Crisis of faith

[Dempsey1919]

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Lately, I’ve been apathetic towards my faith. I still believe in the Catholic Church but everything just seems so hard to live up to. It feels like I’m sinning all of the time; everything I do feels like a sin.

The hardest thing is that I find myself looking at women constantly; I just can’t help it. It’s hard because good looking women are everywhere and it causes me to think of them in a lustful way. I know that I can’t do anything with them and it’s just hard.

It wouldn’t be too bad but my friends are always talking about women and they’ve got porn on their cell phones etc. It’s hard not to look when they’re keep shoving it into your face. Last night, I had to drop my cousin off at a strip bar and I had to make an excuse not to go in even though I really wanted to.

I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment and I’m worried because I know when I get one I won’t be able to say no. I don’t think I’ll ever find a woman who has the same beliefs as me. I really don’t want to use contraceptives but the chances of finding a woman who feels the same way is extremely slim. The pre-marital sex issue is going to be really difficult.

Could someone please give me some advice. This isn’t a joke - I’m really struggling at the moment. I sometimes think it would be easier to be an agnostic and then I could do whatever I wanted. I’ve only felt this way since I started University but it’s causing me to lose faith. I love the Catholic faith but I’m starting to think that it’s too hard to live up to. Is it really possibe to be a faithful Catholic in the modern world?

 

[BarbaraTherese]

It probably is for many whose daily occupations and daily involvements take them right into the modern world and its values and lack of values, quite hard for the modern day Catholic and perhaps especially in our rich western world to stay true to our Faith. Up to the time Isreal was taken into captivity in Babylon they held that worldy riches were the reward of virtue and a good life. This had to be revised in Babylon as they were so highly taxed and become the extremely poor. They then took a new step in their journey of Faith and insighted Israel
The Poor and Impoverished as the beloved of God. Jesus speaks of this in the Beatitudes - and as Isreal is loosing sight again and reaching for new worldly glory in wanting a Messiah to make them rich rulers again. And the great victory of Christ was him crucified and a crucified wreck on Calvary. We should learn from these facts.
The Western World is too rich for its own good and engages in an insane quest for pleasure and for wealth…and then more pleasure and wealth, and perchance achieving that it is still not sufficient and even weirder pleasures and greater wealth is lustfully sort after. We are a degenerate society in many ways…and methinks getting worse rather than improving. But then we just may need to hit very rock bottom before we make efforts to rise above our stupidities, and goodness knows where the western civilization will be at that point.

Jesus has told us that “they have persecuted me and they will persecute you” - hence we are expected to consider it to be difficult at times. He has told us in a recent Gospel "no man can serve two masters, either he will love the one and despise the other:, This is a cross and suffering and it is through the cross and suffering that we are United to Jesus…we are to expect this…as St. Paul said “I glory in the cross of Our Lord Jesus Christ - I preach Jesus and Him crucified”.
The other point is that God does not “disappear” and cease to exist if I should choose not to believe in Him nor His Church…it simply means that I am unfaithful to Him and to my Faith, to His Church…and perhaps because it was too jolly inconvenient and seemed too jolly hard.
As we journey in our Faith we are going to run into times and situations that makes it difficult for us to refrain from sin and finding sin very attractive indeed - it is an illusion that if we invest in it will quite quickly discover how miserable we are…this is a time to concentrate on trying not to sin, to pray to The Lord about our difficulties asking for all the courage and fortitude necessary to stay faithful to He Who IsForever The Faithful One. Another excellent weapon at this point in one’s life
is to ensure regular attendance in Confession and to be completely open and honest about our difficulties and ask Father for his advice. An even better weapon is if one can locate a spiritual director. The best weapon of all is to pray daily from your heart. Life is a battle at times and when engaged in battle, we need weapons to defend ourselves. St. Paul advises that we use our Faith as our weapon and shield…and if we abandon Faith?..we are surrendering and ‘going over to the other side’.
Pray to Our Lady and The Holy Spirit and to St. Michael and all our saints and angels to pray for you.
Remember that saints are sinners who don’t give up.
The final point is that you will never be tempted beyond your ability (Grace will be with you) to refrain from sin and abandoning Jesus and His Cross…and hence to knowingly abandon the resurrection.
I hope I have not been too hard on you - I really do . I will be keeping you in prayer.

