s grace is at work in you.

Second, look to God for guidance. In prayer, ask for help, ask for direction, ask for truth and wisdom, and be patient in your discernment (1 Kings 19:11-13).

Third, choose your way not just for yourself, but also for God. If you choose the Catholic Church, let it be an expression of your love for God. (Deuteronomy 6:5 and 1 Corinthians 13)

I will be praying for you!

 

[whatistrue]

How do I finally come to the conclusion whether the conversion is for me?

Just my opinion, but I think it likely that you are doing it for yourself. This is based on the fact that you were intrigued and investigated without any prompting from your boyfriend. Of course only you can really decide, but that is my $0.02. As far as how to make sure? Ask yourself, and be brutally honest, whether you would still convert if your boyfriend were not in the picture.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

But I want this to be for me and not for him or his family.

I haven’t had this experience of converting within marriage, but I’d like to offer some other advice.

I get where you’re coming from here, about wanting any possible conversion to be for you. It’s something important and it shouldn’t simply be for the purpose of making your future fiancé happy. After all, you’re not even engaged yet.

If you do get married then there is nothing wrong with converting for the sake of your spouse. Once married, a Catholic is supposed to sacrifice for their spouse. And with you being married to a Catholic, he could also make a sacrifice for you if you decide not to convert.

On a more practical, dare I say prudent, level. You can let him and his family think that you are doing it mostly for them. What a sacrifice you’re making for him!

 

[JanetF]

Once I started to go to mass, I was intrigued and started looking into the Catholic faith and the conversion process. Only after that - without me telling him - did my boyfriend have a serious discussion with me about how he wanted to marry a Catholic woman and raise his children Catholic.

There’s your answer. You were moved prior to knowing his feelings. This is the Holy Spirit working in you!

 

[TheLittleLady]

The Holy Spirit draws people through many different paths. Be open and listen to Him!

Very much do this out of love for God.

 

[JoeShlabotnik]

Life is a bit easier for married couples who are both Catholic. But it really should be your choice, if you do or do not, convert to Catholicism.
At one time, converting was mandatory.
Hopefully, you are becoming Catholic because You want to become a Catholic.

 

[steve-b]

Hello! I have been dating a cradle Catholic (how he terms himself, I’m sorry if that is at all offensive) for a while now and we are fairly sure we are on the road to engagement. It is still quite early, but the discussions about the future have been going on for some time now. He is incredibly sweet and has not once brought up the idea of me converting to Catholicism (I am nondenominational Christian), but has invited me to mass on many occasions (now a weekly tradition).

Once I started to go to mass, I was intrigued and started looking into the Catholic faith and the conversion process. Only after that - without me telling him - did my boyfriend have a serious discussion with me about how he wanted to marry a Catholic woman and raise his children Catholic.

I started RCIA of my own accord simply to learn more about the traditions and theology of the Catholic Church. Given that, though, I do have the option of converting this Easter, or any Easter after that.

One of my largest qualms about converting is whether I am doing it for me or for my boyfriend. I have an innate interest in the faith itself and am having a wonderful time in my RCIA class. I do not feel pressured whatsoever by my boyfriend to convert. But I want this to be for me and not for him or his family.

You’ve said all the right things. No one is pressuring you… As it should always…be.

bvkling:

My question is, was anyone else in this boat? What did you do to decide to convert or not? How do I finally come to the conclusion whether the conversion is for me? Thank you!

Your story is mine only told from the other side.

I’m cradle Catholic, My wife wasn’t Catholic. For 20+ yrs of marriage, she remained non-Catholic. That was 25 yrs ago. She went to mass with me every Sunday. But no pressure to convert from anyone. Then one day after 20+ yrs of marriage, she said I’m ready to become Catholic. To which I said, what’s your hurry? Okay okay, I have an absurd side to me AND we like to laugh

Cutting to the chase, This would have never happened, in the first place, had she been anti Catholic in any way which obviously she wasn’t. As I say it now, when asked, we’ve been dating for 50 yrs, married for 48 of them. AND she is a fantastic Catholic.

Since you are already in RCIA, you’re way ahead of where we were at this stage. All I can say as a word of encouragement, enjoy the journey.

