Crippling anxiety

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I don’t know where exactly to start.

I’m not good with some types of change. I was just recently moved to a new location in my job where it’s very noisy and hard for me to focus on my work. I attempted to get moved but it wasn’t successful. My complaints now are making me look like a drama case. So, I can’t keep pursuing the end to move.

I’m now in an area that’s very unprofessional compared to the location I was in. I still do the same job, just my small group was consolidated on a new floor. I hate (strong word) the new area. It’s packed with 200+ people on one floor, it’s loud, it’s vulgar…

But looking back over my life when any change has occurred I’ve struggled with it just as poorly: running through scenarios in my head of how to end this… somehow finding a way to switch back to ‘the old way’. Whether I was going off to college, starting a new job, moving to a new house.

I realize that I am the problem. This sucks (pardon my language) to admit. I feel like a failure. Like I’m weak. I’m gutted to think that so much of my misery with dealing with the stress and anxiety of change was brought on by me. I have a new child and I want to be strong for him and my wife… but I’m not. I’m a bitter, easily angered, terrified of change coward And I’m not just trying to be extra hard on myself. I’m just sick of the way I am, the way I’ve become. I can admit all of this right now, but tonight, as I’m trying to fall asleep my mind will be aflood with thoughts such as: how can I change this back, how I will I deal with the person who sits right by me who types very loud, … thinking of some of this now I can feel this pit in my stomach.

Does anyone have anything to read that deals with stuff like this?
Anyone suffer similarly? Any tips?

thanks
 
What is really hitting you harder at this moment? Your feelings about yourself not measuring up? Do you think it was based on certain life experiences?

Or maybe is it more the environment you’re in? Do you get breaks, and is there a quiet break room? Can you wear earplugs? As far as it being vulgar, try not to let it get it to, in that just let it go in one ear and out the other. You’re not going to stop it.

Meanwhile, how long do you expect to work under these conditions? If your employer can’t improve the conditions, do you have other options?

Alan
 
Thanks for the reply, Alan,

The thing that is overwhelming me is the thought of the change and having to deal and adjust (or, struggle to adjust) to it. The environment is loud and vulgar. The area I had been working in the past 8 years has been very professional and peaceful - easy to focus on my work. It’s the difference between a commercial line of business and a retail line of business for the bank I’m employed at.

Recently (on the scale of a couple of years) I have developed an extreme reaction to certain noises; noises that at one point I never would have even noticed: loud/hard typing, open mouthed chewing, Windows computer audio notifiers (the dinging noise someone gets when they get an email/minimize a screen…etc). These things have such a power over me that I struggle to look past them. And, in the environment I now work in they’re very commonplace.
 
Im sorry you are going through this. I have dealt with anxiety since childhood. Crippling at times… It resurfaces from time to time. However I had to get medication so I could focus enough to work through my anxiety. I am on a low dose of Celexa and I took Klonopin for a short time. - Which helps a lot.

Im not promoting medication, but sometimes it is needed to get through rough patches… People with anxiety have obsessive thoughts over & over. If you tell yourself over & over your an angry, bitter person - that is what you are.

Change the story in your mind- The past is the past - Leave it there, dont relive it or try to change it - Its over!!!
Today is a new day - Grow and accept new challenges. We dont change over night, but changing the story or disassociating with the story your telling yourself will help!

Try to practice mindfulness. Im a Christian, but I had to incorporate some other philosophies so I could feel better…

Watch your thoughts arise like clouds passing by. Pay attention to how often thoughts arise and how often they change. Notice the feelings that certain thoughts produce in the body. Dont get attached to that feeling or thought.

How we experience a situation depends on how we view it – how we interpret what is happening, how we describe the situation to ourselves. Our experiences of happiness and suffering don’t come from other people or other things, but from our own minds.
Now that is not to say certain situations dont warrant positive/negative feelings and behavior, but try not to attach to your feelings.

Dont force your feelings to be a certain way - accept them - acknowledge them but remember You are not your thoughts! 👍
 
There are several good suggestions here.

I will say that life challenges all of us. I don’t know why some people never seem phased by these challenges, and some of us worry about the next step and the current step.

Over the years I have noticed that a couple things have helped me:
  1. I like to develop a daily “wall” of devotions in terms of time spent with God. Ideally, this should begin and end my day and not missing days is important. This should include both prayer and Bible study. Almost always when I am struggling, I have let my time here become eroded. I wonder how God feels when we only have 5 minutes for Him but 2 hours for television in a day.
  2. Don’t say bad things about yourself. Talk about yourself according to what you would like yourself to be, not the way you see yourself now. Your words have power. Use them to build yourself up. Check Romans 8:37 “I am more than a conqueror…” (In Christ). Be willing to say things like that whether you believe it or not.
  3. Give your problems to Christ and realize that the only righteousness you have that matters is because of your faith in Him. See Isaiah 45:24 “Surely shall one say, in the Lord, have I righteousness and strength.” I like to read this passage out loud during #1.
  4. Be thankful no matter what. Realize that whatever our current situation, other people are starving, living on the street, or physically / mentally incapacitated. Even these people are infinitely better off than people who do not know or seek God.
  5. I try to make myself look for areas to “serve” in a situation as opposed to thinking about what is wrong with a situation. How can I serve here? Not, how can I right everything I think is wrong here. That helps me until I can change the situation that sometimes will solve itself.
Other suggestions like see your doctor if anxiety is too high are good advice. This is just what works for me.

