Could need a bit of advice

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lasting_faith
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Lasting_faith

Guest
OK, this has not happen yet, but it can, and I have less then 24 hours to figure out what to do.

Tomorrow my first grandchild will be baptized. The story is this. My daughter is a atheist, (and so is my son) and she did leave the Lutherian Church a while ago, only to rejoin just to get a church-wedding because it is “cool” I think. So, a bit over a year ago I was to lead her up the aisle but she told me I could not have any visible cross. (I always have a small cross on my coat, and normaly also a big Crusifix around my neck.) I was ready to keep my Crusifix under my shirt, I was not happy, but did not want to spoil her “big day”. So, I did agree to not wear even my small cross on my coat, and my mother who don’t really like me being Catholic, for reason I don’t know, but she once told me, and I was adult then, that “you do not go to a Catholic Church ever in your life anymore, they have brainwashed you”, said then "you are not a priest, you know that, don’t you?. So, as I wrote, to defuse the situation I did drag my daughter to the altar without any visible sign of my faith feeling real bad. And I have this hunch that my daughter will tell me to take of my small cross tomorrow, and I have made up my mind, I will not take it off. That will lead to a big fight and the thin thread that keep me in contact with my kids will be broken for good, and I am ready to accept that. Strangly, I almost wait for it to happen. We live in two different worlds, so far apart, and it has been like that since they grew up. I don’t even want to go. I am proud to be a grandfather, and then I am not. I know I will never be a factor in her life, with luck I may see her once a year or so.

So, what shall I do if/when she tell me to not wear any visible evidence of my faith. Walk away, with is propably what Christ would have told me, or do as she say, a bit confused about who is the parent here. I see my daughter and my son less then ten times each year, and they call me about the same amount. I have no contact with my step-daughter, but that is an other story, miss her though. I need advice what I should do.
 
I can’t give you advice but I can say that you should talk to a priest right now and tell him that the child about to be baptized will not be raised Catholic. Explain why. There is a priest who posts on this forum you can message him. His name is Steven Jones. There is also a priest who is an apologist on Catholic Answers Forums also. It is important that you get in touch with a priest NOW.

Annie
 
That is a toughy. You are under no obligation to wear a cross at any time, so it isn’t like you are denying your faith if you don’t wear one. But you may want to consider wearing one underneath the coat.

Here is the thing. If the relationship is severed, then there is nothing you can ever say or do again to influence them to God. After all God looks at these things in the long term for the most part, at least that is what I have seen most of my life. So maybe down the road something may happen to improve your ties and then an opportunity may open up for you to help her. Sometimes an illness or a job loss, or a death, can be the catalist for change. Even children can do this because mom wants her child protected and God is just the one that can do this. So it is a bit early in her life and there is lots of time for growth and change.

Whatever you do, first spend a few minutes with the Holy Spirit and ask for his direction in this matter.

Be at peace.​

“Come Lord Jesus, send us your Spirit, renew the face of the earth.” (hymn)
 
why are atheist parents having their child baptized? In what denomination?

I am unsure how wearing a cross to a Christian baptism is a problem, if your daughter has an issue with it, she is frankly being quite ridiculous-- she is in a church asking for her child to be baptized into the Christian faith after all.

Wear your cross, and let the chips fall where they may. Frankly this whole thing sounds nuts.
 
Annie39 said:
I can’t give you advice but I can say that you should talk to a priest right now and tell him that the child about to be baptized will not be raised Catholic. Explain why. There is a priest who posts on this forum you can message him. His name is Steven Jones. There is also a priest who is an apologist on Catholic Answers Forums also. It is important that you get in touch with a priest NOW.

Annie
Click to expand...
It is a Lutherian Church, but I know that they will not raise her to be a Christian. I did ask my daughter a few weeks ago, and she told me that it is up to the child when she grow up. I think I have never mentioned that I am the only Catholic in the whole family.
 
1ke said:
why are atheist parents having their child baptized? In what denomination?

