Converting my new husband

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carolinaguzman

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My husband and I have been together for approximately 5 years now but married for less than one. We have not yet married through the church because he is not catholic (he is a non practicing baptist) and currently has no intentions of converting. I
have talked to him about it and even convinced him to come with me to mass every once in a while but I have had no luck. He is not necessarily against my being catholic but does not want to change his religion.
Whenever I confront him about it (in a non-aggressive manner) he pulls the “what makes your religion better than mine?” card and even after I explain all I know to be wonderful about being catholic to him, it doesn’t seem to be enough for him to want to look further into it.
I’m not sure where to go from here or even where to really begin. I myself have always been catholic and so it is extremely difficult for me to continue to make plans for both ourselves or even a family in the future if my husband does not share my same beliefs.
Am I in the wrong to think that.

Please help. I have been trying to work through this issue for a long time with no luck.
 
Not unsympathetic, here, as I’m in a mixed marriage. However, you did marry this man knowing his feelings. It seems unfair that you are having such angst because he won’t convert just because it’s become more important to you now.

I think this is a matter for living as an example and loving prayer, being appreciative that your own continuing conversion isn’t causing tension in your marriage. The specific plans you should be making, IMHO, include how to be increasingly faithful in your own right and have your marriage addressed. Please see a priest about that.

Additionally, you are going to need to work out (eventually) how to raise children as Catholics with this husband. Antagonizing him isn’t going to help, but appealing to him to help you might.

Blessings,
V
 
The Scott and Kimberly Hahn story might be helpful.

Scott, after he had converted to Catholism, was set on helping his wife convert. Being a theologian he approached the work of her conversion with logic, facts, well ordered argument…no joy, no success.

Friends of his in Opus Dei helped him reconsider his approach: turn up the romance, be more helpful around the house, be a better friend, give up on your preferences, be more cheerful, help more with the children…in short become a better husband by putting her happiness totally first…and forget yourself.

It took work and time and patience…all which led to more virtue for Scott and a better marriage, and eventually her conversion.

I think he and she have written this up in one of their many books.
 
carolinaguzman said:
We have not yet married through the church because he is not catholic (he is a non practicing baptist) and currently has no intentions of converting.
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There is no need for him to become Catholic in order for you to bring your marriage into the Church. Talk with your pastor about convalidating your marriage. This will enable you to return to the sacraments.
Whenever I confront him about it (in a non-aggressive manner) he pulls the “what makes your religion better than mine?” card and even after I explain all I know to be wonderful about being catholic to him, it doesn’t seem to be enough for him to want to look further into it.
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Why would you confront him about his religion? You knew he was not Catholic when you married him but you chose to do so anyway. What has changed in the time you’ve been married so that this is an issue now but wasn’t earlier?
I’m not sure where to go from here or even where to really begin.
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You accept him as he is and pray for him.

In the meantime, see about having your marriage convalidated so that you can practice your Catholic faith. Hopefully the joy that comes from that will have an influence on your husband.
 
Yeah don’t push it. Just pray lots for conversion and instead of trying to explain being a Catholic, just live it and he will begin to see. God is on your side with converting him!
 
If he is not a Christian (I assume that’s what you mean by non-practicing) and not Catholic, you choose to date him and continue on to marriage. If your Catholic faith was that important to you in choosing a spouse, how is it that this relationship went past the dating period? I’m not trying to be mean but rather trying to understand what was going through your mind.

You are not gaining anything by making him come to Mass with you just for him to sit there and look at his watch and think about the game he’s missing or that he could be doing something much more productive. Let him know you would love for him to join you and to let you know when he feels like it. When the Holy Spirit works on his heart, he’ll be more open. If you twist his arm, it will be counter productive.

I hope you pursue strengthening your own faith and visit us often with your questions. Marriage and family life is when the faith really gains in meaning and gives strength to those who ask.
 
Edward_H said:
The Scott and Kimberly Hahn story might be helpful.

Scott, after he had converted to Catholism, was set on helping his wife convert. Being a theologian he approached the work of her conversion with logic, facts, well ordered argument…no joy, no success.

Friends of his in Opus Dei helped him reconsider his approach: turn up the romance, be more helpful around the house, be a better friend, give up on your preferences, be more cheerful, help more with the children…in short become a better husband by putting her happiness totally first…and forget yourself.

It took work and time and patience…all which led to more virtue for Scott and a better marriage, and eventually her conversion.

