Crying at Mass

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mommamaree

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Hello, everyone.
I don’t know who I should talk to about this or what I should do about this.

For much of this year, I have struggled at mass and with prayer. If I allow myself to think or feel during prayer or mass, the experience is overwhelming. Just today at mass, I started weeping after the introit and the tears progressed to sobs and shaking, so I had to leave during the New Testament reading. I calmed myself down outside, after I caused a minor scene trying to control myself well enough to exit the church. I returned during the homily and was sort of okay until the liturgy of the Eucharist began. Then the weeping started. The only thing I could do was shut down and try not to think or feel anything at all in order to make it through. I received communion, while telling myself not to think about it so I wouldn’t have an embarrassing emotional collapse in the middle of hundreds of people.

I still am unable to explain it to my husband. He guesses at the causes, because he is a loving man who knows me well, but I cannot talk about it, yet.

Prayer is much the same. If I say the prayers by rote memory, and do not meditate upon the words, I can get the prayers said. I cannot pray the Rosary or even a single Hail Mary though, without a complete sobfest.

I feel like Jesus wants to heal me, but the pain of exposing my wounds is too great for me to bear, so I keep my armor up and try my best to not think about Jesus at all.

I don’t have a clue what to do. Someone please help me, if you can. Advice that has been offered to me before by caring friends doesn’t work, because they always say “pray” and I can’t! Even my pastor acknowledges this difficulty and has no advice for me yet, although he is unaware that is has gotten worse. So what in the world can I do now. I have several small children and a baby on the way, and I can’t be breaking down in front of them all the time, so I put my armor on and keep my focus upon meeting their needs as much as I can. But I AM getting worse about this and my armor is cracking.
 
Oh my dear, you certainly need someone to talk to and very soon. If those memories are breaking through, and you haven;t really processed them yet it can be overwhelming. Please ask your pastor for a christian counselor. Usually priest know someone in the area. If he does not, the ask someone at your diocesan office and by all means let them know it is urgent.

In the meantime,just allow yourself to cry sometimes. That is part of the healing, grieving for what was.

You will be in my prayers. I suspect we have a somewhat similar history. It can get better with some help. Reach out and take it.
 
mommamaree said:
Hello, everyone.
I don’t know who I should talk to about this or what I should do about this.

For much of this year, I have struggled at mass and with prayer. If I allow myself to think or feel during prayer or mass, the experience is overwhelming. Just today at mass, I started weeping after the introit and the tears progressed to sobs and shaking, so I had to leave during the New Testament reading. I calmed myself down outside, after I caused a minor scene trying to control myself well enough to exit the church. I returned during the homily and was sort of okay until the liturgy of the Eucharist began. Then the weeping started. The only thing I could do was shut down and try not to think or feel anything at all in order to make it through. I received communion, while telling myself not to think about it so I wouldn’t have an embarrassing emotional collapse in the middle of hundreds of people.

I still am unable to explain it to my husband. He guesses at the causes, because he is a loving man who knows me well, but I cannot talk about it, yet.

Prayer is much the same. If I say the prayers by rote memory, and do not meditate upon the words, I can get the prayers said. I cannot pray the Rosary or even a single Hail Mary though, without a complete sobfest.

I feel like Jesus wants to heal me, but the pain of exposing my wounds is too great for me to bear, so I keep my armor up and try my best to not think about Jesus at all.

I don’t have a clue what to do. Someone please help me, if you can. Advice that has been offered to me before by caring friends doesn’t work, because they always say “pray” and I can’t! Even my pastor acknowledges this difficulty and has no advice for me yet, although he is unaware that is has gotten worse. So what in the world can I do now. I have several small children and a baby on the way, and I can’t be breaking down in front of them all the time, so I put my armor on and keep my focus upon meeting their needs as much as I can. But I AM getting worse about this and my armor is cracking.
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You shouldn’t feel embarrassed; nor is it necessary for you to share publically what is private between you and your loving husband.

