I have just started RCIA and am very happy about it. But for the past 6 months or so Ive been getting VERY blasphemous thoughts in my head which I am really scared about, they continue to come back no matter how far I try to run from them. Is this some sort of anxiety or something? I feel it is really getting to me hard, for example I look at a picture of Jesus and get tremendous guilt because I keep remembering about a thought that came into my head say a week ago, saying " What if he is the opposite of Holy?" I denounce these thoughts with all my heart but I feel massivly forsaken at times and don’t know where to run. How do I get rid of these thoughts and know that I am not in trouble if I am not? I feel that If I go to a priest they will just think I’m a moron because I’m not even fully Catholic yet. I don’t know what to do, please help. Tom.
Tom,
As others have suggested, no priest I know of would think you were a moron or otherwise silly for asking.
Think of what the enemy would do. He would dissuade you from continuing in RCIA, I would think. It is when we are trying to improve our spiritual life that he will do what he can to make you think you are doing something bad.
That said, what about the thoughts? Well, there is a third option between “accepting” and “denouncing” the thoughts. Either of those strategies gives power to the thoughts, because the evil one is a master at conflict. The third option is to gently “let them go” and don’t fight them. Simply don’t acknowledge that they are of any importance. They can’t hurt you unless they cause you to change your beliefs or give consent to them, or cause you to act out or abandon your path or something. IOW, they are not dangerous in an of themselves, except for what they might cause you to do. If you fight them, they will get stronger. That’s why I say, try letting them go.
One thing you might try is a deeper form of prayer than vocal. In Catholicism, we have three major expressions of prayer: vocal, meditative, and contemplative. (See
CCC 2700-2724 for more info.) For example, you might try just relaxing for a specific period of time, and think about God, keeping it simple. When the disturbing thoughts come, let them come and go by gently returning to the thoughts you were on.
Also, you might check with your RCIA group to see if there is a spiritual director who could assist you personally in this. I’m not sure about not being Catholic yet, but since you are in RCIA it might not be a problem. I may not know what I’m talking about there, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt – but may change your life for the better.
Alan
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You are in a spiritual battle for your soul and need spiritual weapons to help you. The good Lord has given us a whole army to do battle–both here on earth and also in heaven. I have found that the Prayer to St Michael the Archangel is very powerful and effective when experiencing spiritual trials, besides of course, prayer, Mass, and the Sacraments (which you will soon be receiving).