Cross-denominational advice?

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SnowRose

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My bf is making lets-get-married suggestions and keeps hinting at a quick civil service.
He’s cultural Catholic from a semi-devout family and I’m moderately-devout Lutheran. No impediments - single & widowed. Neither of us would ever convert, but happily acknowledge and ease mass attendance on either side.
But here’s the catch which sends me querying:
For me a civil ceremony would have the binding force of a ’church wedding’ of any kind. But should I push and insist of a full Catholic ritual (bar the communion), dispensation etc knowing that to do otherwise would affect his future relationship w the church, regardless of how he feels atm?
 
I think you would do well to push for a full Catholic marriage.
 
I’m concerned about how a non-valid marriage would affect family functions in a negative way, like weddings, funerals etc, even if he choses to stay lukewarm in the daily run of things.
Tbh, I might end up having to attend an Anglican church in communion w mine bc there are no equiv Lutheran congregations nearby, and I’m checking up on what parts of local Catholic Mass I could attend, without twisting my religious conscience into a pretzel. I’m seriously not trying to impede his religious life, rather the opposite.

Not really a convo I’m looking forward to.
 
I think your instincts sound right. Even if he may be a lukewarm Catholic, he is still a Catholic. Would he not get married in a Catholic ceremony if you, his bride to be, said that that is what you really wanted?
 
Find a good priest near you and talk to him. He’ll be infinitley more helpful than anyone here on CAF.
 
That’s the next step, after talking to my bf. But I’ve never even set foot in my local Catholic church, so that in itself is a huge step. I’m happy to do the pre-Cana whatever, even in different parishes (we live quite a distance apart).
Oh, and we’re in our 50s. This is not a silly youngster thing, and I have three kids in my first until-death-do-you-part (civil) marriage.
 
I’m sounding you guys out first, to check for potential reactions, in case I missed something. To cross the t and dot the i. I do know to check with my priest (yes, Lutherans have priests) and the local Catholic priest.
 
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You wouldn’t necessarily have to get married in a Catholic church, you could get permission to be married elsewhere like your Lutheran church. As you said, getting this settled now might ease future family relationships and make it possible for him to resume practicing his faith if he wants to. You sound like a good and loving woman looking out for his best interests. Blessings as you talk with a priest about the possibilities open to you.
 
He’s the Catholic. He should decide if he wants to practice his faith or not. A Catholic wedding makes no sense for one not practicing the faith. Indeed, it might be invalid.
 
On what grounds do you think that a Catholic wedding would be invalid?’
 
He’s one of the Irish terminally put off by the various repeated abuse scandals. I’m more of the ’God is love and God is omnipresent’ outlook, and that Church is manmade.
I do respect his reaction. And to a certain point I agree (nothing denominational, just understanding the humane reaction to lengthy abuse).
Still, it tears at me that I may have to be more legalistic than the Roman Catholic.
 
I think you misunderstood my post, or possibly my non-Native English failed.
Of course I consider a Catholic wedding ceremony valid!
The pair marrying vows each other, the celebrant just confirms it socially or before god.
In my case my Catholic bf is suggesting a civil wedding when I (the oh horror Lutheran) think a discrete full Catholic wedding is more appropriate.

Edit: yes, if either he or she lies in a major way in their wedding vows, the marriage may be invalid. However, my basic query is on the legalist vs the pastoral.
 
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Sorry, SnowRose, my question was directed to TheOldColonel.
 
It’s fine.
I’m just trying to be clear that I have no issue w a RC ceremony. I’m just trying to pick up considerations on if/how hard I should push him for that, when less formalia works just fine for me.
 
It sounds like your boyfriend does not take Christianity seriously. I would not consider marrying such a person. But that is a decision for you to make.
 
I was married 24 years to an atheist until he died. It works if you try. My bf was raised a devout RC but severely put off by the earthly actions of his RC church. Should I turn down a loving man and a perfect match? Should I accept the non-churchy offer? Or should I push for something more, knowing it’ll help w family relations forthwith?
 
The credibility of the consent of the non-practicing Catholic might be defective if approached in the same tepid manner as the party approaches the Catholic Faith itself. It should be of paramount concern to any minister who might prepare the couple. Extra precaution should be exercised in assessing readiness. Yet, a valid Sacrament is posdible under such conditions.
 
I am perhaps one of those posters here who is very deeply Catholic, perhaps with very little experience of anything beyond it, so probably anything I’d say here will be tinged with that bias.

I would say go for a Catholic marriage. Both of you have nothing to lose, especially since one of you is a Catholic. Marriage should always be sacramental, and having it with the full process required by it, would be a great start for both of you. The nothing to lose part is especially considering both your age. It opens a possibility of something more stable in your marriage, something many people look to when they are less active and adventurous. It also open a possibility of church life, which is always good for the family and marriage.

If you think this is a possibility, then visiting a priest for further advice is the next step.

Just a thought. Ignore it if it interferes with your priority.

God bless.
 
One of my parents was Catholic and the other Protestant. They had 2 ceremonies, one in the Catholic Church and the other in the church my mother attended.
 
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