Crisis- Caring situation with my mother

[tbcrawford]

I ask for your prayers. My mother has lived with us for the past 5yrs.

She had a stroke 10 yrs ago and has been left physically and mentally impaired.One of the things my mother really dislikes is being reminded to do things…such as take medications,raise her feet on a stool,remind to drink fluids,remind to eat…etc etc etc. Unfortunately one of the duties I have to undertake is to remind Mum to do these basic things.

She has many ongoing health conditions including COPD,heart arythmia, thyroid problems,rheumatoid arthritis,osteoarthritis,ulcerative colitis,and underwent breast cancer surgery last year.

Another one of the many duties I do is to prepare all her medications in a pill dispenser each week.
I take her for regular blood tests (including this morning) for her INR as she is on blood thinners.I take her to all her appointments at hospital etc.

Today I took Mum out for lunch with one of my sons and when we got home (3pm) I discovered Mum had not taken her morning meds. (She needs to take different meds morning and night).I had too coax her to sit down and take them with a drink. I explained to her that she would not be able to tkae her evening meds until after 8pm as there needs to be a gap between them.(She takes heart tablets morning and night for heart arythmia aswell as all the others).

My husband & I went out at 4pm to the cinema and when we got back at 7pm I discovered her eveing tablets were missing. When I spoke to Mum she sadi she had taken them…only 4 hrs between doses.!

When I talked to Mum and reminded her that she was supposed to wait she got angry (she does this from time to time) and shouted lots of abuse but said something that hurt me greatly “no wonder all your children hate you”. My husband heard this and came into the room angrily ( he was defending me). Things got very heated.

I have had many occasions such as this over the years. Mum resents me reminding her and sees it as me treating her like a child. I am directed by her care manager and her doctor to prompt her as Mum is not capable of living alone and I have strived to keep Mum from going to live in a home.My emotions are raw.She hurts me regularly with her words.I know I have not dealt with things well.I can understand how awful it is to be reminded to drink take meds etc etc but if I do not she will die.I am left guilt ridden or depressed a lot of the time. Things had been good for a few months now and then Mum forgets something,I remind her and she starts abusive comments.How can a mother have such thoughts to her daughter,let alone say such vile things.

Mum prior to her stroke was this way towards me.We have always had a difficult relationship but I have tried my best to be a good daughter and care for her. I have in the past had much resentment toward her as I feel she has often treated me unfairly.I put it all to one side and took on the role of caring for mum with her living with us aswell as caring full time for my 2 sisters.

I feel depressed and at a crisis…not sure what to do.I am feeling anxious and do not want to start down the road of panic attacks again.
I have had a lot to deal with in the past few years so I ask for your prayers and thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
God bless

Lord please help this situation.Please guide me and Mum and my husband that we can resolve things.Please guide us to know the right things to do when these situations happen.Lord please help us to be able to care for Mum in the right way that she needs for as long as we can.Thankyou Lord for hearing our prayers Amen

Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

 

[Margy1948]

Oh my!!! Your situation is very difficult, on top of fearing for her health and safety she’s being difficult and of course, we can understand that but it still hurts.

I have been in your shoes, in spite of good advice I failed to take care of myself, so please, I implore you, join a caregiver’s group, either in person or online, your own health can be seriously compromised if you don’t and then someone will have to take care of you.

We each have been granted a certain number of years, I don’t want you to lose some of yours as a result of overstress and overwork.

I am in recovery, but it takes a long time, sleeping, eating, exercise and enjoyable pursuits are essential, you are only human. She may have been jealous that you went out and so she took her meds early, you must assume authority and try not to feel guilty about it, you’re a very good daughter, do not be manipulated.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I am praying for you! All the prayers you have sent up for my family and so many other families, and the whole time you have these struggles of your own. God bless you sweetie! Please know you are loved and prayed for. Wish I could do so much more than this. Please know I am here if you ever just need to vent to someone. I care for my mom as well, or I did until recently. My sisters and niece have taken over since the baby was born. Know that you are earning more stars for your crown and God knows all you do and He loves you. Many of us here do as well.

 

[WaitingForJesus]

Dear Teresa, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I wish I could pray with you and give you a hug in person. :hug3:

You know you are a beautiful daughter and doing all that our Lord would ask of you. I know her words hurt. Try to remember the stroke has damaged her brain and is likely exacerbating whatever emotional problems might have been present before. This is a most difficult trial and you will surely be blessed in heaven. May God give you peace.

Mother Mary, I am asking you to wrap your loving arms around my friend Teresa right now. She needs needs to know she is loved. Her own mother is unable to give her the help she needs right now, and so I am asking you to to please bless her with your presence and support. Please wipe away her tears and frustrations and keep her free from anxiety. Please ask our Lord Jesus to pour out his love and grace upon her and her mother. Please ask him to remove the spirits of anger and control from her mother’s heart and replace them with love and joy. Please help her mother so that she knows how much her precious daughter Teresa has been doing for her. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

 

[Offdoodykcrn]

I ask for your prayers. My mother has lived with us for the past 5yrs.

She had a stroke 10 yrs ago and has been left physically and mentally impaired.One of the things my mother really dislikes is being reminded to do things…such as take medications,raise her feet on a stool,remind to drink fluids,remind to eat…etc etc etc. Unfortunately one of the duties I have to undertake is to remind Mum to do these basic things.

I feel depressed and at a crisis…not sure what to do.I am feeling anxious and do not want to start down the road of panic attacks again.
I have had a lot to deal with in the past few years so I ask for your prayers and thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
God bless.

Being a full-time caregiver for anyone is difficult - but for a parent with whom you share a contentious relationship, it sounds too difficult to deal with alone. I did it for my husband for the last 2 years of his life. He was a paraplegic (among many other problems) and had a stroke in 2005. I was lucky - we loved each other very much, and on the rare occasion that our tempers wore thin (usually his due to pain, but also me when I couldn’t get enough sleep), we made up quickly and there were no hard feelings.

I do have a few suggestions that may help:

• Rather than reminding your mom to take her meds & then worry about it & check up on her - just present her medication when it’s time for her to take them. Don’t argue about it, don’t treat her like a child. Hand them to her in a cup or small medication container with a glass of water. You don’t have to stand there to watch her take them (as if she can’t be trusted), but busy yourself nearby until she’s done. Try to act nonchalant - like you would offer her purse before leaving the house.
• Tell her doctors about any signs of pain, anxiety, and/or confusion. I’m not suggesting that you ‘dope her up’, but you would be amazed at the difference in attitude when patients are having trouble with any (or all) of these issues.
• Explore options for help. You shouldn’t try to do this by yourself. Some areas have a ‘senior center’ or ‘adult day care’. Seniors get together to play dominoes, card games, board games or listen to music and chat - with a staff on site to help when needed. Even if its for a few hours once a week, she might enjoy the diversion, and you can enjoy the break. If nothing else, look into a home health aide or enlist the help of family members.

My prayers are with you. I wish you and your family peace and prosperity.

 

[Ophelia23]

You have never failed to lift up my needs in prayer. Please know that I do the same for you.

 

[cwltexas]

tbcrawford

I will pray for you, your Mom, your husband and family.

I was an only child, I had two parents who were terminally ill at the same time, Mama with ALS, Father with total Kidney failure and on dialysis. While my Mama was easy to care for, my father was not and regularly did what you reflect in your post with his meds, his anger, his lashing out, both at me and at my dying Mama. I can relate to the pain and emotional hurt you are enduring. Know that this will end and when it does it will be a great sadness, but you will have the comfort of knowing what you did and the care and love that you gave and time will place rose colored lenses and the hard, bad times will be softened and you will remember the love and joy that you shared for a life time with your Mama.

 

[MS_SURVEYOR]

***Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

***

 

[tbcrawford]

Oh my!!! Your situation is very difficult, on top of fearing for her health and safety she’s being difficult and of course, we can understand that but it still hurts.

I have been in your shoes, in spite of good advice I failed to take care of myself, so please, I implore you, join a caregiver’s group, either in person or online, your own health can be seriously compromised if you don’t and then someone will have to take care of you.

We each have been granted a certain number of years, I don’t want you to lose some of yours as a result of overstress and overwork.

I am in recovery, but it takes a long time, sleeping, eating, exercise and enjoyable pursuits are essential, you are only human. She may have been jealous that you went out and so she took her meds early, you must assume authority and try not to feel guilty about it, you’re a very good daughter, do not be manipulated.

Thankyou so much Margy.You words are wise and supportive and you are right my health has suffered very much over the past few years.
I really appreciate your support.
God bless

 

[tbcrawford]

tbcrawford

I will pray for you, your Mom, your husband and family.

I was an only child, I had two parents who were terminally ill at the same time, Mama with ALS, Father with total Kidney failure and on dialysis. While my Mama was easy to care for, my father was not and regularly did what you reflect in your post with his meds, his anger, his lashing out, both at me and at my dying Mama. I can relate to the pain and emotional hurt you are enduring. Know that this will end and when it does it will be a great sadness, but you will have the comfort of knowing what you did and the care and love that you gave and time will place rose colored lenses and the hard, bad times will be softened and you will remember the love and joy that you shared for a life time with your Mama.

Thankyou so much cwltexas for your support and thoguthfulness.
I am sorry you also suffered in this way.
May God bless you

 

[tbcrawford]

Being a full-time caregiver for anyone is difficult - but for a parent with whom you share a contentious relationship, it sounds too difficult to deal with alone. I did it for my husband for the last 2 years of his life. He was a paraplegic (among many other problems) and had a stroke in 2005. I was lucky - we loved each other very much, and on the rare occasion that our tempers wore thin (usually his due to pain, but also me when I couldn’t get enough sleep), we made up quickly and there were no hard feelings.

I do have a few suggestions that may help:

• Rather than reminding your mom to take her meds & then worry about it & check up onher - just present her medication when it’s time for her to take them. Don’t argue about it, don’t treat her like a child. Hand them to her in a cup or small medication container with a glass of water. You don’t have to stand there to watch her take them (as if she can’t be trusted), but busy yourself nearby until she’s done. Try to act nonchalant - like you would offer her purse before leaving the house.
  
  I already tried this many times she does not allow me to her meds to her anymore.She used to shout at me and say she was not a *****child (ven though that is yet another issue,she drops them all over the floor and then I worry about when our grandchildren visit and they are may swallow dangerous tablets!!!) I simply put them in the weekly dispenser and she takes them as and when.I simply say to her in passing…“you have taken your tablets haven’t you Mum?” and she says yes.
  We are long past me passing her the tablets with a drink ( she holds the tablets in her mouth for ages and will not swallow…doesn’t like to drink. ]
• Tell her doctors about any signs of pain, anxiety, and/or confusion. I’m not suggesting that you ‘dope her up’, but you would be amazed at the difference in attitude when patients are having trouble with any (or all) of these issues.

Mum is on a lot of medication morning and night.She has been on antidepressants for 10 yrs among other meds.She is also on strong pain medication twice a day.

• Explore options for help. You shouldn’t try to do this by yourself. Some areas have a ‘senior center’ or ‘adult day care’. Seniors get together to play dominoes, card games, board games or listen to music and chat - with a staff on site to help when needed. Even if its for a few hours once a week, she might enjoy the diversion, and you can enjoy the break. If nothing else, look into a home health aide or enlist the help of family members.

She now goes to a Daycentre three times a week…had been once a week.After the last review of her care last year ,with her care manager mum agreed to attend 3 times.

My prayers are with you. I wish you and your family peace and prosperity.

I have been on many training courses over the years on caring for people including stroke specific.
I have contact with out local carers centre and I will be in contact with them later today

Thankyou for your suggestions and for your prayers.

