creepy guy

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Ok, I SO have tried being nice to this guy, but I will NOT have conversation with him anymore!! Hes an old guy, married once, divorced, goes to confession for sexual sins (he told me), and every time I see him, he manages to bring the subject around to sex and its NOT RIGHT. Once, he even did it at a table full of ladies at a first Friday coffee, after Mass!! Told him back off, it wasn’t right, and he STILL persisted. So I walked out. Now, he’s in a group Father asked me to join, and danged if I’ll work with him. Should I speak with my priest? Blunt doesn’t seem to have helped. I feel nauseous.
 
Since you asked him to stop, and he’s persisting, think you should talk to your pastor about it. No need to get specific about details, just mention the nature of the conversations and that you’ve asked him to stop and he hasn’t. Hopefully, the pastor will address it with him.
 
Most likely the condition of this guy is spiritual in nature. He needs help in and from that realm. Numerous and sustaining prayers are needed for him, if not also fasting and personal sacrifices, small and large, a la St Therese, the Little Flower. Rosaries, novenas will most likely help this guy also, especially the Rosary. Don’t think too much about your personal discomfort around him, in fact make the sense of discomfort the motivation to pray for him.

All the above in my humble opinion, and the route I imagine I would follow in a case like this.
 
Theodora said:
Most likely the condition of this guy is spiritual in nature. He needs help in and from that realm. Numerous and sustaining prayers are needed for him, if not also fasting and personal sacrifices, small and large, a la St Therese, the Little Flower. Rosaries, novenas will most likely help this guy also, especially the Rosary. Don’t think too much about your personal discomfort around him, in fact make the sense of discomfort the motivation to pray for him.

All the above in my humble opinion, and the route I imagine I would follow in a case like this.
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I’d have to respectfully disagree- if someone makes you uncomfortable, you should believe yourself and stay away from them. I agree that we should pray for our enemies, though this does not mean that their behavior should not be addressed. OP, I’m sorry this guy has created a creepy environment for you, and I hope that your pastor is understanding. R

Remember that he is the one causing drama and not you. Your are simply taking measures to make sure you and your fellow parishioners have a safe environment, something which, through his behavior, he has decided is not important to him. Forgiving people also does not necessarily mean that you have to be friends with them, either.
 
Talk with your pastor. If it isn’t possible to resolve the situation, decline membership in the group. Pray for this man, but you don’t have to be near him.

I quit my ministry over a year ago because of serious problems in the way it’s run. Though I was invited back recently, while discerning it became very clear that nothing has changed… so I’m still not there. I pray for the ministry leader when their needs come to my attention, but that’s the limit – we don’t have to participate in every group we want to, or every group we’re asked to!
 
Pray for him, at a safe distance! And tell the pastor , you may not be the only one having problems with this individual. Hopefully there are no young children in his sphere, and the church has properly vetted him.

The light of dayi S the best defense against a dark heart.
 
I had a creepy guy harassing me when I worked at a retail store. He had come in with merchandise that we didn’t sell and that tags that had been switched from other items and I wouldn’t accept them. He called me names and threatened me and I had to call the manager and the security officer because he was obviously unhinged. Years later, it turned out that he was a sometimes member of a dancing group I’d joined with my husband. He would not leave me alone and I had to tell the leader of the group that I would not be dancing in the same group with him. (It was a square dancing club) Fortunately, it was obvious that this guy was “off” and the leader didn’t have any problem telling him to stay away from me. I don’t think the guy came back to the club on any of the days we were there again.

If the priest wants you to be in the group, and if you actually have interest in being in the group yourself, I think it’s within reason to explain that you don’t want to be around the other parishioner because you’ve asked him to watch his language around you and he refuses to talk about appropriate subjects. It might be that the priest could interject in a way that will make you feel comfortable being involved in the group. On the other hand, if you don’t really want to be in the group anyway, then I would just politely decline.
 
Sure, pray for the CREEPY GUY and all that Theodora has suggested, but DO speak with your pastor PDQ, and keep your head on a swivel at all times, and be security concise. Be a survivor and not a victim. Proceed with caution. Peace.
 
I would tell your priest or avoid the group. I’ll say a prayer for you, hang it there!
 
Very very creepy!!

There seems to be quite a few creepy people doing this. Tell him to stop or you will report him. It seems he is grooming you for sexual sins.

He sounds exactly like this guy ----> owl.li/d1Mi30dF02z
 
JoyousCatholic said:
Very very creepy!!

There seems to be quite a few creepy people doing this. Tell him to stop or you will report him. It seems he is grooming you for sexual sins.

He sounds exactly like this guy ----> owl.li/d1Mi30dF02z
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While there is some good information about avoiding controlling, predatory people in this link, the entire first part of it is kind of a turn off. Most, if not all, Catholic women like to think of themselves the air-headed dolt that is described as the target victim.
 
