creepy guy

[Theodora]

I’d have to respectfully disagree- if someone makes you uncomfortable, you should believe yourself and stay away from them. I agree that we should pray for our enemies, though this does not mean that their behavior should not be addressed. OP, I’m sorry this guy has created a creepy environment for you, and I hope that your pastor is understanding. R

Remember that he is the one causing drama and not you. Your are simply taking measures to make sure you and your fellow parishioners have a safe environment, something which, through his behavior, he has decided is not important to him. Forgiving people also does not necessarily mean that you have to be friends with them, either.

I don’t see my first answer to what you wrote above, so here is my answer again to your objection for you to be around him when praying for him. By all means, stay away from the creep, but please pray for him if you feel inclined to do so.

 

[RedBasket]

Theodora, always. The Bible says pray for our enemies. It also says to Be harmless as doves and wise as serpents. That last one was used in last Sundays Mass. There is no harm backing off from what feels unsafe. Let The Holy Spirit do His work.

 

[Sarcelle]

“No surprises then that these predators target sweet, young, trusting and virtuous Catholic women.”

“After living a wild life in their youth, full of sin and all sorts of depravity, using and abusing women along the way, they hit middle age, realise that they will probably end up alone and decide that they now need to find a woman that they can dominate, control, abuse and leech off for the rest of their lives.”

“However, a Catholic girl, no matter how badly they treat her or how much they abuse her or neglect her and indulge in porn or adultery, the Catholic girl will not divorce him……”

"begin their hunt for a naive, trusting Catholic girl who will be their prey……WIFE, I mean wife!

I do not see the word air head anywhere in the article unless you translate sweet, young and virtuous as air head?

Trusting and naive maybe but air head? Really?

 

[Billy112]

I don’t see my first answer to what you wrote above, so here is my answer again to your objection for you to be around him when praying for him. By all means, stay away from the creep, but please pray for him if you feel inclined to do so.

All right, I misunderstood you. Sorry about that.

 

[Allegra]

I do not see the word air head anywhere in the article unless you translate sweet, young and virtuous as air head?

Trusting and naive maybe but air head? Really?

The offensive part is the including “naïve” and “trusting” (in the context of not being able to take care of herself) in the list of “sweet, young, and virtuous”. Social foolishness and an inability to discern appropriate behavior is certainly not characteristic of sweetness or virtue, nor do they go hand in hand. A woman can be virtuous and smart and many, if not, most are. Particularly because of the culture in which we live, a woman who is serious about her Catholic faith can’t afford to be one who is easily “dominated, controlled, abused, or leeched off”. A faithful Catholic adult woman has already successfully navigated a culture that begin sexualizing girls at a young age in every form of media, is obsessed with pornography, and can be downright nasty toward those who wish to remain chaste outside of marriage and even more so to those who are committed to do so within marriage. Give her some credit here!

 

[Sarcelle]

The offensive part is the including “naïve” and “trusting” (in the context of not being able to take care of herself) in the list of “sweet, young, and virtuous”. Social foolishness and an inability to discern appropriate behavior is certainly not characteristic of sweetness or virtue, nor do they go hand in hand. A woman can be virtuous and smart and many, if not, most are. Particularly because of the culture in which we live, a woman who is serious about her Catholic faith can’t afford to be one who is easily “dominated, controlled, abused, or leeched off”. A faithful Catholic adult woman has already successfully navigated a culture that begin sexualizing girls at a young age in every form of media, is obsessed with pornography, and can be downright nasty toward those who wish to remain chaste outside of marriage and even more so to those who are committed to do so within marriage. Give her some credit here!

True.

Social foolishness is not characteristic of sweetness or virtue but it is possible that a person can embody sweetness, virtue and social foolishness. Especially when one is young and raised in an overprotective household. In time, they may grow to be as shrewd as serpents, hopefully without being taken advantage of in the meantime.