Pray “The Hail Holy Queen” very slowly listening to the words. On the chance you dont know it, here it is:

Hail Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy, Hail our life, our sweetness and our hope. To you do we cry poor banished children of Eve. To you do we send up our sighs mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then Most Gracious Advocate, your eyes of Mercy towards us…and after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of your womb - Jesus.
O Clement, O Loving, O Sweet Virgin Mary, pray for us Mother of God that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

May The Holy Spirit strengthen and enlighten you with courage and fortitude…Blessings and my regards…Barb
A last point in the next post.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Life is so very short…and eternity by the very definition of the word is so very long. Earth is our exile, Heaven is our home…we are journeying…sojourners…travellers…pilgrims. From the very earliest beginnings of Christianity we were counter-cultural…and to live our Faith in today’s world we will need to be counter-cultural in many ways, and seen to be so which is a witness to our Faith. We are different…because so much about us is different from our society and their norms today.

I spoke to a drug addict some years ago who was trying to reform…he told me the very hardest thing he had to do was to separate from his friends who were still drug addicts. He said that if he did not do this he had no chance of reform whatsoever.

Much of what you speak is not reality, rather it is the voice of your fears for the future. The future is entirely in God’s hands and all we can know about it in the main is our imagination and our expectations…and these are not necessarily correct at all. They are purely imaginary. God does have aplan for your life that will lead to joy and happiness, Peace and fulfillment and through faithfulness to Him. Takes real courage to make that sort of investment I know, when all seems to be going wrong…been there, done that:thumbsup:

from my previous Post: and goodness knows where the western civilization will be at that point.

…we may well be under dire threat to our very existence possibly/perhaps/potentially.

Blessings and my regards again…Barb

 

[blessedtoo]

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Lately, I’ve been apathetic towards my faith. I still believe in the Catholic Church but everything just seems so hard to live up to. It feels like I’m sinning all of the time; everything I do feels like a sin.

Be careful not to not to fall victim to scrupulosity. Just because you “feel” you are sinning does not mean you actually are. For young people especially, the typical temptations of daily life are everywhere and it may seem like just being in proximity to temptation is sinful. Temptation is not a sin unless you consent to an actual response.

The hardest thing is that I find myself looking at women constantly; I just can’t help it. It’s hard because good looking women are everywhere and it causes me to think of them in a lustful way. I know that I can’t do anything with them and it’s just hard.

Yes. It is difficult. But I assume many things you are currently experiencing are difficult. For example, I suspect you have classes that require a great deal of study, discipline, and practice. People are generally willing to devote their energy to such endeavors without too much complaint. Why is it different for matters of morality? Right now, you are besieged with a culture that WANTS you to fail in your walk with Christ. So you must practice even more vigilantly. As with your studies, with practice you will find greater understanding. The temptations will always be there, but their hold on you will lessen as you grow your spiritual muscle.

It wouldn’t be too bad but my friends are always talking about women and they’ve got porn on their cell phones etc. It’s hard not to look when they’re keep shoving it into your face. Last night, I had to drop my cousin off at a strip bar and I had to make an excuse not to go in even though I really wanted to.

The life you are attempting to lead is completely counter-cultural. You really are the radical here! You could, like you friends, fall in line and follow like a lemming along with the current tides. You could be just the same as every other young person your age, completely without a moral guidance system, obejctifying woman as nothing more than a means of sexual enjoyment, and indulging in activites that any good Catholic woman would find abhorrent. You could live “in the moment”, without concern for your future (not to mention your soul!) but that would not be moving your spiritual growth forward. You should be looking ahead and working towards forming yourself into a good Catholic man, not looking back at the immature behaviors of childhood.

I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment and I’m worried because I know when I get one I won’t be able to say no. I don’t think I’ll ever find a woman who has the same beliefs as me. I really don’t want to use contraceptives but the chances of finding a woman who feels the same way is extremely slim. The pre-marital sex issue is going to be really difficult.