I think he and she have written this up in one of their many books.
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👍 That, and prayer would probably be some of the most persuasive means to try to convert someone.
 
carolinaguzman said:
My husband and I have been together for approximately 5 years now but married for less than one. We have not yet married through the church because he is not catholic (he is a non practicing baptist) and currently has no intentions of converting. I
have talked to him about it and even convinced him to come with me to mass every once in a while but I have had no luck. He is not necessarily against my being catholic but does not want to change his religion.
Whenever I confront him about it (in a non-aggressive manner) he pulls the “what makes your religion better than mine?” card and even after I explain all I know to be wonderful about being catholic to him, it doesn’t seem to be enough for him to want to look further into it.
I’m not sure where to go from here or even where to really begin. I myself have always been catholic and so it is extremely difficult for me to continue to make plans for both ourselves or even a family in the future if my husband does not share my same beliefs.
Am I in the wrong to think that.

Please help. I have been trying to work through this issue for a long time with no luck.
Click to expand...
Thank you to everyone that replied so far but let me give you all a bit more info on my situation.
I was raised by a fairly strict catholic family and all my life I have brought up thinking that I had to marry a catholic not only because it’s preferred in the church, but also because it would be easier and better when raising a family.
I met my husband when I joined the military and began to date him knowing that he was of a different religion but with the hope that he might one day convert into Catholicism so that we could in fact get married some day. I didn’t think it would be a big deal being as he is not a practicing baptist. He has never been against my beliefs and in fact shares some of them, and that is one of the reasons why I ask him to come to mass with me. Hoping that hearing the word of God might light a spark of curiosity in him that would inspire him to want more.
We are both in the military and because of our ever changing life style, we had to obtain a civil marriage in order to stay together and continue our relationship. Again, it was not forced being as we both wanted to be together anyway and we had been together for so long before the marriage.
I believe that he is the one for me and being as we have been together for so long now and we are wanting to start a family, I would like to get married through the church but with both of us being catholic.
I am fully aware that the church allows Catholics to marry non-Catholics but I just don’t feel comfortable with that.

Like I said before, I am not pressuring him in any way to come to mass with me or to convert against his will. The reason I posted this was because I’m not exactly sure what I could say to him to change his mind about the church and possibly get him to convert.

Wether or not he does end up being catholic will not stop me from loving him and praying for him like I do on a regular basis.

Thank you again for your (name removed by moderator)uts :o
 
One thing should be very clear to all Christians and non-Christians that we don’t convert anyone. I t comes from an encounter with Jesus Christ, it is personal. it is salvation. Jesus is the way, the truth and the light. It is the gift of Faith merited for us by Jesus Christ. It not a matter of logic, good example, study or the result of any human effort so that nobody can take the credit for what Jesus alone won for us, Salvation.
As a Catholic it is possible with all your education and training, that you are not completely converted. Its true you are an adopted child of God by Baptism, and you have been indoctrinated, but have you assimilated all you were taught, especially do you really have a personal love for Jesus in an intimate way? Is your life centered around Him? Do we humble ourselves before Him by feeling remorse for our failures and sins? Do we turn to Him and ask Him forgiveness and for His Holy Spirit to lead us in life? Do we practice what He teaches? Is religion a matter of convenience? Were you actually taught all the Jesus taught. We can advise, we can give good example and we can teach, and we should do all these things, but it does not convert. We our selves need to be Evangelized, receive the “Good News” that Jesus is God-man and Saviour came to Redeem the world. As for your husband I am surprise that as a non-practicing Baptist he should still know this truth because it is one of their most fundamental beliefs. It seems before some turn to Jesus that sometimes they have to experience a humbling event to take place. Jesus gives grace to the humble and resists the proud It predisposes them to receive grace. Pray that you both receive this grace and live a holy, and loving, and joyful married life, without Christ its impossible. I see too many divorces, and broken families, and lonely children. God bless both of you, and I pray for you. 🙂
 
Baptists and Catholics have completely different relationships with their church. There are a lot of cultural differences that your husband will have to overcome and accept as his own if he were to convert.

I went to mass a few times with my boyfriend (now husband) when we started dating and, quite frankly, I wasn’t feeling it, nor did I really get what was going on. He tried to explain, but at the time, it was just too different.

I was the “Baptist” and he was the “Catholic.” I converted last Easter. 😎 However, he never pressured me.

Unless your husband has specific ideas about how he wants to raise the kids, in terms of religion, then realize that it’s going to be up to you to teach them faith - regardless of whether he’s a Catholic or not. I’m the one who goes to mass and makes sure that the kid gets catechized. My husband just “doesn’t care one way or the other.” (Ugh!) Religion just isn’t a big deal to him.
  1. Be Patient. 2) Pray - a lot. 3) Allow the Holy Spirit to work in his life - sometimes we have to be quiet and just allow Him to work in our lives. 4) Guys find it a lot easier to talk to guys about these sorts of things. Find him a good Catholic guy to hang out with and so that person can answer his questions.
 
