Counselor Says Husband Might Not Have the Capacity for Marriage

[whitetulips]

I don’t think we need to jump to a tribunal just yet. The OP said nothing about divorce and annulments.

I sure don’t plan on it, and even if I wanted to I do not think we’d have legitimate grounds for an annulment.

 

[Ammi]

I’m glad you feel this way.

 

[Anicette]

I am not sure what you understand by “counselor”.

It is a psychologist who has valid diplomas, the right to excerced and a valid speciality in marital counseling?

because anyone can said they are a “counselor” I guess.

being into a depression is hard. It is hard for the family, mostly thoses who lived under the same roof. It is hard on the spouse.

I don’t know what the link between depression and the capacity for marriage. It made life and marriage hard. But we cannot get out of our spouse just because the “catch” depression, as any other of illness.
A depression is a chronical state that don’t vanish in just a few months (not in my experience) and certainely NOT after only 1 month of medication. It is a hard state that can last for years, or maybe for life.

That’s being said, I have no qualification to speak on depression nor on your husband’s state. Just my life experience.

 

[Anicette]

I’ve met with him probably 10 or so times so this wasn’t the first meeting, but even in the first session after me explaining my marriage situation he said that there was a potential for separation to be in order later on if things didn’t get better.

Why does it mean?

What does a catholic therapist want to say by this.

because in the on the secular point, EVERY situation that make one of the spouse UNHAPPY can be a reason “good enough” to get rid of the marriage. No one is untited to stay in a relationship that don’t fit their needs.
But not sure that’s still the case on a Catholic viewpoint.

Of course if you are unhappy with your depressed husband you are more likely “potential” to want to end your marriage that if you were happy with him. But i don’t see what the link between a potential of separation.

Anyway a counselor don’t have to suggest a separation. Only ask if you think of one, maybe.

I know that we are very sensitive when we are in therapy and very likely to surinterpret words of a counselor. Maybe what he wants to say if that you should not except that the situation will be improoved a lot in a near future. So you should get used of it, and accept the current situation or considered leaving him.

So yeah I really don’t know why he’s saying he might not have the capacity for marriage and I’m questioning if I should keep going forward with this counselor, though I only have a few sessions left.

Are you thinking of asking your counselor what he means by that, to relieved yourself from the ambiguity?

 

[whitetulips]

whitetulips:

I’ve met with him probably 10 or so times so this wasn’t the first meeting, but even in the first session after me explaining my marriage situation he said that there was a potential for separation to be in order later on if things didn’t get better.

Why does it mean?

What does a catholic therapist want to say by this.

because in the on the secular point, EVERY situation that make one of the spouse UNHAPPY can be a reason “good enough” to get rid of the marriage. No one is untited to stay in a relationship that don’t fit their needs.
But not sure that’s still the case on a Catholic viewpoint.

Of course if you are unhappy with your depressed husband you are more likely “potential” to want to end your marriage that if you were happy with him. But i don’t see what the link between a potential of separation.

Anyway a counselor don’t have to suggest a separation. Only ask if you think of one, maybe.

I know that we are very sensitive when we are in therapy and very likely to surinterpret words of a counselor. Maybe what he wants to say if that you should not except that the situation will be improoved a lot in a near future. So you should get used of it, and accept the current situation or considered leaving him.

So yeah I really don’t know why he’s saying he might not have the capacity for marriage and I’m questioning if I should keep going forward with this counselor, though I only have a few sessions left.

Are you thinking of asking your counselor what he means by that, to relieved yourself from the ambiguity?

I may just end therapy; my counselor has taught me good skills for myself but hasn’t been the most encouraging for my marriage.

 

[Anicette]

If you think it is the better choice, then that’s good.

there is nothing less helping than therapy when we don’t trust the therapist.

 

[Anicette]

I may just end therapy; my counselor has taught me good skills for myself but hasn’t been the most encouraging for my marriage.

@whitetulips, how are you?
Whereas I m sure that you havemade the better choice fo youself now to end the therapy with this counselor for now that’s doesn’t mean that you may need therapy in the future. For any reason, such as living with a depressed person has made you depressed youself. You would be free to choose to work with the professional of your choice but if you think that your fomer may be the only choice or the right choice, you should not hesitated to go with him again. A good professional should not judge your reasons.

I pray that you will never need therapy again.

God bless you!

(I said that because I have had to go again with the same therapist that i have left some months ago because of feeling not understand on what i have lived (the reason of the therapy) and because she was unsopportive to not say hostile of one of my choice. But because of a big emotional shock I feel that I have no other choice if I don’t want to collapse. And this therapist the only choice I have + very important know the context, so i don’t have to explain again to another).

 

[bmaj]

Many of the prior posters make very valid points. I would just like to add the thought that the counselor might be right, but the wording they used would likely have been much better used PRIOR to someone getting married. I’m thinking that if there were pre-Cana counselors out there who gave this same type of info when speaking with certain couples, it could very well save a need for an annulment in the future after the marriage itself happens. That being said, it’s always best to feel comfortable and trusting with your therapist, so if you truly don’t care for their advice, you might be better off trying a different one. Unfortunately, from experience I know it can sometimes be difficult to find a practicing Catholic therapist to begin with. A talk with your Priest can also be very helpful on many levels, and he also might be able to recommend someone for you. May our Lord bless you and give you strength no matter what.

 

[whitetulips]

whitetulips:

I may just end therapy; my counselor has taught me good skills for myself but hasn’t been the most encouraging for my marriage.

@whitetulips, how are you?
Whereas I m sure that you havemade the better choice fo youself now to end the therapy with this counselor for now that’s doesn’t mean that you may need therapy in the future. For any reason, such as living with a depressed person has made you depressed youself. You would be free to choose to work with the professional of your choice but if you think that your fomer may be the only choice or the right choice, you should not hesitated to go with him again. A good professional should not judge your reasons.

I pray that you will never need therapy again.

God bless you!

(I said that because I have had to go again with the same therapist that i have left some months ago because of feeling not understand on what i have lived (the reason of the therapy) and because she was unsopportive to not say hostile of one of my choice. But because of a big emotional shock I feel that I have no other choice if I don’t want to collapse. And this therapist the only choice I have + very important know the context, so i don’t have to explain again to another).

Thank you for your thoughts! I’m doing okay, I did end counseling with this counselor. I have a wonderful spiritual director who I’m keeping in touch with and he’s encouraging and supportive. It’s really hard being married to someone who’s depressed; this year has been so challenging and stretched me in so many ways. There’s so much trial and error to figuring it all out.

 

[Anicette]

Thanks you for the new.

I am happy for you that you take the things in charge. I hope that your husband is also well taken in charge and his condition would improoved. You are a very devoted wife, God bless you!

Having lived under te same roof with a heavily depressed person, living with someone who is depressed or borderline depression for a decade and being myself in the worst time of my life I somewhat imagine a little your situation. I sympatize.

It is so sad to start a marriage like that, it should be a happy time. I hope tht you realized that it is not easy to go out of depression, it is a long time affection that can last for year and a “cured” person stay at risk, but there can be light after the darkness. Particularly if the circunstances that caused the depression improoved or for thoses who have very good medical and therapy following.

best wishes!