Could god be punishing his baby for his actions?

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tammy2

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My friend just had a baby who was 10 weeks premature. The baby was doing good for the first two days but then they were told that the baby has level 4 ventricular hemorrhage (bleeding in the brain). My friend has been married to his wife for a couple of years but recently they began talking about divorce since they were not getting along and also in the process he started having feelings for a close friend. He spent a lot of time with this friend of his but nothing ever happened between them. Not sure if it would have in the future. Anyhow, he now feels that god is punishing the baby for him allowing his heart to stray away from his wife. Could that be true? I don’t agree because I don’t feel that he planned to have these feelings for his friend. How can I explain to him that it’s not his fault that this is happening and that god is an all loving god that would not punish a little baby for his actions or feelings? I would appreciate any advice you can give me. If everyone could also please pray for a miracle to save this innocent baby and strength for the family. Thank you.
 
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tammy2:
My friend just had a baby who was 10 weeks premature. The baby was doing good for the first two days but then they were told that the baby has level 4 ventricular hemorrhage (bleeding in the brain). My friend has been married to his wife for a couple of years but recently they began talking about divorce since they were not getting along and also in the process he started having feelings for a close friend. He spent a lot of time with this friend of his but nothing ever happened between them. Not sure if it would have in the future. Anyhow, he now feels that god is punishing the baby for him allowing his heart to stray away from his wife. Could that be true? I don’t agree because I don’t feel that he planned to have these feelings for his friend. How can I explain to him that it’s not his fault that this is happening and that god is an all loving god that would not punish a little baby for his actions or feelings? I would appreciate any advice you can give me. If everyone could also please pray for a miracle to save this innocent baby and strength for the family. Thank you.
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Your friend seems to be feeling guilt for his actions and letting his heart stray from his wife. He needs to take action and prayer to guard his heart better in the future.

Encourage him to read the Gospel passages where Jesus talks about and refers to children. He loves them, and they are innocents. In God’s mercy and forgiveness, I cannot imagine Him “punishing” a baby who cannot even comprehend for his parent’s sins. The suffering going on in this family is likely stirring feelings of guilt in your friend who probably rightfully feels that things need to be “made right”. He needs to deal with that and be there for his wife and child.
 
No, God is not punishing the baby for his father’s actions. Sometimes, stuff just happens. However, God can use this situation to draw your friend back to Him.

Otherwise, we’d all be punished through our kids, because we have all sinned.
 
Sadly, despite the best medical care, 10 week premature babies can have a very rough time of it. Ask your friend to look around at all the other babies fighting for their little lives and tell you that their parents have sinned as well? It just doesn’t work that way.

I am sorry that on top of worrying about his baby, he’s also plagued with guilt. I do believe that God can use this very trying time to draw he & his wife closer together. And yes, I will pray for a miracle.
 
I FEEL terrible for the parents in this situation. I myself have a 9 week old baby. All I can say is that Sin has temporal effects as well as eternal effects. This is the reason that there exists all kinds of painful problems in the world…
 
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tammy2:
My friend has been married to his wife for a couple of years but recently they began talking about divorce since they were not getting along and also in the process he started having feelings for a close friend. He spent a lot of time with this friend of his but nothing ever happened between them. Not sure if it would have in the future. Anyhow, he now feels that god is punishing the baby for him allowing his heart to stray away from his wife. Could that be true? I don’t agree because I don’t feel that he planned to have these feelings for his friend. How can I explain to him that it’s not his fault that this is happening and that god is an all loving god that would not punish a little baby for his actions or feelings? I would appreciate any advice you can give me. If everyone could also please pray for a miracle to save this innocent baby and strength for the family. Thank you.
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I agree with others that God is not likely taking out your friend’s problems on the baby.

What’s with all the sympathy shown for him? Right now he has some very serious situation to deal with, and his WIFE is the person to do it with. He may not have “planned” to have feelings for his friend, but what human male does “plan” to have feelings to stray? He needs to get his head on straight and figure out where his family is and forsake others the way he promised. Talking divorce because they’re “not getting along” is extremely lame reasoning. Doing all this during a medical crisis with a baby just makes it that much worse for everybody involved, esp. his wife.

I don’t know what your friend has put into this marriage but he is tearing it apart with or without the help of his wife, and it ISN’T “just something that happens.” It is something that he is not only LETTING happen, but is a full participant.

Alan

P.S. it is not the “feeling of guilt” that I think is the real stressor here; it’s that there is actual guilt of wrong behavior. This illicit relationship is perhaps not physical. Just having a female friend to run some ideas by is one thing, but isn’t normally done well by men with troubled marriages – especially if he’s feeling guilt.