I’ve never had an easy life but its OK to get emotional and cry at times. The fact that it happened at Church maybe because you felt closer to Jesus. Not such a bad thing.
I’ve cried in Church a number of times though did my best to hide it in fear of making a disturbance and embarrassment. At your “own discretion” maybe you might like to talk with a priest or someone else appointed at the parish office. Some parishes have a parish nurse. Mommamaree; I’ll be certain pray for you.

Fraternally Yours in Christ Jesus
Chris
 
I would seek out a Spiritual Director you could talk to. . .it might help.
 
i am exactly the same…

my kids and wife look at me in church and start to laugh.and i end up laughing to…
but no sooner do i stop the crying i start again…

this doesn’t stop at mass or private prayer,oh no.i can be driving the car and ill start with certain songs that come on over the radio.lololol…

i’ve never found it to be a problem,only when im driving.i have to pull over because my eyes are full to the brim with tears.

personally,i think its the holy spirit talking to you or moving within you.

don’t be embarrassed over it…be proud.your heart is feeling,if it wasn’t then id start to worry…

God bless you.and your family… 🙂
 
I will pray for you and please don’t feel embarrassed. Any decent person at Mass would just feel compassion and concern for you. I wish I had advice to give you, but I’m just not qualified. :hug1:
 
I also cry at mass. If you have pain and it is interfering with your spiritual life please see your priest. I waited far too long before I did. I did not want to be a nuisance. Between confession and spiritual direction my pastor’s compassion and faith brought me to a new place.

Now I cry for joy, gratitude, and because the truth laid out before me is so beautiful.

I too will pray for you.
 
mommamaree said:
I feel like Jesus wants to heal me, but the pain of exposing my wounds is too great for me to bear, so I keep my armor up and try my best to not think about Jesus at all.

But I AM getting worse about this and my armor is cracking.
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You yourself seem to know what the issue is and only you yourself know what needs to be done. You said it in these two excerpts from your post. You know what needs to be healed then ask Christ to heal it. Leave your amor at home, it seems you are sheilding yourself from God when you don’t need to be.

And yes i experience crying at Mass almost every time i attend. At first i thought it was a sorrowing for past sins, but after years(5) i felt maybe it was the same crying that one experiences at a touching moment.
 
grasscutter said:
I will pray for you and please don’t feel embarrassed. Any decent person at Mass would just feel compassion and concern for you. I wish I had advice to give you, but I’m just not qualified. :hug1:
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I wish the same. 😛
 
Dear one, you may have the gift of tears. I was at a silent retreat once and the nun organizing it told me to stop apologizing for getting all emotional every time I tried to share with the group, telling me that I have the gift of tears. Ever since then, when I find myself crying in often inopportune moments (and frequently during the Eucharist), I simply offer it to Christ. I am at Mass for Him alone, not for everyone else that is there. They have no business staring or judging, bc they should be focusing on their own relationship with Christ instead.

My husband used to get so worried, asking if I was OK, until I finally explained to him what the nun told me. Now it’s just something I do, like smiling (which I also often do when meditating at church.)

Of course, if you have some past trauma that is related, I second the advice of others to seek out a Spiritual Director or Christian counselor. But in the meantime, you don’t need to be embarrassed about your tears. They are a gift, both from God to you, and if you let them, they can be a gift from you to others who may be moved by seeing you cry.

Christ’s peace.
 
Thank you, everyone for your kindness and encouragement.

I do know what the issue is, the heart of it, at least. It is just so difficult for me to express it in words. I am so afraid of feeling the feelings I have been protecting myself from. I have tried to talk to my husband about it, but still cannot. I thought maybe I could post it here, and then let him read it, as well as let you kind folks read it, too, so that there is some clarity on the situation.

My issue is that I am TERRIFIED of God’s love. I am afraid of feeling the depth of His love for me, and how much He wants me to exist.

