Cousin's wife told me she had abortions

[ellam25]

So last night I visited my cousin and his wife. I was complaining because the lady I nanny for is pregnant again and so I’ll be out of work for awhile. My cousins wife said, doesn’t she have three kids already? I said yes, and she said, then she should have taken care of it, three is more than enough. Meaning abortion. She went on to say that there’s too many people in the world. Anyway I was shocked to learn that she had had two abortions, and my cousin, who is in aviation school right now pretty Much made her have her second abortion because hr thought a baby would kill his dreams. I am deeply saddened by learning all of this because he was raised Catholic. Granted he has not been catholic for several years but still he should know its wrong on so many levels. When his wife was telling me about the abortions thoughts were whirring in my head and I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything . I felt like I should tell her how wrong that was but I didn’t know how to tactfully so I just changed the subject. I did however tell her though, when she was saying she wanted to get pregnant again, but hhadnt for the one year shed been off birth control that abortions are very harmful to fertility. Still I felt like a coward. Should I have said something? Or should I just pray…idk but I have not been able to stop thinking about it and the little babies who had to pay…

 

[pensmama87]

The family definitely needs your prayers.

If you speak to her again soon, you could say, “I’m sorry I didn’t say this before, I was just so taken aback. But I wanted to let you know that I am sorry you went through that.” Because regardless of how cavalier she sounded about killing her children, it was not an easy thing to go through (and her attitude may be a front to try and deal with the pain.)

And while I can understand you not being happy about being out of work, maybe it would be prudent to not complain about pregnancy inconveniencing you in the future, even (maybe especially) if it’s not yours.

 

[EasterJoy]

I somehow doubt you failed to instruct the ignorant, since I doubt your cousin or his wife are ignorant of about the Church’s teachings concerning the morality of abortion. As for admonishing the sinner, you can either turn someone from current sin–not an issue with this person, as she is not currently contemplating an abortion–encourage them to repent and seek forgiveness in the Sacrament of penance–not likely when you are talking to a non-Catholic–or oppose someone who is teaching that a sin is not a sin. There was not a 3rd party to protect from her errors, so the question is whether you could have softened her heart on this issue by your reply.

That is a question for you to consider, but somehow I doubt you could have done so. I don’t think this woman will point to your failure to speak up on that day as the reason she failed to turn from her hard-heartedness.

Pray for her. When we look back at this in the light of eternity, I expect that will be our greatest area of failure. We tend to depend too much on our own efforts, chastising ourselves too little for our failure to ask for the help of God’s grace in situations that are beyond us. If our failure is in speaking up too little, after all, prayer helps that, too.

 

[EasterJoy]

If you speak to her again soon, you could say, “I’m sorry I didn’t say this before, I was just so taken aback. But I wanted to let you know that I am sorry you went through that.”…

And while I can understand you not being happy about being out of work, maybe it would be prudent to not complain about pregnancy inconveniencing you in the future, even (maybe especially) if it’s not yours.

These are two excellent points, although I very much doubt that the complaint about being out of work was in any way worded as a criticism of the woman who had gotten pregnant. What nanny is going to say, “how dare you have more children, when your pregnancy could put me out of work?” If not for the woman’s willingness to get pregnant, there would have been no job in the first place!

 

[ellam25]

And while I can understand you not being happy about being out of work, maybe it would be prudent to not complain about pregnancy inconveniencing you in the future, even (maybe especially) if it’s not yours.

OK I wasn’t complaining about the pregnancy itself I was complaining about not having a paycheck for three months. So yes it is your inconvenient to me because I have children to feed and bills to pay. I would never say somebody shouldn’t be pregnant or should get an abortion . but the fact is I’m not sure I’ll be doing for money. That’s off the subject but I felt I needed to defend myself because like I said I don’t think she shouldnt have gotten pregnant. In fact it was my cousins wife that asked me why I’d be out of work for three months…I didn’t even bring it up initially, I jut said it stinks cause I won’t have a job for a while.

 

[pensmama87]

OK I wasn’t complaining about the pregnancy itself I was complaining about not having a paycheck for three months. So yes it is your inconvenient to me because I have children to feed and bills to pay. I would never say somebody shouldn’t be pregnant or should get an abortion . but the fact is I’m not sure I’ll be doing for money. That’s off the subject but I felt I needed to defend myself because like I said I don’t think she shouldnt have gotten pregnant. In fact it was my cousins wife that asked me why I’d be out of work for three months…I didn’t even bring it up initially, I jut said it stinks cause I won’t have a job for a while.

Ah, I’m sorry, I misunderstood how the subject arose.

I don’t doubt that it’s inconvenient. I watch children myself. I’ve been upset before when clients moved or had other reasons unrelated to me for quitting. It does stink.

 

[EasterJoy]

OK I wasn’t complaining about the pregnancy itself I was complaining about not having a paycheck for three months. So yes it is your inconvenient to me because I have children to feed and bills to pay. I would never say somebody shouldn’t be pregnant or should get an abortion . but the fact is I’m not sure I’ll be doing for money. That’s off the subject but I felt I needed to defend myself because like I said I don’t think she shouldnt have gotten pregnant. In fact it was my cousins wife that asked me why I’d be out of work for three months…I didn’t even bring it up initially, I jut said it stinks cause I won’t have a job for a while.

As I said, I very much doubted that a nanny complaining that she will be out of work could be construed to mean that she thought her employer shouldn’t get pregnant. That wouldn’t make much sense.

 

[1ke]

then she should have taken care of it, three is more than enough.

Women who have had abortions often want other women to jump in the pool with them to justify their decision to abort, to make them feel like it’s OK since others did it too. Misery loves company, as the saying goes.

However, more troubling is the fact that she cannot fathom that the woman WANTS another baby. Sad.

Pray for her and your cousin.

 

[kozlosap]

Women who have had abortions often want other women to jump in the pool with them to justify their decision to abort, to make them feel like it’s OK since others did it too. Misery loves company, as the saying goes.

However, more troubling is the fact that she cannot fathom that the woman WANTS another baby. Sad.

Pray for her and your cousin.

I’ve had the exact opposite experiences when discussing abortion with women who have actually had the procedure. Women of my age (62 year old boomer) and those of my dear daughter’s female friends (30 year old millennial) all relate that the decision was neither easy or a perfectly reasonable use of medical protocol.

 

[tawny]

Women who have had abortions often want other women to jump in the pool with them to justify their decision to abort, to make them feel like it’s OK since others did it too. Misery loves company, as the saying goes.

However, more troubling is the fact that she cannot fathom that the woman WANTS another baby. Sad.

Pray for her and your cousin.

Agree.