Counseling Needed

[catharina]

She wasn’t asking for you to slam her husband. She was admitting that she has a problem and was seeking help for that.

We are too quick to slam husbands on CAF.

A husband who threatens abandonment of a wife who is
in her FOURTH pregnancy in three years is a heartless cad.
He is NOT a darling husband, despite the poster’s words.

QUOTE:
Tonight my darling husband was confronted with this fact yet again and
[he] stated that he would rather live separately from us
just to have a clean, uncluttered, and completely orderly place.

Disgusting.

Some husbands need “slamming” - that is, it takes TWO to make a marriage.
I know you are quick to defend husbands. OK.
I’m just as quick to defend the needs of pregnant women.

 

[Serap]

A husband who threatens abandonment of a wife who is
in her FOURTH pregnancy in three years is a heartless cad.
He is NOT a darling husband, despite the poster’s words.

QUOTE:
Tonight my darling husband was confronted with this fact yet again and
[he] stated that he would rather live separately from us
just to have a clean, uncluttered, and completely orderly place.

Disgusting.

Some husbands need “slamming” - that is, it takes TWO to make a marriage.
I know you are quick to defend husbands. OK.
I’m just as quick to defend the needs of pregnant women.

All respects Catharina, but what someone says when they are upset is different than how a person is really feeling when they are feeling rational. I can speak for myself.

Some husbands DO need slamming. I’m not quick to defend husbands, but I’m quick to defend wives or husbands; depending on the situation

 

[catharina]

All respects Catharina, but what someone says when they are upset is different than how a person is really feeling when they are feeling rational. I can speak for myself.

Some husbands DO need slamming. I’m not quick to defend husbands, but I’m quick to defend wives or husbands; depending on the situation

Hard to imagine how ANY husband could say such a thing to his faithful
wife who is in the midst of a fourth pregancny in three yrs.

Again, QUOTE:
Tonight my darling husband was confronted with this fact [messy clutter]
yet again and [he] stated that he would rather live separately from us
just to have a clean, uncluttered, and completely orderly place.

As another poster said:
‘hey dude, grab a mop, grab a broom, do the dishes, etc…’

 

[Serap]

Hard to imagine how ANY husband could say such a thing to his faithful
wife who is in the midst of a fourth pregancny in three yrs.

Again, QUOTE:
Tonight my darling husband was confronted with this fact [messy clutter]
yet again and [he] stated that he would rather live separately from us
just to have a clean, uncluttered, and completely orderly place.

As another poster said:
‘hey dude, grab a mop, grab a broom, do the dishes, etc…’

I know from experience when my husband has taken a day off from work and I come home to dishes and clutter. I get angry and resentful.

I will pick up a broom, but I’ll be grumbling all the way and if he comes near me, I may even bite

 

[Rence]

I am a homemaker with 3 little girls, 3&1/2 and under, with another baby due early January. My husband is a wonderful man who works really hard to support us. I feel like I’m not doing my part-I am a horrible housekeeper.
Tonight my darling husband was confronted with this fact yet again and stated that he would rather live separately from us just to have a clean, uncluttered, and completely orderly place. I don’t blame him! He has every right to complain! I DO sit around far too often (like right now) instead of cleaning. The girls do need my attention, but I still spend a ton of time sitting.
Anyway, I am beginning to feel that I really need to get some regular counseling about my problem (clutter bordering on hoarding). Can anyone guide me to something FREE, CATHOLIC and preferably online? We live in the middle of nowhere and only have one vehicle, so I really have no way of getting anywhere.

Well, I’m going to go by your own words and what you say. YOU say that you sit around far too often instead of cleking, and the girls need your attention but you spend a ton of time sitting, and that you don’t blame your husband for complaining, etc. So I’m thinking you know what your problem is, you just need some motivation.

It sounds like you’re tired and overwhelmed right now. That’s understandible. Plus, if you have a ton to do, on top of being tired, it can make it very hard to actually get started.

1. Can you make a “clean up game” so that especially the 3-1/2 year old can help you pick up the house? My sister did a “clean up game” with her kids when they were toddlers, they would sing a song she made up to collect stuff and put them in piles (toys went in toy boxes, clothes went in a laundry pile, etc).
2. Maybe you can also start a hoarding pile and offer up some of your stuff to Goodwill, or if it’s stuff like bank statements from 1992, have a Goodwill pile and a Burn Bin pile. If you live out in the middle of nowhere, I’m thinking you have a nice burn pile somewhere
3. Make a list of things that you need to do and cross them off as you do them. This can be really useful to help you stay organized, plus you can see how much you have accomplished when it doesn’t look like it when you look around.

And I agree with Jay about giving your husband his own areas and keeping those areas tidy so that he’s not overwhelmed by mess. It would be hard for me to take as well, and by your own words, the mess is pretty bad. Giving him his own space might make the mess more easy to take.

Him saying he’d rather live separately, and the fact that you don’t blame him, doesn’t indicate that he wants a separation or a divorce. It says he needs a bit of structure around him and the mess is getting to him. Designating places for him may help with that.

As to telling him to help you, I’m not sure I would do that considering what you have said about the situation yourself. He is out of the home working all day. You are at home all day, in charge of the home, and you are admitting that you sit around all day and acknowledge the mess, and feel badly that your husband has to be subjected to the mess. So I’d not ask him to come home after a hard day’s work to do what you should be doing — unless you really can’t do them yourself. And that’s not what it sounds like. By your own words, it sounds like youre not contributing much. And that’s not to sound accusatory, believe me, I know what it’s like to have a list a mile long of things to do. You get overwhelmed and just kinda look around and don’t know where to start.

If you truly have a hoarding problem, you may need some help. But a few people have provided some nice tools for you to use to help yourself.

If you truly have a hoarding problem, and you can’t afford someone to come in and help you, can your round up some friends to get rid of the clutter while you leave the house? You’ll never let them throw away those walmart receipts from 2003 if you’re there while they’re doing it Maybe a they can conduct a yard sale?

Have you considered an outbuilding or shed, to which to move your hoard piles? That might be a good temporary fix until you are able to get rid of the piles?

Only you know truly what your situation is, and how serious it is. But if you’re picture looks like you’re painting it to be, then you should really fix it for your sanity as well as your husband’s

 

[puzzleannie]

I Anyway, I am beginning to feel that I really need to get some regular counseling about my problem (clutter bordering on hoarding). Can anyone guide me to something FREE, CATHOLIC and preferably online? We live in the middle of nowhere and only have one vehicle, so I really have no way of getting anywhere.

first thing is to identify the problem

for instance, are any of your children ADD or OCD or do you detect tendencies there? Or any of your brothers and sisters or other relatives? Then possibly you may have a “touch” of these also. There are probably on-line screening quizzes that can give you clues to your personality type.

the best website w/o doubt is flylady, but she does tend to make us messy unorganized types guilt-ridden, so browse first before you jump into her routine. But I can guarantee from experience that if you follow her routine you will never again feel “my house is a hovel and it is all my fault.”

another possibility to consider is the result of being landlocked and isolated–is the cluttering and hoarding a means to cope with the lack of control this situation causes? Then deal with that issue if this rings a bell. Perhaps arranging a mom’s day out swap with another housewife in a similar fix.

The best book I know of for Catholics is Time Management for Catholics by Dave Durand, (Sofia Institute Press) because it deals with all the issues and tells us how the are inter-related, and related to our spirituality. Best use of time, organization of each area of life, both time and stuff, why we can’t manage time and stuff, how both of these go together.

Peter Walsh the TV psychologist from one of those clean house shows goes a step further and relates those two problems to body issues. His books are Too Much Stuff, and Does this Clutter Make my Butt look Fat?" Wise, but easy reading enough to put into effect quickly w/o a college degree or full makeover. He takes one room at a time in a very usable approach.

good luck, if I could do it, the queen of clutter, so can you

 

[Joannm]

For myself, I find that my house is most cluttered when I am feeling overwhelmed or depressed. I just don’t feel like doing anything, much less clean. I am not a good housekeeper to begin with, but when I am in a good space health wise, spiritually and psychologically then my house is cleaner. I have also found that throwing out things is good for the soul. Most of the time I don’t miss or can’t even remember what I threw out.

It doesn’t help to be living in a small space. We have a tiny house and it was 5 of us with one bathroom and clutter all over. Now it is 4 adults, a dog, two cats, three sugar gliders and four fish tanks (and still one bathroom) and the only real clutter is in my son’s space, but he is in the basement so we can basically ignore it. But in looking around as I am reading this, I see that a lot of the clutter in the living room and dining room now belongs to my husband (the fish tanks are his along with the paraphernalia that goes with them)…yet if I put anything away he gets angry for touching his stuff, but I can’t leave dishes in the sink…go figure.

