Creighton Method users HELP

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I’ve been using the Creighton Method to track my fertility for 9 months now. I got married 2 days ago and we still haven’t had sex because I’m…wait for…afraid to get pregnant. I’ve searched countless blogs to help find answers on “how to enjoy sex, but also not get pregnant.” I have that feeling of guilt where I feel like we are not abstaining for a “grave reason.” And I know that “grave reason” is up to us to decide, but now I’m fighting with the Church in my head because…how are we supposed to enjoy the marital act when we know we are not in the place to get pregnant right now. I am barely out of orientation in my new nursing job, and he starts his new job in 2 weeks. We live in the tiniest apartment and want to adjust to life as husband and wife before we throw a child into the mix. So what is my question? I have several…

I know it is ultimately up to us to decide, but is there something spiritually wrong with abstaining because we “don’t want to get pregnant?” Something that means we don’t trust God with our life because some mom bloggers have said that.

How do we enjoy sex when we can’t get the fear of getting pregnant out of our heads?

Creighton users…I’m on day 4 of my period. I show peak signs around the same time every month, but what if I ovulate early now that I’m (trying) to have sex and we wind up pregnant after 4 days of marriage? There are things we want to do before children and all my family will be right when they said “NFP doesn’t work, you’ll have a baby 9 months after marriage.”

Prayers. Advice. HELP.
 
Instead of looking on blogs and everything, look at your Creighton rules. Or contact your instructor. With Creighton, you aren’t supposed to follow rules of other methods.

Normally with Creighton, day four of your period means nothing. What are your symptoms? Are you heavy, moderate, light or spotting. If you are light or spotting do you have fertile mucus, peak mucus? Would you be able to use a green sticker?

Those are the questions you should ask.

Hope that helps.
 
Day 4 of your period = red sticker = no intercourse if you have any bleeding. It can mask mucus.

If you are concerned about early ovulation, then wait until after peak.
 
I think other users will have better advice about the Creighton method, but to speak to your question of fear, I can offer my own experience.

I was terrified of getting pregnant right away as well. While we were engaged, my husband-to-be said he didn’t feel comfortable starting off our marriage abstaining and so I struggled intensely with this fear for about two or three months leading up to the wedding and trying to decide whether or not I should call it off. In the end, I didn’t call it off and we didn’t practice NFP. Once I had made the decision not to worry about it, I didn’t, though it did feel a bit like jumping into the deep end. I got pregnant about five months later. We lost that baby and the crazy thing was, I wasn’t relieved. I was devastated. Even though I had spent so much time fearing pregnancy for all sorts of reasons, I was so sad and disappointed when I found out I had miscarried. My husband’s theory is that there is something about truly marital (non-contraceptive) intercourse that makes a person more open to the possibility of welcoming new life. (As a side note, I didn’t get pregnant again for over a year, which means even without practicing NFP it was still almost two years of normal marital relations before I had a baby).

I had seen a Catholic therapist prior to being married because I was so scared of pregnancy and I wondered if there was something wrong with me. She wasn’t helpful at all. As a newlywed, once we had consummated the relationship and I was all in, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wish she had said to me. I think what it comes down to is that our culture approaches pregnancy as if it is something undesirable. We “protect” ourselves from it. We avoid it at all cost. If you spent any time at all reading women’s magazines in high school or college you probably absorbed some of this mentality without even realizing it. The fact is, children are a blessing, a gift. Some of this gift is in helping us to get to heaven by making us be less selfish. So it’s not all sun and roses. But if we then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will the heavenly father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him. I was scared of pregnancy because I had not yet realized that pregnancy would be a gift to me.

This is not to say that you don’t have just reasons to wait. Certainly you might. And you’ll have to discuss that with your spouse. But just consider whether your approach might not be tainted by the fear instilled by Seventeen magazine or FRIENDS or any of the other aspects of popular culture that are so hostile to children and don’t understand the love that the Father has for us.

Big hug. And congratulations on your marriage!
 
If you are on a red day, you should abstain if you don’t want to get pregnant. Blood can mask the mucus you might have. The Church doesn’t teach that you have to have a dire reason to not get pregnant. Bloggers are not the magisterium. If you follow the method conservatively, your chances of getting pregnant are more or less the same as if you were on the pill. Would you be afraid if you were on the pill?
 
