Could i be called for a single state in life?

[olive456]

Hi guys,

This issue constantly concerns me. I’m in my mid 20s and I find myself afraid when it comes to the Church teachings of marriage and children. I would love to be married one day however I am scared that I will need to have a large family. This is not something I want. Ideally, I would want 2-3 children, but the Church asks for a good reason if we are to limit our family sizes. My biggest fear is that if I marry and follow the Church teachings I would have to give up my career and not work outside of home. I know plenty who love being stay at home moms/dads, but in my case I love my profession. I can’t envision myself giving up my career and being very sacrificial to look after lots of kids.

This concern even makes me consider whether or not I should be dating. Maybe marriage isn’t for me.

 

[sudy]

It seems to me that you’re worrying about what might happen sometime in the future… you haven’t met the guy yet. Jesus said that worrying won’t add a single hour to our lives. Why not just put all your trust in God?

Plenty of Catholic women work and have children. Plenty of families require two incomes to function.

I’m getting mixed messages about what you are and aren’t prepared to sacrifice. On the one hand you’d have to have lots of children because of your faith, on the other hand you’re not prepared to give up your career.

I think you’re losing sight of the fact that once you’ve found faith, you’re meant to give back to God. And right now you’re worrying about something that may never even happen. You may not meet the man, you may not be able to have children. You’re worrying unnecessarily.

If you trust in God, everything will work out for the best. He doesn’t give you more than you can handle in any case.

 

[olive456]

It seems to me that you’re worrying about what might happen sometime in the future… you haven’t met the guy yet. Jesus said that worrying won’t add a single hour to our lives. Why not just put all your trust in God?

**I agree I am worrying. I tend to think what’s the use of me dating or trying to find a marriage partner if I’m afraid I’ll end up with a large family. Then again I do have Anxiety **

Plenty of Catholic women work and have children. Plenty of families require two incomes to function.

** I am assuming that if I was married to someone who is able to contribute to the family with just one income, I probably will have no reason to postpone/limit my family size. After all, one needs a just reason to do so. I’m also thinking, how could I possibly keep my career if I would have a large family? It just wouldn’t make sense to have one child after the other and still have capacity to be employed **
I’m getting mixed messages about what you are and aren’t prepared to sacrifice. On the one hand you’d have to have lots of children because of your faith, on the other hand you’re not prepared to give up your career.

I think you’re losing sight of the fact that once you’ve found faith, you’re meant to give back to God. And right now you’re worrying about something that may never even happen. You may not meet the man, you may not be able to have children. You’re worrying unnecessarily.

If you trust in God, everything will work out for the best. He doesn’t give you more than you can handle in any case.

 

[thankulord]

Hi!
Since you have doubts about marriage and also children that means you are not ready to get married nor have children. But this is now. When I was in my mid-20’s I didn’t want to get married, but seven years later I was very ready to get married. Also at that time I had a boyfriend that I knew was right for me.

If you are sure God is calling you to a single life, then I don’t think it is a good idea to date. However if in your heart you feel you would like to get married in the future, I think not dating is OK and dating is OK too.

Maybe reading up on natural family planning could ease some of your worry. I don’t think being Catholic and getting married means that you need to have masses of children. It means that you are open to children that God sends to you. He may not send any.

Maybe too, you are right you are worrying because you have a problem with anxiety and without this problem you wouldn’t be so overly concerned. Maybe it can be treated if not already.

I think that is lovely that you are in your mid 20’s and enjoying your profession! God bless you!

 

[LongingSoul]

Hi guys,

This issue constantly concerns me. I’m in my mid 20s and I find myself afraid when it comes to the Church teachings of marriage and children. I would love to be married one day however I am scared that I will need to have a large family. This is not something I want. Ideally, I would want 2-3 children, but the Church asks for a good reason if we are to limit our family sizes. My biggest fear is that if I marry and follow the Church teachings I would have to give up my career and not work outside of home. I know plenty who love being stay at home moms/dads, but in my case I love my profession. I can’t envision myself giving up my career and being very sacrificial to look after lots of kids.

