Courtship question

[Meximo]

Without really discussing it with him, she has decided to do some additional schooling in a town 6 hrs away from him…

Well did she discuss it with him or not?

Who did she talk to? Going to reiterate what has been said by PP communication seems to be lacking. They don’t seem to be ready to make a commitment if they can’t communicate.

 

[Gaurdian]

Guardian, I disagree that getting married right out of college is always a “terrible idea.” I’ve known several couples who have done so, and all are very devout Catholics or other Christians, and all are still married. I myself had just been out of college for a year when I got married.

Ok, Sdeco, 95% of the time it is not a good idea. The pressure and fog of college is not what most people will be doing for the rest of their lives. My point is take some time off for yourself and find out who you are as a person and what you like to do. One to two years is plenty of time for many people, like you take one year. I have seen many devout Catholics date in college, graduate in May, get married in August, get pregnant by Sept., have first child next May and feel like they never took any time for themselves or really know what their spouse is all about in a deep sense.

 

[mizznicole]

From my point of view, college is the time when you find out who you are and what you want. Guess it depends on your experience, though. If you are far from home and figuring it out on your own, there is a lot of opportunity to grow.

I too know several Catholic couples married right after or during college, and are still happily married with kids (mostly from my graduate theology program). They are well formed in their faith, though, which is a vital factor; they take their vocation to marriage very seriously.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

why is the rest of the family involved in this discussion? seems the young folks are old enough to work this out on their own.

Ditto that! All this family interference is a problem to me. They aren’t engaged. She can do what she wants.

 

[OldAgeGuru]

Ditto that! All this family interference is a problem to me. They aren’t engaged. She can do what she wants.

I agree with OutinChgoburbs and PuzzleAnnie. I’m getting married in the fall. I have to say, I love my parents, and I love my future in laws. All four of them are wonderful, kind generous people. They have great senses of humor, caring personalities, but the thing I love about them most of all is… they know when to BUTT OUT. I love my fiance. Like any relationship, we have problems. Average run of the mill boring problems. Sometimes the annoying problems, like his refusal to insert dish into that fancy machine that washes them, or my anal rententive German need to have everything be in it’s proper place blows up. We flip out and yell at each other, retreat to mutual corners and then have a rational discussion about the problem. I may complain to my parents, or even his. They smile politely offer advice based on 60 years of marriage combined and then say, these are things you guys will have to work out. Then they change the subject.

If they are grown up enough to be in a relationship, consider marriage and make decisions about pursuing their life goals. They are old enough to have their parents zip their lips and say you need to do what you think is best.

I understand wanting to protect your child. My mom is a mama bear too, but she’s had to say You’re 27 years old and you need to do what you think you need to do. I raised you the best I could, and you have a good set of morals, and I can’t live your life for you… You don’t always end up with who you or your parents thought you would. Kids need to experience skinned knees, and burnt fingers and heartbreak to learn from. Maybe they will both walk away with fond memories and other spouses like I did, or maybe they will get closer together, but at the end of the day, you need to step out of the situation both for your sons sake and the relationship you have with the girls friends.