 

[Anna_jane]

I know it doesn’t make sense to you right now, that you would be so tired without having done much housework, but realize you’re pregnant. Your body is making a human heart, a brain, bone and muscle, and that sucks a lot of energy right out of you, even while you may feel like your doing “Nothing”. But here are some things that might help. Check your iron levels, for one: I know I’m much more exhausted when I’m low on iron, and not all the pregancy vitamin supplements have enough. You need vitamins for two, now.
Next, the book Confessions of an Organized Family has a good chapter on dealing with clutter, and simplifying life in general. The library should be able to get it for you for free. Is there music to listen to, TV to watch while you do laundry or clean up? That can make it seem less difficult.
Last, don’t start out with the goal of getting your entire house spotless for ever and ever, amen. Make a short (5 item) list of things that things you want done in your house, then make up a plan to deal with THOSE THINGS. If you try and clean everything at once, you’ll just get discouraged.
And perhaps your priest can have a man-to-man talk with your husband about the Sacrament of Marriage. Yes, he was probably angry when he said those things, but your priest will be able to help him tame the anger, and root out any marital issues at play here.

 

[catharina]

I know it doesn’t make sense to you right now, that you would be so tired without having done much housework, but realize you’re pregnant. Your body is making a human heart, a brain, bone and muscle, and that sucks a lot of energy right out of you, even while you may feel like your doing “Nothing”. But here are some things that might help. Check your iron levels, for one: I know I’m much more exhausted when I’m low on iron, and not all the pregancy vitamin supplements have enough. You need vitamins for two, now. :clapping:

Next, the book Confessions of an Organized Family has a good chapter on dealing with clutter, and simplifying life in general. The library should be able to get it for you for free. Is there music to listen to, TV to watch while you do laundry or clean up? That can make it seem less difficult.
Last, don’t start out with the goal of getting your entire house spotless for ever and ever, amen. Make a short (5 item) list of things that things you want done in your house, then make up a plan to deal with THOSE THINGS. If you try and clean everything at once, you’ll just get discouraged.
And perhaps your priest can have a man-to-man talk with your husband about the Sacrament of Marriage. :clapping:
Yes, he was probably angry when he said those things, but your priest will be able to help him tame the anger, and root out any marital issues at play here.

Having worked with pregnant women for YEARS, having been pregnant through delivery,
I have to say that this woman SHOULD be borderline fatigued/exhausted every single day.

Four pregnancies in three years? Think, people!
Her husband should be throwing roses at her feet, IMO.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

Hey there! First, I just have to say – gestating is hard work!

Anyway, on the practical side, I think maybe you could try to clean/tidy one room a day? Alternatively, the kitchen I think needs the most attention. If the kitchen is clean, a lot of other sins can be forgiven!

If your MIL is adding to the problem by bringing lots of gifts, I would ask her to bring small things, or else things that can stay at her house and the girls can use them there.

My mom is a very tidy lady and she has a one-in, one-out rule. If she brings home a new anything, she has to get rid of something else. So – new --pack of socks equals - throw away the oldest 3 pairs you have. She really keeps a lid on the mess this way. I have a harder time throwing things away, but I do feel good about donating things to the local church thrift shop. Get rid of things while doing a good deed!

Good luck.

PS Could you be a bit depressed? That’s a lot of hormonal fluctuation going on in your body (and probably not a whole lot of sleep)! Perhaps you could start with your OB-GYN, asking them for an opinion or referral.

 

[PandaBean1]

Yes! The suggestions to have his own space is something we have disscussed. He would really like to have the bedroom cleaned up and hardly ever allow the kids in. I would prefer that they feel welcome to come to us anywhere anytime, but at this point I really need to compromise and give him what he needs, a clean space.

When we move to a larger space, and it will happen someday, purely from neccessity, we plan on having a basement that is just storage and his “man cave” for his giant screen tv and computer and theology books and so forth and the rest of us wouldn’t be allowed in without permission. We’ve already decided that he would be completely in charge of keeping that area of the house clean and I wouldn’t have a thing to do with the place. Maybe once I get the bedroom cleaned up, which really wouldn’t take me very long, I should ask him about his taking over the care of the bedroom. This would also help me feel like I’ve gotten started!

