Could use some teen boy advice!

  • Thread starter Thread starter KCT
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Though it’s true that there is no way to escape conformity not matter what you do, it’s far safer to conform with a group of individuals who value personal identity. For me, I personally enjoy being associated with a group of people, although deemed outcasts by the more ignorant of society, that actually possess a deeper understanding of humanity.
Goths, for the most part, are very accepting, especially towards those who aren’t accepted by the norm. Even then, they can be accepting to those who judge them negatively, though it takes a great person, goth or not, to do this.

As for peircings, i hardly think it’s fair to say that someone cannot like the look of a peircing. Although KCT’s son is a few years younger than I, we’ve both grown up with this being popular. I wouldn’t get a piercing based on fitting in, but rather because I like the way it looks. People who do the previous are just niave.
 
40.png
KCT:
Our son is 17. He goes to Mass w/o question and confession fairly regularly. He busses tables at a restaurant and the folks there love him. My concern is, he seems drawn to the ‘gothic’ type kids and manner of dress. We allowed a funky hair cut, but draw the line on body piercing and black pants w/ chains (he’s asked for both). He likes to use the line, “People shouldn’t judge me or others by how we look.” What’s a good explanation that a 17 yr old might respond to? —KCT
Click to expand...
Bless you fellow parent------my oldest is almost that age----and what a challenge it is!!! I know totally what you’re facing!!!

I would just say: “honey----we Christians need to be the salt of the earth–people need to know we are believers by the way we are different”…But he is right in that “people should not judge us by the way we look” should they? But unfortunately they do. We all must not take the way of the world–and look sleezy, or out of place–rather be Godly in manner and dress. But it IS hard. I would just tell him this, and also keep re-affirming him in how much you and your spouse Love him and God too. Alot of times, it’s merely just an attention grabber when they aren’t getting enough attention. Lavish it on him right now, keep telling him how special he is, and then of course, get him in a good Christian youth group. This is most important, to be around other believers. A college camp, something. My son, fed the homeless at our parish all last week, and said it was quite eye-opening. Don’t forget–you’re doing a great job as a parent!
 
Well, I happen to be 16, and when I was 14, I was into this whole “gothic” style too. Allow me to inform you a bit.
  1. He WILL grow out of it. Everyone does. Everyone my age has so far. Just a phase of growing up…
  2. At this age, teens like me just want to be different. Who says we have to wear expensive Abercrombie or Hollister clothing like spolied rich kids?
  3. Often, the clothes have nothing to do with what’s going on inside. Some people just like how the clothes look.
  4. Because they dress like that, these people are NOT devil worshippers/satanists/witches etc. Sure, many people my age wear Wiccan synbols and draw Pentagrams on themselves, but 9/10, they’re just fakes. Usually, people that dress like that WANT you to think that they are a satanist, JUST so that they can tell you to not “label” others based on clothes.
  5. Some people dress like it simply to rebel against the conformist ways of society. Enough said.
  6. And the number one cause of the “gothic” explosion among teens is attention. What better way to get attention than to dress completely opposite of the mainstream?
I hope you read what I told you, and that you believe it. Trust me. I’m around these people at school every day, so no one knows better than me.
 
40.png
kyle8921:
Usually, people that dress like that WANT you to think that they are a satanist, JUST so that they can tell you to not “label” others based on clothes.
Click to expand...
This is good insight and I bet it’s the case for many. I mean, if the image you portray is not the “real” you, why portray that image? If it is the real you, you should have no problem with the label.
 
Well, my parents never fought me on what I wore, they just set down some basic rules about decency and have drilled into me for as long as I can remember that appearance does matter, no matter how superficial it may be. I’m 17 now, and I have had some crazy ideas about how to do things in my life. My parents never once fought me as long as my safety or long-term well being was in jeopardy and as long as what I was doing was legal and at least not against my religion, and pretty much, I just grew out of any phases. Though I suppose I have been a rather easy teen in the sense that I have an absolutely wonderful relationship with my parents, we never fight. I think that is partially because they acknowledge my ability to make mature, informed decisions and I have spent years gaining their trust. They have always given me more than enough freedom, so I have never felt the need to act out against them.

Eamon
 
Yes, I remember too, my parents were absolutely apalled that I wanted to wear jeans to church in the 70’s.!!! Especially since I was the pastor’s daughter! But in the 70’s it was sort of a “free era”-----and I told them “God does not judge us”. Well since then, now I know where they were coming from----and I would not think of wearing jeans to Mass, nor do I allow my sons to either. They must wear slacks, and a shirt with a collar. And they know this. It’s only respectful. I don’t care about their hair or jewelry though. This is just our rules and they know it. Plus, I do think the teens are soooo cute, adorable and special, and I love them with all my heart, even they want a mohawk haircut.!!! hahaha They are living in such a hard time, today, where the media has just too much influence, all the free sex in the movies and all. We just cannot underestimate the influence of us parents, can we? in telling and showing them right and wrong.

I urge all of you parents to take your kids of any age to a Catholic Family Conference this summer in your area. We went to one last summer, plan on going again this, and it was super-neat! My sons, who at this point say “they’ll never be Catholic”…just because Mom is a new convert, etc…still have their rosaries they got last year at the conference --by their bed.!!! This is just soooo special to me!

Love you all fellow parents!!!
 
Sounds like a good kid to me. He attends church, has a job, pays his own way, saving for the World Youth Day, heck whats the deal.

Every generation seems to go through some type of dress and or hairstyle that is upsetting for the parents. It’s just self expression and a chance to explore. If you have done your job as a parent and it seem’s you have than relax and enjoy the great kid you have. Just be sure you have set limits.
 
Santa Cruz’ advice sounds good to me.
When my oldest son was 16 - 17, he experimented with pierced ears – wore the longest jet earrings, weird things, that he could find. I gritted my teeth and put up with it because he was doing well in school, working, and so on.
Not long ago he thanked me for putting up with it and expressed embarrassment over how he looked then. He looks perfectly normal now, I just wish he’d go to church.
 
He’s male. He goes to Mass willingly. He frequents confession. He enjoys wearing black and is potentially into collars and insense (you didn’t say so, but it’s stereotypical goth stuff)…

Anyway, sounds like a future priest to me, don’t ya think?

Male. Wears Black. Lots of Mass. Lots of confession. Wears collars. Burns incense…

Yeah, I’d go with THAT angle if I were you…:yup:

~Jeff
19 year old
 
40.png
JWalker:
He’s male. He goes to Mass willingly. He frequents confession. He enjoys wearing black and is potentially into collars and insense (you didn’t say so, but it’s stereotypical goth stuff)…

Anyway, sounds like a future priest to me, don’t ya think?

Male. Wears Black. Lots of Mass. Lots of confession. Wears collars. Burns incense…

Yeah, I’d go with THAT angle if I were you…:yup:

~Jeff
19 year old
Click to expand...
:rotfl:
Cute JWalker!!!

God Bless
Giannawannabe
 
Cute JWalker!!!

God Bless
Giannawannabe
[/quote]

You never know Giannawannabne!!! But God does and HE has a special plan for your son, and for all our our children!!!

Don’t worry----be happy~~~
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top