Crisis of fatih

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Before I go in depth in my question, a little back ground is required,

I was born, baptized and raised as a catholic, I got all my sacraments as I am supposed to at the proper ages as set by my diocese, but the religious education I got was, I am going to be charitable and use the word ‘Not quite up to regulations set by my bishop’ and went to church every Sunday (and still do).

I lived the life of a good little catholic boy the entirety of my life and believed it all, until I was about 15 or 16, I forget when exactly, I started felling as if God was becoming more distant then he was when I was younger, and I started having doubts, but I took that as part of growing up and kept the usual.

Then, just before my seventeenth birthday, that is when I had my full on crisis, it seems like God is totally distant, and for a short while I actually called myself an 'Open Minded Deist in certain circles (But I still went to church with my family, and tried to cling to the faith I was taught, but it was not working out). But much latter I felt this urge that God was out there, or was calling me somewhere, that was not the church where I grew up. At first I thought it was the physical building, so I started going to a new church, and if anything God felt even more distant (it it just felt awkward).

Then I wondered if God was calling me from the Roman catholic church (It struck me as weird to when the thought crossed my mind, but one thing I learned was never discount anything until you have evidence) And then that started the thought process “OK If not here, where?” I knew the protestants where out of the question (Sorry guys, but the facts where clear :/) because as far as my studies into them could tell, the reason the protestants broke off was because someone got mad about something in the church and made his own church (Protestant reformation, Abridged version). After praying and reading the thought hit me, “Why not the Orthodox Churches of the East?”, This crossed my mind because I had felt drawn to the orthodox even before I started doubting, they had always fascinated me, and I started my studies, and even visited an orthodox shrine.

I have not felt that close to God, honestly since I made my first communion. My studies are continuing, and I have learned so much about the differences between the Catholics and the orthodox churches, but I still want to ‘run’ all I have learned by and orthodox priest to make sure my understanding is correct, and many of my beliefs fall on the orthodox side of many issues, such as the re-writing of the creed with “… And the Son…” (I forget how to spell the proper name of the cluase :P), The orthodox view on Mary, Our sin from Adam, What happens when we die, Etc.

Now that you know the back story, (Sorry if I bore you :P), on to my question,

Lets assume down the road, I do end up joining the orthodox church, because I truly feel that this is where God is calling me, Then when I die, and God tells me I made the wrong decision, How will that be judged?

And in a different scenario, Lets say that after my studies, I feel that God is not calling me to the orthodox churches, and I re-declare myself an Open Minded Deist, But still keep looking for God, How will that be judged when I die?

And lets take the second above situation, But change it to where I give up on God, and he always seems to be moving farther away from me, and in despair I give up (assuming I don’t start living a sinful lifestyle, which I don’t plan to), How will that be judged on me when I die?

To anyone who takes the time to read this and answer my questions, Thank you!, it really Helps! 👍
Pray for me that I find God, and that he show his will for me!
God Bless you all!
-EPR_97
 
From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

158 “Faith seeks understanding”: it is intrinsic to faith that a believer desires to know better the One in whom he has put his faith and to understand better what He has revealed; a more penetrating knowledge will in turn call forth a greater faith, increasingly set afire by love. The grace of faith opens “the eyes of your hearts” to a lively understanding of the contents of Revelation: that is, of the totality of God’s plan and the mysteries of faith, of their connection with each other and with Christ, the center of the revealed mystery. “The same Holy Spirit constantly perfects faith by his gifts, so that Revelation may be more and more profoundly understood.” In the words of St. Augustine, “I believe, in order to understand; and I understand, the better to believe.”

On Orthodox Churches:

838 “The Church knows that she is joined in many ways to the baptized who are honored by the name of Christian, but do not profess the Catholic faith in its entirety or have not preserved unity or communion under the successor of Peter.” Those “who believe in Christ and have been properly baptized are put in a certain, although imperfect, communion with the Catholic Church.”With the Orthodox Churches, this communion is so profound “that it lacks little to attain the fullness that would permit a common celebration of the Lord’s Eucharist.”

