Coping with Constant Irrational Guilt over Homeschooling

[mommamaree]

Of course you feel guilty.

Because what you know what are doing is wrong.

If you are a mother and choose one option among several, you will always choose the wrong one.

I call it mommy guilt. It is not rational.

Only people who really care about raising their children correctly and try their hardest to do the best job possible experience it.

Just keep reminding yourself of the very valid reasons you have for making that choice and remember to celebrate your successes.

Ain’t that the truth! No matter what I do, it will be wrong. Mommy guilt, indeed. Thanks for the encouragement. God bless!

 

[catholicmamajoy]

We are involved in a playgroup for the littles, and joined the scouts for the older ones. My kids play with friends and go to sleepovers and there are upcoming camping trips. We do not currently have enough time for a homeschool co-op, but that is on our agenda for next year (I am due with my 5th baby in October). They are far too young for the youth group, but from what I hear, we have a phenomenal youth group.

I was hesitant to suggest this, because being online with a social network site can be a distraction that takes one away from things of a higher priority, but perhaps getting a “daily vitamin dose” of inspiration about homeschooling by joining a Facebook or yahoo group specifically for Catholic homeschooling moms might be something for you to consider. A homeschooling mom that feels guilty or burnt out needs to know she’s not alone. You mentioned Classical homeschooling- I’m pretty sure there are FB and yahoo groups for Kolbe or MODG, if that’s what you use. Even if the group’s intent is to be academically supportive, the members of groups I belong to tend to provide as much inspiration and emotional support to fellow moms as they do academic suggestions. If you have enough local moms, perhaps a one day retreat at a local parish could be organized (by someone else, of course ) to give all of you a well-needed boost.

 

[1newcatholic]

Okay, number one, I certainly do not “trust the world”. The Bible and the writings of the saints tell us we should not do so. I would be insane to do so, especially since “the world” has proven itself to be utterly hell-bent on destroying anything designed by God and said to be good by our Creator.

To clarify, what I meant was that, “You don’t seem to trust that God will protect your children in the world if you let them out of your sight.” Is that an inaccurate guess?

Two, Catholic parents are bound to provide a Catholic education for their children… Of course, there are parents who abdicate their authority and neglect their duty to provide a Catholic education for their children, but that is a subject for another thread, and not really relevant here.

This does sound like a topic for another thread. But as you noted, there are many ways to make sure your kids know about Catholicism. Homeschooling is not the only option.

Three, no I absolutely do not trust my children… They are still in the early stages of being trained out of being selfish, aggressive little creatures (albeit adorable and infinitely cuddable) into responsible people of good character. Why would I trust mini-tyrants who are sweet and lovable one moment, and crazed chimps the next? I would have to be insane to trust them!

So you DON’T trust your very young children to grow up and become adults without your constant intervention? Of course you, can’t trust toddlers to behave like adults

You said you have no experience with homeschooling, and yet you have a vivid idea of what homeschooled people are like… Is this your prejudice, or do you actually know a lot of people who were educated at home and are they all weird and socially awkward?

Yes.

Are none of the public-schooled people weird and socially awkward? What makes you assume that homeschooled children are not expected to learn social skills? Could you defend your statements or is this more of an assumption without any evidence?

I am judging by the ratio of weird homeschoolers that I personally know versus the weird public-schoolers that I know. I’m not homeschooled, and I don’t homeschool, but I know a good number of homeschooled children. The majority of them belong to dogmatic religious families who don’t want their children to be exposed to the rigors and dangers of the secular world. That is the personal experience I was drawing on. If that is not your family, then you should disregard what I said, and find a different reason you feel vaguely guilty about homeschooling and what your children might be missing out on.

Finally, we chose to homeschool for multiple reasons… In fact, we discuss the opinions of other people and different choices and different lifestyles on a regular basis, daily even, as part of our parenting. It helps them to learn to think for themselves and to develop the gift of discernment.

It helps them to learn to think like Mom and Dad think about other different choices and lifestyles–everything they know about other people and their choices is filtered through Mom and Dad. Telling your kids why other people are different is not the same thing as letting your children encounter different people.

We teach them what God’s Word says, what the catechism says, we talk about our pastor’s homilies, we read spiritual classics and share the wisdom from them, we read children’s faith formation books. And then we talk about the ways of the world and different opinions/choices and the children will come to a conclusion about whether or not they agree with them. If things discussed have moral weight, then we correct any misunderstanding [me: ] and help them to properly form their conscience, but if it is merely a matter of freedom and prudence, we let them be.