I was brought up in a family environment/church where I was taught through emotional abuse and neglect, that I must earn love, that I must prove myself worthy to receive attention or affection, that I am not loved for myself, but that God (and my parents) would really rather I not exist. That the only reason for my existence is to be a slave to my parents’ wishes and preferences. I was raised to believe that since I was female, I was NOT made in the image of God, and that my raison d’etre was to serve men (first my father, later my husband). Enough about that junk…

So, my problem now is that I cannot even conceive of a reality in which God loves me, that He loved the idea of me so much that He made a “me” and gave me life and an eternal soul and then He died for me to gain for me what I could never gain for myself. This kind of love is so unfamiliar and overwhelming that when its reality breaks through, I am shaken to my core, and cannot cope with the feelings. And so I cry.

I know I will never be worthy. I was shown as a child how I would never be worthy enough to be loved, so this is not about me being proud and not wanting to acknowledge my neediness and dependency upon God. And I know that I need to be loved, and that I was created to be loved and to love. But I keep trying to earn love anyway. I fear letting go of my striving because “not striving” feels like annihilation to me, with my childhood conditioning. I have been working very hard this year on not striving, though, and yet I still fear letting myself feel the love that God is trying to show to me.

My experiences at Mass, and during private prayer times, are almost otherworldly, as if I am glimpsing how the spiritual reality surrounds and penetrates the physical reality we sensate creatures live within. And it is terrifying, because it is so beautiful.

I am used to being this cold empty shell. It is normal for me to feel unloved and unwanted. I even have attempted to shield myself from my husband’s love so many times over the years, because his love is given so freely and without conditions (especially moreso now, since we converted to Catholicism a couple years ago). I cannot imagine a reality in which I know how unworthy and yet so deeply loved I am, and that it is okay to not strive to earn love and that it is good to bask in God’s love. Other people talk about it and it sounds like a foreign language to me, one that I might never be able to learn.

So, that is what the issue is. Some of you guessed rightly that I know the issue. I do. I just don’t know what to do about it. I know God doesn’t want me to continue living and feeling this way. I know God wants to heal me. I understand these things intellectually. I just can’t open up my heart to that kind of love.
 
Maybe just letting it happen would help? Sometimes, the harder I try NOT to cry (or laugh, for that matter!), the harder it is to stop. Just let the emotions run their course. Maybe one good emotional output would help you simmer down a bit. Just a thought…
 
Thank you so much for explaining! This is something I can totally relate to (without giving my own details, of course.) Oh yeah, if there is confusion about my name, I am a woman. Please trust in Divine Mercy and allow God’s love. I know how difficult it is to feel deserving. Maybe we could pray for each other? :grouphug:
 
I do that periodically, more than i care to admit. :o It’s been my experience that there are some who will ask about it, but the rare occasion that happened was when it was real obvious. I usually get there early enough and i sit far enough away from the others that they don’t seem to notice. If they do, then they haven’t said anything. Yet anyways.
 
You are not the only one … I was often moved to tears during the Mass …

Just imagine you are, like described in the Bible, desperately crying in front of God: “have pity on me, son of David!”
 
I also cry at mass, but would not be able to define why so well as the OP has. I have read that sometimes people are afraid that if they allow the tears to come, they won’t be able to stop (like others are afraid that their anger will completely overwhelm them if they try to express it); let it come anyway, you won’t cry (or rage) forever. 🙂
 
mommamaree said:
I do know what the issue is, the heart of it, at least. It is just so difficult for me to express it in words. I am so afraid of feeling the feelings I have been protecting myself from. I have tried to talk to my husband about it, but still cannot. I thought maybe I could post it here, and then let him read it, as well as let you kind folks read it, too, so that there is some clarity on the situation.

My issue is that I am TERRIFIED of God’s love. I am afraid of feeling the depth of His love for me, and how much He wants me to exist.