Worrying isn’t fruitful. But prayer is. While you are single and seeking a good Catholic woman, pray that God will guide you to her. Perhaps you could look into religious clubs/groups on your campus. If your Parish has a young adults group, you might find like-minded women there.

Could someone please give me some advice. This isn’t a joke - I’m really struggling at the moment. I sometimes think it would be easier to be an agnostic and then I could do whatever I wanted. I’ve only felt this way since I started University but it’s causing me to lose faith. I love the Catholic faith but I’m starting to think that it’s too hard to live up to. Is it really possibe to be a faithful Catholic in the modern world?

There are many, many examples of faithful Catholics right here on CAF. I have lived a life of abstitence for six years and can testify that not only is it possible, but it is rewarding in ways I can’t begin to describe.

Becoming agnostic is really not an option, for once you know the truth it is almost impossible to deny it. Trust me when I say you would have to work so much harder to deny the truth than you will have to work to just accept it. Better to put your energy into doing God’s will.

 

[grandfather]

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Lately, I’ve been apathetic towards my faith. I still believe in the Catholic Church but everything just seems so hard to live up to. It feels like I’m sinning all of the time; everything I do feels like a sin.

The hardest thing is that I find myself looking at women constantly; I just can’t help it. It’s hard because good looking women are everywhere and it causes me to think of them in a lustful way. I know that I can’t do anything with them and it’s just hard.

It wouldn’t be too bad but my friends are always talking about women and they’ve got porn on their cell phones etc. It’s hard not to look when they’re keep shoving it into your face. Last night, I had to drop my cousin off at a strip bar and I had to make an excuse not to go in even though I really wanted to.

I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment and I’m worried because I know when I get one I won’t be able to say no. I don’t think I’ll ever find a woman who has the same beliefs as me. I really don’t want to use contraceptives but the chances of finding a woman who feels the same way is extremely slim. The pre-marital sex issue is going to be really difficult.

Could someone please give me some advice. This isn’t a joke - I’m really struggling at the moment. I sometimes think it would be easier to be an agnostic and then I could do whatever I wanted. I’ve only felt this way since I started University but it’s causing me to lose faith. I love the Catholic faith but I’m starting to think that it’s too hard to live up to. Is it really possibe to be a faithful Catholic in the modern world?

 

[grandfather]

The hardest thing is that I find myself looking at women constantly; I just can’t help it. It’s hard because good looking women are everywhere and it causes me to think of them in a lustful way. I know that I can’t do anything with them and it’s just hard.

I advise you to find a biography of Saint Maria Goretti. You will be inspired and strengthened by learning her story. She was martyred at 12 or 13 defending her purity. Learn about her. Pray to her for help.

Wherever you are there have to be some Catholics, Catholic families, young people who are also trying to live moral lives. Search them out.

Find a good confessor. Go to confession often. Make sure you find a holy priest who gives you good advice.

Learn about “custody of the eyes”.

When you are tempted pray a Hail Mary. Develop the power of your will. Learn how to use it. Strengthen it by exercise. When evil thoughts tempt you drive them away. You are in control of yourself. Do not say, “I can not help it”. Use your will.

God wills that you be holy. He will help you overcome these things and make you holy, but you also have to desire holiness.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Lately, I’ve been apathetic towards my faith. I still believe in the Catholic Church but everything just seems so hard to live up to. It feels like I’m sinning all of the time; everything I do feels like a sin.
The hardest thing is that I find myself looking at women constantly; I just can’t help it. It’s hard because good looking women are everywhere and it causes me to think of them in a lustful way. I know that I can’t do anything with them and it’s just hard.

Looking at women is not sinful, neither is sexual attraction toward women sinful. Sexual attraction is not lust, its the biological function God gave us, so that we would be pro-creative. Without this function, we would not mate and have offspring in accord with nature.

Lust, goes beyond sexual desire. Its your own fantasy of what you would do to the person, in this case a female, purely for self-satisfaction. In lust there is no love, only selfish desire. It is the extension of the ego, onto the other person.

