Correcting a situation?

[jen71]

I’m not sure where to post this question, but I’ll try here.

I discovered that a person I know was lying to me about a rather important aspect of his life. I didn’t want to confront him because of the circumstances under which we were in contact with each other. However, I hoped that as I asked more direct questions of him that he would admit to what I had discovered about him. He seemed like someone I could be friends with so I was somewhat disappointed in his continued false statements.

I had complained to some other people about him, but that obviously isn’t contructive and maybe is sinful. The whole situation bothered me so I decided to send him a note thanking him for something he had done, but I also let him know that I was aware of what he kept hidden and/or blatantly denied (the fact that he’s engaged). I wished him God’s blessings because I don’t have any ill-will towards him, & I wanted my note to sound charitable rather than as an accusation. Was it wrong to let him know that I knew he lied?

 

[teachccd]

I’m not sure where to post this question, but I’ll try here.

I discovered that a person I know was lying to me about a rather important aspect of his life. I didn’t want to confront him because of the circumstances under which we were in contact with each other. However, I hoped that as I asked more direct questions of him that he would admit to what I had discovered about him. He seemed like someone I could be friends with so I was somewhat disappointed in his continued false statements.

I had complained to some other people about him, but that obviously isn’t contructive and maybe is sinful. The whole situation bothered me so I decided to send him a note thanking him for something he had done, but I also let him know that I was aware of what he kept hidden and/or blatantly denied (the fact that he’s engaged). I wished him God’s blessings because I don’t have any ill-will towards him, & I wanted my note to sound charitable rather than as an accusation. Was it wrong to let him know that I knew he lied?

No, not at all. The really sad part is if his fiance doesn’t know that she’s marrying a two timer. You could have gone no where with him so you just let him know the truth about why you’re leaving. Hopefully he can feel somewhat repulsed and knock it off although it is in God’s hands… teachccd

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

I’m not sure where to post this question, but I’ll try here.

I discovered that a person I know was lying to me about a rather important aspect of his life. I didn’t want to confront him because of the circumstances under which we were in contact with each other. However, I hoped that as I asked more direct questions of him that he would admit to what I had discovered about him. He seemed like someone I could be friends with so I was somewhat disappointed in his continued false statements.

I had complained to some other people about him, but that obviously isn’t contructive and maybe is sinful. The whole situation bothered me so I decided to send him a note thanking him for something he had done, but I also let him know that I was aware of what he kept hidden and/or blatantly denied (the fact that he’s engaged). I wished him God’s blessings because I don’t have any ill-will towards him, & I wanted my note to sound charitable rather than as an accusation. Was it wrong to let him know that I knew he lied?

This is just me, but I would even go as far as to write a little anonymous note to his fiancee. It might save her some heartbreak later on…

 

[LittleOne1]

I would say as long as you confirmed this fact it is fine to confront him about this and maybe good that his fiance knows (this is not gossip because it is designed to let someone else know info they should know). Now granted he is not married yet and has no strict sense of exclusiveness, but in our day and age, getting engaged means you are exclusively discerning and planning marriage. To be doing something behind the others back like this is decietful and the person should be aware their fiance is acting liek this, but it might be good to get the guy to admit it himself to her first. As always, consider your safety first in these things which can get dicey.

 

[jen71]

I would say as long as you confirmed this fact it is fine to confront him about this and **maybe good that his fiance knows **(this is not gossip because it is designed to let someone else know info they should know). Now granted he is not married yet and has no strict sense of exclusiveness, but in our day and age, getting engaged means you are exclusively discerning and planning marriage. To be doing something behind the others back like this is decietful and the person should be aware their fiance is acting liek this, but it might be good to get the guy to admit it himself to her first. As always, consider your safety first in these things which can get dicey.

His fiancee won’t be involved in this unless she opens his mail because my note was addressed to him under his business name.

I actually happen to agree that engagement isn’t the same as a marriage vow which was mentioned by me during one of the conversations when I was trying to get him to admit to being engaged.

