Could the vocation-less life (not "single life as a vocation") be a calling from God?

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It seems as though God makes it very, very clear to some of us that we are chosen for a particular vocation and completely ignores others. This is just an objective truth that none of us wants to admit…but then we see it play out in the world again and again and again. Those of us who are ignored, however, still cling to the faith that what we cannot see might be. And, in spite of never receiving strong positive affirmation regarding what we believe is possible for our lives (since we’re encouraged not to seek it), some of us persist.

This was me when it came to marriage for the past several years. I even thought that a family might be in the picture. But now…this week, I turn the age that is officially known as “geriatric motherhood” in the medical community. I’ve long suspected that motherhood is not on the cards for me at all, but now I’m really, truly watching it slip away right before my eyes. I know that this does not compare to the pain of marrying and finding that one is unable to have children or going through the kinds of treatments that one might need to get there or not having access to those treatment options or adoption, or miscarriages. This is the equivalent of the tiny “my” cross in a room full of massive ones. But it is a cross. And no one ever talks about it.

I want to live the best life that God has to offer me. But living in a “maybe” state makes that extremely difficult. That being said…I don’t think God has a religious vocation in mind for me, or a consecrated single one. But now that marriage is not looking like a possibility either….how can I really live a life “on fire”/passionate/intensely loving and serving the Lord without any kind of vocation whatsoever?

I’m tired of waiting and being on the sidelines of life. I feel like I’ve been trying to fit my life into someone else’s expectations (e.g.- assuming that I must have some sort of vocation even if the times we live in may not allow for that) for way too long. I don’t want to miss opportunities- if God really did present them, I would consider. But you have to understand…I’ve been living in negative space for at least five years. No growth. No way forward. Nothing. And I’m starting to think that if I cling to the notion that I may have an eventual vocation to marriage (or any vocation at all) this is how the rest of my life is going to be…unless I let go of the “potential vocation” life (which was really designed for maybe the first 15-20 years of life)…and just live.

My question is…what do I do now…how do I move forward without a vocation and without hope of a vocation? Is possible that the vocation-less life is the one that God is calling us to? A calling of letting go and being smaller and smaller, without even the simple comfort of being “chosen” or evidence that we are important in His eyes at all?
 
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The thing is…I’ve been patient. I’ve been patient for ten years. I’ve been the quiet girl in the pew by herself, praying and hoping and trusting in the Lord…for ten years.

I’m tired and I’m starting to wonder if I’m missing something. If maybe I’m not living, because I’m too busy being patient. I may have to wait, but I want to learn how to wait better. Maybe the issue isn’t so much in the waiting, but in the style of waiting.

Don’t get me wrong- I’ve travelled, studied, worked, enjoyed life, taken up hobbies…that’s the thing. I’ve done all of that. For years now. I want to grow…but I feel like there’s nowhere left to grow as long as I stay in the limbo state.

When I said 15-20 years…I meant that for the vast majority of people, they find a vocation within that time (or at least can work towards it). No one wants to be the person who ends up with huge question marks on their life at age 30+, 40+, 50+ etc. But some of us draw that straw.

I’m mainly writing this because I always hear “wait” but I know better than to know that doesn’t mean do nothing. And I’m not exactly doing nothing…but what I’m doing is really starting to feel like nothing…if that makes any sense…?
 
There are unknown saints all the time. Priests say so.
And yes it is obvious God has plans for vocation-less lives as long as they are lived according to His rules. We are all here to find salvation. Neither one of us saved yet. Not even those with vocations or those who we think are living saints.
If we go back to the roots as to why we are here on Earth - fall from grace, Christ, redemption, salvation - we can see that chasing vocations is not the core of what we must do here. It is simple as that - to do as He commands.
And not all the saints were said to have had vocational inspirations. Some of them were mere lay people who just stuck with God no matter what.
Because now the media is much more powerful than 500 years ago the books of modern saints or charismatic people in the Church make it look like it may have been like that for all the saints - they felt a call, felt a vocation, they all talked to God like the prophets etc. But the matter of fact is… we do not know this for sure. It just looks like this, but we don’t know for a fact.
I really do recommend the book by Cardinal Sarah “The Power of Silence” where he explains also against contemporary theological life that the information engulfing us today does not take us closer to God even if it is Christians and it sounds like it. When we are agitated everything we perceive turns into noise and we forget who we are looking for - God. The book begins with a beautiful description of a Carthusian monastery in which all monks are buried without a name no matter what their position may have been in the monastery. To them it doesn’t matter to be reminded here on earth as such and such. God knows. That’s the only one who matters. And He does know you, you are never too small for this. God knows you. And is calling you. Calling from God doesn’t necessarily a significant life here on earth.
I pray He talks to you and helps you with what He wants.
Amen
 