It sounds like your kids are inundated with religious instruction. What do they do for fun? Do they play sports, go to the park and play with other children, make friends outside of the Catholic tradition, etc? Do they read anything that is not religious, and not part of a Catholic homeschool curriculum? Do the Scouts meet at your local parish, as they do here?

This is normal parenting, whether for homeschooled children or not.

Not every parent I know would agree with you, but I want to be clear about my intention. From the sound of your posts, it seemed as though you feel guilty about homeschooling because your kids seem to be missing out on some very important experience. It sounded like you were having a hard time pinning down what it could be. My goal in replying was to point out the obvious, because sometimes people have a way of ignoring the obvious when it gets in the way of what they want. It happens to me all the time.

You know your kids best. I’m just a stranger on the internet. My goal was to provide you with something to think about and weigh, not to make you admit that homeschooling is somehow a mistake. Even if I am correct and your kids are in some way socially deficient because of their homeschooling experiences, they’re still your kids and not mine. You know best.

Finally finally , I am not afraid to let my children grow up. In fact, I work every day very hard to help them to grow up. I hope when they reach their late teens, that they will be ready to launch into the world, ready to meet the challenges that face them, and fully prepared to change the world for Christ. I am trying to raise adults, not just babysit them until they reach legal adulthood but remain spiritually and socially and intellectually infantile. Oh, and they are already real people and we already live in the real world.
Thanks for the challenge.

God bless.

 

[mommamaree]

I was hesitant to suggest this, because being online with a social network site can be a distraction that takes one away from things of a higher priority, but perhaps getting a “daily vitamin dose” of inspiration about homeschooling by joining a Facebook or yahoo group specifically for Catholic homeschooling moms might be something for you to consider. A homeschooling mom that feels guilty or burnt out needs to know she’s not alone. You mentioned Classical homeschooling- I’m pretty sure there are FB and yahoo groups for Kolbe or MODG, if that’s what you use. Even if the group’s intent is to be academically supportive, the members of groups I belong to tend to provide as much inspiration and emotional support to fellow moms as they do academic suggestions. If you have enough local moms, perhaps a one day retreat at a local parish could be organized (by someone else, of course ) to give all of you a well-needed boost.

I didn’t realize such online support groups existed. Thanks for the tip! I will have to check that out. Right now, I do a lot of teaching from my comfy chair, because I am at the last weeks of pregnancy, which tend to leave me a bit bored when I am waiting on a child to finish an exercise or assignment. That would be a perfect time to look for and possibly participate in an online group. And yes, we use Kolbe!

 

[mommamaree]

To clarify, what I meant was that, “You don’t seem to trust that God will protect your children in the world if you let them out of your sight.” Is that an inaccurate guess?

This does sound like a topic for another thread. But as you noted, there are many ways to make sure your kids know about Catholicism. Homeschooling is not the only option.

So you DON’T trust your very young children to grow up and become adults without your constant intervention? Of course you, can’t trust toddlers to behave like adults

Yes.

I am judging by the ratio of weird homeschoolers that I personally know versus the weird public-schoolers that I know. I’m not homeschooled, and I don’t homeschool, but I know a good number of homeschooled children. The majority of them belong to dogmatic religious families who don’t want their children to be exposed to the rigors and dangers of the secular world. That is the personal experience I was drawing on. If that is not your family, then you should disregard what I said, and find a different reason you feel vaguely guilty about homeschooling and what your children might be missing out on.

It helps them to learn to think like Mom and Dad think about other different choices and lifestyles–everything they know about other people and their choices is filtered through Mom and Dad. Telling your kids why other people are different is not the same thing as letting your children encounter different people.

It sounds like your kids are inundated with religious instruction. What do they do for fun? Do they play sports, go to the park and play with other children, make friends outside of the Catholic tradition, etc? Do they read anything that is not religious, and not part of a Catholic homeschool curriculum? Do the Scouts meet at your local parish, as they do here?

Not every parent I know would agree with you, but I want to be clear about my intention. From the sound of your posts, it seemed as though you feel guilty about homeschooling because your kids seem to be missing out on some very important experience. It sounded like you were having a hard time pinning down what it could be. My goal in replying was to point out the obvious, because sometimes people have a way of ignoring the obvious when it gets in the way of what they want. It happens to me all the time.

