Crossing yourself in front of inlaws

[annemjones96]

Ok, here is a question. My inlaws are not Catholic. We eat a meal together once a week. Because they have been flooded out of their house the meal is at my house. My FIL uasually says the prayer before the meal. The first couple times I crossed myself you could tell that they were uncomfortable. So, I stopped. Now that my kids are older they want to know why we don’t cross ourselves when we are with them. Should I do it anyway eventhough it makes them visably uncomfortable. They are very anti Catholic. My husband is not Catholic (eventhough he goes to church with us). He does not cross himself but is not opposed to us doing it. Should I just say the heck with it and start crossing myself again?

 

[TomK]

Sounds like crossing yourself several times before answering the door to let them in wouldn’t be a bad idea!

I don’t know doctrinally, but what does your “gut” tell you? It seems like you must be feeling a bit guilty, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted here.

How old are your kids? Are they old enough to “understand?”

 

[blueadept]

My answer would be yes. In my household half the family is Catholic and the other half is LDS. We have found strength in following our own traditions so that we can understand each other. When someone asked why we cross ourselves, I give the simple answer that’s shown in the ‘ask an apologist section’

“It is an ancient devotional that is a means of asking God’s blessing through the cross of Christ.”

We shouldn’t hide who we are, we just need to tell those who don’t understand what we do believe. I would hope that other family members would accept that we have a right to practice our faith.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

It’s not like they are invited over as guests, you are doing THEM the favor, FIL can get over it and you practice your religion in your house as you see fit.

 

[masondoggy]

I say, “just say the heck with it and start crossing yourself again”…

It’s more important to teach your kids to be proud of their Faith than to worry about offending your in-laws. If your kids see you hide your Faith, they will likely question it. Not a good example to set.

Maybe you could find an article or something that explains the practice of the sign of the cross and hang it on your fridge or something. Maybe they’ll comment on it and it’ll open a door to discussion about the topic.

'course if it was me, I’d hang a BIG crucifix next to your dining room table.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

'course if it was me, I’d hang a BIG crucifix next to your dining room table.​

**Heck I would hang Rosaries from the Crucifix as well and put the cross with the little container to hold the holy water next to the front door. **

 

[Princess_Abby]

'course if it was me, I’d hang a BIG crucifix next to your dining room table.

**Heck I would hang Rosaries from the Crucifix as well and put the cross with the little container to hold the holy water next to the front door. **

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

I would make the sign of the cross, especially seeing as it’s your house.

Explain the meaning of the sign of the cross to your in-laws. Are your in-laws Christian, and do they worship the Triune God? If so, they should have no problem with

The Father
The Son
The Holy Spirit

 

[carol_marie]

I think you should say what the heck & go back to crossing yourself. It’s more important to be pleasing to God then it is to be pleasing to your in laws. I assume they aren’t concerned with YOUR opinion regarding their faith, so likewise I don’t think you should be concerned with theirs. To each his own. And if they are in your house, eating your food, it’s sort of ridiculous that they would have a problem with you crossing yourself. Where’s the gratitude? Also, you wouldn’t want to give your kids the message that they should practice their faith only when it doesn’t make others uncomfortable.

 

[TomK]

One of the Catholic websites I like describes your home as the “Domestic Church.”

Be who you are in your home. If you’re visiting them, then I can understand your concern.

I know it will be a struggle, it’s sometimes difficult for inlaws to distinguish the inside of your door from theirs (always make sure YOURS is painted a different color! Which leads to: "What’s your problem are your colorblind or something? This is OUR house. ").

Talk about it with your husband, reach a decision together. It’s your home. How about a “Roman” night featuring pasta and Ave Maria and Mario Lanza on the accordion in the background to launch your night of religious freedom?! They’re his family - so he’s YOUR ambassador to “deal” with them. It’s his job.

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

 

[Lucania]

annemjones96:

Ok, here is a question. My inlaws are not Catholic. We eat a meal together once a week. Because they have been flooded out of their house the meal is at my house. My FIL uasually says the prayer before the meal. The first couple times I crossed myself you could tell that they were uncomfortable. So, I stopped. Now that my kids are older they want to know why we don’t cross ourselves when we are with them. Should I do it anyway eventhough it makes them visably uncomfortable. They are very anti Catholic. My husband is not Catholic (eventhough he goes to church with us). He does not cross himself but is not opposed to us doing it. Should I just say the heck with it and start crossing myself again?

You certainly should do what comes naturally to you! You are having them in YOUR house for dinner after all! You should not have to hide your faith because for whatever reason your in-laws are Anti-Catholic. Have you ever discussed the way they feel about your faith? They should respect your beliefs especially in your own home. My answer to your question is YES! You should start crossing yourself if that is what you normally do. Maybe you should start a dialogue with them so you all can come to an understanding. It’s not always easy but it’s worth the try when it comes to family.

 

[jimmy]

I think you should practice your faith how you see fit. Your father in law should not affect that.

 

[sparkle]

I would do if you want to. Plain and simple. Or if you don’t want to, or feel comfortable doing it then don’t. If you are a lifelong Catholic, then you’ve always been doing it right?

As a convert, and one where this is new, I don’t feel comfortable doing it in front of my Protestant family or friends, when eating somewhere, but of course in church I always do.