I wish I knew how other people came to know their vocations. I even started a thread for it and no one answered.
I don’t know how we’re supposed to go into our vocations. Are we supposed to wait until we are more certain? Or have we been given enough to know what to do but we ignore it? Are we supposed to take a “leap of faith” and trust that what we go in to do is God’s Will? Etc.

But, let our patience not have a time limit.
 
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I can very much relate to what you are saying, except for the biological motherhood slipping by part, which I’m sure must be very difficult.

But you do have a vocation even though it may not seem like it. One always has a vocation.

What to do? Do you go to daily mass? Do you go to adoration? Do you have a spiritual director? I think you are at a place in life where a S.D. could help you a lot.

We don’t know your unique circumstances well enough to give you the best council. The main thing you need to know is that you do have a vocation in this life even though it might not seem like you do.

Our most important vocation, and we all share this one is to know God, to love God, and to serve God in a very concrete ways. These three things are not lip service of the Baltimore Catechism. They need to be actualized in our lives in concrete ways.

So what to do? Spiritual direction, I think, would me a primary thing for you to do. Then works of mercy, spiritual and corporal, are an excellent path for every single one of us. The have eternal value that does not pass away.
 
Brittany, the thing about waiting is that we never really truly know if we’re actually waiting for something…or if it’s just our own egos telling us that we should do so.

I want to avoid waiting in ego if I can…I’d hate to look back at my life and see that all I did was wait for something that I wasn’t called to by God in the first place.

The longer we wait, the more we start to wonder what’s going on, are we even really called in the first place…that’s what I’m trying to talk about. I know I’m not alone in this…

And…just as an aside, I think men have a lot more leeway when it comes to waiting/living out a vocation later in life than women do 🙂 Save for a few true once-or-twice-in-the-entire-history-of-humanity miracles, this is just a biological fact.

Mary888, thank you for reminding us that some saints may have struggled more than what we see. I’ve found that more often than not, we have the stories where there are huge signs, where a young woman has a caring and devoted boyfriend willing to marry her and a vocation to religious life…where the long-term single woman blogger finds a husband one day and goes to “the other side” overnight…where we focus on the stories with the clouds breaking apart and light shining down because they do inspire us…but we have to remind ourselves that 99% of the time, it’s not like this. Many more of us are not like the celebrities and those with public presences or big time saints. We live in uncertainty and walk in faith. We struggle through glib replies to our pain for years and years. People who shrug us off and just tell us “have more faith” “be patient” or “everyone has a vocation” or “maybe you’re just seeking the wrong vocation”. If and when the time comes, we step forward, trembling and praying for the best.

Kei, I wish I had more thoughts to share with you about entering a vocation once it’s found…I pray that others may join in and share some thoughts on that topic.
 
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The Church teaches that every human being has a vocation. Do a search for “vocation” in an online copy of the Catechism or look up “vocation” in the index of a hardbound Catechism.
 
That’s a good question you asked, post it again, or I will if I don’t forget.
 
Coronal sanders didn’t get his vocational call until 60 year old
 
I also question vocations for everyone, some people just don’t have any obvious calling or talent. For some people all they can do is live as faithful Catholics as best as they can, hold down a job and try to be a good person to everyone they meet.
 