You know your kids best. I’m just a stranger on the internet. My goal was to provide you with something to think about and weigh, not to make you admit that homeschooling is somehow a mistake. Even if I am correct and your kids are in some way socially deficient because of their homeschooling experiences, they’re still your kids and not mine. You know best.

God bless.

I am replying from my tablet now, so I will have to be brief. Hopefully, I still will be clear.

I do trust God to protect my kids. They are His children first. I am a finite, imperfect human being. So, I trust God far more than I trust myself.
You are correct that I do not trust my kids to grow up and become responsible adults without my intervention. That is what parents are for, after all. To love them, to care for them, to educate them, to guide them, to believe in them. If I left them to their own devices and did not train them in increasing levels of responsibility, then I would have failed in my duties before God, and likely, left them at a serious disadvantage for entering adulthood. However, what has this to do with homeschooling? This is just parenting.
I do not want my children exposed to the dangers of the secular world, if by that you mean, the plagues of pornography and pedophilia and violence and abuse. But again, what good parent would want that for their child? But perhaps you meant something else by dangers?
I am not so arrogant as to believe that I have all the answers. It is my job to teach them and introduce them to the beauty of their faith, and then guide and correct when they make wrong choices. That is again, just parenting. They receive about 30 minutes or so of religious education a day, exactly what our parish does and pastor recommends, and then beyond that it is just often interesting dinner conversation, or they climb up in my lap and ask me deep questions and we explore them together.
Scouting meets at the parochial school, but it is full of non-Catholics. Actually, not one other girl in my daughter’s troop is a Catholic. The leaders are not Catholic.
My son reads Lego readers and Marvel hero books. My daughter loves Rick Riordan and many other fantasy/adventure series. The little ones prefer Gossie and The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
They have a basketball hoop and are learning how to shoot hoops. We hope to get them involved in a basketball team next year. They do go to the park sometimes, but not recently, due to my restricted ability to handle running toddlers in my condition. But next spring, after the flu season, I want to join a homeschool group that meets weekly at the park. It is not a faith-based group, just a social one.
I guess my tablet allowed me to write more than I thought I could. Hopefully, it will let me post!
But anyway, I appreciate your further challenges. They have helped me a lot actually. And you know the saying, iron sharpens iron. If I can meet challenges when they arise, and be able to defend what I do, then perhaps I will develop more confidence and also identify areas where I am weak.

 

[Mintaka]

Re: false guilt - If you find yourself thinking “all or nothing” thoughts, like “I’ve never done anything right! I’ve ruined my kids’ lives forever!” that is definitely false guilt.

The best way to reject it is just to talk yourself down. Is this logical? No.

Then rephrase what you’re thinking to be positive. “I do a lot of things right. My kids have pretty good lives.”

Keep doing the rephrase if you catch yourself thinking crazy stuff.

Then think of something else that is more fun or interesting, instead of brooding.

Re: spiritual attack, it does happen, of course, and it can team up with depression or false guilt. If holy water makes the fear go away, it might be a spiritual attack.

Obviously it’s a good idea to pray, whatever’s going on, and holy water will never hurt you; and neither will talking yourself down logically, so you might as well try both at the same time.

You could just be broody from being pregnant and stuck in the house, too. If you can do some gentle exercise while sitting down, that might also help your mood.

 

[Geri_Forbes]

Hi Momma!
I have homeschooled my girls ( one just graduated college, math major; the other is a junior in high school and plans to attend medical school).

I was just wondering, do you feel guilty because you really enjoy what you are doing? I used to feel that way a little. I was just amazed at how much I was learning, and how much I didn’t learn while I was in school. For instance, I just always thought that I did not have a mind for math. I think this is a perspective that many kids have…that they are just not good in math. And yet, when you are homeschooling your kids, if you have a good classical program, like I use, you will find that your kids will have a real love for math. Because math, when taught in an ordered fashion, and taught to kids of even just average intelligence, is a subject they can master and excel in. And the added bonus is that your confidence in math increases exponentially! I used to feel guilty that I was having such a fun time teaching my girls! I’m not saying that it is all fun and games…as you well know as a homeschool mom. But when the light shines, and the bulb goes on, you are the one who sees it. When your child reads his/her first book, he reads it to you, and you think, “Wow, I taught him how to do that!” You know that it is such a deeply satisfying feeling that really cannot compare with any other.

