Cost of Marrige preparation

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DiZent

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My great niece & her fiance both belong to the same parish. They have been dating since high school & engaged since last year. They inquired about having their wedding there and were “priced out” of having a church wedding. (all things added up to 3K before even considering the cost of the reception) :eek: This is a sad thing; not everyone has the means. Great niece was told that had to attend a specific weekend marriage prep within the diocese, pay for the use of the facility, pay for the organist, ushers, etc (not suggested donations, but set fees). And none of the neighboring parishes was willing to allow them use. There were no options. When DH & I got married at his family parish (in 1986), there was no facility fee unless we used the hall for the reception. (we had a lawn party at DH’s parents house for the reception - was fun & cost very little) We gave “donations” to the priest, organist, etc. (probably totaled up to $150). We did attend a marriage prep weekend (probably cost $100 total), but we also had the choice of attending the classes (over a period of weeks) or selecting a host couple for the instruction. I do understand the need for marriage prep & I understand that the cost of using facilities has risen, there should be options for a young couple that don’t price them out.
 
The couple in question needs to sit down with their pastor in an appointment and discuss their situation.
 
If, after discussing this situation with the pastor, this couple cannot arrange for a wedding in their parish church, it is time to send a nice, polite letter to the archbishop. Parishioners have the right to be married in their parish church.
 
Would their priest allow them to be married during a typical Sunday mass?
 
Organists and cantors are all hired help - so I understand those fees. You usually pay those people directly (even if they are the “usual” people who sing and play at church.) One who does not wish to pay for these services uses an alternative musical source or has no music at the wedding. The couple usually chooses close gentleman friends or family to act as ushers. Those are not paid roles.

I chose to hire the organist and a cantor for my wedding and I paid them each $120 for their services.

The church use fee should be around $150-250 and can be waived if the couple is indigent

The pre-marital prep class should be at most a few hundred.

The donation to the presider and altar servers is at the discretion of the couple. If the couple is indigent, the presider may kindly decline the stipend.

I’m not sure what on Earth could be costing $3,000.
 
1ke said:
The couple in question needs to sit down with their pastor in an appointment and discuss their situation.
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Great Niece said that they talked with the pastor & this was what they were told.
 
Marysann said:
If, after discussing this situation with the pastor, this couple cannot arrange for a wedding in their parish church, it is time to send a nice, polite letter to the archbishop. Parishioners have the right to be married in their parish church.
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👍
 
Avocadomom said:
Organists and cantors are all hired help - so I understand those fees. You usually pay those people directly (even if they are the “usual” people who sing and play at church.) One who does not wish to pay for these services uses an alternative musical source or has no music at the wedding. The couple usually chooses close gentleman friends or family to act as ushers. Those are not paid roles.

I chose to hire the organist and a cantor for my wedding and I paid them each $120 for their services.

The church use fee should be around $150-250 and can be waived if the couple is indigent

The pre-marital prep class should be at most a few hundred.

The donation to the presider and altar servers is at the discretion of the couple. If the couple is indigent, the presider may kindly decline the stipend.

I’m not sure what on Earth could be costing $3,000.
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My sister-in-laws to be played & sang at my wedding. I could not imagine what could make the price so high. Great niece said that the fees were set and not a donation. She also said that the marriage prep weekend was very expensive - and there were no alternatives. I know that we have host couples for marriage prep at my parish. It made me curious as to how much a wedding costs at my parish. I plan to find out.
 
DiZent said:
My sister-in-laws to be played & sang at my wedding. I could not imagine what could make the price so high. Great niece said that the fees were set and not a donation. She also said that the marriage prep weekend was very expensive - and there were no alternatives. I know that we have host couples for marriage prep at my parish. It made me curious as to how much a wedding costs at my parish. I plan to find out.
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in which diocese does she live?

I’m in the archdiocese of Los Angeles and our “Engaged Encounter” is $250.
 
They are in the Archdiocese of Wilmington DE. I saw options on the CDOW website, so maybe they did not ask the right questions or maybe it was just the preference of the parish.
 
Three thousand seems really high. I think we paid a total of around $1000, and our parish was a sort of “magnet” parish in a location where a lot of people want to get married. This was only a few years ago.

We had a fee for the use of the church, which I think was a few hundred. Then the Engaged Encounter was maybe $100-$150. We had to pay for “wedding coordinators” who were present at the rehearsal (the priest wasn’t even there) and took care of logistics like procession order, readings, and so forth. There were set fees for the organist and cantor. Then the donations to the priest and altar servers.

I cannot imagine what could possibly cost $3000. Was she given a sheet with a list of prices on it? We were, so that we knew ahead of time how much everything would cost. I’m actually really curious as to what the breakdown is.
 
