Coping with medical restriction of marital relations

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PartoftheBody

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Due to pregnancy complications, my doctor advised husband and me to refrain from marital relations. This has been difficult, especially for my husband. He’s been more on edge lately, and I often wonder if it’s because of this restriction.

Anyone have experience with this type of situation? Any suggestions for ways to make this period of time easier?
 
He might be on edge because he’s worried about you and health of your baby and that all goes well with your pregnancy. The safety of you and your baby is absolutely top priority!
 
Between pregnancy and recovery from birth we were restricted for about 12 weeks.

Right now we have been restricted for 3 weeks and are looking at either 2 more weeks or 6/8 more weeks depending on the solution to my problem. The doctor is leaning toward the 8 week solution.

My husband is also a little on edge. But I don’t think it has to do with the restrictions as much as the fact that I am “sick.”

I’m a little worried about me, he is a lot worried about me.

Maybe the concern wipes out the desire?
 
He might be on edge because he’s worried about you and health of your baby and that all goes well with your pregnancy. The safety of you and your baby is absolutely top priority!
Exactly.

With our 5th pregnancy my wife was put on “pelvic rest” from weeks 7 to 20 because of persistent spotting (minor placental abruption). While the restrictions were not high on my list of wants, the fear that I could lose my wife and/or baby caused me more stress than going without for several months.

Probably one of the most annoying parts was seeing a doc every couple weeks telling us that “you can still have sex, just not vaginal”. Well no doc, that isn’t sex then.

Personally I spent a good amount of time in the adoration chapel praying for my wife and baby. Asking Chrsit and Mary to walk with me through that difficult time helped reduce my stress and angst quite a bit.
 
If it’s worry for safety of mom and baby, sexual frustration, or a combination of the two, I recommend distraction. Keeping busy often takes our minds off of our troubles, tires out our bodies (making abstaining easier) and gives us a sense of accomplishment and a sense of control over our lives and surroundings. So, maybe get him exercising regularly, working on things around the house, going out to join hobbyist groups, volunteering at the church, stuff like that.
 
Good bottle of red wine and a steak is definitely a good moral booster for a bloke I reckon! The way to a man’s heart is definitely through his stomach! !!!
 
I was on pelvic rest for 6 weeks this pregnancy. What helped us both was keeping busy. Honestly, the pelvic rest was less of an issue for us than the worries over what could happen to baby, but it was definitely a factor.

I was on modified bed rest, and spent the first week or so feeling miserable, watching TV endlessly, and trying not to bond with my baby in case the worst happened. (I know, I know…but it was a defense mechanism.) Then something snapped, and I decided that no matter how this pregnancy ended, the pregnancy itself was going to be, as it was supposed to, one of the most joyous times in my life. I was going to start making things for baby, talking to her, planning for her, and daydreaming, and if the worst did happen, at least I’d have happy memories of this time. And if we couldn’t have sex…well, I’d just take everything a week at a time, stay focused on tasks (knitting, crocheting, sketching out baby room ideas, etc), and make a few fun plans for when we could. 😃 Good bottle of wine, really nice dinner…whatever works for you two, just make a few plans. The idea isn’t to obsess over it–the idea is to show him, once you can have sex again, just how much you love him, how much you appreciate how great he’s been while you were on pelvic rest, and how much you, erm, missed him. 😉

If the pelvic rest is something that’s bothering him (and if I were you, I’d ask him directly about that), then asking him to do some baby- or house-related projects might help distract him. No man is going to prefer to paint a room or something to having sex, but after he’s spent all day painting he’s going to be rather less interested.

As others have pointed out, it might not even be the pelvic rest that’s stressing him out. He might be very worried about you and baby, worried about leaving you all day when he goes to work, etc. In that case, reassure him, text him (if you can) periodically while he’s at work so he knows you’re okay, and so on.
 
If it’s worry for safety of mom and baby, sexual frustration, or a combination of the two, I recommend distraction.
I concur with the “combination of the two” idea.

He loves you, so undoubtedly he IS concerned about your health. But physiologically, sexual intimacy has a calming effect on men, and in a period of prolonged abstinence outside stress can be amplified.

In addition to distraction, make sure to ramp up your expressions of affection for him. We men really do receive love through physical intimacy, and in its absence need extra TLC!
 
One thing that may help your husband is vigorous exercise.

I find when I have these sorts of stresses that hiking in the local mountains (winter) or riding my road bike hard (summer) really helps.
 
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