"As to telling him to help you, I’m not sure I would do that considering what you have said about the situation yourself. He is out of the home working all day. You are at home all day, in charge of the home, and you are admitting that you sit around all day and acknowledge the mess, and feel badly that your husband has to be subjected to the mess. So I’d not ask him to come home after a hard day’s work to do what you should be doing — unless you really can’t do them yourself. And that’s not what it sounds like. By your own words, it sounds like youre not contributing much. And that’s not to sound accusatory, believe me, I know what it’s like to have a list a mile long of things to do. You get overwhelmed and just kinda look around and don’t know where to start. "

This is it in a nutshell! He works hard at what he does and I feel I don’t. He wasn’t really threatening to leave, he was simply using it as an illistration of how he feels so alienated by my clutter/hoarding habits.

“for instance, are any of your children ADD or OCD or do you detect tendencies there? Or any of your brothers and sisters or other relatives? Then possibly you may have a “touch” of these also. There are probably on-line screening quizzes that can give you clues to your personality type.”

As far as I can tell, the children are as normal as toddlers can be, tho our oldest did have a mild speech delay that has been corrected with therapy. My brother has Asperger’s Syndrom, which is on the Autism spectrum. When he was diagnosed my mom passed on to me all the evaluation paperwork, since he and I have very similar personalities, and I also scored very high on the scale, tho this is not an official diagnosis. So I do say I have undiagnosed Aperger’s.

Anywho, I did call my friend who will be able to get together with me starting next week to help me just slough thru the cleaning. I did get a little more done this morning than I do most mornings and I also set up a starter appointment with local Catholic Charities. I also have another friend coming at the end of the month, after she finishes her school project for the summer, to practice her “professional organizer” skills (she thinks she may want to be a professional organizer).

I do want to say again that I feel my husband is doing everything he can for us and his requests do not seem completely unreasonable. He doesn’t want to see the mess from yesterday’s breakfast still on the floor and have to walk on things to put our children to bed. I am home full-time and I know I am capable of doing more at this time in my pregnancy.

And again, thank you everyone for your help and suggestions! I wrote down all the book suggestions and have visited the websites!

 

[PandaBean1]

PS Could you be a bit depressed? That’s a lot of hormonal fluctuation going on in your body (and probably not a whole lot of sleep)! Perhaps you could start with your OB-GYN, asking them for an opinion or referral.

Yes, I do live with depression, I have for many many years and am taking medication for it (the safest-for-babies- kind). It has flared up with a massive vengence with this pregnancy, tho my previous one was all bubbles and roses. I am definately going to be looking for help with this as well. In regards to connecting my depression with my housekeeping, even when my mind was all straightened out and life was feeling great, I still didn’t get off my bum and get the housework done. I’m sure everything would improve, tho, if I were to get things tidied up, after all, clutter is depressing!

 

[Musician]

I know this isn’t politically correct, but I agree that the OP can and should do her housework. OP, when you find a way that works for you, go for it. And teach your babies to pick up after themselves.
This is a true story: I had four babies in four years. My husband was military and gone a lot of the time. When he was home (and even when he wasn’t) I kept the house very clean and organized and had dinner on the table at 6:00 p.m. When he came home, the children were well-napped, cheerful, and clean; the house was straightened up; and dinner was on the stove. We then had a family meal. Every. Single. Day. It was hard to keep everything organized and tidy because our house was only 800 SF. I still don’t know how we did it! But we were happy.
However, I am not a clutter bug, and it is very easy for me to throw away things and get rid of things I don’t need. So that part of your problem is hard to understand for me. But my suggestion is to get a whole bunch of plastic see-through bins with good-fitting lids to organize your house. Make sure they are square or rectangular so you can stack them neatly. Put everything in those. Maybe that will help. Don’t forget to use a sharpie to mark on the outside what is inside.
Anyway, I know my story is from a long time ago and may not help, but I want you to be motivated to be the very best you can be. It sounds as though your husband deserves no less!

 

[noclevername]

Originally Posted by reaganjn
there is a wonderful website that has helped me…

I think it’s fine that she posted that website. That website might sell a few things but it has a TON of FREE information on it if you click around. And she has podcasts you can download. I think that is an excellent website for learning to declutter.

 

[Serap]

Yes, I do live with depression, I have for many many years and am taking medication for it (the safest-for-babies- kind). It has flared up with a massive vengence with this pregnancy, tho my previous one was all bubbles and roses. I am definately going to be looking for help with this as well. In regards to connecting my depression with my housekeeping, even when my mind was all straightened out and life was feeling great, I still didn’t get off my bum and get the housework done. I’m sure everything would improve, tho, if I were to get things tidied up, after all, clutter is depressing!

awww…hugs to you sweetie! I had really bad PPD this time around and I was feeling blah during my pregnancy as well.