I was brought up in a family environment/church where I was taught through emotional abuse and neglect, that I must earn love, that I must prove myself worthy to receive attention or affection, that I am not loved for myself, but that God (and my parents) would really rather I not exist. That the only reason for my existence is to be a slave to my parents’ wishes and preferences. I was raised to believe that since I was female, I was NOT made in the image of God, and that my raison d’etre was to serve men (first my father, later my husband). Enough about that junk…

So, my problem now is that I cannot even conceive of a reality in which God loves me, that He loved the idea of me so much that He made a “me” and gave me life and an eternal soul and then He died for me to gain for me what I could never gain for myself. This kind of love is so unfamiliar and overwhelming that when its reality breaks through, I am shaken to my core, and cannot cope with the feelings. And so I cry.

I know I will never be worthy. I was shown as a child how I would never be worthy enough to be loved, so this is not about me being proud and not wanting to acknowledge my neediness and dependency upon God. And I know that I need to be loved, and that I was created to be loved and to love. But I keep trying to earn love anyway. I fear letting go of my striving because “not striving” feels like annihilation to me, with my childhood conditioning. I have been working very hard this year on not striving, though, and yet I still fear letting myself feel the love that God is trying to show to me.

My experiences at Mass, and during private prayer times, are almost otherworldly, as if I am glimpsing how the spiritual reality surrounds and penetrates the physical reality we sensate creatures live within. And it is terrifying, because it is so beautiful.

I am used to being this cold empty shell. It is normal for me to feel unloved and unwanted. I even have attempted to shield myself from my husband’s love so many times over the years, because his love is given so freely and without conditions (especially moreso now, since we converted to Catholicism a couple years ago). I cannot imagine a reality in which I know how unworthy and yet so deeply loved I am, and that it is okay to not strive to earn love and that it is good to bask in God’s love. Other people talk about it and it sounds like a foreign language to me, one that I might never be able to learn.

So, that is what the issue is. Some of you guessed rightly that I know the issue. I do. I just don’t know what to do about it. I know God doesn’t want me to continue living and feeling this way. I know God wants to heal me. I understand these things intellectually. I just can’t open up my heart to that kind of love.
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You may benefit, as mentioned, from working with a counselor, especially a Christian one, who can help you accept being loved. Another thought that comes to mind is some sort of retreat, especially a directed retreat, with someone who can help you work through these issues, it in a more private setting.

On the positive side, it sounds as though you may be ready to accept being loved, that the armor is ready to come off. If so, God will welcome you and support you through this leap of faith into a new and terrifying unknown. I hope and pray you will have the courage to shed your armor–God will accept you with it, but love is so much more comfortable without all the armor. :yup: :hug3: :gopray2:
 
I have the nickname “water works” because I cry so much. It’s funny too because I never used to cry at all.

I hit a period in my life where I cried/sobbed to the point of exhaustion every day for 9 and 1/2 months. God was healing me of the severe wounds I received in my heart. Do not be afraid. There is nothing wrong with you. God is doing a work in you. Let the tears flow, get all that is negative out of your body, and then cry some more when all the positive comes into your body.

The Holy Spirit prays in us “with sighs too deep for words.” The Spirit is praying for you and in you. It doesn’t matter if the tears are sorrowful or joyful, the Holy Spirit is at work. Don’t care what anyone else thinks of you.

Private message me if you want. I understand.
 
A lot of people cry during Mass and it’s perfectly fine 🤷 I cry to, and it can be embarassing for a man 🤷 But do talk to a spiritual director who can help you 😉
 
I used to be a reader at daily Mass. I loved to do it and I was a good reader. About ten years ago something changed. I started to weep because the scriptures were so beautiful. I was shocked and had to quit. God wanted me to to be silent. Now I will often cry while sitting in my pew. Fortunately, my husband understands. He’ll hand me a hanky if he has one handy, I never seem to have a tissue at such times. It’s been a good lesson in humility. I used to be a worker, leader, and organizer in my parish. Now I’m just a pious old lady, a little strange but harmless. I think it’s God’s way of telling me my days of being on the staff and running the parish hall kitchen are over. He’s raising up new people to do that. He wants a life of hidden prayer from me. There I can cry my eyes out and some days I do.
 
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