Coping with bickering

[TheRiver]

I live with my parents and brother, my brother is a slob, his room is so untidy that my mum has fits sometimes, etc. But from time to time my mum yells a LOT at me for various things, I must admit I’m not the most helpful person when it comes to dealing with housework and errands, but I do help around.

My mum sometimes makes the most ridiculous requests and expects me to have known that I was meant to do it, e.g: There was some gardening work being done by some gardeners for the last month and the back area got a bit dirty. She randomnly got annoyed at me today that it was a mess and asked me why it wasn’t cleaned

That was just one of MANY throughout these last few months and it’s progressively gotten worse. I actually want to leave now, because I just can’t live with my parents anymore, but at the same time it seems like I’m running away from duties in the house. I want to join the army even though I’m in uni right now (I’m 21) and I don’t have a job, and that’s something she complains about too, it’s not like I don’t try, it’s just that no matter how much I apply and where I apply, I don’t seem to get something to stick.

Anyone been in a similar situation before?

 

[Trishie]

I’m sympathetic that life is uncomfortable under these circumstances… And it’s true that obtaining work is very difficult for numerous people in the current economic situation. I’m sure you feel stressed.

May I put another viewpoint for your consideration.
As a son, and later as a husband, life won’t go well if a person is unable to also see why people are acting as they do. It could be your mother has impatient aspects to her nature, but if it’s just you two brothers and your mother, the burden falls on her and if she doesn’t feel she’s getting some support she may well be stressed and thus have a tendency to blow up sometimes.

Your mother has one son who apparently doesn’t even keep his own environment in order. Her other son is taken by surprise if she’s upset he contributes little help, and he just thinks she’s grumpy…which she undoubtedly is being. I would guess that your mother feels alone, that she hasn’t either son who will anticipate what can be done to help. As, if you had noticed the mess and cleaned it up…and did in fact anticipate ways to help her load sometimes, then she might cut you some slack…if she’s not already so worn down by life that she has become incapable of being glad. You realise this is possible…that your mother has a degree of depression and disappointment in life as a single mother whose sons’ futures are a worry to her.

Do you any time do things to make her feel cherished? As I say, people can be saddened and worn beyond capacity to feel happiness or gratitude, but you do own it to her…the Commandment of God, “honour…thy mother’.
If a man can’t have consideration for his mother, he will come to treat his wife the same way, with the same results. My mother’s home-spun wisdom was’ See how he treats his mother, because that’s how he’s treat you.”

I do truly sympathize…and leaving isn’t the answer, it’s trying to be the best son you can. If she isn’t able to appreciate that, and please God she will and the destructive pattern in your relationship will come to change, but at least you will know you’re a better man and better son and will be a better husband for your efforts.

God bless you…mother of three sons…whom I adore!

 

[TheRiver]

Hi Trishie, thanks for your response, it was a good one =). I guess that’s made me see more clearly, and it’s true, I only really ever do any work around the house when she tells me to and I haven’t done anything to make her feel loved. I guess I’ll have to do more without being told and see how things turn out.

Thanks for that, God Bless.

 

[iluvmybabies]

I consider living with your parents after you turn 18 a blessing… i really do because you know your parents raise you since well you know, and then they try to be there for you and to guide you and the choices you make wether wrong or right help make whom you are in the present and future… And they deserve a break after a while, so when you turn 18 and are still living with your parents then let me tell you that’s a blessing, because trying to respect and honor your parents, live by their rules and everything even as an adult is really difficult, for you as it is for them!!!

I couldn’t live with mine, first of all my mother and i have never really had a good relationship and her negativity was destroying my marriage and well it worked!! LOL…

But my sister has been living with them all her life and they are all fine. SO that’s a blessing!

If you are able to move out then do so… If not hey do what my sister does, just talk to them, help out as much as you can… She forgets to do things too but as soon as my mother reminds her she apologizes and goes for it…

My sis is 26 and 2 kids and married since she was 17 with her hubby living there so if they can make it I am sure anyone can… Just not me because well, my mother and I have never had a good relationship to begin with but I am sure you and your parents have so just go for it! And the job thing it’s an every day thing for everyone…My db found a job finally but it’s only for a couple of hours, nothing else avail so let your family know you are trying the best you can and that’s the best you can do!!

God bless and take care!

 

[puzzleannie]

my suggestion for what it’s worth
for a week at least, a month if you can do it
try very hard to do whatever needs doing around the house, cheerfully, without grumbling, without expecting thanks, and most of all, without waiting to be asked. Try to think proactively, to keep your eyes open–“it will by time to cook dinner soon, there are dirty dishes in the kitchen, and the table needs to be cleared–okay, I can take care of that.” and do it. You know your mum likes your room clean, and probably the bathroom and other areas of the house you use, so just do it, every morning before school, or after school if you have more time.

make it your concern to do everything in your power to make your home pleasant and to spare your mother from work that you can do and take off her shoulders.

my prediction is that you will gradually see a change in attitude on the part of your mum and that will carry over to the rest of the family