I really hope things get better into your second trimester!!!

Tell you husband how you are feeling too. He should know so he can be gentle around you…hugsXXX.

 

[Kindness]

There seem to be a few aspects to this but I do think it comes down to the fact that we should listen to our spouse and understand what is important to them. He is telling you clearly that a cleaner, tidier house will make him feel loved.

How this is accomplished however is a different issue. All Kudos to Musician but we are all different and cleanliness and orderliness come easier to some people than others. Some people I know get immense pleasure from keeping their house clean and orderly, I confess I’m not one of them. It is also much, much easier to be clean and tidy when you have noone in the house under 3. So logistically you have quite a challenge on your hands with so many little ones and meeting all their needs all day.

Do you have a budget that would stretch to having a housekeeper come in occasionally? I see you have someone who is coming to help you get organized, could you possibly have that coincide with someone coming in and giving the house a good clean to help you get motivated? You may say you are “home all day” but you have a seriously full plate with 3 tiny ones and another on the way while dealing with depression.

Maybe you could ask your husband that if this is such an important issue for him that he be willing to invest in some cleaning help around the house. The years when they are tiny pass quickly but I think helping everyone feel calmer, cleaner and more organized is well worth the investment. I think it would help your husband be happier and help lift your depression and that might be a better investment than counseling or similar.

I’m guessing you are quite isolated, and as none of the children are old enough to even have a very detailed conversation with you may be spending lots of time online because you are craving adult contact and connection. Do you have adult visitors and do you have friends visiting? How often? I know it is hard work taking three little ones out but maybe you need more human contact during the day and less of the same four walls.

If you work together on the cleaning issue maybe there is something your husband could do that would in turn help you feel more connected and loved. What might that be?

 

[Serap]

There seem to be a few aspects to this but I do think it comes down to the fact that we should listen to our spouse and understand what is important to them. He is telling you clearly that a cleaner, tidier house will make him feel loved.

How this is accomplished however is a different issue. All Kudos to Musician but we are all different and cleanliness and orderliness come easier to some people than others. Some people I know get immense pleasure from keeping their house clean and orderly, I confess I’m not one of them. It is also much, much easier to be clean and tidy when you have noone in the house under 3. So logistically you have quite a challenge on your hands with so many little ones and meeting all their needs all day.

Do you have a budget that would stretch to having a housekeeper come in occasionally? I see you have someone who is coming to help you get organized, could you possibly have that coincide with someone coming in and giving the house a good clean to help you get motivated? You may say you are “home all day” but you have a seriously full plate with 3 tiny ones and another on the way while dealing with depression.

Maybe you could ask your husband that if this is such an important issue for him that he be willing to invest in some cleaning help around the house. The years when they are tiny pass quickly but I think helping everyone feel calmer, cleaner and more organized is well worth the investment. I think it would help your husband be happier and help lift your depression and that might be a better investment than counseling or similar.

I’m guessing you are quite isolated, and as none of the children are old enough to even have a very detailed conversation with you may be spending lots of time online because you are craving adult contact and connection. Do you have adult visitors and do you have friends visiting? How often? I know it is hard work taking three little ones out but maybe you need more human contact during the day and less of the same four walls.

If you work together on the cleaning issue maybe there is something your husband could do that would in turn help you feel more connected and loved. What might that be?

With your attitude you will be happily married for another 14 years at least

 

[PandaBean1]

“I know this isn’t politically correct, but I agree that the OP can and should do her housework. OP, when you find a way that works for you, go for it. And teach your babies to pick up after themselves.”

Musician: I agree with you! I feel that it is my husband’s place to work outside the home to support us and make a living for us, and it’s my job to work in the home to support the internal structure. Big kudos to you for being able to handle everything when you were at this stage of life! As you said, you have never been a clutter bug, whereas I feel I may be something of a hoarder, so there is that major complication.

“Do you have a budget that would stretch to having a housekeeper come in occasionally?”

Kindness: At this time, we don’t have any spare money, but as I said in a previous post, I have a friend, K, who will start coming next week to help me clean.
As for adult contact, except for this thread, I don’t spend my time online chatting, I spend it playing games. I also have games on my computer that I play and a hand-held device that I also play games on. I used to focus all my time reading, but that was before kids came along!
And I LOVE your signature! Turtle herding, I’ll have to remember that one!

