Coveting or just "being nice"

[justice]

Last October I found a charge from my husband’s debit card on our bank statement to a local restaurant, the charge was high for
just one person. I asked him about it, he informed me he had p/u
a woman that worked with him and they went to lunch together b4 work (he work’s 2nd shift, I work 1st). Well it took me by surprise
and it did hurt because I had to find out about it from the bank
statement. My 1st thought, is he trying to hide something from
me?
About a month and half later, one of the women that works with my husband came to see me and all she would tell me is that I
need to come out here at night at our mealtime and see what is
going on. She wouldn’t say anymore, but I did know her well e-
nough to know that she is totally against married people having
affairs.
I confronted my husband about this, all I got at that time is that
he had given her a few more rides to work and they eat together
every night at meal time. I called my husband on his cell ph one
day several times and all I got was his voice mail. I thought he
was avoiding me, so I knew his voice mail password and I called his cell ph back to erase my messages. Well I not only were my
messages there, but also a message from this woman. She was
thanking him for the “gift” and saying whatever you decide to do
with your marriage, I’ll be right by your side.
That night I went online and pulled up the cell ph bill and there
was a ph # I did not recognize, I did a reverse look up, it was
that woman’s home ph #. He was calling her 3 to 4 times during
the week and on the wkend’s on his off days.
I confronted my husband again, he was picking her up still before
work, taking her places before work, buying her gifts, calling her
on his off days, she was calling him, apparently talking about
divorcing me to her, his answer to me…I was just being a nice
person. Give me a break!! I want other opinions though.
PLEASE HELP!!!

 

[Liberian]

Justice,

At the very least, your husband has been acting EXTREMELY suspiciously. If I may be blunt, he needs to stop seeing this other woman–break off all contact if that is possible–and you have every right to insist on it. If he can’t break off all contact, you could ask for someone to chaperone whenever he is with her. Please note that I am not saying that it would be wise to insist on these things–I have no idea what the other circumstances in your relationship are–but I am saying that if you do insist on them you are acting within your rights. Your husband has been behaving in a way that has broken your trust; such conduct as you describe would have broken the trust of just about anybody. He is going to have to change his ways to regain your trust, and I hope that you will try to help him at it.

I’m afraid there is going to be a difficult time ahead. I will say a prayer for the two of you.

• Liberian

 

[jdemelo]

my opinion is that you already know what is happening.
Act accordingly. If he wants to save the marriage he will have to earn what he used to have for free… your trust.
GB
J

 

[Katie1723]

jdemelo:

my opinion is that you already know what is happening.
Act accordingly. If he wants to save the marriage he will have to earn what he used to have for free… your trust.
GB
J

I agree…it has gone beyond being nice. WHen someone does something and it makes another person feel bad, every effort should be made to change the offending behavior. Apparently this is not the case.
~ Kathy ~

 

[Fortiterinre]

There is nothing “nice” here. Glad you caught him fairly soon. One of my best friends is a married woman, and it was very hard for me to get used to the basic rule that no matter how good of friends we are, we can never do anything that looks, smells, or feels like a date. No dinners in restaurants, no movies, etc, unless her husband is there too. And the fruit of this rule is that I’ve become friends with the husband too. True friendship extends and flows over, it does not become private and possessive.

 

[felra]

From what you have presented, it would appear obvious that he is minimally having an emotional affair (i.e., infidelity) with this woman. Left unchecked, this “relationship” has only one way to go. I would see this as a grace from God to interrupt this unfolding tragedy in the making and give your marriage the proper chance that God wants to repair and reestablish on the firm ground of fidelity and trust.