I see my daughters, growing up into very faithful, beautiful, confident and intelligent women. My husband and I really love what we see. We not only love our girls but we genuinely like them, and surprise, surprise, they really like us too!. The world will tell you that something is wrong with that…they never rebelled, they are not their own persons. Well…I say, that is the voice of the world, ignore it.

I saw from your original post that you know this is the best thing for your children. Your husband and you have decided this. From the perspective of only having two more years to go, I strongly encourage you, keep going, ignore the irrational guilt. Pray a Hail Mary anytime this thought attacks you. See Our Lady Herself, smiling at your efforts as truly the primary educator of your children! All for the Sacred Heart of Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary!

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes, this is an aspect of my guilt, I think. But every time I try to look at that logically, then the guilt slips away. They are forming friendships, participating in social activities, and getting together with friends. In fact, hearing from my own mom friends, their kids are so busy that they are unable to plan for get-togethers for their kids as often as they like, so they actually appreciate that I call them up and plan things for our kids. It is not daily, but it is often. And we are finding more opportunities that we could participate in than we actually have time for, too. And my kids love to play with each other. They are each only separated by a couple years, so they make good playmates. So why in the world would I feel guilt about that aspect? And yet, I know that this is part of it.

This is what I used to teach my students in catechism class: Guilt feelings are not an unerring guide to moral law. You can feel guilty when you are doing nothing wrong and you can commit terrible sins and feel no scruples about it at all. Still, we are given the emotion of guilt for a reason. I taught them to treat it like a smoke detector. A smoke detector tells you that the condition of the air signals that you ought to look for a fire. It blares so that you won’t be tempted to ignore it.

Is a smoke detector always right, though? No, but it is a valuable tool. When it goes off, you ought to sniff your conscience and ask: Do we have a fire here? Is there something I ought to repent of? If not, then just like a false alarm on a smoke detector, you give yourself permission to turn off the blaring. Even if you’re fighting a fire, once you’ve started fighting it, the alarm can be turned off, because it can distract you and keep you from thinking straight.

When you feel guilty, you are sniffing for fire, find nothing, and turning off the detector. So far, so good, Mommamaree. The problem I’m hearing from you is that the darned thing is going off so often!! You can’t find a fire. You obviously can’t just disconnect it. What to do?

I think if you give yourself credit for doing the things that your guilt accuses you of not doing, you might be able to “re-calibrate” your guilt feelings so that they go off at more appropriate times. That’s the goal.

 

[mommamaree]

Geri Forbes,
I just wanted to respond really quickly. It is getting late here (for me anyway).

But yes! I LOVE what I am doing. I love being a teacher. I love getting to stay home with my kids. I love being the one blessed with watching them learn. I love learning new things right along with them. We are learning about ancient Greece and Rome in history this year, in preparation for our first year of Latin study next year, and it is fascinating! I love the classical method of teaching. I wish I had received instruction in this method when I was in school. It is just amazing and interesting.
True, it is very hard work, and I have very little free time. However, it feels like a sacrifice well worth it, for me personally, to get to share all of this with my kids. And to see how it sharpens their skills and intrigues them, too…Well, it is such a pleasure.

Maybe that is why I feel the guilt? Because I am doing what I love with the people I love most in the world and so I feel selfish because it is such a source of happiness for me?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

So, in light of this, would it be safe to assume this is a spiritual attack? If so, what should I do? Should I pray the St. Michael prayer or chaplet when the doubts arise? Or is there something I should do to strengthen myself against guilt and doubt?

I also thought this could be spiritual attack. You are very God centred in your life, and so is your entire family. Of course the devil wants to destroy this. Doubt and fear are ways of slowly but surely achieving this. You have evidence that your kids are doing really well and that they are healthy and happy. Always keep that in mind

I battled anxiety for a long time (which includesddoubting every decision made, fearing the future, etc.), and the only thing that helped was not trusting these thoughts, not taking these feelings seriously and trusting God instead. It’s like I distanced myself from the negativity, made a conscious effort to not trust these thoughts. Whenever something like that arose I prayed: “Jesus, I trust you. You take care of it.” I forced myself to let go of the fear. And in the end it all stopped. I hope that you will lose your fear and insecurity about this. God heals

 

[merne9]

I just wanted to say that I really admire your decision. I hope to do the same one day. For me the proof is in the pudding, all the adults and children I have ever known plus family members products of home schooling are the most intelligent, polite, well adjusted and good Christians.

