Cousin's Wedding Vows - to obey

[Beth19]

Hi everyone,

I have a question. My cousin was married two weeks ago at a Catholic mass. The couple were both Catholic (as am I). The bride promised “to obey” her husband (my cousin) during the vows.

I didn’t know this was an option in the Catholic church. Not that I mind, necessarily. I was just wondering: is this common at Catholic wedding ceremonies? I’ve never been married myself, and am unsure. The bride comes from a hispanic background.

Beth

 

[Dr.Colossus]

To my knowledge the vows are not supposed to deviate from the form prescribed in the Roman Missal. The addition of “obey” would not invalidate the marriage, but I’m fairly certain the addition of anything to the vows is illicit. Here is the text from the Rite of Marriage During Mass from the Roman Missal:

Consent

1. The priest invites the couple to declare their consent:

Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church.

They join hands

The bridegroom says:

I, N., take you, N., to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

The bride says:

I, N., take you, N., to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

If, however, it seems preferable for pastoral reasons, the priest may obtain consent from the couple through questions.

First he asks the bridegroom:

N., do you take N. to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?

The bridegroom: I do.

Then he asks the bride:

N., do you take N. to be your husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?

The bride: I do.

If pastoral necessity demands it, the conference of bishops may decree, in virtue of the faculty in no. 17, that the priest should always obtain the consent of the couple through questions.

In the dioceses of the United States, the following form may also be used:

I, N., take you, N., for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

I, N., take you, N., for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

If it seems preferable for pastoral reasons for the priest to obtain consent from the couple through questions, in the dioceses of the United States the following alternative form may be used:

N., do you take N. for your lawful wife (husband), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?

The bride (bridegroom): I do.

1. Receiving their consent, the priest says:
   You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide.