Crisis of faith over NFP and issues surrounding pregnancy and childbirth

[Xantippe]

Here’s a relevant quote for GoldenArrow from Humanae Vitae:

“With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.”

stpeterslist.com/4095/humanae-vitae-12-quotes-on-on-marital-love-and-parenthood/

Physical, economic, psychological and social conditions–that covers a lot of ground.

 

[Lookingforjoy]

GoldenArrow, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re right, there are a lot of women out there who are struggling and little compassion.

 

[jlc2k2]

I am also having a bit of crisis in my faith over NFP and the whole idea that married Catholic women are nothing more than baby-making machines – and the entire lack of flexibility in considering the health of the mother or any extenuating circumstances that were present before the marriage or that develop within it.

I got married a few months ago. I’m almost 44. My husband was told there was a 75% chance he was sterile due to a hernia surgery. He isn’t Catholic and wasn’t totally on board with NFP, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and forget about NFP altogether.

I tested positive for pregnancy 2 wks ago and now I’m pretty certain I’m having a miscarriage. I was open to children when we married but I’ve decided that I never, ever, ever want to be pregnant again. I do not want to experience the emotional pain of losing a child again, nor do I want to experience this the physical pain of a miscarriage again! We had even picked out baby names. I miscarried on New Years Eve.

I was even considering making my husband get a vasectomy, but I decided not to because it’s a sin. I love him too much to make him culpable.

I should never have been so stupid and careless in the first place. I’m bipolar and take Lithium. My doctor told me the drug is teratogenic and to not get pregnant on it. You’re not supposed to take it through a pregnancy or during breastfeeding. I went off the drug cold turkey when my period was late, suspecting a pregnancy.

And within 2 wks I started going crazy again. I have the bad kind of bipolar disorder with hearing voices and having hallucinations so I can’t live without lithium.

There are no safe replacement drugs for lithium save Lamictal. I’ve tried a variety of psychoactive agents and nothing works but Lithium.

So what is a woman in my position to do? If I obeyed church law I’d go off lithium and be crazy, but a good baby-making machine. But hey! Guess what? My husband is unable to support the two of us for health reasons and I’m the money earner of the family. I’m a health professional. Marriage is not my only vocation! So what the heck am I supposed to do??? I can’t see patients when I’m crazy and untreated!!!

I’m not going to abstain because it would end my marriage.

I’m going to use condoms, sin or no sin, until I learn how to use NFP in combination with an ovulation predictor so that I never become pregnant again because it poses too great a risk to my own health. I will teach myself using everything at my disposal … whether the church approves of an ovulation decector or fertility detector or not!

I figure that if God had wanted me to be a baby-making machine, he should have healed my Bipolar disorder when I’d asked him to do so YEARS ago.

PLUS … pregnancy induces manias and 50% of women who are pregnant and who have no drugs for their Bipolar disorder will relapse. I consider this a “dry run” that failed and a foretaste of the future should I adhere to the letter of the law.

The Church forces people into serious sin with all the rigid rules. You lay burdens upon us that we can’t bear.

I mean … seriously??? Where’s the compassion? Without Lithium, I’d be dead. I’m caught in a Catch-22.

There should be more room for dispensations in cases where pregnancy would cause permanent harm to the mother or where she is taking medication that she can’t live without that is in the Pregnancy Category C category.

I feel like the writer(s) of Humanae Vitae know nothing about medicine or obstetrics.

So … yeah … this sort of thing can lead to a crisis of faith. Most certainly! I hope my faith in God returns someday. For now, I have even more faith in the love of my husband, who has been my only salvation during this dark time.

I am so sorry for your loss and all of your struggles. The Church has no problem with using ovulating detection kits or fertility kits as part of NFP. That is absolutely an option that is available. The Church does not require women to be baby making machines and acknowledges that they have other vocations as well.

I wish you the best on your NFP journey.

 

[sailor28]

Goldenarrow,

I’m sending compassion your way. I’m so sorry for your miscarriage. I understand the struggle you have with mental illness and the need for medications. Since the miscarriage was a few days ago I’m sure your emotional state is very fragile since you were also off your meds.

You said, "The Church forces people into serious sin with all the rigid rules. You lay burdens upon us that we can’t bear.

I agree. (Except, that I don’t agree it is serious sin when you use your well formed conscience and it does not agree with the Church’s teaching) The black and white on this issue is pharisaic law. The pharisees will have to answer to God someday for the burdens they laid on people that they could not bear.

I don’t believe God insists a woman be open to having a baby every time she has sex with her husband. Or that God insists a woman on teratogenic meds be open to having a baby. I don’t believe in sacrificing the unitive aspects of sex for the procreative. (ie being celibate because you are unable to use NFP with confidence)

Fertility monitors can be helpful to identify ovulation. But they would only be good to have sex post-ovulation: 3 full days past the peak on the monitor. Since sperm can live 5 days (some say more) you could get pregnant with an early ovulation in your cycle.

Since you are in your mid 40’s you will be entering peri-menopause soon. That will make it more difficult to use NFP. Using barrier methods plus the knowledge you have from the fertility monitor (ie avoiding sex when you are at peak) would give you a highly reliable method of avoiding pregnancy. Yes, this is against what the Catholic church teaches. I would definitely find a priest that you trust and discuss all these matters with him.

Praying for you for healing physically, emotionally and spiritually.

 

[awke]

Really? Of the 10 last homilies you heard, how many even mentioned contraception?

I think it would be more accurate to say that opposition to contraception is one of the Catholic Church’s distinguishing features.

I haven’t heard it in any of the last 10 homilies. But about 75% of marriage prep was about contraception and NFP. (But I recognize I’m in a very conservative diocese).