 

[Viki63]

I agree with meme’s comments,
If it helps any, I have felt guilty almost constantly over the past few years for sending my children first to Catholic school, then to public schools, I had to work full time as my husband is disabled.
The Catholic school has not been so great, they learned just enough of the faith to immunize them against it, it appears. My son will go to mass sometimes with me, my daughter won’t. They had some teachers who were severely cafeteria Catholic.
I pray daily that my example and prayers will help them return in the future.
I wish I could have homeschooled them. You are giving your children a great gift.

 

[Allegra]

My greatest guilty thought regarding homeschooling is that I am depriving them of something, some indefinable, unidentifiable experience…But I cannot figure out what that is. Every time I attempt to look closely at the root of my guilt, it slips away, only to reappear a short while later as the background noise of my daily life.

I think that experience is belonging to a world seperate from one’s parents. For a child, school is like a miniature society. A kid has to navigate the school’s rules, spoken and unspoken, in order to be successful. They have to learn how to deal with the kid hierarchy. They have to learn to deal with conflict and make choices in an often unpredictable environment in which their parents have very little control. It’s a certain opportunity for social and emotional growth, but unfortunately, not all kids are going to be successful in it. (No matter how much padding they try to put on the walls)

There’s really no reason to feel guilty for not partaking of this opportunity. However, if you want an option that provides a similar experience with a much smaller time committment, try a few weeks of summer camp.

 

[mommamaree]

I think that experience is belonging to a world seperate from one’s parents. For a child, school is like a miniature society. A kid has to navigate the school’s rules, spoken and unspoken, in order to be successful. They have to learn how to deal with the kid hierarchy. They have to learn to deal with conflict and make choices in an often unpredictable environment in which their parents have very little control. It’s a certain opportunity for social and emotional growth, but unfortunately, not all kids are going to be successful in it. (No matter how much padding they try to put on the walls)

There’s really no reason to feel guilty for not partaking of this opportunity. However, if you want an option that provides a similar experience with a much smaller time committment, try a few weeks of summer camp.

This is a helpful solution. It allows for that opportunity to interact with children and other authority figures away from parents.

 

[BusyMom30]

I think that experience is belonging to a world seperate from one’s parents. For a child, school is like a miniature society. A kid has to navigate the school’s rules, spoken and unspoken, in order to be successful. They have to learn how to deal with the kid hierarchy. They have to learn to deal with conflict and make choices in an often unpredictable environment in which their parents have very little control. It’s a certain opportunity for social and emotional growth, but unfortunately, not all kids are going to be successful in it. (No matter how much padding they try to put on the walls)

There’s really no reason to feel guilty for not partaking of this opportunity. However, if you want an option that provides a similar experience with a much smaller time committment, try a few weeks of summer camp.

Well isn’t that the whole point of homeschool, to squash fear that some kids are too fragile/special/weak whatever to deal with regular school? That parents want total control over everything their kids do and experience?

I have met lots of homschoolers and while I wouldn’t say all are “weird” with bad social skills (although a good number are), I would say they are all relatively immature for their ages, relatively naive, and would be considered “dorky” in regular school. Perfect example, my neighbors HS their four girls. They are nice enough kids and the parents are too, and the kids aren’t bizarre as much as they are just out of touch. For example, their 8-year-old is third-grade age and is still wearing Minnie Mouse tennis shoes. Not a huge deal, but definitely something that would not happen in school, since the kids generally lose interest in Minnie Mouse by age 4 or 5. Now, some parents may say it’s great that the kids are behind their peers and are generally “immature” or “streching out childhood to the max” or “not growing up too soon.” I say, it’s healthy and normal that development is pushed along by peers and those that don’t have that normalizing influence end up being the butt of jokes for good reason. That’s how society works, and it’s why you and I don’t paint our houses neon pink and know when our clothes are out of fashion.

It’s always bittersweet to see our kids grow up, but trying to “keep them little” for as long as possible is not healthy at all. I think if I homeshooled I would have a fair amount of guilt for raising kids with such a disadvantage for life. Because we should not idealize childhood, but prepare our kids to be adults.