 

[RedBasket]

Please don’t turn this post in to something it was never intended to be. Im not a child, I do certainly have a desire to remain chaste, and no old guy is taking advantage of me. I AM naive and trusting in some ways. We have the Ten Commandments for that, don’t we. Thou shalt not. But that was never the issue. I was only asking for seasoned Catholic opinions on how to deal with this issue, and I very much appreciate most of the posts

I’ve only been a Catholic 16 months. Navigating church politics has been…interesting. So happy I chose St Patrick as my confirmation saint.

 

[AdamP88]

I do not see the word air head anywhere in the article unless you translate sweet, young and virtuous as air head?

Trusting and naive maybe but air head? Really?

In fairness the impression of a catholic woman you get from this article is prettymuch “airhead who is incapable of taking care of herself”. That aside, the article is full of bad advice mixed in with a little good advice.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

I do not see the word air head anywhere in the article unless you translate sweet, young and virtuous as air head?

Trusting and naive maybe but air head? Really?

That’s the way it came across to me. Being young, virginal, and religious doesn’t automatically mean you suck at taking care of yourself and/or recognizing creepers.

 

[Allegra]

That’s the way it came across to me. Being young, virginal, and religious doesn’t automatically mean you suck at taking care of yourself and/or recognizing creepers.

Exactly. The entire introduction to this piece did nothing but perpetuate the myth that Catholic women who choose virtue and chastity only do so because they are sheltered and don’t know any better. Aside from being disrespectful to Catholic women, that view simply isn’t accurate.

The vast majority of Catholic women know perfectly well what’s out there in “the culture” and they know full well what it is they’re giving up and what it is they’re looking for.

Furthermore, statistics show that any woman who grew up in a home with parents with a strong marriage are more likely to be able to identify the trademarks of a good spouse and shun the trademarks of an abusive one, not the other way around. In the case of abusive relationships, experience does not equal knowledge. Experience equals a “new normal”.

So, if by “sheltered” one means a woman who was raised in a strong Catholic home where the parents demonstrated the Church’s teachings on marriage, there is a much better chance that such a woman would not be attractive to a self-serving narcissist at all. Now, if by “sheltered”, we mean a woman who was raised by cruel, domineering, manipulative parents, then yeah, that’s the ideal victim right there. I, personally, find it offensive when people attribute that sort of parenting style to Catholic parents trying to raise their children in the faith.

 

[redbaron162]

I agree that the Pastor and Parish staff need to be notified of his behavior. Call the Parish and make an appointment if you have to. Something like this should not go on and is at least a scandal or could cause one. Look at your parish website or contact list for anyone’s job description that seems applicable and inform them in person or through a email of what exactly is going on.

 

[Sarcelle]

I would document in detail what he said and when he said it.

This would give you more evidence when you talk to the pastor.

 

[Legend]

Is the pastor overworked, tired, or is he just out of touch? I can’t think of any group this man should join, especially one that has women in it. He seems to be getting thrills out of shocking women.

IMHO, he should, before being even allowed to join groups, be speaking, and listening to, the pastor. Has the pastor been told the particulars? Like singling you out, to speak to about his sexual problems and sins. Could you get one of the women from the first Friday group meeting you spoke about, to at least back you up?

It should be made perfectly clear to the pastor, and probably anyone else in authority, the exact nature of what you’ve been subjected to. Do not let yourself be guilted into doing anything with this man which makes you uncomfortable.

If this man does get into counseling with the pastor, and seems to be making progress, the next stop would be a men’s accountability group. But even that is his problem, and not yours. If your pastor, for any reason , doesn’t listen to you, all you really can do is avoid this man. Pray for him, but at a distance. Don’t worry about being rude, if he tries to talk you again. If he tries to insist, just say that what he says is inappropriate. Then walk away-and walk fast!

Don’t allow anything or anyone to ruin your Christian experience. I wrote this as I thought about it so forgive any typos or repetitions.
And remember that God is there, even when it’s uncomfortable.