Pope Francis has spoken about the absurdity of proselytizing a person. The Popes have said that the Church grows by attraction (not by our attempts to convert) to a soul’s charismatic qualities, by a life in deep friendship with the Trinity and Mary - through the sacraments, through dogma inspired by Sacred Tradition and Sacred Scripture, through love of the pastor’s teachings in union with the Pope, through the self-extention beyond your comfort zone to the outskirts of your faith community. In rejection of excessive possessing, just so you have room for others and the personal encounter and assistance to the poor and marginalized. This standpoint is a radical shift to proclaim an encounter with the invitation to the Church.

You may have to find yourself, apart from your marriage. And look for God’s lead to seal the union of the marriage from which the seal fastens from what you pursue apart therefrom.

Below is a link to the Pope’s apostolic exhortation. Just the first section will be of great benefit - the passing on the joy of the gospel by concrete acts with Charity, rather then the abstract ideas of what it means to place onself in will of God.
vatican.va/holy_father/francesco/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium_en.html
 
I agree with what other posters have said. But it is very important that you get your marriage situation regularized in the Church. Your husband does not need to convert. Make an appointment with your priest as soon as possible - he can help you. Your marriage can be convalidated (blessed) by the Church without him converting - the Church does this as an act of mercy for the Catholic party. If your husband does not agree to participate in even a simple ceremony with a priest, there are also other options - the bishop can “bless” the marriage retroactively based on the vows you exchange at your original marriage ceremony outside of the Church - this is called “radical sanation”. Talk to your priest. God bless.
 
Prayer is the most effective means here, especially a devotion to the Rosary. Josephine Alicia Saenz prayed for more than 40 years before her husband, a Presbyterian who had divorced her and married twice more, ultimately converted to the One True Church. Despite his many failings in life, we can be proud that the actor John Wayne died a good Catholic.

The Catholic News Agency has a nice article about it here:

catholicnewsagency.com/news/my-granddaddy-john-wayne-actor-and-catholic-convert/
 
=carolinaguzman;11692071]My husband and I have been together for approximately 5 years now but married for less than one. We have not yet married through the church because he is not catholic (he is a non practicing baptist) and currently has no intentions of converting. I
have talked to him about it and even convinced him to come with me to mass every once in a while but I have had no luck. He is not necessarily against my being catholic but does not want to change his religion.
Whenever I confront him about it (in a non-aggressive manner) he pulls the “what makes your religion better than mine?” card and even after I explain all I know to be wonderful about being catholic to him, it doesn’t seem to be enough for him to want to look further into it.
I’m not sure where to go from here or even where to really begin. I myself have always been catholic and so it is extremely difficult for me to continue to make plans for both ourselves or even a family in the future if my husband does not share my same beliefs.
Am I in the wrong to think that.
Click to expand...
Please help. I have been trying to work through this issue for a long time with no luck.
Click to expand...
“Conversions” are God’s territory:)

Without the necessary grace and the gifts of the HS Wisdom and Understanding; one cannot be converted. Nor is it permissible [or advisable] to try to force or coerce one into doing something against their free will.

What I suggest is a better option is to just invite him regularly to MAss and see if you can build a comfort level. Then PRAY much.

You would need to know what he now believes and then with God’s help; share our Catholic Faith with him. Explaining with clarity [facts] and charity what we belief and why we believe it. AND PRAY MUCH!

God Bless you,
Patrick
 
The reason I posted this was because I’m not exactly sure what I could say to him to change his mind about the church and possibly get him to convert.
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Mary appeared and spoke with Sister Justine Bisqueyburu, a
Daughter of Charity of St. Vincent de Paul, in 1840, about a green scapular.

Mary herself made certain promises to those who would keep the scapular on them,
wear or carry it, and would say a certain prayer everyday, and believe that
Mary would obtain those favors from her Son. The scapular may also be placed in the room or bed.
Here are the favors she promised:
  1. Conversion of those who do not have the faith
  2. Reconciliation to the Church for those who have lost/strayed from the faith
  3. Assurance of a peaceful death
  4. Strengthening of the faith for those already in the Church
  5. Protection from Satan for those who wear or promote the scapular
This is the very answer to your search. But on your part you must
pray, at least daily: “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”,
once for yourself and once for your husband every day.