I don’t really know that he needs to admit anything to her unless he really doesn’t want to get married like he told me several times (equating marriage to a funeral). If he truly doesn’t want to be married, yet is still engaged to be married, that is a problem. I am just clueless as to why he hid her existence from me.

Maybe I should have also mentioned that this person comes from divorced parents and is extremely negative about all things Catholic. One time I asked if he considered himself to be Catholic anymore, and he said that was a good question.

It can be difficult enough making right choices even when a person has God in his/her life. It’s even worse for those who don’t.

 

[1ke]

It was not “wrong” to let him know that you knew. There is no moral issue there.

That is not to say it wasn’t something else-- immature, perhaps. It seems odd that you continued to pursue a relationship (friendship?) with him once you knew he was engaged. You continued to play a little game of “I know you are engaged” and tried to get him to “admit” it with whatever little comments and questions you made.

Personally, that doesn’t reflect all that well on you. It’s just sort of weird, I think.

If I were a single female and a guy I knew in whatever capacity lied, hid, obfuscated, about being engaged, I would just put an end to the relationship. This is not a person of integrity, nor someone I would want to associate with. But you didn’t do that, you played a little cat and mouse game with him.

So, ask yourself why. Why were you motivated to try to “get” him to admit something?

 

[LittleOne1]

She has ended this relationship; she wanted him to admit it himself, but he would not so she went a different route. Either way she was not in the end trying to stay with him unless what she found out turned out to be false. It could have also been her info she had to suggest he had a fiance was not as solid as we might think. Either way I think that is assuming things we do not know. At this point though that idea is moot; its over and she moved on.

 

[jen71]

That is not to say it wasn’t something else-- immature, perhaps. It seems odd that you continued to pursue a relationship (friendship?) with him once you knew he was engaged. You continued to play a little game of “I know you are engaged” and tried to get him to “admit” it with whatever little comments and questions you made.

He seemed friendly, and I don’t have the opportunity to meet new people in my age range so I thought it was worth seeing if he was someone with whom I could be friends.

I also think people deserve a chance to explain themselves so when the topic of marriage came up between us (and there were other people joining in this conversation with us), I hoped it would prompt him to tell me about his situation.

Personally, that doesn’t reflect all that well on you. It’s just sort of weird, I think.

Most people would say I’m weird. A lot of that would go directly back to trying to believe & live everything the Church teaches too; some would be because of my personality.

If I were a single female and a guy I knew in whatever capacity lied, hid, obfuscated, about being engaged, I would just put an end to the relationship. This is not a person of integrity, nor someone I would want to associate with. But you didn’t do that, you played a little cat and mouse game with him.

The situation under which I met him involved needing to regard him as being trustworthy given that he was in my home doing work off & on over a 6 month period. He told me many details about his family & some about an ex-girlfriend so I couldn’t understand why he made it sound like he was currently single.

So, ask yourself why. Why were you motivated to try to “get” him to admit something?

1. I don’t meet many people so I was looking for friendship with someone close to my age. I was seriously disappointed that someone I thought could possibly become a friend would lie for no reason.
2. I had complained to other people which would be gossip I guess. If he had just brought up the engagement, then forgiveness could come very easily. However, if I am trying to be a better person, then instead of being irritable, I should develop a more forgiving attitude regardless of whether or not he was “repentant.” I needed to let him know that I knew he was engaged, not in a “you lied” way, but in a way that could help me resolve feeling hurt because I really want to be able to let these types of situations go sooner rather than taking months to get over them. If you’ve never been in a situation without closure, trust me, it can eat you up inside.

I just hoped it wasn’t morally wrong to point out to someone that a lie he/she had told had been discovered.

I don’t know anything about people who post on here, but maybe most of you come from life situations where you have mostly devout Catholic friends & families. Well, I don’t. My experience is that lots of people lie & are evasive and lots of people have a “1 hour on Sunday” type of morality (if even that much). It can make a person really bitter when it is apparent that you don’t fit into any place.