On others, or lack of, faith:

“Outside the Church there is no salvation”

846 How are we to understand this affirmation, often repeated by the Church Fathers?Re-formulated positively, it means that all salvation comes from Christ the Head through the Church which is his Body

Basing itself on Scripture and Tradition, the Council teaches that the Church, a pilgrim now on earth, is necessary for salvation: the one Christ is the mediator and the way of salvation; he is present to us in his body which is the Church. He himself explicitly asserted the necessity of faith and Baptism, and thereby affirmed at the same time the necessity of the Church which men enter through Baptism as through a door. Hence they could not be saved who, knowing that the Catholic Church was founded as necessary by God through Christ, would refuse either to enter it or to remain in it.

We can look to the church teachings for guidance, but I don’t think it’s possible to say how each individual person will be judged. That is God’s territory; “When he comes at the end of time to judge the living and the dead, the glorious Christ will reveal the secret disposition of hearts and will render to each man according to his works and according to his acceptance or refusal of grace.” (CCC682)

Are you accepting or refusing his grace? Where I guess that is the closest we will come to an answer. This will probably cause more questions, and I’m sorry for that, but you said that YOUR beliefs are more in line with the Orthodox Church, but is it really OUR beliefs that matter? How do you tell the difference between thoughts constructed by our minds and the inspiration of God? I don’t know this either!

I pray that someday the Orthodox and Catholic Church will come into full communion with one another. The separation probably causes a lot of people to go through the same crisis that you are.

Peace
 
A couple of thoughts for you. Firstly, why worry about when you die when you haven’t yet lived your life? Sure, you could step in front of a bus tommorow and that’d be that, but why ask about it when there’s a good hope you’ll be on earth for another 50, 60, 70+ years? 😉

Secondly, the Catholic faith is not merely believed, it is practiced. Going to weekly Mass is fine, it’s good you’ve stayed faithful to that while having doubts and questions. But, I’ve found that most of my doubts and questions were answered in prayer–real prayer, the kind the Church recommends for us not merely our own fumblings in which we try to “reach” God. We can’t reach God through our own efforts. That is the work of the Holy Spirit. So, stop trying to do it that way. Our feelings, which are influenced from moment to moment by variable and changing things are a poor gauge of our spirituality. We know things spiritual thorugh the spirit not by our feelings, although our feelings can be engaged, as well as our minds at the same time.

So, what do you do? You practice your faith. You prayer the Church’s daily liturgy: The Liturgy of the Hours/Divine Office. Just Morning and Evening Prayer is fine for lay people. You give to the poor. You get invovlved in some aspect of parish life, be it decorating the church to helping with a soup kitchen. You read worthwhile spiritual books from the Bible, the writings of the saints, the Catechism of the Catholic Church. etc. You ask the saints, especially Mary, to help you in your faith life. IOW, you don’t simply wonder about what you believe, rather you practice your faith as Jesus commanded us to–by obeying him and his Church and feeding your soul on solid theological/spiritual nourishment. 🙂
 
Before I go in depth in my question, a little back ground is required,

I was born, baptized and raised as a catholic, I got all my sacraments as I am supposed to at the proper ages as set by my diocese, but the religious education I got was, I am going to be charitable and use the word ‘Not quite up to regulations set by my bishop’ and went to church every Sunday (and still do).

I lived the life of a good little catholic boy the entirety of my life and believed it all, until I was about 15 or 16, I forget when exactly, I started felling as if God was becoming more distant then he was when I was younger, and I started having doubts, but I took that as part of growing up and kept the usual.

Then, just before my seventeenth birthday, that is when I had my full on crisis, it seems like God is totally distant, and for a short while I actually called myself an 'Open Minded Deist in certain circles (But I still went to church with my family, and tried to cling to the faith I was taught, but it was not working out). But much latter I felt this urge that God was out there, or was calling me somewhere, that was not the church where I grew up. At first I thought it was the physical building, so I started going to a new church, and if anything God felt even more distant (it it just felt awkward).

