I mean, I’m discerning religious life and I am attracted to guys but I do not have any desire to be in a relationship, and any time I do the big JC seems to say “Dude, she’s mine.” It just depends. If you have a religious vocation, you know. God makes it clearer and clearer every day and leads you away from other things.
-Jeanne
I kinda feel the same way. Ever since I been going through my depression I have learned so much of my self, some of it changed from before and one thing I have been noticing lately is how my sexuality has changed slightly, not in a bad way though.
As a little girl I always dreamed of getting married and such and had an interest in guys heck I still do, but it has diminished in strength somewhat. i mean, I notice their beauty but their power to attract me in any deep way has lightened up to the point it seems gone. I have known for a while that I might not be able to have children in the marriage sense but seem more at peace of the idea seeing them through Christ eyes and like that as one of his Brides. I have also notice the strength in my love for those of the same sex but in the sense of friendship, companionship, and almost what I think Christ feels for them. It is a little hard to explain. I feel the same for the men that I see, now.
I have been discerning on and off for 4 years and my change in my sexuality, I explained to my sponsor and she said that it might be Christ preparing me. Heck, Whenever I think of Jesus, I see Him as my Beloved, the Life Companion and the Best Friend. When I think of Him, I am filled with such reverence and love that I feel my sole purpose is to please Him and pictures of me praying in a monastery surrounded by sisters pop in my head and I feel so at peace with the picture in my mind. Its like every time I think of Him, deep down I have accepted Him as my Spouse though I have said no public vows. Its hard for me to explain.
I have been seeing small signs leading me towards the religious life since I was a little girl but it has only been the last 4 years that I taken notice of them. My first one that I remember is from when I was in kindergarden.
Sorry for the long babble. Writing this has help me realize something, however, so, do so was helpful. If anyone wants to know more of the story to fill their curiosity, just tell me and I will gladly tell it to you.
