T
Torn_Up
Guest
I have an interesting situation and I am not even quite sure I am posting this in the correct forum, but here goes nothing.
I study philosophy in school and, not surprisingly, I have been a victim of many an existential crisis. Philosophy and logic sort of led me to having faith. My spirituality opened up for me in a way that I never quite thought was possible, and I am very grateful for it.
Soon after this I started looking into Catholicism and fell in love with it. Hard. My nights were filled with reading, with looking forward to church, with praying. My days were spent constantly reminiscing upon things I had read from the Gospels, or about how amazing prayer had felt the night before. I was in a good place.
I started to attend a weekly theology debate soon after this. A friend of mine attended Oxford and received his theology degree and decided that it would be fun to get some serious minded folks together for a weekly debate. Of course, I was more than excited to go. During one of the discussions, a difficult subject came up: The nature of Jesus.
What I mean by that is “Was Jesus God?” In Judaism, he of course wasn’t, and in Islam, he is regarded as being one of God’s major prophets, but of course, he and God are not synonymous, nor is he considered to be the Son of God.
This intrigued me. I picked up a Qur’an and started to flip through it and around the same time I began reading some of Soren Kierkegaard’s (a christian existentialists) works. In particular, Kierkegaard discusses faith as something that is completely paradoxical to our logical minds, he claims that it is almost like a leap in the dark. Something that is indeed full of doubt and despair, but that we must have the courage to cling to nonetheless. I agree with Kierkegaard on this.
In Islam, personifying God, trying to portray God as anything, and I mean anything, is strictly forbidden. To me, this seems to be more in line with how I view faith. I began to see Jesus in the Christian sense as someone who was “turned into God” by people in order to make God something more tangible.
In other words, we believe Jesus is synonymous with God, or “God robed in flesh”, because it makes God easier for us to swallow while still avoiding idolatry.
So, you may be asking, if you believe into these Islamic notions, then why aren’t you a Muslim already? Well, because “something” doesn’t feel right. I used to pray and without fail, would begin to cry. It was a type of passion that I have NEVER experienced in my life. In Islam, when I am praying I don’t feel that. I feel so far removed. I miss that warmth, that comfort, that feeling I used to get when I prayed. I miss the wonderful inspiration that the Virgin Mother was for me as a young woman. I used to cover my head just like Mary did! I was absolutely in love with my faith. I don’t know what happened.
I guess to convey my questions here for you most clearly I will ask you this:
Is the reason I felt such passion and joy during my days as a Catholic because I could “relate” to Catholic iconography? I certainly never had anything in front of me when I prayed, but could it be that just the ability to visualize something in my head aided me? Is the reason that I feel so distant from God now because I have either:
A. abandoned Christ as my savior, along with all of the saints, angels, and Catholic teachings
or
B. Because the Islamic notion that God cannot be portrayed, cannot be truly understood, and stands alone, removed from us, as the only way to salvation true.
I know that no one will be able to TRULY answer this question for me. I know that you won’t be able to logically define some clear cut conjecture. That’s fine.
I guess I just want some feedback.
Please, respectful responses only, no bashing of any faith. Nothing like that.
Thanks
I study philosophy in school and, not surprisingly, I have been a victim of many an existential crisis. Philosophy and logic sort of led me to having faith. My spirituality opened up for me in a way that I never quite thought was possible, and I am very grateful for it.
Soon after this I started looking into Catholicism and fell in love with it. Hard. My nights were filled with reading, with looking forward to church, with praying. My days were spent constantly reminiscing upon things I had read from the Gospels, or about how amazing prayer had felt the night before. I was in a good place.
I started to attend a weekly theology debate soon after this. A friend of mine attended Oxford and received his theology degree and decided that it would be fun to get some serious minded folks together for a weekly debate. Of course, I was more than excited to go. During one of the discussions, a difficult subject came up: The nature of Jesus.
What I mean by that is “Was Jesus God?” In Judaism, he of course wasn’t, and in Islam, he is regarded as being one of God’s major prophets, but of course, he and God are not synonymous, nor is he considered to be the Son of God.
This intrigued me. I picked up a Qur’an and started to flip through it and around the same time I began reading some of Soren Kierkegaard’s (a christian existentialists) works. In particular, Kierkegaard discusses faith as something that is completely paradoxical to our logical minds, he claims that it is almost like a leap in the dark. Something that is indeed full of doubt and despair, but that we must have the courage to cling to nonetheless. I agree with Kierkegaard on this.
In Islam, personifying God, trying to portray God as anything, and I mean anything, is strictly forbidden. To me, this seems to be more in line with how I view faith. I began to see Jesus in the Christian sense as someone who was “turned into God” by people in order to make God something more tangible.
In other words, we believe Jesus is synonymous with God, or “God robed in flesh”, because it makes God easier for us to swallow while still avoiding idolatry.
So, you may be asking, if you believe into these Islamic notions, then why aren’t you a Muslim already? Well, because “something” doesn’t feel right. I used to pray and without fail, would begin to cry. It was a type of passion that I have NEVER experienced in my life. In Islam, when I am praying I don’t feel that. I feel so far removed. I miss that warmth, that comfort, that feeling I used to get when I prayed. I miss the wonderful inspiration that the Virgin Mother was for me as a young woman. I used to cover my head just like Mary did! I was absolutely in love with my faith. I don’t know what happened.
I guess to convey my questions here for you most clearly I will ask you this:
Is the reason I felt such passion and joy during my days as a Catholic because I could “relate” to Catholic iconography? I certainly never had anything in front of me when I prayed, but could it be that just the ability to visualize something in my head aided me? Is the reason that I feel so distant from God now because I have either:
A. abandoned Christ as my savior, along with all of the saints, angels, and Catholic teachings
or
B. Because the Islamic notion that God cannot be portrayed, cannot be truly understood, and stands alone, removed from us, as the only way to salvation true.
I know that no one will be able to TRULY answer this question for me. I know that you won’t be able to logically define some clear cut conjecture. That’s fine.
I guess I just want some feedback.
Please, respectful responses only, no bashing of any faith. Nothing like that.
Thanks