Crushes on people who are in relationships

[Larquetta]

Hi. As someone who tends to be scrupulous, I struggle with the idea of mortal sin. In the past I have liked a couple of “forbidden” people (for example, people who are already in relationships). I thought about them, but certainly not in a lustful way. Is thinking about “forbidden” crushes without trying to push the thoughts from one’s head mortally sinful? I understand that it is sinful, but I’m just not sure how serious of a sin it is.

Thanks!
~Larquetta

 

[YoungCatholicGuy]

You are a human being. You are going to feel attracted to attractive people of the opposite gender at times.

It is not a sin to recognise someone is beautiful.

It is what is done with that thought that is sinful/ or not.

If you think, ‘yeah that person seems lovely and is attractive, but they are taken, so I am going to ignore such thoughts.’ (That is a moral thought).

If you deliberately think of cheating with that person. Or fantasize deliberately over impure thoughts and mortal sins of impurity, that is a sin.

 

[Lee1]

Not a sin.
Even if it were it would be venial. You’re not saying you are lusting after married people after all.

As you say, just push the thought away if it’s bothering you.

 

[Edmundus1581]

Not a sin.
Even if it were it would be venial. You’re not saying you are listing after married people after all.

It they are married, then you are thinking of adultery (if you dwell too much on the person’s attractiveness). If they are not, then they are available (for consideration, but not “lust”).

It may be very unwise to think about taking someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend, as you are likely to embarrass yourself, but it’s not immoral to contemplate the prospect. Sometimes, it does happen very successfully and I’ve met several happily married couples where one of the parties was taken from someone else during courtship (but don’t let that get your hopes up!).

I agree with the others, that whatever it is you are talking about may be a venial sin, at most.

 

[Larquetta]

Thanks for answering my question! Let’s say the people I liked in the past were married (they weren’t; I’m just a teenager anyway). If so, would it then be a mortal sin?

 

[Edmundus1581]

Thanks for answering my question! Let’s say the people I liked in the past were married (they weren’t; I’m just a teenager anyway). If so, would it then be a mortal sin?

I think it could be.

Don’t stress though. I think it’s quite common to feel some attraction to someone who is married - but we must be vigilant to stamp it out. But if we do deliberately indulge it, then it could be a mortal sin of mental “adultery”.

Priests also have problems with women finding them attractive, and your question would apply here, as they are “out of bounds”. I think that indulging an attraction to a priest could be sinful (even mortally) for that reason, but whether it’s “adultery” - I don’t think so.

 

[Larquetta]

Oh okay. Thanks for answering my follow-up question. I have never liked someone who is married, I only asked this question because I have liked people who are similarly “out of bounds”, but for different reasons. I tried to suppress the thoughts I had about such people once I realized what I was thinking.

 

[adamhovey1988]

Most of my friends are female, so this question is something that actually really hits home with me, because it does happen, that I do develop a crush on some of them, but I also know boundaries, you can’t always help who you’re attracted to, but you know right from wrong, and you know what you should not do in that situation. If those thought ever crossed my mind, I remember it, one of my morality, two I wouldn’t want someone to do it to me. Being attracted to someone in a relationship, no I don’t think that simple, however, some of the things you might do with that person, could be.

 

[Shakuhachi]

Rather than focusing on the sinfulness, use these crushes as opportunities to practice chaste love. Usually crushes are infatuations and not love at all. But as you mature and develope the ability to control your emotions you will find more peace. Love and affection are wonderful emotions but we always have to be ready to let go.