Could use some advice/prayers for heartache

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roamingitalian

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Hello!
I’m new to this site and could use some advice on that old matter of the heart (it would seem I couldn’t escape it!). To begin with, I’m a 25 year old girl and never been in a relationship, nor had a first date, so I definitely have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to this type of thing. For over a year now, I’ve had strong feelings towards this guy that goes to my parish. I thought maybe he had feelings for me too, since at first he seemed to initiate wanting to get to know me. Even my mom said he was interested. I was skeptical in the beginning and didn’t want to have anything to do with him, but then, I let myself be open to God’s Will and I ended up falling pretty hard for this guy. Since then, it has been an emotional roller coaster ride all the way. There are times when I think things are going in a way I want them to, and then there are the ones where I feel depressed and sad about the whole situation. I’ve said multiple novenas asking for guidance and, on a daily basis, I offer prayers and sacrifice for discernment. So far, Heaven has been quiet… I’m trying to trust in God completely and keep a positive attitude. What ever is meant to be will be, right? However, last week, I thought I had gotten over him when I poured my heart and soul out to God, asking Him to take it all away and that I didn’t want these feelings anymore, and I thought my prayers had been answered. I wasn’t thinking about him and I felt pretty good about finding a good career and focusing on my studies. This lasted for an entire week!😉 Then yesterday (Sunday) I saw him for the first time in weeks. All those feelings and raw emotions came rushing back, lucky me!
I didn’t talk to him, I ended up running away and leaving church right after Mass. I was scared half to death for no apparent reason! So my question is how do I begin to discern what God wants for me? I should probably mention that this man is several years older than me, so I’m wondering if he might have been married before. Also, is it normal to be terrified to talk to him? I get so nervous just before I see him and it takes all of my willpower to not let it show when I actually DO talk to him. He’s a really great guy and like I said, he seems interested at times, but he has yet to ask me out or anything along those lines…
Any advice would be greatly appreciated if you’ve had experience with this type of situation (is it really true you always know he’s the “one”?), and prayers would absolutely be welcomed and also greatly appreciated!
Sorry for the book! God bless all in advance. 🙂
 
Praying
The Creed Our Father
Hail Mary Hail Mary Hail Mary
Glory Be…
 
Have you tried talking to him. Most men also like to see if you are interested before they ask you out. It does go both ways.

Also, do you have any reason to believe he was married before.
 
I am not saying you have done this, but sometimes we ladies can start imagining how things will go with a romantic prospect, and then we end up having an imaginary relationship with an imaginary person who looks a lot like that person. This is actually very bad for not only a relationship with that person but with others, since our tendency is of course to imagine the person as perfect, and it’s hard for real men to measure up to our imagination.
 
St_Francis said:
I am not saying you have done this, but sometimes we ladies can start imagining how things will go with a romantic prospect, and then we end up having an imaginary relationship with an imaginary person who looks a lot like that person. This is actually very bad for not only a relationship with that person but with others, since our tendency is of course to imagine the person as perfect, and it’s hard for real men to measure up to our imagination.
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I understand completely what you’re saying. Sometimes I wonder if I read too much into things! :eek:
 
roamingitalian said:
There are times when I think things are going in a way I want them to, and then there are the ones where I feel depressed and sad about the whole situation.
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I am very curious as to what is meant by ‘Things are going in a way I want them to’

It sounds like you never actually had a date with him. I understand being nervous around a guy one has a crush on, but also… I think a bit of a reality check is in order now. This is a man you speak to occasionally at church. It has been a year and he has not asked you out. I suspect he does not plan on it. To be honest, reading your post, it strikes me as an older man who is enjoying the attention of a younger woman and that is where it ends for him.

Personally, if after a year a man still has not asked me out, I would get fed up with waiting. And I actually admired that you ran out of church the last time you saw him. I think there are times the only way to get over someone is to not go near them

Angie
 
AdamPeter said:
Have you tried talking to him. Most men also like to see if you are interested before they ask you out. It does go both ways.