 

[Kindness]

To be clearer it’s not that the OP is not responsible for running the household with her husband but that there are some obstacles, particularly emotional involving anxiety that will perhaps always make it a struggle without support of some kind. That support could be in the form of practical help and also counseling to help with the anxiety that leads to hoarding. Compounded with having very young children at home and pregnancy I don’t doubt she feels overwhelmed. This is not to let someone off the hook, but I believe there are reasons why she is spending her time playing games etc. and not doing the practical things that need to be done. The reasons are emotional as well as physical exhaustion I’m sure.

Here is a good place to start “Welcome to the IOCDF Hoading Center” ocfoundation.org/hoarding/welcome.aspx

Squalor survivors is an on-line community of people dealing with hoarding. Either they are hoarders or living with hoarders or relating to them. This might be a place that the OP can start to get help and support as she tries to make some changes.
squalorsurvivors.com/

Its important to give someone support, help and understanding and not shame them about something such as keeping house that is on display to everyone. We all have weaknesses but with hoarding the hoaders troubled emotional life is on display and they can feel very trapped.

I would say OP if you think that your behavior is affecting your children or you are not meeting their needs (keeping them rooms clean, keeping the bathroom and kitchen clean or not making meals on schedule) then you should get help sooner rather than later. Then it is more than just keeping your husband happy it’s a matter of health and safety for the whole family including yourself. (Make sure you don’t have anemia by the way, that could explain the lethargy). In our parish the Right to Life Committee and SVDP would both provide practical help and emotional support for a family in this situation. Have you approached people in your parish for support?

God bless you lovely lady!

 

[MadameButterfly]

I could have written this post when I had 3 young children and 1 in-utero. Not only am I “organizationally-challenged” , but I never have had much energy either which has made raising 4 energetic boys and running a household overwhelming at times (it doesn’t help that my dh is a neatnik, a prefectionist, and has OCD and packrat tendendencies ).

I have great difficulty keeping things organized and de-cluttered…it’s a skill set that doesn’t come naturally to me and I am constantly fighting against myself in order to try and develop them (after 19years of living with my dh, I am getting better, albeit slower than he’d like ), but it’s overwhelming at times. Gosh, learning Calculus is easier than learning to become organized.

I’m really good in some areas (bills, mail, clothing, pictures, food storage, etc.), but I’m really bad in others (toys, homeschooling materials, and hand-me-down items my parents give us). In the areas I’m still working on, I do have spurts where I rearrange things, throw things out, or come up with a new way to do things, but then something happens to sabotage it (dh brings home info. from work, my mom cleans out her basement and gives me her junk…er…stuff ) and I’m back to where I started…sigh.

Here are some things that have helped me:

1. Read “Organizing From the Inside Out” by Julie Morgenstern. It helps you figure out why you do the things the way you do (i.e.- helps you figure out why you can’t throw things away) and then helps you figure out the best ways to organize. Basically, you work with your personality and your quirks instead of trying to change yourself to fit into an organizational model. I love this book!
2. Read any of the de-cluttering books by Don Aslett. Use the insights from
   “Organizing…” and get rid of the stuff you don’t use/need (Goodwill, Purple Heart and St. Vincent de Paul are your friends). Or, you might want to rent a dumpster if you have a lot of “stuff” to get rid of (I’ve seriously considered doing this).
3. “A Mother’s Rule of Life” by Heidi Pierlot and “Time Management For Catholics” by Dave Durand are great helps in time management from a Catholic perspective.
4. Sometimes reading a few books is not enough. While all the above books have been (and are still) helpful, it wasn’t enough. While I was in therapy for a sexual assault, I finally dealt with childhood “issues” that I needed to work through. You see, I had this “thing” about housecleaning; I hated it when someone told me when I needed to dust, or clean the bathrooms … to the extreme. It took awhile to figure out that housecleaning was tied into my negative worth (basically, my worth was based on how well I cleaned the toilets…and they were never cleaned to my mom’s satisfaction). I had to cultivate the desire to clean because I wanted a clean house, rather than be passive/agressive against my mom.

Well, now that my boys are teens & pre-teens, I pay them to do chores . My organizational skills are improving slowly (dh wishes it was quicker), but I still have to fight my slothful inclinations (due to health issues, I’m tired and/or sore almost every day). Some days, I end up wasting time on the computer either reading CAF, or playing Peggle, Mahjongg, or Sudoku ; that’s when I know that Confession is in order.

Praying for you.

MadameButterfly