So, relax and when you find yourself attracted to a woman, look at her as God would have you, as a person you could possibly love and make a life with.

Jim

 

[grandfather]

Looking at women is not sinful, neither is sexual attraction toward women sinful. Sexual attraction is not lust, its the biological function God gave us, so that we would be pro-creative. Without this function, we would not mate and have offspring in accord with nature.

Lust, goes beyond sexual desire. Its your own fantasy of what you would do to the person, in this case a female, purely for self-satisfaction. In lust there is no love, only selfish desire. It is the extension of the ego, onto the other person.

So, relax and when you find yourself attracted to a woman, look at her as God would have you, as a person you could possibly love and make a life with.

Jim

This is good advice. It is not sinful to be attracted to a lovely woman. You have to be careful though. You do not want to ignite the flames of lust and that happens easily. It takes grace to be resolved to avoid temptation and the occassions where you are tempted. The writer above simplifies things a bit. You wrote you dropped your cousin at a strip bar and your friends all have porn on their phones and you are tempted by this, indicating you know it is wrong. You can look arond at our licentious overly sexualized society and see that many people have a variety of problems resulting from behaviors that have harmed them. Know that you need to stay away from these and remove yourself from situations that are occassions of sin. You want to stay healthy and use the sexual faculties in a healthy way, in marriage and family. You might need to do something to change your environment like leave your dorm or change your friends. Find an environment that strengthens you rather than attacks your morals. Your soul is at stake. Your post indicated that you are in retreat. You made up a story for your cousin why you avoided the strip club. Tell him why you want to avoid it and encourage him to avoid it as well. Make a public statement. You can acknowledge that you are trying to avoid temptation and sin. Someone might laugh at you for this. So what! Do the right thing.

 

[briang72]

You have already received some excellent advice, especially from JimR-OCDS.

Limit the time you are spending with these “friends” who are negatively influencing you and putting you in the occasion of sin. Do not offer them scandal, such as providing them with transportation to a strip club. That is definitely something you do not have to do for anyone.

Find some new friends who share your beliefs. Try getting involved with organizations at your parish. This should help you meet someone who shares your values.

Is it really possibe to be a faithful Catholic in the modern world?

It is possible to be a faithful Catholic in any world! Its not easy, but its possible. You have to be willing to put God above all things, including yourself. The “modern world” is full of false happiness, but the Church that shares this earth with the “modern world” is full of actual happiness. The happiness of the Church is everlasting. The “happiness” of the “modern world” is full of disappointment and eternal unsatisfaction.

 

[Joey1976]

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Lately, I’ve been apathetic towards my faith. I still believe in the Catholic Church but everything just seems so hard to live up to. It feels like I’m sinning all of the time; everything I do feels like a sin.

The hardest thing is that I find myself looking at women constantly; I just can’t help it. It’s hard because good looking women are everywhere and it causes me to think of them in a lustful way. I know that I can’t do anything with them and it’s just hard.

It wouldn’t be too bad but my friends are always talking about women and they’ve got porn on their cell phones etc. It’s hard not to look when they’re keep shoving it into your face. Last night, I had to drop my cousin off at a strip bar and I had to make an excuse not to go in even though I really wanted to.

I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment and I’m worried because I know when I get one I won’t be able to say no. I don’t think I’ll ever find a woman who has the same beliefs as me. I really don’t want to use contraceptives but the chances of finding a woman who feels the same way is extremely slim. The pre-marital sex issue is going to be really difficult.

Could someone please give me some advice. This isn’t a joke - I’m really struggling at the moment. I sometimes think it would be easier to be an agnostic and then I could do whatever I wanted. I’ve only felt this way since I started University but it’s causing me to lose faith. I love the Catholic faith but I’m starting to think that it’s too hard to live up to. Is it really possibe to be a faithful Catholic in the modern world?

