Coping with divorce

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peecee69

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I am a 42 year old man, been married for 17 years and my wife and I have 2 daughters, 16 and 12.

My wife and I have had our troubles, been to counseling, and faced financial troubles together during this time. Last year, with all of our imminent problems (what we thought) were behind us, I sought out new employment. I had earned my MBA and was hoping to move up to more responsibility and a new position. My wife and I discussed the requirements and I found a great job. However, it was in another location about 7 hours away. We had a plan for 1 and 3 years in this job. If I liked it after a year, we would continue for a total of three years and I would move back home.

After a year, my wife has decided that she no longer wants to be married. She called me two weeks after my dad passed away to tell me she wanted a divorce and would not consider any other alternative. She won’t even talk to a counselor or priest on her own.

I am of the opinion that divorce is not an option, but apparently my wife is not. I am not perfect, and understand I’m a little hard to live with (and not live with as presently is what is happening).

I have spoken with my parish priest and a psychologist as well as many of my friends. I can’t come to terms with this and am having an incredibly hard time with it. Is there hope for me?

I am hopelessly and completely in love with her still. I can’t imagine a life without her in it.
 
I don’t get it? Did she find that living without you was better for her?
 
I think it would be extremely hard to keep even the best marriage together while living 7 hours apart. I would start with moving back home.
 
Her explanation was pretty much that. She saw that without me in the day to day activities, she was able to manage everything a little better and that everything just ran more smoothly.

I really think this is a temporary feeling for her, and I’m hoping when the three year period is up and I move back home, we can reconnect and reconcile. I know that’s probably a pipe dream, and truthfully I may be romanticizing our marriage, choosing to remember the good times rather than the arguing. However, I can’t foresee her wanting to be in my life other than as the mother of my children and a receiver of money over the next 9 years.
 
You think she may have found someone else? I hope not for your sake but it happens everyday
 
Has she filed already? If she files then moving home may not be an option. You need to find out what your rights are at this point as well as well as speak to your priest.
 
peecee69 said:
Her explanation was pretty much that. She saw that without me in the day to day activities, she was able to manage everything a little better and that everything just ran more smoothly.

I really think this is a temporary feeling for her, and I’m hoping when the three year period is up and I move back home, we can reconnect and reconcile. I know that’s probably a pipe dream, and truthfully I may be romanticizing our marriage, choosing to remember the good times rather than the arguing. However, I can’t foresee her wanting to be in my life other than as the mother of my children and a receiver of money over the next 9 years.
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I wouldn’t wait for the three year period to be over. I would go right now. Even if I had to get an apartment to start with.
 
HouseArrest said:
I wouldn’t wait for the three year period to be over. I would go right now. Even if I had to get an apartment to start with.
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I agree. You won’t have a marriage if you wait 3 more years. She could be married to someone else by then, it’s not uncommon.

Has she filed for divorce?

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart cool, in my experience. If there were any problems before, they will not improve with the distance.
 
Why didn’t the family move together? How can a father move 7 hours away from his daughters and still be a part of their lives? How often do you go home? How is this better for the family except for maybe some extra income which you are now probably having to spend double on living expenses). 12 and 16 year old girls need a strong dad around who is in their life every day. I recommend you check out www.dads.org and faithandfamily.org and read what Steve Wood has to say about Christian fatherhood and St. Joseph Covenant Keepers. He also has an entire resource center for Marriage. Hang in there and fight for your family! Start praying to St. Joseph and get home as soon as you can!
 
peecee69 said:
Her explanation was pretty much that. She saw that without me in the day to day activities, she was able to manage everything a little better and that everything just ran more smoothly.

I really think this is a temporary feeling for her, and I’m hoping when the three year period is up and I move back home, we can reconnect and reconcile. I know that’s probably a pipe dream, and truthfully I may be romanticizing our marriage, choosing to remember the good times rather than the arguing. However, I can’t foresee her wanting to be in my life other than as the mother of my children and a receiver of money over the next 9 years.
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For the next three years, she’ll continue to be pretty much on her own so why would she want a divorce now and disrupt the family? Not that it matters because she’s already announced she wants to cut the marital ties.
Go see a lawyer and understand your rights. And see a therapist for yourself and your depression.
Move back home? You moved away for better employment. If there was something there, why would you have moved in the first place? If she no longer wants to live with you, what is moving back to an apartment with no job going to solve? It would be one thing if a wife said, “I can’t stand being alone without you. Give up the job and come home.” But she is not saying that.
Please do not beat yourself up for moving seven hours away to support your family. People do this all the time. It is certainly not an ideal situation but being unemployed isn’t either.
 
When it comes to relationships, I’m the last person to give any advise. I do, however know how to pray. I will be praying for you and your family.

God bless

jesus g
 
jesuspsr said:
When it comes to relationships, I’m the last person to give any advise. I do, however know how to pray. I will be praying for you and your family.

God bless

jesus g
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I think we all fall into this boat Jesuspsr. None of us are the best people to give advice, so we just share our own experiences. You are not alone. :hug1:
 
As a follow up to this - I am now divorced. I still have the great job, one of my daughters is planning to move in with me when she graduates, and the other is going to do so as soon as she is able.

I am in a much better place, have been to many counseling sessions, and have come to terms with the events that were on a collision course for divorce no matter what.
 
I am sorry to hear this. I wish you peace. I will give you the same advice that was given to me in this sad time - do not separate yourself from the Eucharist - let Him be your greatest comfort.
 
Is there hope for me?
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Of course, there is always hope.

I am assuming that you are praying, you probably don’t feel much into but it is the time that you truly have to do it. Rosary, novena, etc…

I am sorry about everything, i pray for you, miracles happened.

Peace to you!
 
peecee69 said:
As a follow up to this - I am now divorced. I still have the great job, one of my daughters is planning to move in with me when she graduates, and the other is going to do so as soon as she is able.

I am in a much better place, have been to many counseling sessions, and have come to terms with the events that were on a collision course for divorce no matter what.
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May god continue to grace you with his peace.
 
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