Also, do you have any reason to believe he was married before.
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I have approached him before just to say hi, but I can’t seem to bring myself to ask him how he feels about me, I think I’d need a sure sign he WAS interested before I could do that…
I don’t have any solid evidence that he was married before, but I’m wondering if there’s a valid explanation of why he doesn’t ask me out, especially when he seems like he wants to get to know me. I don’t know, maybe I’m sending the wrong signals?:eek:
 
Many good advices here.

If you’ve been pleasant, and kind, it’s been up to him to ask you out. If he hasn’t, he hasn’t.

What I’ve noticed is most men, decent, good, hardworking, manly men don’t let a good girl they are able and interested in slip away too often. I suspect he isn’t available. For whatever reason. I hope I’m wrong because you’ve taken a shine to him. I’m sure he appreciates being appreciated.

But you need to be appreciated too. Young women need to be taken out and shown off. I’m not kidding.

I asked St. Joseph to help me find a career and a husband when I was about your age. The road is hardly ever smooth. But it shouldn’t be filled with so much ‘work’ or worry.

I know you have said many novenas, and prayers. Maybe pray on something else for a little while and rest in confidence that God has your best interests in mind.

While you are praying for someone or something else. I’ll pray for you. 🙂
 
Anglewannabe said:
I am very curious as to what is meant by ‘Things are going in a way I want them to’

It sounds like you never actually had a date with him. I understand being nervous around a guy one has a crush on, but also… I think a bit of a reality check is in order now. This is a man you speak to occasionally at church. It has been a year and he has not asked you out. I suspect he does not plan on it. To be honest, reading your post, it strikes me as an older man who is enjoying the attention of a younger woman and that is where it ends for him.

Personally, if after a year a man still has not asked me out, I would get fed up with waiting. And I actually admired that you ran out of church the last time you saw him. I think there are times the only way to get over someone is to not go near them

Angie
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At times it seems like he might, MIGHT be pursuing me… He’ll ask me what I’m up to, and in the past, has asked me what I like to do in my spare time. But again, nothing has yet to happen… I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right when you said that if he a hasn’t done anything by now, he probably never will. It’s just hard letting go I guess… Thank you for the sound advice, it’s made me start to take a step back and look at this in a new light.
 
egretps said:
Many good advices here.

If you’ve been pleasant, and kind, it’s been up to him to ask you out. If he hasn’t, he hasn’t.

What I’ve noticed is most men, decent, good, hardworking, manly men don’t let a good girl they are able and interested in slip away too often. I suspect he isn’t available. For whatever reason. I hope I’m wrong because you’ve taken a shine to him. I’m sure he appreciates being appreciated.

But you need to be appreciated too. Young women need to be taken out and shown off. I’m not kidding.

I asked St. Joseph to help me find a career and a husband when I was about your age. The road is hardly ever smooth. But it shouldn’t be filled with so much ‘work’ or worry.

I know you have said many novenas, and prayers. Maybe pray on something else for a little while and rest in confidence that God has your best interests in mind.

While you are praying for someone or something else. I’ll pray for you. 🙂
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Thank you so much for such kind words! It really touched me, I had to wipe away tears. 🙂 You’re right that I should probably focus on others things for awhile and just give it all to God when I feel like slipping back into a blue mood. Thank you for the prayers too! They mean a lot to me and knowing there are good people out there praying for a complete stranger is comforting. Thanks again!🙂
 
roamingitalian said:
I have approached him before just to say hi, but I can’t seem to bring myself to ask him how he feels about me,** I think I’d need a sure sign he WAS interested before I could do that… **
**I don’t have any solid evidence that he was married before, but I’m wondering if there’s a valid explanation of why he doesn’t ask me out, **especially when he seems like he wants to get to know me. I don’t know, maybe I’m sending the wrong signals?:eek:
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Ok…well firstly, while I think it is nice for the guy to ask out the girl, most guys will also be looking for some sign that the girl wants that to happen. Also, the signals that women give to men, while they might seem completely obvious to women, are not always understood by men. So if you want him to get the message you may have to spell it out. I’m MARRIED and I still don’t always “get” my wife. Ah…the mystery of it all. 😃

You aren’t necessarily going to get a sure sign. Also there are many explanations for this besides that he was previously married.
 
