Could it be God's will for me to remain single?

[Holly3278]

Hi everyone. I am beginning to think that it could be God’s will for me to remain single partly because I have so many problems that any potential children of mine could inherit. I don’t want to pass on my problems to any children. That and I have borderline personality disorder which makes having a stable relationship difficult. Do you think it could be God’s will for me to remain single?

 

[ack]

Hello Holly,

An increasing number of women are choosing consecrated singleness (consecrated virginity) as a vocation.

These women make a vow to remain single and do God’s work, while living a life in the “real world” among their peers.

Many of these women choose to join a Third Order (secular order/secular institute) as part of a consecration. These women vow to promote the goals of the order, and receive support and direction from their peers in the order.

There are several active threads on this in the Vocations forum…

Hi everyone. I am beginning to think that it could be God’s will for me to remain single partly because I have so many problems that any potential children of mine could inherit. I don’t want to pass on my problems to any children. That and I have borderline personality disorder which makes having a stable relationship difficult. Do you think it could be God’s will for me to remain single?

 

[stringbeanduck]

Only you know what His will for you is. Nobody can rule out the possibility of passing on a certain trait to their children. Perhaps you could talk to a priest about this concern.

 

[Salonika]

Hi everyone. I am beginning to think that it could be God’s will for me to remain single partly because I have so many problems that any potential children of mine could inherit. I don’t want to pass on my problems to any children. That and I have borderline personality disorder which makes having a stable relationship difficult. Do you think it could be God’s will for me to remain single?

Yes, it could be.

I think that we are called to consider all possibilities and why some appeal more than others.

Also keep in mind that within being single there are a number of possibilities.

Children come in other forms than your own - including adopted children, children in need of care and children who would benefit from having a(nother) loving adult in their life.

I feel it’s sad that sometimes people see the single life as a lesser option and so feel they need to check if this could be God’s will in a way they wouldn’t if they thought they were being called to the religious life or to marriage.

 

[Danuska]

First, nobody can answer that question for you.
Second, seeing some of your threads, I just think that you are young and confused – the other day you wrote something about your friend Darryl (I think), something is telling me that you are looking for some kind of closeness and intimacy and what you wrote today is rather a result of your depression (or whatever else you are battling with) rather than a call to single life. But as I said, no one in this forum will tell you exactly where God wants you.

And as for your condition, are you undergoing treatment? Are you sure it is hereditary and not rooted in your childhood? There seems to be some kind of problem there with you, but well, Nothing is Impossible for Jesus, if he wants you in marriage, you will just do fine.

 

[Appleby]

Hi everyone. I am beginning to think that it could be God’s will for me to remain single partly because I have so many problems that any potential children of mine could inherit. I don’t want to pass on my problems to any children. That and I have borderline personality disorder which makes having a stable relationship difficult. Do you think it could be God’s will for me to remain single?

Yes, it could be. The Baptists say Bloom Where You Are Planted, that is, do the work that lies nearest at hand; it may not be because of what you do not have that God would have you remain a spinster, but because of what you do have. Take an inventory of your gifts and then contact someone either at your parish or at a local charity and ask how you can help. For only one example, Ronald McDonald House is generally desperate for volunteers and they have everything from supervising and playing with the children so their parents can wash their hair, take a nap or hold hands in the garden, to sorting donations and changing beds, to manning the reception desk, to praying with others; I did that in Atlanta and took my nephew age 8, who had been whining about how unfair life was to him, one day. An afternoon with those children not only convinced him that not having an expensive toy paled and blew away when compared to being 8 years old and paralyzed from the neck down, but that he had a real talent for caretaking. You may discover the same thing about yourself. (As for me, I have a real talent for office work and administration – a job that nobody wants because that gets them no attention save from your Father who sees in secret.)

If you are 20 years old and desperate to marry and start producing children, you need to take a longer view. God may be saying Not Now.

 

[DL82]

2 Corinthians 11:30 “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.”

Who knows what good God can bring out of your weaknesses. It’s where we’re broken that chinks of God’s light can shine out to the world!

 

[Holly3278]

Hmmm, thank you everyone. For those of you who asked, I am in treatment for my disorders. And if I recall correctly, I read that my disorders are inheritable. I would love to get married some day but I really don’t want to risk having a bad marriage or passing on my disorders to my children.

 

[Danuska]

Don’t worry too much, Holly, nothing is impossible for God. If he has plans for you to get married, He will be with you to support you. And nobody said that you will struggle with your disorders throughout your whole life.
And God often talks to us through our dreams and desires (well, be careful with that - desires can be bad and not of God). But if you wish to get married, it is very much possible that God wants you to get married. Put everything in His Hand, He is the Truth, the Way and the Life.

 

[Holly3278]

Don’t worry too much, Holly, nothing is impossible for God. If he has plans for you to get married, He will be with you to support you. And nobody said that you will struggle with your disorders throughout your whole life.
And God often talks to us through our dreams and desires (well, be careful with that - desires can be bad and not of God). But if you wish to get married, it is very much possible that God wants you to get married. Put everything in His Hand, He is the Truth, the Way and the Life.

Thank you Danuska for this encouraging post. It is quite helpful.