The good thing about NFP is that the better your reasons for avoiding, the easier it seems to be to stick to it.

As for being afraid, I felt the same way for a time. NFP can be an exercise in learning to trust God, but also remember that, as effective as any method is, if you are having sex at all you accept that a pregnancy might occur. Only you and your husband know whether that risk is serious enough to avoid or not. If you want to be really conservative, you wait until after ovulation.

I’m not too familiar with Creighton, but have you considered a method like Marquette that uses a fertility monitor? It’s worked well for us (we needed to avoid for a couple of years after we were married). For me, it’s sort of an extra layer of assurance about what phase you are in.

Another thing- I would avoid discussing your sex life with your family. It sounds like their opinions are discouraging anyway. There is no reason for anyone but you or your husband to know anything about your use of NFP or plans for a family.
 
Lincat said:
I’ve been using the Creighton Method to track my fertility for 9 months now. I got married 2 days ago and we still haven’t had sex because I’m…wait for…afraid to get pregnant. I’ve searched countless blogs to help find answers on “how to enjoy sex, but also not get pregnant.” I have that feeling of guilt where I feel like we are not abstaining for a “grave reason.” And I know that “grave reason” is up to us to decide, but now I’m fighting with the Church in my head because…how are we supposed to enjoy the marital act when we know we are not in the place to get pregnant right now. I am barely out of orientation in my new nursing job, and he starts his new job in 2 weeks. We live in the tiniest apartment and want to adjust to life as husband and wife before we throw a child into the mix. So what is my question? I have several…

I know it is ultimately up to us to decide, but is there something spiritually wrong with abstaining because we “don’t want to get pregnant?” Something that means we don’t trust God with our life because some mom bloggers have said that.

How do we enjoy sex when we can’t get the fear of getting pregnant out of our heads?

Creighton users…I’m on day 4 of my period. I show peak signs around the same time every month, but what if I ovulate early now that I’m (trying) to have sex and we wind up pregnant after 4 days of marriage? There are things we want to do before children and all my family will be right when they said “NFP doesn’t work, you’ll have a baby 9 months after marriage.”

Prayers. Advice. HELP.
Click to expand...
Firstly, there doesn’t need to be a “grave” reason to avoid, just a “just” reason. That is a little less severe than “grave”. I imagine there are many just reasons, definitely financial and job security reasons are legit reasons to avoid for a while.

My fiancee and I are getting married next month and have already decided to avoid for a few months as we are both working and engaging in studies.

For our NFP we decided to get a little extra help in the form of a fertility monitor. The one we got seems to be very accurate. It is able to predict my fiancee’s ovulation and knows when she is due her period etc. You could always go this route if you are afraid to get pregnant just now. (We obviously don’t know how accurate it is in practice as we’re not actually married yet, but reviews of the product and feedback from other CAF users is positive.)

In terms of reasons, I’m not sure “there are things we want to do before children” would qualify as a just reason for NFP. I don’t know what those things are, but really in a marriage the couple should be open to children and not adopt a “contraceptive mentality”.

The things you want to do might qualify as a just reason or they might not. If those things are, for example, “go on a round the world trip”, then I doubt that is a legit reason for avoiding.
 
Invest in the LadyComp or Daysy. My husband (back then fiancé) was a revert Catholic and he was very insecure and scared about NFP, so he got me the fertility monitor instead. In case you wonder, we conceived knowing that the LadyComp said red (fertile ) for two days.

You can also make a search in CAF about these monitors to read some testimonials.
 
E_7 said:
Invest in the LadyComp or Daysy. My husband (back then fiancé) was a revert Catholic and he was very insecure and scared about NFP, so he got me the fertility monitor instead. In case you wonder, we conceived knowing that the LadyComp said red (fertile ) for two days.

You can also make a search in CAF about these monitors to read some testimonials.
Click to expand...
Yes. Daysy is the one we have and it seems to be very accurate.My fiancee has only been using it for two months but it seems to have her cycle “learned”.
 
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