AdamPeter said:
Also, the signals that women give to men, while they might seem completely obvious to women, are not always understood by men. So if you want him to get the message you may have to spell it out. I’m MARRIED and I still don’t always “get” my wife. Ah…the mystery of it all. 😃

You aren’t necessarily going to get a sure sign. Also there are many explanations for this besides that he was previously married.
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Haha! Wouldn’t it all just be so much easier if we just blurted out what we wanted instead of talking in “riddles”?👍 If you don’t mind me asking, how did you let your wife know you were interested? Maybe if I hear how other people got together, I can begin to decipher if there really is something between me and this guy, or see if it’s all just in my head.:dancing:
 
roamingitalian said:
Haha! Wouldn’t it all just be so much easier if we just blurted out what we wanted instead of talking in “riddles”?👍 If you don’t mind me asking, how did you let your wife know you were interested? Maybe if I hear how other people got together, I can begin to decipher if there really is something between me and this guy, or see if it’s all just in my head.:dancing:
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If you are still interested in seeing where this might lead, why not ask him out for coffee after mass the next time you see him. It’s benign enough of a request, not really a date, just an opportunity to talk and get to know each other. If he says yes, you can take the time to find out if he’s available and interested in pursuing a relationship. If he says no, then just have to move on. There are other fish in the sea so to speak.

While I am a firm believer in encouraging men to pursue women they are interested in, I don’t have a problem with a woman making the initial move. Some guys are just shy.
 
roamingitalian said:
Haha! Wouldn’t it all just be so much easier if we just blurted out what we wanted instead of talking in “riddles”?👍 If you don’t mind me asking, how did you let your wife know you were interested? Maybe if I hear how other people got together, I can begin to decipher if there really is something between me and this guy, or see if it’s all just in my head.:dancing:
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I met my wife on the CAF forums. We gradually got chatting and started praying the rosary on skype. She was a convert and nobody in her family was catholic so we kind of held each other accountable to pray the rosary each day.
We talked more and more and eventually I realised that I was in love with her. So I told her.
It happened very naturally really with little angst about whether we liked each other. I told her what my feelings were. She was actually the more cautious one at the start about fully revealing her feelings. But that changed obviously. 👍
 
JanetF said:
If you are still interested in seeing where this might lead, why not ask him out for coffee after mass the next time you see him. It’s benign enough of a request, not really a date, just an opportunity to talk and get to know each other. If he says yes, you can take the time to find out if he’s available and interested in pursuing a relationship. If he says no, then just have to move on. There are other fish in the sea so to speak.

While I am a firm believer in encouraging men to pursue women they are interested in, I don’t have a problem with a woman making the initial move. Some guys are just shy.
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That’s an excellent idea! If I can muster up the courage, I’ll give it a shot. Maybe he is just shy, I’ve never had the opportunity to get to know him more, so your suggestion is one that might let me get to know him better. 🙂
 
AdamPeter said:
I met my wife on the CAF forums. We gradually got chatting and started praying the rosary on skype. She was a convert and nobody in her family was catholic so we kind of held each other accountable to pray the rosary each day.
We talked more and more and eventually I realised that I was in love with her. So I told her.
It happened very naturally really with little angst about whether we liked each other. I told her what my feelings were. She was actually the more cautious one at the start about fully revealing her feelings. But that changed obviously. 👍
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That’s an amazing story! Very inspiring! Sounds like a match made in Heaven.🙂 What you said about it happening very naturally makes me wonder if there’s suppose to be all this uncertainty and confusion when it comes to falling in love. I always told myself that if I ever DID find someone to marry, I’d be sure of it! Right now, I’m not sure which way is up or down with my current situation. Hmmm…
 
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