Coping with Constant Irrational Guilt over Homeschooling

[1newcatholic]

These sound like the kinds of arguments secularists use to get more kids in the public schools.

If it’s not what you want to hear, it must be from some dark secular plot to undermine the sacred values you hold dear.

I think your CAF experience will be a lot less stressful if you do to me what I did with your account: BLOCK.

 

[Listener]

Could the irrational guilt have something to do with being spread too thin and having no time for yourself?

I am one of these people who could never understand home schooling. I have never known anybody who home-schooled their children, and I have never seen any children who are being home schooled. I have no concrete evidence that these children turn out to be less educated than other children.

When I was a young mother, spending too much time home with the kids made me nervous and upset. I was very happy when it was finally time for them to go to school! I know that I never had the patience or the talent to attempt such a thing.

In my opinion, going to school is not only about book learning. You learn that not everyone likes you, and you have to learn to deal with that. I think having an unpleasant teacher prepares you to deal with the unpleasant bosses that you are going to have when you grow up.

There are also such things as music class. Music is a very important class for children, but if you are home schooling and don’t play a musical instrument, good luck with that!

I guess I just have a generally negative opinion about home schooling.

If home schooling is causing a problem for you, whether it is guilt, fatigue, or something else, why not just send the children off to school?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I guess I just have a generally negative opinion about home schooling.

If home schooling is causing a problem for you, whether it is guilt, fatigue, or something else, why not just send the children off to school?

The answer is in the 1st post. Everything is explained in a clear, coherent way.

Sadly, the thread has been hijacked by people’s issues regarding home-schooling and socialisation, which is not what the OP’s question is about in any way.

 

[mommamaree]

Wow!

This thread really took off when I disappeared for a weekend of rest.

I don’t think there is any way for me to respond to everyone or every point raised since my absence. I would like to make a couple special thank yous, however.

To those of you who raised the concern of spiritual attack or false guilt, THANK YOU! I talked it over with my husband, as well as finally confessing to him that I struggle with guilt and doubt every day. We both agree that these are the most likely explanations for the guilt. It helps me to know this and to be able to ignore or reject it when it occurs.

To a couple of you who challenged me while using fair-minded language, especially 1newcatholic, thank you as well. I really needed your challenges, because it helped me to refocus upon WHY we are doing this. And being able to answer and defend was good practice for me, since I am obviously making some controversial and noncustomary choices compared to the educational philosophy of our culture at large.

My husband has zero doubts and zero guilt. In fact, he is very pleased with the education the children are receiving, and with the daily home life as well as community involvement our children experience.

Finally, one thing that occurred to me this weekend is this: there is no such thing as an ideal education, an ideal childhood, an ideal anything. Everything in life involves opportunity costs. Whenever we have to make a choice, we cannot retain all the benefits of the choice not chosen while we simultaneously reap the benefits of the choice we made. It is an impossibility. We have chosen classical education, with its educational philosophy roots dating back three thousand years (and was abandoned in America in the sixties). We love the curriculum and the philosophy and the experience. Yes, we experience opportunity costs associated with homeschooling, but we must accept them in order to reap the benefits of this sort of education. So, we will simply continue to make it a priority to stay involved in the parish and the community in other ways, as often as we are physically able.

I am not sure if I will have any time to respond further today, as the first half of the week is always the busiest. But I will do my best.

One further question: I have tried and failed to find an online homeschooling support group or forum for Catholics. I want to avoid evangelical ones, because they tend to push agreeing to faith statements that are contrary to our faith. I know there are some atheistic forums and groups as well, but where are the Catholic ones? I cannot find any active ones…

 

[smallcat]

I don’t know if this helps or not, but after many years of homeschooling, I am feeling the same kind of guilt, questioning, and worry over our decision to NOT homeschool! Our kids now attend a fantastic school- I really could not ask for better. Classical, faithful, rigorous, small, loving, full of great families I trust- and STILL I question. For my older kids, one of whom has a learning disability,some days I feel like I spend almost as much time helping them with homework as I did homeschooling them. I get frustrated over some assignments that seem to waste their time. I get frustrated over others that go too fast for my kid, necessitating extra tutoring sessions at night when they’re tired and cranky (knowing that if we were homeschooling, we could just take the extra day or two and get through it at our own pace). And yet I remind myself of the reasons we made this choice: for our family, lots of littles who weren’t getting enough of mom’s attention, one kid with a temperament that made homeschooling very challenging but who is motivated by competing with other kids, etc. etc.

I guess my point is that each family makes decisions that are best for them, and each decision will have holes and gaps. There’s no guarantee that even if you WERE sending your kids to the Greatest School on Earth, you’d not feel the same kind of guilt! My constant prayer is that God shows me the path to best lead my kids closer to Him, whatever that is.