DiZent said:
My great niece & her fiance both belong to the same parish. They have been dating since high school & engaged since last year. They inquired about having their wedding there and were “priced out” of having a church wedding. (all things added up to 3K before even considering the cost of the reception) :eek: This is a sad thing; not everyone has the means. Great niece was told that had to attend a specific weekend marriage prep within the diocese, pay for the use of the facility, pay for the organist, ushers, etc (not suggested donations, but set fees). And none of the neighboring parishes was willing to allow them use. There were no options. When DH & I got married at his family parish (in 1986), there was no facility fee unless we used the hall for the reception. (we had a lawn party at DH’s parents house for the reception - was fun & cost very little) We gave “donations” to the priest, organist, etc. (probably totaled up to $150). We did attend a marriage prep weekend (probably cost $100 total), but we also had the choice of attending the classes (over a period of weeks) or selecting a host couple for the instruction. I do understand the need for marriage prep & I understand that the cost of using facilities has risen, there should be options for a young couple that don’t price them out.
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How big a wedding are they planning? If they were getting married with half a dozen guests, would it still cost $3,000? I’d ask that question. I’d also ask if there are particular dates or times that would be cheaper.

I would keep talking to the pastor and move on to the diocese if that didn’t work.

If they are planning a large wedding, crying poor isn’t going to work.

We also got married very cheaply in the late 90s–I think the total budget was probably in the neighborhood of $600.
 
There has to be more to this story. I’ve never heard of those kinds of fees. Also, as others have noted, some of those services are optional. Still, even if the church itself was $500 it couldn’t possibly add up to $3000. Perhaps their options were limited due to dates and they had to go to a marriage encounter far away? Please do reply when you find out more. There has to be a way to get married in that church for far less. Just my 2 cents. I’ve been married a long time but we had a friend sing, paid the organist, tipped the altar servers and gave a “donation” to the priest. A couple hundred bucks tops.
Avocadomom said:
Organists and cantors are all hired help - so I understand those fees. You usually pay those people directly (even if they are the “usual” people who sing and play at church.) One who does not wish to pay for these services uses an alternative musical source or has no music at the wedding. The couple usually chooses close gentleman friends or family to act as ushers. Those are not paid roles.

I chose to hire the organist and a cantor for my wedding and I paid them each $120 for their services.

The church use fee should be around $150-250 and can be waived if the couple is indigent

The pre-marital prep class should be at most a few hundred.

The donation to the presider and altar servers is at the discretion of the couple. If the couple is indigent, the presider may kindly decline the stipend.

I’m not sure what on Earth could be costing $3,000.
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PrayPsalm51 said:
There has to be more to this story.
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Also agree. I’m getting married next month and everything in total for the wedding cost $190. That includes NFP classes, Marriage Prep, and use of the diocesan cathedral basilica… We are bringing in some musicians but that was optional and another $300-400 I think.

Hard to believe we can do the whole thing for $190 (at the Cathedral Basilica no less!) and other places are charging three grand.
 
I recently attended a Saturday evening Mass, that was the regularly-scheduled weekly Saturday vigil Mass at our parish, and they had a wedding as a part of Mass. Thus, I presume that there was no extra cost for musicians or anything else associated with the church, since the bride and groom were married as part of the regular Saturday evening Mass, just the same way that you might see a baptism as part of Mass on a Saturday evening or Sunday morning. Maybe this would be an option.
 
We’re getting married in two months.
$100 for use of the church (including the priest)
$75 for pre-Cana
We’re still looking for musicians, but we expect that to be $200 or less.

$3,000 is insane – I read somewhere that St. Patrick’s Cathedral in NYC is only $2,000 for goodness sake.
 
Avocadomom said:
Organists and cantors are all hired help - so I understand those fees. You usually pay those people directly (even if they are the “usual” people who sing and play at church.) One who does not wish to pay for these services uses an alternative musical source or has no music at the wedding. The couple usually chooses close gentleman friends or family to act as ushers. Those are not paid roles.
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If the parish pays its organist & cantor, and wedding fees are regarded as part of their annual salary, you will usually be charged a bench fee even if you don’t use their services and bring in someone else.
forum.musicasacra.com/forum/discussion/869/bench-fee-for-weddings/p1
 
Well shame on this parish, or whoever has set up these policies.

Our parish accepted donations from couples, and they had the option of retreats or marriage prep with couples selected to do this. No fees where involved, unless they wanted the hall for the reception. And this is what I think should be. I think it is terrible that weddings have become nothing more than money making ventures for others, including the Church.

I hope they kind find a priest who will work this out for them. I would advise the current parish of just that, and keep looking.
 
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