Here are the very words of Mary to Sister Justine:
“The GREATEST graces come from using the scapular but these graces come
in direct proportion to the degree of CONFIDENCE IN ME which the user has.”

Mary didn’t say when conversion would happen, just that she promised it would happen.

You may get a free one by googling “Green Scapular”. Get one for yourself as well.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=620449
(From an atheist)
How did you come to embrace Catholicism?
Strangely enough, it was the Blessed Virgin Mary. That friend of mine had sneakily
snuck in a scapular under my mattress. I didn’t know until about 1 year into my
conversion. I imagine that she had something to do with it. I think it was the
green scapular.
 
I also wanted to mention the green scapular. Unlike other scapulars it is not a cofraternity requiring enrollment or even your husbands participation 😉 You can hide it under his side of the mattress, in his car or if you are feeling very brave IN HIS WALLET (perhaps behind that stack of never touched, decaying business cards) and so long as you lray the short daily prayer “Immaculate Heart pray for my husband now and in the hour of his death” your husband will eventually be converted. It also grants him protection from the works of Satan which may also be deterring hos conversion…good luck at any rate!
 
carolinaguzman said:
I am fully aware that the church allows Catholics to marry non-Catholics but I just don’t feel comfortable with that.
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So you have entered into an invalid marriage because you don’t think catholics should marry non catholics in the church (which would be valid) when you knew he wasn’t catholic? :confused:

If this was so important to you, you shouldn’t have married him. You can’t marry someone and then expect them to convert. Pushing him to the church, will only push him away from you. It’s almost like entrapment, marrying someone without conditions and then applying conditions afterwards.

My husband is atheist, I accepted that, I continue to love him and live my faith, but don’t push him in anyway shape or form. I even went as far to offer a civil marriage something I did not want. He eventually asked for a church wedding. He is still atheist and I don’t expect him to change, but he is softer than he once was and respects my beliefs. We even talked about kids and christening etc BEFORE we married, In someone ways he has strengthened my faith. We don’t marry people to change them, we marry them because we love them as they are.
 
=Truth_Faith13;11776696]So you have entered into an invalid marriage because you don’t think catholics should marry non catholics in the church (which would be valid) when you knew he wasn’t catholic? :confused:
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If this was so important to you, you shouldn’t have married him. You can’t marry someone and then expect them to convert. Pushing him to the church, will only push him away from you. It’s almost like entrapment, marrying someone without conditions and then applying conditions afterwards.
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My husband is atheist, I accepted that, I continue to love him and live my faith, but don’t push him in anyway shape or form. I even went as far to offer a civil marriage something I did not want. He eventually asked for a church wedding. He is still atheist and I don’t expect him to change, but he is softer than he once was and respects my beliefs. We even talked about kids and christening etc BEFORE we married, In someone ways he has strengthened my faith. We don’t marry people to change them, we marry them because we love them as they are.
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It is the OFFICIAL position of the RCC that we CANNOT force anyone to become a Catholic.

Pray much; sacrifice for him and led by EXAMPLE:thumbsup:

God Bless you,
Patrick
 
As a few have said, you are in an invalid marriage. You need to have your marriage blessed and reconginzed by the church. Husband doesn’t have to be catholic. I’m a convert and my husband didn’t, you can not ask or make him convert, you can not be mad if he doesn’t, this isn’t in your hands at all. The first step to take is validation of your marriage, maybe that will open his heart more.
 
My marriage was convalidated.

I’m not exactly sure what you have on your hands. Is he interested at all in faith? His not going to church suggests he is not; his tone sounds more confrontational than interested in reasoned discussion or explanation.

Keep in mind that many Protestants are “cultural Protestants” which means they go to the church they were raised in, that is associated with their family, which they may or may not have really examined in terms of doctrine and belief. It’s an identifier.

And of course, the funny thing Protestants do is to define themselves contra the Catholic church! (which strikes me as odd and not reasonable). In other words, “you’re black, so I’m white!” and not much notion of church teachings beyond this.

Mixed marriages can be lousy deals. You can wait a lifetime literally hoping the other person will come around.

I agree with the advice to just keep inviting him to church. Let him know mass is different from a Baptist service and explain what’s going on there. For a time I attended Methodist services, and always felt let-down and empty since there was no real presence. It was just a good, nice social time talking about Jesus.

In your shoes I would point out the many similarities between Baptists and Catholics in these very weird political times. Baptists seem less likely than other mainline P. denominations to ignore or rewrite the Bible to justify sin. It’s curious, but I think the two denominations really take the Bible seriously and actually read it. Other denominations lose their intellectual force by pureeing everything Jesus said into a banal mantra of “be nice”.
 
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