 

[catholicmamajoy]

One further question: I have tried and failed to find an online homeschooling support group or forum for Catholics. I want to avoid evangelical ones, because they tend to push agreeing to faith statements that are contrary to our faith. I know there are some atheistic forums and groups as well, but where are the Catholic ones? I cannot find any active ones…

Check your private messages here on the forum- I’m sending you links to those groups

 

[Listener]

The answer is in the 1st post. Everything is explained in a clear, coherent way.

Sadly, the thread has been hijacked by people’s issues regarding home-schooling and socialisation, which is not what the OP’s question is about in any way.

Yes, in the original post it says, “We chose homeschooling in order to provide a classical, Catholic education for our children.” If you send your children to school, you can still provide them with a Catholic education at home. If you see that the school is teaching something that you don’t agree with, you can always explain to the children why WE don’t agree with that kind of thing.

I’m not trying to hijack this thread. It’s just that when my children were young, I had never even heard of home schooling. I thought that the law required all children to go to school, and that such a thing was illegal.

After our kids grew up, I did hear about home schooling on a Christian radio program. I think it was Dr. Dobson’s show.

I am just saying, if home schooling is causing a problem, why not send the kids to school?

 

[mommamaree]

Yes, in the original post it says, “We chose homeschooling in order to provide a classical, Catholic education for our children.” If you send your children to school, you can still provide them with a Catholic education at home. If you see that the school is teaching something that you don’t agree with, you can always explain to the children why WE don’t agree with that kind of thing.

I’m not trying to hijack this thread. It’s just that when my children were young, I had never even heard of home schooling. I thought that the law required all children to go to school, and that such a thing was illegal.

After our kids grew up, I did hear about home schooling on a Christian radio program. I think it was Dr. Dobson’s show.

I am just saying, if home schooling is causing a problem, why not send the kids to school?

No, I think you may have misunderstood.

First, homeschooling is not causing any problems. The problems are entirely internal for me personally. The kids love homeschooling and say they prefer it. My husband, who also teaches some subjects, loves it and what it is doing for them. I am the only one struggling with irrational guilt. Everyone else is pleased as punch.
Second, homeschooling has never been illegal, although it has taken various forms over the years. For example, some children have been educated at home or at the ice rink or wherever, by certified teachers who work as a private tutor. Sometimes, the parents were the certified teacher. I am a teacher, but because the law does not require me to hold any certifications to homeschool my own children, I am not certified at this time.
Third, the curriculum and educational philosophy to which we adhere is BOTH classical AND Catholic. There are NO classical schools anywhere near us. There is a Catholic school at our parish, but it is not classical. We desire both for the education of our children. Classical education was the worldwide standard in the entire Western world, until the middle of the 20th century, when novel approaches and philosophies were introduced for experimentation. Many of these approaches have not worked and instead of going back to the classical model, more novel approaches are being experimented with in the classrooms. Now, this thread is not about various educational philosophies, so I will leave my explanation at that.
I hope I cleared up the confusion. I do try to be clear and succinct, but sometimes my brain feels wrung out and I do not fully explain myself.

Oh, one more point to clear up: the choice was never between public school and homeschool. It has only ever been between parochial school and homeschooling.

 

[LongingSoul]

I don’t know if this helps or not, but after many years of homeschooling, I am feeling the same kind of guilt, questioning, and worry over our decision to NOT homeschool! Our kids now attend a fantastic school- I really could not ask for better. Classical, faithful, rigorous, small, loving, full of great families I trust- and STILL I question. For my older kids, one of whom has a learning disability,some days I feel like I spend almost as much time helping them with homework as I did homeschooling them. I get frustrated over some assignments that seem to waste their time. I get frustrated over others that go too fast for my kid, necessitating extra tutoring sessions at night when they’re tired and cranky (knowing that if we were homeschooling, we could just take the extra day or two and get through it at our own pace). And yet I remind myself of the reasons we made this choice: for our family, lots of littles who weren’t getting enough of mom’s attention, one kid with a temperament that made homeschooling very challenging but who is motivated by competing with other kids, etc. etc.

I guess my point is that each family makes decisions that are best for them, and each decision will have holes and gaps. There’s no guarantee that even if you WERE sending your kids to the Greatest School on Earth, you’d not feel the same kind of guilt! My constant prayer is that God shows me the path to best lead my kids closer to Him, whatever that is.

My children are in their 20’s and even now, everytime a problem arises in their life… I immediately feel I could have done something better for them as they were growing up. My own mother who is 76, still laments about whether her choices regarding our upbringing could have been different. We mothers carry the world on our shoulders at times!