 

[Convert3]

I’m a bit older and my story a bit complex, but to keep it short, I married a Catholic girl twenty years ago and three years ago I was in RCIA. I was also not under any pressure and decided to convert on my own. It’s the best decision I ever made! Welcome!

 

[Lazybones]

C_D ^ basically took the words out of my mouth…would you still be interested if bf wasn’t your bf?

It doesn’t sound like you’re doing this to please him or ‘hook’ him but you know yourself better than i do.

 

[Swiftdove]

Hi!
I can say; I was in a similar boat as you. Here’s my story in a nutshell. I met my now-husband on 3/21 of 2017. He was a convert; found the church after studying history of Christianity. I was not even Christian; not raised with the faith but always believed, prayed and had a relationship with God. He too invited me to mass; we studied together and formed values. We both knew we wanted to be married very early on, and I knew I wanted to join the church. There was not one teaching that I didn’t agree with. It is truly home. I too went through RCIA and was baptized and confirmed on Easter 2018 and we were married in July 2018! I love the Universal Church. and my husband! Life is not a piece of cake but I’m so thankful we have the sacraments of reconciliation and especially the most blessed Sacrament of the altar. Jesus gives us himself <3 <3 <3 Puts himself in our hands. what a beautiful gift. I hope this helps? God bless you.
Amber

 

[jzea1992]

As a young woman I would never convert for a guy. Joining a religion is a big decision and should be genuine and from the heart, for yourself.

 

[steve-b]

As a young woman I would never convert for a guy. Joining a religion is a big decision and should be genuine and from the heart, for yourself.

True

AND if there are potential seekers of the Catholic faith reading this, and would like more information, may I add the following information for your journey… I stress only If interested. otherwise skip the following

When Paul , getting to the bottom line for why we believe what we do, he said very simply

Paraphrasing
1 Corinthians 15:13-23
if Jesus did not rise from the dead, our preaching is nonsense, and we are the biggest fools on the planet.

Since that was NOT the case

one asks, OK, now what?​

the book of Acts says this about the only Church that is there, instituted by Jesus, that the apostles are building everywhere…

Acts 9:31 the church throughout all ἐκκλησία καθ’ ὅλης τῆς

Translation:
ἐκκλησία (ecclesia) = church ,
καθ’ (kata)= according to ,
ὅλης (holos)= whole / all / complete / universal ,
τῆς (ho)= the ,
= the Kataholos Church = the Catholic Church.

OK, interesting, so where is that name actually written in literature?​

1st century, example.
Ignatius, Bishop of Antioch, was bishop and served from ~69 a.d. to ~107 a.d. till he was thrown to the lions in the coliseum, ordained by the apostles, and direct disciple of St John. Re: names like "Christian, and “Church”, It was in Antioch where the disciples were first called Christian Acts 11:26 and we see above in Acts, where “Church” is described.

Ignatius in his writings uses both “Christian”, in (ch 2) and Catholic Church in (ch 8) in his Epistle to the Smyrnæans. He also writes schismatics (from the Catholic Church) won’t be going to heaven, from his Epistle to the Philadelphians (ch 3). Since Ignatius was a first century Early Church Father (ECF) and was ordained by the apostles, and was a direct disciple of St John, we have the answer to where those names come from, and the consequences for those sins he describes.

I add that snippet of history for lookers, and potential future Catholics, who might be interested.

 

[Justin_Mary]

Ignorance is bliss.

I was born to a Catholic woman with a difficult life. & to a Baptist father who didn’t believe. Thankfully his mother & aunt were devout.

I was baptized in the Church but instructed in the Baptist tradition.

I married a Catholic woman from a Catholic family. I experienced the love of God in a very real way through her & her family. I decided to become fully Catholic & have never regretted that decision.

Looking back on the last 28 years of marriage I can see the hand of God in our lives & the truth of Catholic doctrine.

I wouldn’t say I converted for my wife, nor for me, but for the grace of Our Heavenly Father Who never ceases to call us to Him.

Life is a journey. A journey best traveled with Our Lord Jesus Christ. Thanks be to God!!!