 

[tbcrawford]

Dear Teresa, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I wish I could pray with you and give you a hug in person. :hug3:

You know you are a beautiful daughter and doing all that our Lord would ask of you. I know her words hurt. Try to remember the stroke has damaged her brain and is likely exacerbating whatever emotional problems might have been present before. This is a most difficult trial and you will surely be blessed in heaven. May God give you peace.

Thankyou so much my friend for your support and for your prayers. I truly appreciate your words xo
God bless

 

[tbcrawford]

I am praying for you! All the prayers you have sent up for my family and so many other families, and the whole time you have these struggles of your own. God bless you sweetie! Please know you are loved and prayed for. Wish I could do so much more than this. Please know I am here if you ever just need to vent to someone. I care for my mom as well, or I did until recently. My sisters and niece have taken over since the baby was born. Know that you are earning more stars for your crown and God knows all you do and He loves you. Many of us here do as well.

Thankyou so much for yoru supportive words and for your prayers my friend. I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much.
May God bless you and your family always.

 

[tbcrawford]

Thankyou MS_Surveyor.WaitingForJesus.7armyrugrats,cwltexas,Ophelia23,Offdoodykcm,Margy1948 and to everyone for your prayers & support, from the bottom of my heart it means so much to me at this time.
May God bless each of you

Lord please help this situation.Please guide me and Mum and my husband that we can resolve things.Please guide us to know the right things to do when these situations happen.Lord please help us to be able to care for Mum in the right way that she needs for as long as we can.Thankyou Lord for hearing our prayers Amen

Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

 

[tbcrawford]

You have never failed to lift up my needs in prayer. Please know that I do the same for you.

Thankyou so much Ophelia you are very thoughtful and kind, may God bless you

 

[pollylodges]

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

 

[WaitingForJesus]

Mother Mary, I am asking you to wrap your loving arms around my friend Teresa right now. She needs needs to know she is loved. Her own mother is unable to give her the help she needs right now, and so I am asking you to to please bless her with your presence and support. Please wipe away her tears and frustrations and keep her free from anxiety. Please ask our Lord Jesus to pour out his love and grace upon her and her mother. Please ask him to remove the spirits of anger and control from her mother’s heart and replace them with love and joy. Please help her mother so that she knows how much her precious daughter Teresa has been doing for her. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

 

[tbcrawford]

Mother Mary, I am asking you to wrap your loving arms around my friend Teresa right now. She needs needs to know she is loved. Her own mother is unable to give her the help she needs right now, and so I am asking you to to please bless her with your presence and support. Please wipe away her tears and frustrations and keep her free from anxiety. Please ask our Lord Jesus to pour out his love and grace upon her and her mother. Please ask him to remove the spirits of anger and control from her mother’s heart and replace them with love and joy. Please help her mother so that she knows how much her precious daughter Teresa has been doing for her. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Thankyou so much my friend ,your words have brought tears to my eyes. I am feeling a bit low today. I pray God will give me strength to get through.

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
God bless you

 

[tbcrawford]

Thankyou to everyone for yoru prayers.Things are still difficult I appreciate your prayers more than you can know.
God bless

Lord please help this situation.Please guide me and Mum and my husband that we can resolve things.Please guide us to know the right things to do when these situations happen.Lord please help us to be able to care for Mum in the right way that she needs for as long as we can.Thankyou Lord for hearing our prayers Amen

Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

 

[WaitingForJesus]

Thankyou so much my friend ,your words have brought tears to my eyes. I am feeling a bit low today. I pray God will give me strength to get through.

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
God bless you

Teresa, I know it is almost evening there now. I am praying for you to have strength to get through the rest of this day and that you get a good nights rest. Please offer up all this pain and suffering to our Lord.

Mother Mary and Saint Joseph, my dear friend Teresa is in need of your assistance on this difficult day. Please ask our Lord to send angels that will bring comfort to her home. Please ask him to lift her up as if she were a child, wrap his arms around her and give her a kiss on the forehead. Please ask him to send away whatever is causing these bad feelings and fill her with love, peace, and hope…and the strength and courage to endure these trials. Amen.

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy, hail, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve: to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus, O merciful, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! Amen.