I am unsure how wearing a cross to a Christian baptism is a problem, if your daughter has an issue with it, she is frankly being quite ridiculous-- she is in a church asking for her child to be baptized into the Christian faith after all.

Wear your cross, and let the chips fall where they may. Frankly this whole thing sounds nuts.
Click to expand...
It does not only sounds nuts, it is. But I will wear my cross. I have nothing to be a shame of. I may not be the best Catholic in the world but at least I am honest about it, and about my faith. I do not hide, I am what I am, and if others have a issue about it, well, that is not my problem.
 
Hello. 🙂 This is pretty tough. I can relate to your situation. I know a girl who is going through Catechism in the Church, but she doesn’t believe in Catholicism. I believe she is going through it because it is “family tradition.” She never goes to Mass, and I am not even sure she believes in God. I pray for her.

You might want to talk to your priest about this. I’m sure Father Serpa or Father Jones on the forum will be glad to help you.

Maybe you can wear your crucifix under your shirt?

I pray that you’ll get this sorted out. God bless you. :blessyou:
 
I’m sorry your family situation is like this. Your post made me quite sad. I can’t believe that your daughter will baptize the child and at the same time will be offended by your cross.

I guess you know her best. If you think she is likely to make a scene over it, maybe you should not wear it. The day is a joyful celebration of the baby’s baptism, although your daughter is not aware of it. You can celebrate it and avoiding potential conflict could be a part of it. It’s not fair that you should be thinking about this in the context of a Christian baptism, but family dynamic can be really weird sometime.

Pray about it tonight. God bless.
 
fred_conty said:
That is a toughy. You are under no obligation to wear a cross at any time, so it isn’t like you are denying your faith if you don’t wear one. But you may want to consider wearing one underneath the coat.

Here is the thing. If the relationship is severed, then there is nothing you can ever say or do again to influence them to God. After all God looks at these things in the long term for the most part, at least that is what I have seen most of my life. So maybe down the road something may happen to improve your ties and then an opportunity may open up for you to help her. Sometimes an illness or a job loss, or a death, can be the catalist for change. Even children can do this because mom wants her child protected and God is just the one that can do this. So it is a bit early in her life and there is lots of time for growth and change.

Whatever you do, first spend a few minutes with the Holy Spirit and ask for his direction in this matter.

Be at peace.​

“Come Lord Jesus, send us your Spirit, renew the face of the earth.” (hymn)
Click to expand...
This is an excellent advice!

@Lasting faith: If you break the relationship with your daughter because of this small issue of wearing or not wearing a visible cross, then you harm her in the long term, because 1) she will find new reasons to justify her attitude towards faith and the faithful (“My father considered me less important than showing off his faith - am I right that Catholicism makes people fanatic?” 2) she will find more and more difficult to grow closer to you again by the time she’ll be mature enough to want it.

It’s not a question about who’s the parent and who should command in your relationship; it’s a question of who is the wiser one. And to be wise means here to see what is more important - to wear a visible cross so as to show everybody that you are a Catholic or to maintain the relationship with your daughter? Remember that she’s the young one, so she has to grow up and evolve; a lot of young adults are very rebellious and show very little understanding for what their parents do or say or want. You can’t expect her to think like you NOW. But things won’t stay the same for ever.

And you don’t have to “feel really bad” for not wearing something that says “Look at me, I’m a Catholic!”. Your mother is right in that you’re not a priest and you don’t have to wear a big crucifix or even a smaller visible cross. Your faith doesn’t depend on what you wear and the fact that you are a Catholic isn’t diminished, denied or forgotten if you choose not to wear a visible cross or a crucifix on a certain day.
 
1ke said:
Why are atheist parents having their child baptized? In what denomination?

I am unsure how wearing a cross to a Christian baptism is a problem, if your daughter has an issue with it, she is frankly being quite ridiculous-- she is in a church asking for her child to be baptized into the Christian faith after all.