 

[sparkle]

'course if it was me, I’d hang a BIG crucifix next to your dining room table.

**Heck I would hang Rosaries from the Crucifix as well and put the cross with the little container to hold the holy water next to the front door. **

YES! Me too. I have several crucifix’s, icons and rosaries around my house, and I don’t care what anyone thinks.!!!

I say you MUST be yourself!!! You know when it’s right and when it’s not!!!

Great question though!!!

 

[MonicaPA]

YES!

You are setting a faithful example for your family.:angel1:

 

[Fitz]

annemjones96:

The first couple times I crossed myself you could tell that they were uncomfortable.

I never knew that crossing oneself before prayers was only a Catholic practice. I say you need to be who you are. How could that offend anyone, a sign of the cross is so beautiful!

 

[turboEDvo]

Hahaha, if I didn’t cross myself during prayer in front of my girlfriend’s mother, she would probably take my temperature or something (I say that in a good and loving way! Her family really helped bring me back to my faith, and I do expect that they would wonder…) As for everyone else, I cross myself there too, and if anybody doesn’t like it, then they have every right to argue with me, I don’t mind (I loooove a good debate/apologetics session )

Eamon

 

[annemjones96]

I guess I should explain a little further why I stopped in front of them. We were living with them at the time when I stopped. We moved from a horrible living situation a few hours away. They were kind enough to take us in while we estabished ourselves. It was not a planned move, and it was rather quick. My mother in law is the one who objects more than my father in law. He aked me to think about stopping because it upset her. At the time we were just grateful to have someplace to stay, so I did. I have explained to her many things about Catholicism. In her mind, it is a Catholic thing. We do have many reminders of our faith in the house now. A crusifix in every room (which I know drives her nuts). I have a statue of everyone’s saint. I also have a staute of Mary in the house. Outside I have a mary Statue as well as a St. Francis. And we also have a Pope John Paul II picture in our living room. She has gotten used to them over time. But I will never forget the first time she walked into a Catholic Church. She looked extremly uncomfortable. She had this body posture and look on her face like she felt if she touched anything it was a ticket to Hell. My father in law is much more comfortable. Anyway, last night, we crossed ourselves when they came for dinner. Hopefully she will get used to it over time like she did with everything else.

 

[masondoggy]

annemjones96:

But I will never forget the first time she walked into a Catholic Church. She looked extremly uncomfortable. She had this body posture and look on her face like she felt if she touched anything it was a ticket to Hell.

Are you sure we don’t have the same MIL?!

My MIL is Baptist (this is the same woman who gave DH the Jack Chick “Last Rites” tract ). She didn’t come to the Baptisms of my first 2 kids, but she came to the third. One of the ushers came to the pew and asked her if she’d like to bring the gifts up…of course she had no clue what the “gifts” were, LOL! So she said yes, then my mom quickly explained to her what would happen and that after they brought the “gifts” to the alter, everyone would would bow. I’m sure at this point MIL was wondering what in the heck she got herself into.

Well, she did it, with a real quick bow and book back to her seat. At the end of Mass, the priest hadn’t even left the alter yet and MIL ran out of the church as if she was on fire! Never heard from her again that day…

 

[Princess_Abby]

annemjones96:

I guess I should explain a little further why I stopped in front of them. We were living with them at the time when I stopped. We moved from a horrible living situation a few hours away. They were kind enough to take us in while we estabished ourselves. It was not a planned move, and it was rather quick. My mother in law is the one who objects more than my father in law. He aked me to think about stopping because it upset her. At the time we were just grateful to have someplace to stay, so I did. I have explained to her many things about Catholicism. In her mind, it is a Catholic thing. We do have many reminders of our faith in the house now. A crusifix in every room (which I know drives her nuts). I have a statue of everyone’s saint. I also have a staute of Mary in the house. Outside I have a mary Statue as well as a St. Francis. And we also have a Pope John Paul II picture in our living room. She has gotten used to them over time. But I will never forget the first time she walked into a Catholic Church. She looked extremly uncomfortable. She had this body posture and look on her face like she felt if she touched anything it was a ticket to Hell. My father in law is much more comfortable. Anyway, last night, we crossed ourselves when they came for dinner. Hopefully she will get used to it over time like she did with everything else.

Honestly, you sound like such a conscientious person. I also read your thread about worrying you need to buy a bigger home to accomodate the grand plans of your in-laws and parents. PLEASE consider the idea that this is your life, your home, your beliefs, your values and YOUR PLACE TO DECIDE how you want to live your life. Since you are no longer living with them and no longer subject to their potential whims, I would do what makes me feel comfortable about my faith and what I know to be right and true.

Since we receive grace every time we make the sign of the cross, begin offering it up each time for your MIL. Specifically ask God to transfer the grace of the action to you MIL. Perhaps this will help lighten her near-palpitations over the matter.

I, too, live in Philadelphia and I, too, have very controlling in-laws. Mine are nominally Catholic, but they protested when my husband and I didn’t want to live together before marriage. They protested over the “too many religious items” in my home. They protested over praying before meals, too. They have had to learn the very hard way that my husband and I will live our lives in accordance to our faith and our own choosing, but that is a whole other story.

I will pray for you and your family. Have courage and be who you are created to be–you will set the world afire, as St. Catherine of Sienna said. Be authentic, be Catholic and be an example to your children.