Could this be considered 'contraceptive mentality'?

[SAHW]

Most of the time I am disheartened and sad that we will most likely never have children due to infertility. We are not attempting to fix the infertility issue, which is complicated and costly. But our marriage acts remain open to life.

More and more often, though, I find myself being thankful that we are not conceiving. For example, my health is not strong and gets seemingly weaker as the years go on. Also, during these hard economic times and with the threat of forced abortion on our doorsteps, I find myself being thankful that we cannot have children . I find myself giving thanks that we will most likely not have to ever tell a child they cannot eat because we don’t have food to feed it. I find myself being grateful that we only need a small apartment, and salary enough for two. I find myself grateful to tears that we most likely won’t have to deal with exceeding government alloted numbers for family size. We won’t have to send our baby away to safety. We might be able to help rescue someone else’s baby from FOCA and other potential evils of our land.

I feel ashamed for these thoughts, but I am questioning if they are sinful or not. Anyone have thoughts on this? Thanks in advance.

 

[basilisk]

Oh my gosh… no, I don’t think these thoughts are sinful.

Think of it as seeing some of the silver linings of a sad situation.

Don’t beat yourself up.

 

[ABsitively]

I can understand your ambivalence in some respects.

My husband and I dealt with infertility for many years. When I first found out that the medication he takes for a chronic condition usually results in infertility, I was very sad. However, I myself have a genetic (cosmetic) condition that can be passed on to children so another part of me was secretly happy that I would not have to deal.

Years later, through no medical intervention and 3 years into the adoption process, we conceived a little girl. We were overjoyed! She was born with the cosmetic condition( although we didn’t know it right away) but God made me see through her how much I was loved despite what I felt was a major defect. My years earlier ambivalence evaporated immediately. She is such a joy! No words can describe.

With my next child, it was the timing. Boy was I ambivalent about that! He was conceived when she was only 5 months old. I was worried about what people would say, how my husband, kids (we have an older child as well) and I would deal. Once he was born, the fears again disappeared immediately.

Also, during these hard economic times and with the threat of forced abortion on our doorsteps, I find myself being thankful that we cannot have children . I find myself giving thanks that we will most likely not have to ever tell a child they cannot eat because we don’t have food to feed it. I find myself grateful to tears that we most likely won’t have to deal with exceeding government alloted numbers for family size

.

You asked if these thoughts were sinful. I can’t answer that as I’m not sure how much control we have over the thoughts that cross our mind. However, Jesus Himself told us not to worry about the food that we will eat. So I am happy enough to hand that over to Him in prayer while my husband and I do all we can to feed our children. I hope that forced abortions and family size control never comes to this country! That is not really something we have control over (other than civic participation) so in your shoes I would again and again hand over these worries to God.

Whether or not you have children in the future is ultimately in God’s hands. Keep praying and hand Him all your worries.

 

[Litcrit]

Sinful? No!

You’re one of those very few people who accept God’s plan for them with gratitude. What’s sinful about that?

 

[BlestOne]

SAHW,
While I don’t believe that your thoughts or actions are sinful, I would like you to know that there is very little danger of starvation when you put your trust in the Lord. My ex left me, emptied the bank account and left the 3 kids with me… then I got laid off 6 mos later. Things got tight but that is when we all got closer… and by the grace of God we never starved… we trusted and some of the most bizarre events happened… like going into a store with enough money to either eat at the snack bar or buy ds2 his meds… and leaving there with more money than we came in with, full bellies and my ds2’s meds in my purse… or how when I would get a bill for $231 and the next day I would get a rebate for $232 check in the mail… it was unbelievable! Just as I was finally about to go under… I got an unexpected scholarship for $3000…

 

[SeekerJen]

Oh my gosh… no, I don’t think these thoughts are sinful.

Think of it as seeing some of the silver linings of a sad situation.

Don’t beat yourself up.

That’s how I see it. If we had been able to have the children we were planning, I would not be in school right now. I like being in school, and it’s what I’ve wanted to do since I finished undergrad. And it would not be impossible if we had kids, but it would be so difficult that I probably wouldn’t have returned to school.

It’s not God’s plan for us to have children right now. Hopefully it will be someday, but if not, that’s okay too. DH and I have a happy little family regardless.

 

[sheilathebard]

I agree. You are just seeing the good in what God is willing for you now. Maybe you are even seeing WHY God wills that for you, to some extent. Why shouldn’t you rejoice that God works things out so well?

And you pointed out that you could theoretically adopt an abandoned child someday – so you’re not closed to the idea of being parents. You’re just willing to accept that God’s will for you right now is to keep as you are.

This is, in my opinion, a much better attitude than the desperation for a child that some people have that drives them to do morally illicit things – like IVF – to reach that end. A contraceptive attitude is desiring your will for your family over God’s. You just happen to have a will that coincides with God’s. No problem there.

 

[SMHW]

Most of the time I am disheartened and sad that we will most likely never have children due to infertility. We are not attempting to fix the infertility issue, which is complicated and costly. But our marriage acts remain open to life.

More and more often, though, I find myself being thankful that we are not conceiving. For example, my health is not strong and gets seemingly weaker as the years go on. Also, during these hard economic times and with the threat of forced abortion on our doorsteps, I find myself being thankful that we cannot have children . I find myself giving thanks that we will most likely not have to ever tell a child they cannot eat because we don’t have food to feed it. I find myself being grateful that we only need a small apartment, and salary enough for two. I find myself grateful to tears that we most likely won’t have to deal with exceeding government alloted numbers for family size. We won’t have to send our baby away to safety. We might be able to help rescue someone else’s baby from FOCA and other potential evils of our land.

I feel ashamed for these thoughts, but I am questioning if they are sinful or not. Anyone have thoughts on this? Thanks in advance.

I would definitely not say you have a contraceptive mentality.

Part of life is that we often have to make choices and/or except the choices others make. It’s the nature of choices that there will be some gains and losses whichever way we choose.

You are not choosing to be infertile; that was something that happened to you and your husband for reasons that you may or may not know and understand. But you can look at the absence of negative consequences due to this “choice” made on your behalf as blessings even though it might have been an overall greater blessing if circumstances meant you had to face such consequences. (Hopefully that run-on sentence made at least some sense.)