Wear your cross, and let the chips fall where they may. Frankly this whole thing sounds nuts.
Click to expand...
Good question.
Lasting_faith said:
It does not only sounds nuts, it is. But I will wear my cross. I have nothing to be a shame of. I may not be the best Catholic in the world but at least I am honest about it, and about my faith. I do not hide, I am what I am, and if others have a issue about it, well, that is not my problem.
Click to expand...
Great answer.

I don’t see how she plans on having a Baptism, but have no visible crosses or crucifixes. Does she realize that they may mention God?
 
Lasting_faith said:
OK, this has not happen yet, but it can, and I have less then 24 hours to figure out what to do.

Tomorrow my first grandchild will be baptized. The story is this. My daughter is a atheist, (and so is my son) and she did leave the Lutherian Church a while ago, only to rejoin just to get a church-wedding because it is “cool” I think. So, a bit over a year ago I was to lead her up the aisle but she told me I could not have any visible cross. (I always have a small cross on my coat, and normaly also a big Crusifix around my neck.) I was ready to keep my Crusifix under my shirt, I was not happy, but did not want to spoil her “big day”. So, I did agree to not wear even my small cross on my coat, and my mother who don’t really like me being Catholic, for reason I don’t know, but she once told me, and I was adult then, that “you do not go to a Catholic Church ever in your life anymore, they have brainwashed you”, said then "you are not a priest, you know that, don’t you?. So, as I wrote, to defuse the situation I did drag my daughter to the altar without any visible sign of my faith feeling real bad. And I have this hunch that my daughter will tell me to take of my small cross tomorrow, and I have made up my mind, I will not take it off. That will lead to a big fight and the thin thread that keep me in contact with my kids will be broken for good, and I am ready to accept that. Strangly, I almost wait for it to happen. We live in two different worlds, so far apart, and it has been like that since they grew up. I don’t even want to go. I am proud to be a grandfather, and then I am not. I know I will never be a factor in her life, with luck I may see her once a year or so.

So, what shall I do if/when she tell me to not wear any visible evidence of my faith. Walk away, with is propably what Christ would have told me, or do as she say, a bit confused about who is the parent here. I see my daughter and my son less then ten times each year, and they call me about the same amount. I have no contact with my step-daughter, but that is an other story, miss her though. I need advice what I should do.
Click to expand...
If she asks you to take it off, gently refuse, but don’t walk away. Just remain ready to participate, smiling, without being angry or upset, but call on Christ and remain in his peace, waiting. Then she needs to make the decision if she wants to exclude you. It will be her choice, but your Catholic integrity remains intact. Deny any voice that says “this will end in disaster for our relationship”. That’s a lie, God will have you in his palm, remain in peace and choose to trust!
 
I advise to wear the cross. A BIG ONE.

I don’t understand this at all. Why in the world is she even interested in getting the child baptized? I’m sorry but she is making a mockery of God by doing this when she doesn’t even mean it and is getting offended by a cross.
 
I’m having a hard time understanding why your daughter is getting your grandchild Baptised in a church but has a problem with you wearing the cross? Did you ask her why she has a problem with it? Is it the corpus? Maybe she thinks it will annoy the Lutheran inlaws or pastor? Sometimes, I think it is easier to compromise with others if you understand what their logic is. I’m not sure how I would feel about this pretty fake-sounding Baptism. (Not that the actual Baptism will be fake. In a Lutheran church, I’m sure they will do it correctly. I just mean that the parents’ convictions to give the child a faith seem to be fake.)
 
Lasting_faith said:
Tomorrow my first grandchild will be baptized. …And I have this hunch that my daughter will tell me to take of my small cross tomorrow, and I have made up my mind, I will not take it off. … I am proud to be a grandfather, and then I am not. I know I will never be a factor in her life, with luck I may see her once a year or so.
Click to expand...
Congratulations on your beautiful grandchild. You and your little grandchild are truly blessed that she receives this gift of Baptism tomorrow. Rejoice with her, even though she can not understand words… she can feel your love. Be happy for her.