Allegra said:
While there is some good information about avoiding controlling, predatory people in this link, the entire first part of it is kind of a turn off. Most, if not all, Catholic women like to think of themselves the air-headed dolt that is described as the target victim.
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predators don’t target air-heads. sociopaths and psychopaths take particular delight in targeting smart, successful, intelligent and empathic individuals. It is a buzz for them to be able to take such individuals and drag them into low level depravity.

this guy OP described sounds exactly like a predator and i doubt the OP is an ‘air-head’
 
You need to
  1. avoid this creepy guy,
  2. tell your priest about him so he doesn’t victimize or harass anyone else, and
  3. then if you feel you’re able, pray for him while still avoiding him.
 
JoyousCatholic said:
predators don’t target air-heads. sociopaths and psychopaths take particular delight in targeting smart, successful, intelligent and empathic individuals. It is a buzz for them to be able to take such individuals and drag them into low level depravity.

this guy OP described sounds exactly like a predator and i doubt the OP is an ‘air-head’
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“No surprises then that these predators target sweet, young, trusting and virtuous Catholic women.”

“After living a wild life in their youth, full of sin and all sorts of depravity, using and abusing women along the way, they hit middle age, realise that they will probably end up alone and decide that they now need to find a woman that they can dominate, control, abuse and leech off for the rest of their lives.”

“However, a Catholic girl, no matter how badly they treat her or how much they abuse her or neglect her and indulge in porn or adultery, the Catholic girl will not divorce him……”

"begin their hunt for a naive, trusting Catholic girl who will be their prey……WIFE, I mean wife!
 
Allegra said:
“No surprises then that these predators target sweet, young, trusting and virtuous Catholic women.”

“After living a wild life in their youth, full of sin and all sorts of depravity, using and abusing women along the way, they hit middle age, realise that they will probably end up alone and decide that they now need to find a woman that they can dominate, control, abuse and leech off for the rest of their lives.”

“However, a Catholic girl, no matter how badly they treat her or how much they abuse her or neglect her and indulge in porn or adultery, the Catholic girl will not divorce him……”

"begin their hunt for a naive, trusting Catholic girl who will be their prey……WIFE, I mean wife!
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I read that article a while ago. taking it with a grain of salt

just have to point out that the “catholic girl” in fact, would have a valid reason for separation or civil divorce to protect herself and any children in serious cases such as these. It’s simply not true that we have to just swallow everything coming from a sociopath even if we were unfortunate enough to marry one
 
The first thing that came to my mind was sexual harassment. I am sure he has picked up your distaste through body language if nothing else. Have you prayed for this guy first of all? That has resolved issues for me before.

The possible choices are:
-ignore it.
-confront him publicly.
-talk about this to your priest.
-avoidance, possibly at your expense, if you both like to attend the same functions.

I would pray, talk to the priest, and if that fails I would confront him. Tell him in front of everyone that he is being very inappropriate. I would not do this alone with him. I really hate that you are being put through this. I will pray for you.
 
esieffe said:
The first thing that came to my mind was sexual harassment. I am sure he has picked up your distaste through body language if nothing else. Have you prayed for this guy first of all? That has resolved issues for me before.

The possible choices are:
-ignore it.
-confront him publicly.
-talk about this to your priest.
-avoidance, possibly at your expense, if you both like to attend the same functions.

I would pray, talk to the priest, and if that fails I would confront him. Tell him in front of everyone that he is being very inappropriate. I would not do this alone with him. I really hate that you are being put through this. I will pray for you.
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Im not a child, but Im trying to be good. He is SERIOUSLY not a temptation. Hes A CREEPER. I will pray, but not thinking this is the activity group at church for me. What puzzles me is, he brings up the subject of sex on a regular basis. How is this even appropriate in mixed company??? And not even references to married sex, but to perverted sex. Like I said, tried to shut him down when he did it in front of the elderly ladies at First Friday coffee. How is this allowed to happen, and why am I the only one making noise about it??? Thinking to send a private message to the priest. Priest is always too busy, and looks irritated when I try to talk to him. And if I get upset if I do it in person, I will not say what I need to say.
 
THANK you for this. Super reasoned response.
Billy112 said:
I’d have to respectfully disagree- if someone makes you uncomfortable, you should believe yourself and stay away from them. I agree that we should pray for our enemies, though this does not mean that their behavior should not be addressed. OP, I’m sorry this guy has created a creepy environment for you, and I hope that your pastor is understanding. R

Remember that he is the one causing drama and not you. Your are simply taking measures to make sure you and your fellow parishioners have a safe environment, something which, through his behavior, he has decided is not important to him. Forgiving people also does not necessarily mean that you have to be friends with them, either.
Click to expand...
 
RedBasket said:
How is this allowed to happen, and why am I the only one making noise about it??? Thinking to send a private message to the priest. **Priest is always too busy, and looks irritated when I try to talk to him. **And if I get upset if I do it in person, I will not say what I need to say.
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Other people may be too shy to bring it up.
Or other people may be too afraid of upsetting the “irritated” priest.
Or other people may have brought it up and the priest pooh-poohed it.
Unfortunately, these are all reasons that creepers and abusers and harassers in general continue to creep, abuse, and harass.

Good for you for wanting to be proactive and address the issue.
 
It sounds like this man needs professional help. Protect yourself, refuse to engage with him when he behaves like this and tell your priest why you can’t be part of this group. Pray but for your own safety pray from a distance.
 
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