P.P.S. The other question I’ve have about his feelings of guilt is why, if he even gives for one moment the idea that he is responsible for his baby’s condition, isn’t that a wake-up call toward better behavior? At this point whether “God is punishing” the child is not something he can fix, except on an ongoing basis.

Sorry if I came on harsh; I see you’re a first time poster. Without your friend here to defend himself, please consider all my comments purely speculative and perhaps misapplied in the event I’ve misunderstood his situation.

Alan
 
One other thing that occurred to me is that I’ve put a lot of responsibility on your friend for the state of his marriage. We haven’t heard anything about his wife and her contributions, so in a “his fault her fault” contest I’m not taking sides.

Also there are certainly times an outside opinion can be useful; if he’s feeling guilty about it, though, it is probably more than that.

One thing about some men I’ve known is that they never are as “comfortable” around their spouse, designated girlfriend, or whatever, as they are around certain ex’s and extras. Why? Because these others are not as much of a threat if the relationship goes wrong for one. For another reason, these people know their place.

For example, when in college, my ex-girlfriends have already gone through the separation and they used to like to visit me. In our fraternity house, it was easy to visit without being specific as to whom they were visiting. They knew their place and played the game to stay out of “current girlfriend’s face” and that made them in a way more fun to be around than the current one. A “partner in crime” is what it is, and it can be exciting and make things seem better than they are. At the time I didn’t see it because I was just a male dog, essentially, as far as my spiritual growth at the time – on haitus from the church and all.

Alan
 
My son was a premie. He was one of the ones who didn’t make it. He would be turning 14 March 1.
Part of the grieving process is going through the “What ifs…”
and the “If…thens” Seeking to lay blame, feeling guilt is all normal grief work. It’s bad enough if you don’t really have anything to feel guily about, but if you do, then it is worse.

Even though your friend’s baby didn’t die (hopefully) there is still grief in the situation. Grieving that the pregancy didn’t go smoothly, grieving that the baby is not healthy, and there is anticipatory grief in fearing that the baby will die.

In time, your friend will come to realize that sometimes things just happen. And sometimes it sucks. I believe that everything happens for a reason. God’s reason. Sometimes we get to know through the course of time what the reason was. So many times I can trace back a series of events to something that was awful at the time, but because of that something else happened, and because of that something else happened, and because of that seomething else happened…you get the idea.

And some things we may never know the reason. I have a list of things I would like to discuss with God when I get to heaven. But as someone once pointed out to me, once I get there none of those things will matter anyway.

Our days on earth are numbered before we are born. My son’s day on earth was his day. And none of my past sins had anything to do with it.

Maybe your friend can use the situation to straighten up his life. Now that I have a son in Heaven, I don’t want to mess up my chance at getting to be with him someday.

Please keep us posted on how the baby is doing.

Arlene
 
Thanks to everyone for all your imput. It has been really helpful. I will keep you updated as i learn more.
 
The notion that God “punishes” us through our children or by any other means in this life is not consistent with Catholic theology.
 
First of all my daughter was born at 26 weeks, if anything this course in my life brought me closer to God and my faith. Before then, I was what you would call a “Cafeteria Catholic”.

God is a loving and merciful God. What your friend needs to do is focus on the care of his baby and help support the mother in any way.

Best wishes for your friend and his baby.
 
This is so not true, I have a teenage son with mental retardation, Autism and non-verbal. To believe God is punishing me and/or my husband for any past sins by making him this way is wrong, I will Pray for this sweet baby. Give your friend love and understanding but don’t let him go on believing God is punishing him through his baby. Ask him to Pray with you.
 
I just wanted to thank everyone for your prayers! I’m happy to announce that the baby is now home and doing well. She is now about 5 lbs. a happy chubby baby. There is still a risk that she might have long term brain damage but that won’t be known until she is older. Again thanks for your prayers and please keep praying for her to be ok! 🙂
 
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tammy2:
Anyhow, he now feels that god is punishing the baby for him allowing his heart to stray away from his wife. Could that be true?
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Absolutely not.
 
keep praying for that kid. My brother had bilateral level 4 bleeds and he is 100% okay (NO disability of any kind). It was quite the miracle.

But even if the kid isnt as lucky as Tony was, perhaps God has allowed this crisis (and hopefully not but maybe the subsequent trials) to help the two to reconcile by having a common person to love and care for. and/or make their relationship problems seem petty in comaprison.
 
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