Then I wondered if God was calling me from the Roman catholic church (It struck me as weird to when the thought crossed my mind, but one thing I learned was never discount anything until you have evidence) And then that started the thought process “OK If not here, where?” I knew the protestants where out of the question (Sorry guys, but the facts where clear :/) because as far as my studies into them could tell, the reason the protestants broke off was because someone got mad about something in the church and made his own church (Protestant reformation, Abridged version). After praying and reading the thought hit me, “Why not the Orthodox Churches of the East?”, This crossed my mind because I had felt drawn to the orthodox even before I started doubting, they had always fascinated me, and I started my studies, and even visited an orthodox shrine.

I have not felt that close to God, honestly since I made my first communion. My studies are continuing, and I have learned so much about the differences between the Catholics and the orthodox churches, but I still want to ‘run’ all I have learned by and orthodox priest to make sure my understanding is correct, and many of my beliefs fall on the orthodox side of many issues, such as the re-writing of the creed with “… And the Son…” (I forget how to spell the proper name of the cluase :P), The orthodox view on Mary, Our sin from Adam, What happens when we die, Etc.

Now that you know the back story, (Sorry if I bore you :P), on to my question,

Lets assume down the road, I do end up joining the orthodox church, because I truly feel that this is where God is calling me, Then when I die, and God tells me I made the wrong decision, How will that be judged?

And in a different scenario, Lets say that after my studies, I feel that God is not calling me to the orthodox churches, and I re-declare myself an Open Minded Deist, But still keep looking for God, How will that be judged when I die?

And lets take the second above situation, But change it to where I give up on God, and he always seems to be moving farther away from me, and in despair I give up (assuming I don’t start living a sinful lifestyle, which I don’t plan to), How will that be judged on me when I die?

To anyone who takes the time to read this and answer my questions, Thank you!, it really Helps! 👍
Pray for me that I find God, and that he show his will for me!
God Bless you all!
-EPR_97
The God I believe in, the God of mercy and love will judge our hearts. If we search with a sincere heart we cannot be judged to harshly. We will all need purification before we get to heaven but like the parable of the good shepard God never gives up on us. Be genuine of heart and spirit and God will have mercy on your soul.
 
And lets take the second above situation, But change it to where I give up on God, and he always seems to be moving farther away from me, and in despair I give up (assuming I don’t start living a sinful lifestyle, which I don’t plan to), How will that be judged on me when I die?
If there is no god then you will not be judged… plus you get to use the time and personal energy you have been spending on religion doing something useful for yourself and the world.
 
With regard to God’s existence: you can conceive of a perfect being. Existence is, in your opinion at least, a perfection. If that being didn’t exist, it wasn’t perfect, and thus wasn’t the one you thought of.

Also, don’t go for Heaven’s minimum entry requirement. Go for its high score.
 
I invite you to give your full Yes to Jesus of Nazareth in his Catholic Church. In him and thus in his Church is* true life.*

There are many resources in the store on this site - such as the Catechism etc. To assist in your formation - so much riches within the Church.

But yes - God will judge us - and if I knowing that the fullness of his Church subsists within the Catholic Church and choose to go elsewhere…that would be my going against him in a very serious way. Yes I would be judged on such.

(Where as say someone who does not know such etc - will be judged according to their lights…)

Remain a Catholic - and 'set out into the deep"…

Here is something from the Senior Apologist at CA -Jimmy Akin as to why he became a Catholic not a member of an Eastern Orthodox Church.

jimmyakin.com/why-i-am-not-eastern-orthodox
 
Why would you want to go anywhere else when the Catholic Church has everything you would wish for? The answer: because you need to study your own faith to find the answers your looking for.

Here is a website that will start you off on answers to favorite questions of all kinds.
catholiceducation.org/

Just keep at it and the Holy Spirit will lead you to what you want.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
To Everyone who has been reading and answering my questions, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! After consulting with my spiritual director and praying about it I will stay where I am, in religoius terms, and if God really wants to, for lack of a better term, pull me in one direction or another then I will do so, but until then I will stay in the church and continue my studies both of the western and eastern churches.

God Bless and Thanks for the prayers!

-E
 
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