I agree with this, ConfusedLucy. And the older I get, the more I respect those who can “only” do those things, because we may see it as the bare minimum or a lack of sorts, but we know that God does not see it this way at all. The challenge is trusting that God does see it. Uplifting the other little ones who are “just” living the “basic” Christian life. We can still show respect and appreciation for the big talent and big ministries of those among us without making the average guy feel less than. But this is a challenge for all of us. We’re drawn to the bright lights and big hopes. Often we cannot help it.

Somewhere along the line, we decided that you’re either exceptional or worthless. This idea is something that many of us will spend the rest of our lives fighting.
 
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iwillrisenowinfaith said:
My question is…what do I do now…how do I move forward without a vocation and without hope of a vocation? Is possible that the vocation-less life is the one that God is calling us to? A calling of letting go and being smaller and smaller, without even the simple comfort of being “chosen” or evidence that we are important in His eyes at all?
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I feel exactly like you do. I’ve been praying and praying to God to show me what he wants me to do in this life. Silence. Except for one time when God said to me “What if I told you to do nothing? Would you do it?” Well of course my human ego kicked in immediately and thought “nothing, do nothing. That can’t be right, then I am a nobody.” Well, I’m still doing nothing and still have not accepted that that is God’s will. Maybe it is.

Maybe a vocation for some people is to do absolutely nothing. Why? God’s will and that’s that. The important thing for those of us with no vocations is how to accept it with grace and thanksgiving. So, so hard to do in a society that reveres vocations.
 
Have you been to a “Come and See” weekend at a religious community? You literally have nothing to lose by going.

Perhaps look at a lay group like Opus Dei or a 3rd Order.
 
Yes. It may help hearing god. The ignatious. steps .
But only if god is talking. Other wise. Its a dark night of the soul time
 
I am not sure what you are looking for; a rap on the head or a loud voice in the night or a tweet from Celestial Heights? Everyday is a ‘vocation Day.’ The very fact that you are wondering or questioning is ‘You, moving forward.’ Continue to live a good and full life, just as you are. Actions and words may be your spiritual calling. These will speak for themselves. Peace.
 
A tweet from Celestial Heights would be nice for some of us out here 😁
 
It seems to me that you are very active in every way. I think it’s wonderful that you have tried to live your best life while you wait. I know you probably do, but spend time with Him in the Blessed Sacrament and tell Him how you feel. Tell Him you feel forgotten and that you don’t really know what to do with the waiting anymore. He has told many saints how much He enjoys it when we tell Him things like these. When we tell Him our smallest and greatest fears as we would tell Our best friend. Ask Him to make it clear to you. Do you have a spiritual director? Having one can really help you see where God wants you. They are an amazing guide. Go to your parish priest and ask Him if there are any spiritual directors in your area or in your parish that you could meet with for direction, and I’m sure he’ll be able to help. He told Saint Faustina how important it is to be obedient your director when you have one though, so make sure to keep that in mind ( that is if you don’t have a spiritual director already). Pray, tell Him everything like you are telling all of us, get a spiritual director, participate in the sacraments, and give Him your anxiety. Trust that He’ll take care of you and show you what He wants from you. Be at peace, anxiety is a temptation too =). Also, remember how Saint Anne and Saint Joaquim prayed, and prayed, and waited and waited faithfully for a child? Remember how their sacrifice got rejected by the temple because they were childless? Then one day, they had the most beautiful Human in this world other than Our Lord. They gave life to Our Beautiful Lady. Be patient. If you look in the Bible, he made a lot of people wait for the best things. I’m currently waiting too, and it sucks lol! Let’s pray for each other =)
 
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I have mentioned in another thread that people talk about and you hear stories of people meeting their spouse to be, or in the secular real, how successful entrpreneurs failed countless times and suffered hardships, and are now successful.

But who writes stories about those who do try but have not achieved their goal, whether it is a good steady job, a spouse, their dream business?

Nobody seems to write about those stories.

And I find that when it comes to questions of unanswered prayers, these threads have little responses, because I think most people do not know the answer. I know I don’t.
 
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Personally, the waiting part is difficult not because I have to wait…it is whether I have something to wait for. I have told God that if He doesn’t want me to marry, to tell me outright. At least I know.
 
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