This concern even makes me consider whether or not I should be dating. Maybe marriage isn’t for me.

There’s a good Woody Allen quote that goes ‘if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans’.

The thing is that while some people have a very intense calling to their vocation from an early age… most of us don’t. You just live your life and discern your path with each new life event without having too tight a hold on those reigns.

No one has any place making you feel you have to have loads of kids to be a good Catholic. That is up to you and your husband alone. You may get married and find you love having babies and are a natural instinctive mother and find it easy to put your career on hold for a time. That happened to a friend of mine who hated kids before marriage.

But having two or three children is not symbolic of a bad Catholic.

 

[MJJean]

Some people just aren’t mentally and physically capable of caring for large families. I have 3 children and some days I wonder how I stay sane. My friend is about to give birth to her 10th and thinks it’s a breeze. God understands us each and knows what is in our hearts and heads.

If you were to marry and realize that you just can’t emotionally, intellectually, and/or physically care for a larger family that is a just reason to limit family size. God doesn’t want us going bonkers or making ourselves miserable.

Once you marry you may very well have a giant priority shift. It’s possible you’ll have a baby and decide that you want to stay home. You may decide that working part time or telecommuting is a viable option so that you can both continue with your career and be with your child(ren). It’s really a cross that bridge when you come to it thing. You can’t know for sure how you’ll feel until you get there.

 

[truetofaith]

Hi guys,

This issue constantly concerns me. I’m in my mid 20s and I find myself afraid when it comes to the Church teachings of marriage and children. I would love to be married one day however I am scared that I will need to have a large family. This is not something I want. Ideally, I would want 2-3 children, but the Church asks for a good reason if we are to limit our family sizes. My biggest fear is that if I marry and follow the Church teachings I would have to give up my career and not work outside of home. I know plenty who love being stay at home moms/dads, but in my case I love my profession. I can’t envision myself giving up my career and being very sacrificial to look after lots of kids.

This concern even makes me consider whether or not I should be dating. Maybe marriage isn’t for me.

I had the same exact fear…I didn’t want a big family but didn’t want to sin by using birth control. So, I prayed about it and guess what, the Lord solved the problem, but not the way I expected.
It turned out I was sterile & never had to use birth control…but after 15 years we adopted a beautiful baby girl through the Catholic Home Bureau . She is now, 31 married & natural mother of a 4 yr. old & a little girl on the way.

P.S. - She’s a social worker & had leave from work for 2 months then we watched him for almost 2 yrs. during the day & then he went into daycare while she & her husband worked. Same will be when she has the new baby.

 

[sudy]

I’m sorry, Olive, I didn’t know about your anxiety. What I was really trying to say is this…

When I was in my mid-20’s I didn’t want to get married, but seven years later I was very ready to get married

and this…

You may get married and find you love having babies and are a natural instinctive mother and find it easy to put your career on hold for a time. That happened to a friend of mine who hated kids before marriage.

And something else that you may not have considered… if you look around you, you’ll see that jobs don’t last forever. Oftentimes people have to retrain as they get older, or the job changes and it becomes less enjoyable.

Please try not to worry about things that may never happen though. None of us know the future. We don’t even know how we’re going to feel in a few years time either… our priorities do change; our whole focus in life shifts.

There’s a good Woody Allen quote that goes ‘if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans’.

Haha, I like that There’s really no point in making any long term plans.

 

[Mintaka]

It’s a great idea to plan prudently for the future (like retirement funds) but just be prepared to be flexible, or even to drop everything and go. God gave us immortal souls and a promise of the Resurrection. He didn’t promise us immortal jobs or to let us know life’s details ahead of time.

Why don’t you look at Proverbs 31? Whether you end up marrying or not, the picture of “the valiant woman,” a busy, enterprising, loving woman, is a good one to think about.