Hello,
I could have come from the same exact background as you. Raised by atheist/agnostic parents. Never even went to a single church service till I was 42 (am 43 now). I’m going through RCIA at the moment.
Throughout my life I always felt like something was missing, either something was wrong with me or something was wrong with the rest of the world. I never felt the presence of God in my life, things felt distinctly random. I was sometimes jealous of people who were spiritual and felt the presence of God when they prayed.
Not too long ago I finally came to the conclusion that I must make an active effort to seek God, even if I can’t feel his presence in my day-to-day life. What made me realize that I wasn’t alone in that is reading an article about Mother Theresa who also had that same problem. That sometimes, no matter how she prayed, she couldn’t feel God. The difference is, is she had faith, regardless of what she could feel, or not feel.
So that is what I’m working on right now. Faith. To persevere, pray, study and live a life geared towards seeking God. I figure this… even if it takes me the rest of my life to feel God and his Presence, and the very last minute of my life on earth is all that I get to feel of Him, that’s ok with me. It was well worth it.