I am going through the exact same thing you are except for the scrupulosity part. Especially the part about the women where you say you feel like you won’t find someone that has the same beliefs as you. I feel the same way and it make me just think I will find a girl i like but doesn’t have the same beliefs which will lead me to compromise mine but it seems like it is better than waiting around and not finding one than regretting passing up one that I really like and see myself with but they don’t conform to all my beliefs. So, you are not alone my friend. Your post is almost exactly what i am going through and it does make me feel apathetic to my faith as well. Along with that is the fact i have been praying to find a job and i cannot find one and i have two college degrees and it just feels like my prayers are not being answered and makes me want to give up with the faith, it just seems like what’s the point anymore.

 

[grandfather]

I am going through the exact same thing you are except for the scrupulosity part. Especially the part about the women where you say you feel like you won’t find someone that has the same beliefs as you. I feel the same way and it make me just think I will find a girl i like but doesn’t have the same beliefs which will lead me to compromise mine but it seems like it is better than waiting around and not finding one than regretting passing up one that I really like and see myself with but they don’t conform to all my beliefs. So, you are not alone my friend. Your post is almost exactly what i am going through and it does make me feel apathetic to my faith as well. Along with that is the fact i have been praying to find a job and i cannot find one and i have two college degrees and it just feels like my prayers are not being answered and makes me want to give up with the faith, it just seems like what’s the point anymore.

I am married for 33 years. I love my wife more now than ever. We are very happy together, four children and two grandsons. Before we met we had both given up on ever finding the right person and resigned ourselves to being single and accepting that if it was God’s will.

As far as finding a job goes, I have worked building a company for twenty years. It makes products that can save many lives, including children and babies. The company was ready to do very well this year and we had a fire. Our survival is in doubt. It is all in God’s hands. He calls us to be faithful, not successful. Starting over as a senior citizen is daunting. Life is full of crosses. They make us holy. Persevere in faith. You have great lives ahead of you if you do and misery if you don’t.

 

[briang72]

I am going through the exact same thing you are except for the scrupulosity part. Especially the part about the women where you say you feel like you won’t find someone that has the same beliefs as you. I feel the same way and it make me just think I will find a girl i like but doesn’t have the same beliefs which will lead me to compromise mine but it seems like it is better than waiting around and not finding one than regretting passing up one that I really like and see myself with but they don’t conform to all my beliefs. So, you are not alone my friend. Your post is almost exactly what i am going through and it does make me feel apathetic to my faith as well. Along with that is the fact i have been praying to find a job and i cannot find one and i have two college degrees and it just feels like my prayers are not being answered and makes me want to give up with the faith, it just seems like what’s the point anymore.

Speaking out of experience as a 34-year old divorced man (hopefully about to receive a declaration of nullity on my marriage) , the best bit of advice I can give you is do not compromise your faith for the sake of companionship. Trust that God will lead you to someone who is right for you. Don’t try to make yourself someone you are not. It is the biggest mistake I have ever made.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Looking at women is not sinful, neither is sexual attraction toward women sinful. Sexual attraction is not lust, its the biological function God gave us, so that we would be pro-creative. Without this function, we would not mate and have offspring in accord with nature.

Lust, goes beyond sexual desire. Its your own fantasy of what you would do to the person, in this case a female, purely for self-satisfaction. In lust there is no love, only selfish desire. It is the extension of the ego, onto the other person.

So, relax and when you find yourself attracted to a woman, look at her as God would have you, as a person you could possibly love and make a life with.

Jim

… …great comments…sound theologically, spiritually and reflecting good sound common sense with intelligence…*…I dont think you need my approval for sure, Jim, but there you go, you got it anyway *

I have read a book written by a journalist who wrote about “nuns who stay” and she had interviewed a number of contemplative and active nuns from Catholic and Anglican communities. One Catholic nun she asked if she still had sexual feelings and the answer ran something like this: “Oh yes, I am still a woman and still a sexual being…in fact I when I am reminded I am a sexual being, I thank God for the fact I am still a woman”. Attraction to the opposite sex is a God given attraction and a wondrous thing…of course it can be abused and that needs attention and remedy and is a grave disorder of sexuality…

Blessings and regards…Barb