Good luck. Thanks for posting this because it is a reminder to me to get back to basics.
 
kate(name removed by moderator) said:
Im sorry you are going through this. I have dealt with anxiety since childhood. Crippling at times… It resurfaces from time to time. However I had to get medication so I could focus enough to work through my anxiety. I am on a low dose of Celexa and I took Klonopin for a short time. - Which helps a lot.

Im not promoting medication, but sometimes it is needed to get through rough patches… People with anxiety have obsessive thoughts over & over. If you tell yourself over & over your an angry, bitter person - that is what you are.

Change the story in your mind- The past is the past - Leave it there, dont relive it or try to change it - Its over!!!
Today is a new day - Grow and accept new challenges. We dont change over night, but changing the story or disassociating with the story your telling yourself will help!

Try to practice mindfulness. Im a Christian, but I had to incorporate some other philosophies so I could feel better…

Watch your thoughts arise like clouds passing by. Pay attention to how often thoughts arise and how often they change. Notice the feelings that certain thoughts produce in the body. Dont get attached to that feeling or thought.

How we experience a situation depends on how we view it – how we interpret what is happening, how we describe the situation to ourselves. Our experiences of happiness and suffering don’t come from other people or other things, but from our own minds.
Now that is not to say certain situations dont warrant positive/negative feelings and behavior, but try not to attach to your feelings.

Dont force your feelings to be a certain way - accept them - acknowledge them but remember You are not your thoughts! 👍
Click to expand...
Great advice, Kate(name removed by moderator).

I like how you talk story in my mind. I’ve had some thoughts about this before; how the theme, the background theme/story of my mind tends to be pretty negative. I wake up in the morning and I find myself already focusing on bad or negative stuff. Nothing positive or good. At times I have actually made the willful decision to focus on something positive or something that was a good experience (like one morning, years back when I was in better shape… waking up early and jogging along the lake front). And I can definitely tell that my day starts off better: I’m more at ease with other people, I don’t feel as edgy.

I also like how you talk about thoughts as being passing clouds and to not attach person feelings to them. That’s a great way to put how it happens with me: a thought develops and I can feel a strong negative reaction to it. I need to work on that. Is that what is considered “mindfulness”? I’m not familiar with that term in that context.
 
dedo said:
There are several good suggestions here.

I will say that life challenges all of us. I don’t know why some people never seem phased by these challenges, and some of us worry about the next step and the current step.

Over the years I have noticed that a couple things have helped me:
  1. I like to develop a daily “wall” of devotions in terms of time spent with God. Ideally, this should begin and end my day and not missing days is important. This should include both prayer and Bible study. Almost always when I am struggling, I have let my time here become eroded. I wonder how God feels when we only have 5 minutes for Him but 2 hours for television in a day.
  2. Don’t say bad things about yourself. Talk about yourself according to what you would like yourself to be, not the way you see yourself now. Your words have power. Use them to build yourself up. Check Romans 8:37 “I am more than a conqueror…” (In Christ). Be willing to say things like that whether you believe it or not.
  3. Give your problems to Christ and realize that the only righteousness you have that matters is because of your faith in Him. See Isaiah 45:24 “Surely shall one say, in the Lord, have I righteousness and strength.” I like to read this passage out loud during #1.
  4. Be thankful no matter what. Realize that whatever our current situation, other people are starving, living on the street, or physically / mentally incapacitated. Even these people are infinitely better off than people who do not know or seek God.
  5. I try to make myself look for areas to “serve” in a situation as opposed to thinking about what is wrong with a situation. How can I serve here? Not, how can I right everything I think is wrong here. That helps me until I can change the situation that sometimes will solve itself.
Other suggestions like see your doctor if anxiety is too high are good advice. This is just what works for me.

Good luck. Thanks for posting this because it is a reminder to me to get back to basics.
Click to expand...
Dedo, thank you so much for the time in replying with this.
These are great practical steps that I can follow. You’re very right about the time I dedicate to God. A quick prayer at the end of the night after vegging out for hours flicking through tv channels. Ugh. But this is a great reminder to change that.
 
JorgeK: I hope you are having a good day. 🙂
**
Mindfulness is moment to moment awareness. It is being fully awake. It involves being here for the moments of our lives, without striving or judging.**

This takes practice. Once you start noticing the thoughts in your mind, you can see how it is just a story. You realize how often your thoughts change during the day.