Focus on the beauty of your grandchild and the beauty of the Gift of Baptism.

Always be proud to be her grandfather. Never let worry that you may not see her often take away from the love and excitement you have for being her grandfather. Do not let the troubles between you and her parents take away from your love as grandfather.

Remember her Baptism tomorrow is a joyful spiritual event that is happening right before your very eyes… bringing her graces and an indelible sign that she is a Child of God.

Don’t let concerns about wearing your cross cause you pain. Pray for peace. Pray for guidance. Pray for your daughter that she may be focused on her precious child and this gift of Baptism and not on your cross. Pray that if she makes mention of it, that the Holy Spirit guides you in peace and you respond with love and kindness.

May God grant you peace. May you rejoice with all the angels and saints as you witness your grandchild’s baptism tomorrow. May God touch her parents in a profound way as their child receives this gift of Baptism.

(What was important to your daughter as the bride of the wedding, when the bride even sometimes pick every piece of jewelry and shoes for her bride’s maids and every tiny detail of every tiny thing… maybe she won’t be so “controlling” of people’s jewelry for the baptism.)
 
Lasting_faith said:
So, what shall I do if/when she tell me to not wear any visible evidence of my faith. Walk away, with is propably what Christ would have told me, or do as she say, a bit confused about who is the parent here. I see my daughter and my son less then ten times each year, and they call me about the same amount.
Click to expand...
Keep in mind that this gathering tomorrow is your beautiful grandchild’s Baptism.

Don’t confuse this event with being upset about your daughter or son.

Your grandchild is “putting on Christ”, being made “a new creation”. It is a joyful day as she becomes a Child of God.

You don’t want her to grow up hearing stories that Grandpa walked away (in any form) on “my Baptismal Day.”

Stay prayerful. End tonight with prayer for your grandchild, your daughter, and yourself. Begin your day tomorrow in prayer. Trust the Holy Spirit to be with you tomorrow so you are a witness of Christ’s love to your grandchild and daughter.

May God grant a beautiful day to everyone tomorrow as your grandchild receives the gift of Baptism.
 
Thank you all for the good advices, I sure needed them to make up my mind what to do.

Today is a important day, not for me, but for my grandchild who will get baptized and maybe sometime in her life will let God find her.

Thank you once more guys, you really did help me. God bless you all.
 
Well, it went good. Some did glance at my small cross, not really happy, but nobody said a word.

What I am sorry about is that it was in a Lutherian chappel and a female priest. But I hope The Catholic Church is right when they say a Lutherian baptism is valid.

And I have a gorgeous grandchild. She is so beautiful. I am sorry I will not be in her life as much as I want to, but that is a thing I can’t help. Life sometimes is not fair, not fair at all. But it was a great day though, and the best present I got was when I came home and was greeted by a happy Husky. I don’t know about you, but I know for sure that living with a dog is far better then with a human. Thank you one more time for your prayers and advices.
 
Lasting_faith said:
Well, it went good.

What I am sorry about is that it was in a Lutherian chappel and a female priest. But I hope The Catholic Church is right when they say a Lutherian baptism is valid.

And I have a gorgeous grandchild. She is so beautiful.
Click to expand...
Congratulations, Grandpa!!!

Yes, your granddaughter is validly baptized!!!

God is rejoicing with your granddaughter!!!

Baptisms do not have to be offered in the Catholic Church nor by a male person. In fact, in case of an emergency - anyone can baptize another - and it is as valid as all baptisms.

Rejoice in her valid baptism - not being sorry where it was received or who baptize her.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful day with us.
 
I’m glad it went well. 👍

Pray for your granddaughter. You really never know. Many people try so hard to raise their children atheists but God still wins their souls over to Him. It happened to me - I was raised without religion - so am speaking from experience. 🙂
 
I will do all I can and all what is in my power to bring this little princess to the “right” Church.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top