 

[mommamaree]

Well isn’t that the whole point of homeschool, to squash fear that some kids are too fragile/special/weak whatever to deal with regular school? That parents want total control over everything their kids do and experience?

I have met lots of homschoolers and while I wouldn’t say all are “weird” with bad social skills (although a good number are), I would say they are all relatively immature for their ages, relatively naive, and would be considered “dorky” in regular school. Perfect example, my neighbors HS their four girls. They are nice enough kids and the parents are too, and the kids aren’t bizarre as much as they are just out of touch. For example, their 8-year-old is third-grade age and is still wearing Minnie Mouse tennis shoes. Not a huge deal, but definitely something that would not happen in school, since the kids generally lose interest in Minnie Mouse by age 4 or 5. Now, some parents may say it’s great that the kids are behind their peers and are generally “immature” or “streching out childhood to the max” or “not growing up too soon.” I say, it’s healthy and normal that development is pushed along by peers and those that don’t have that normalizing influence end up being the butt of jokes for good reason. That’s how society works, and it’s why you and I don’t paint our houses neon pink and know when our clothes are out of fashion.

It’s always bittersweet to see our kids grow up, but trying to “keep them little” for as long as possible is not healthy at all. I think if I homeshooled I would have a fair amount of guilt for raising kids with such a disadvantage for life. Because we should not idealize childhood, but prepare our kids to be adults.

Apparently you have quickly forgotten how much kind help and encouragement you were offered very recently in your own thread on personal matters, by myself and others here at CAF Family Life. And since you have forgotten, or thought it to be not of value, you have decided to bring your anti-homeschooling agenda here. Take your agenda and your bad attitude elsewhere. Or stay and be ignored. Whichever. But I can assure you that you have nothing of value to contribute. At least some of the other people who challenged me were offering opportunities for debate and discussion, while you merely hurl insults.

Yawn.

 

[Xantippe]

I have met lots of homschoolers and while I wouldn’t say all are “weird” with bad social skills (although a good number are), I would say they are all relatively immature for their ages, relatively naive, and would be considered “dorky” in regular school. Perfect example, my neighbors HS their four girls. They are nice enough kids and the parents are too, and the kids aren’t bizarre as much as they are just out of touch. For example, their 8-year-old is third-grade age and is still wearing Minnie Mouse tennis shoes. Not a huge deal, but definitely something that would not happen in school, since the kids generally lose interest in Minnie Mouse by age 4 or 5.

Bad example.

My oldest goes to private school. We went to Disneyland and I got her a Minnie Mouse shirt there when she was a 3rd grader. She loved that shirt so much that when she grew out of it, it was so sad for her!

Now, if it were Dora or Thomas the Tank Engine, that might mean something.

 

[Allegra]

Well isn’t that the whole point of homeschool, to squash fear that some kids are too fragile/special/weak whatever to deal with regular school? That parents want total control over everything their kids do and experience?

I have met lots of homschoolers and while I wouldn’t say all are “weird” with bad social skills (although a good number are), I would say they are all relatively immature for their ages, relatively naive, and would be considered “dorky” in regular school. Perfect example, my neighbors HS their four girls. They are nice enough kids and the parents are too, and the kids aren’t bizarre as much as they are just out of touch. For example, their 8-year-old is third-grade age and is still wearing Minnie Mouse tennis shoes. Not a huge deal, but definitely something that would not happen in school, since the kids generally lose interest in Minnie Mouse by age 4 or 5. Now, some parents may say it’s great that the kids are behind their peers and are generally “immature” or “streching out childhood to the max” or “not growing up too soon.” I say, it’s healthy and normal that development is pushed along by peers and those that don’t have that normalizing influence end up being the butt of jokes for good reason. That’s how society works, and it’s why you and I don’t paint our houses neon pink and know when our clothes are out of fashion.

It’s always bittersweet to see our kids grow up, but trying to “keep them little” for as long as possible is not healthy at all. I think if I homeshooled I would have a fair amount of guilt for raising kids with such a disadvantage for life. Because we should not idealize childhood, but prepare our kids to be adults.

Ummm. No. I think the primary reason for homeschool is to provide specialized curriculum for your individual children in order to provide them with the maximum opportunities for learning that can’t be done in a group setting. At least, that’s why I would consider doing it. I guess there are also some people just don’t want their kids around black kids, but if that was the only reason, they’d just do a snooty, exclusive private school. By the way, Minnie Mouse is really in right now. I teach up to 5th grade and I have lots of girls with Minnie Mouse bows in their hair.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Well isn’t that the whole point of homeschool, to squash fear that some kids are too fragile/special/weak whatever to deal with regular school? That parents want total control over everything their kids do and experience?