For me personally, the negative self talk came from kids picking on me in grade school and also being compared to my “perfect” sister by my parents. I grew up thinking I was flawed, not good enough, needed improvement - so I carried these negative thoughts with me for many years. As a result I developed anxiety which led to pretty severe depression. I was even hospitlized for my anxiety - so I do understand 😉

You have to work from the inside first. Get your mind/thoughts in order. Tell yourself you are happy, capable, loving, caring. Even if you dont feel like you are, the person God made you is a loving, caring, gentle, kind person. The negativity we develop is from us trying to form to society. Trying to keep up with the “Joneses”.
Life doesn’t have to be so hard…

Its up to us to change what we tell ourselves. I’m not perfect, but I know that I have a lot of good qualities, so I focus on those. I need to lose a little weight, but Ive decided not to let my extra weight define me. I had the same negative story for years and years and years. My dialogue to myself " im depressed, I have anxiety, Im fat, Im ugly, Im a terrible mother, Im a bad friend" etc… Wow how harsh - huh? Why do we do this to ourselves? Take care of yourself. Do not allow your thoughts to define you. They are just thoughts 🙂
 
Thanks again for the wise words!!

It’s getting late on Sunday and I have this feeling I only had back in middle school on a Sunday night, when I was nervous for the start of the work week. It’s a terrible, deflating feeling. But, I’m going to bust my tail to rise above this.
 
jorgeK said:
Thanks again for the wise words!!

It’s getting late on Sunday and I have this feeling I only had back in middle school on a Sunday night, when I was nervous for the start of the work week. It’s a terrible, deflating feeling. But, I’m going to bust my tail to rise above this.
Click to expand...
Maybe God put you there because He needed a light amid all that darkness?

Alan
 
jorgeK said:
I don’t know where exactly to start.

I’m not good with some types of change. I was just recently moved to a new location in my job where it’s very noisy and hard for me to focus on my work. I attempted to get moved but it wasn’t successful. My complaints now are making me look like a drama case. So, I can’t keep pursuing the end to move.

I’m now in an area that’s very unprofessional compared to the location I was in. I still do the same job, just my small group was consolidated on a new floor. I hate (strong word) the new area. It’s packed with 200+ people on one floor, it’s loud, it’s vulgar…

But looking back over my life when any change has occurred I’ve struggled with it just as poorly: running through scenarios in my head of how to end this… somehow finding a way to switch back to ‘the old way’. Whether I was going off to college, starting a new job, moving to a new house.

I realize that I am the problem. This sucks (pardon my language) to admit. I feel like a failure. Like I’m weak. I’m gutted to think that so much of my misery with dealing with the stress and anxiety of change was brought on by me. I have a new child and I want to be strong for him and my wife… but I’m not. I’m a bitter, easily angered, terrified of change coward And I’m not just trying to be extra hard on myself. I’m just sick of the way I am, the way I’ve become. I can admit all of this right now, but tonight, as I’m trying to fall asleep my mind will be aflood with thoughts such as: how can I change this back, how I will I deal with the person who sits right by me who types very loud, … thinking of some of this now I can feel this pit in my stomach.

Does anyone have anything to read that deals with stuff like this?
Anyone suffer similarly? Any tips?

thanks
Click to expand...
I would like to let you know that you are not weak for having difficulty in the new noisy, crowded environment. Some people are simply not made to be able to withstand situations like that. I was terminated from one of my nursing jobs because I was so anxious in the chaos there that I literally lost the ability to function. There were people and noises and problems everywhere I went and I couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry to hear that you were forced into a similar situation. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not the only one experiencing that and that it isn’t your fault.

Edit: I should probably also mention that I have needed treatment for severe anxiety and depression after many years of ignoring the symptoms and hoping they would go away. If your situation gets bad enough that you’re falling apart, please talk to your doctor or someone you trust to get help. Believe me, it’s something you shouldn’t wait on.
 
Prolife_Nurse said:
I would like to let you know that you are not weak for having difficulty in the new noisy, crowded environment. Some people are simply not made to be able to withstand situations like that. I was terminated from one of my nursing jobs because I was so anxious in the chaos there that I literally lost the ability to function. There were people and noises and problems everywhere I went and I couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry to hear that you were forced into a similar situation. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not the only one experiencing that and that it isn’t your fault.

Edit: I should probably also mention that I have needed treatment for severe anxiety and depression after many years of ignoring the symptoms and hoping they would go away. If your situation gets bad enough that you’re falling apart, please talk to your doctor or someone you trust to get help. Believe me, it’s something you shouldn’t wait on.
Click to expand...
Thanks for replying with this.
Today was a very bad day. But reading this made me feel better. It means alot that you took the time to reply with this.
 
kate(name removed by moderator) said:
Just checking in Jorge? How are you doing today?

God bless you 😉
Click to expand...
Tuesday was a pretty good day. I was able to forge through it. Today was a set back. I was much more edgy today than I had been on Tuesday. But, I can still be happy that I even had a Tuesday. It does cheer me up a bit to think about that.

Thanks for caring to ask, kate(name removed by moderator)!!
 
jorgeK said:
Tuesday was a pretty good day. I was able to forge through it. Today was a set back. I was much more edgy today than I had been on Tuesday. But, I can still be happy that I even had a Tuesday. It does cheer me up a bit to think about that.

Thanks for caring to ask, kate(name removed by moderator)!!
Click to expand...
Do you have any idea what might have changed between the days, or do you think maybe Tuesday just happened to work out better?

Alan
 
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