I have met lots of homschoolers and while I wouldn’t say all are “weird” with bad social skills (although a good number are), I would say they are all relatively immature for their ages, relatively naive, and would be considered “dorky” in regular school. Perfect example, my neighbors HS their four girls. They are nice enough kids and the parents are too, and the kids aren’t bizarre as much as they are just out of touch. For example, their 8-year-old is third-grade age and is still wearing Minnie Mouse tennis shoes. Not a huge deal, but definitely something that would not happen in school, since the kids generally lose interest in Minnie Mouse by age 4 or 5. Now, some parents may say it’s great that the kids are behind their peers and are generally “immature” or “streching out childhood to the max” or “not growing up too soon.” I say, it’s healthy and normal that development is pushed along by peers and those that don’t have that normalizing influence end up being the butt of jokes for good reason. That’s how society works, and it’s why you and I don’t paint our houses neon pink and know when our clothes are out of fashion.

It’s always bittersweet to see our kids grow up, but trying to “keep them little” for as long as possible is not healthy at all. I think if I homeshooled I would have a fair amount of guilt for raising kids with such a disadvantage for life. Because we should not idealize childhood, but prepare our kids to be adults.

You know, I’m one of the minority on this site: I am really not gung-ho about homeschooling, and for a number of reasons. At the same time, DH and I plan on doing it. Why? Because a) the public schools in our area are a joke, academically speaking, b) most of the private schools have an annual tuition rate so high that if we just had two elementary-aged kids in it, we’d be paying the school more than our total yearly mortgage payment and we would sort of like to retire someday, and c) the local schools have some really nasty gang problems.

Some parents don’t have the option to homeschool. We do, and we’d rather homeschool than put our kids in failing or gang-ridden schools, or put ourselves in a position where we can’t retire eventually. Incidentally, tuition rates triple in the local private schools when your kid goes from elementary to high school. Two kids in high school plus three in elementary, which isn’t at all unfeasible, would run us nearly $40K in tuition alone per year. DH being neither an investment banker nor coronary surgeon, that’s not really a long-term option for us.

We are, however, able to use our local schools for sports and other extracurriculars (music, theater, clubs, etc), and plan on doing exactly that in order to encourage the kids socially.

To put all this in perspective, I was homeschooled, but under much worse conditions. My academics were badly neglected, and I was only allowed to socialize with a chosen few kids once in a while. I ended up going to public school for the last two years of high school, and my life there was unadulterated hell because of the socialization aspect. I never intend to allow that to happen to my kids. It’s rather insulting that you would group all homeschoolers together like that. Yes, there are a lot of serious problems in a lot of homeschool circles, but please don’t tar us all with the same brush.

 

[Allegra]

We are, however, able to use our local schools for sports and other extracurriculars (music, theater, clubs, etc), and plan on doing exactly that in order to encourage the kids socially.

AHHHHHHHHHHH! :banghead:

This is one of my MAJOR pet peeves.

Music class is NOT for socialization! Recess is for socialization. Take your kids to the public school during recess if you want them to socialize. I am a public school music teacher and I have had to disillusion many, many parents (homeschool and otherwise) of the myth that my classroom is designed to be a place for their child to socialize with other children.

From the moment the children walk into my classrom, until the moment they leave, they are engaged in intense learning and performance that requires their full concentration. The only talking is classroom discussion, asking questions, etc. No, this is not “freetime” or “choice time” or “playtime” or whatever people want to call it. My students learn to sight-read music, sing in choral parts, dance, and play an array of instruments including recorder, dulcimer, African percussion, guitar, and keyboard. If you wouldn’t consider math class a place to socialize, then you shouldn’t consider music class a place to socialize.

It’s this simple: If your goal is something other than your kid learning music, then don’t put them in my class, because that’s what we are going to be doing.

That being said, I have had many wonderful homeschool students in my classes over the years, whose parents ARE serious about their kids learning to read music, sing, and play instruments. I’ve also had a few nightmare parents who have kids that are already years behind in their musical skills, bring them to maybe three of eight lessons in a month and skip the others, and then get mad when they don’t get a solo in the concert!